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Should I tell him about the abortion? Watch

    • #5
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    That's his flesh and blood that you're carrying too, not just yours, so in my opinion it's only right and fair to know. I got pregnant, the father didn't want the baby, I then had the baby and am raising him myself, but his father has now realised how much he loves our son now he's here and is in contact everyday. I'm not saying this is your situation, but had I not told him, my son wouldn't see his daddy
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    This :yy:
    I don't understand why people are suggesting he doesn't have a right to know. I have a brother myself, if it was him in this situation I'd definitely want to know. As a potential aunt I think I have some right to know aswell. Maybe I'm expecting too much lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. The "father" would have been my ex and he's young so I know he wouldn't want the baby (he doesn't even want a relationship) although MIGHT try to support me if I was to keep it. Should I tell him about me going to get an abortion or is it unnecessary? I'm trying to distance myself from him so I think me sharing this is quite a personal thing but one of my friends think he has a right to know? Should I tell him?
    He doesn't have an automatic 'right' to know, although you can tell him if you want to. Do what feels right for you, but if you don't want to tell him don't feel guilty about it, it's totally your choice.
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    How would it benefit him to know?

    How would it benefit you to tell him?

    Is there anything he could say that would get you to change your mind?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    why do you think that?



    Why does he not deserve to know? But I agree with you.
    Tell him AFTER the abortion.

    If you do it before it will make perhaps the most difficult time ever in your life, even more difficult.

    But if you don't ever tell him you will bear the burden alone emotionally, and he should share in that.

    He may not be happy, but that is tough.
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    (Original post by generallee)
    Tell him AFTER the abortion.

    If you do it before it will make perhaps the most difficult time ever in your life, even more difficult.

    But if you don't ever tell him you will bear the burden alone emotionally, and he should share in that.

    He may not be happy, but that is tough.
    Please can everyone read this comment at least twice and see why it has irritated me.

    What is the point you're trying to make here. You've victimised one party for an unbeknown reason. What is your point, or objective

    What evidence do you have to justify this stance
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    I'd tell him, if he tries for a baby in a few years with a partner and nothing is working he at least will know it's not him who needs to get checked
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    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    Please can everyone read this comment at least twice and see why it has irritated me.

    What is the point you're trying to make here. You've victimised one party for an unbeknown reason. What is your point, or objective

    What evidence do you have to justify this stance
    Exactly, he deserves and has a right to know. In the cases where the father I feel doesn't have a right to know is in rape etc.
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    I do think he has the right to know, yes. However, it is your choice and we cannot tell you what to do in this instance… you must make the decision.
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    I think he has the right to know, as the kid is as much his child as he is yours. But obviously it's your decision whether you want to tell him or not. If you think it's not appropriate to tell him, or you simply don't want to, then you don't need to.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. The "father" would have been my ex and he's young so I know he wouldn't want the baby (he doesn't even want a relationship) although MIGHT try to support me if I was to keep it. Should I tell him about me going to get an abortion or is it unnecessary? I'm trying to distance myself from him so I think me sharing this is quite a personal thing but one of my friends think he has a right to know? Should I tell him?
    If you tell him and he says keep it, and he'll get back with you, will this change your mind about aborting?

    Is your decision. Tell him I think even though he's a ****

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    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    Please can everyone read this comment at least twice and see why it has irritated me.

    What is the point you're trying to make here. You've victimised one party for an unbeknown reason. What is your point, or objective

    What evidence do you have to justify this stance
    Who cares if my post "irritated" you?

    This guy "doesn't even want a relationship." He isn't left with a child growing inside his body, he doesn't have to go through the life changing trauma of an abortion. He just ejaculated.

    So he doesn't get to have a view on WHETHER this abortion takes place. But he can be told it has been.

    Or not, that is the OP's choice.

    You can't have it both ways. Either you have a meaningless shag,or you have a relationship with a view to being a proper father.

    .
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    My other thought is that you didn't tell him about testing - most women don't tell about at least one pregnancy test in their lives - so why is telling him the result different?
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    (Original post by generallee)
    Who cares if my post "irritated" you?

    This guy "doesn't even want a relationship." He isn't left with a child growing inside his body, he doesn't have to go through the life changing trauma of an abortion. He just ejaculated.

    So he doesn't get to have a view on WHETHER this abortion takes place. But he can be told it has been.

    Or not, that is the OP's choice.

    You can't have it both ways. Either you have a meaningless shag,or you have a relationship with a view to being a proper father.

    .
    To answer your first question. I care as do you, hence your reply.

    You're failing to understand. HOW ABOUT HE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH OP BECAUSE OF HER CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE. How about she is undesirable for a relationship? How about she insited he used protection? How about she didn't open her legs for someone she knew is unfit to be a father. HE EJACULATED AND SHE SHE OPENED HER LEGS. Stop judging him based on stereotypical ideas.

    You should not judge without sufficient information - which you do not have. And if you insist on doing that, do not create false bias.

    No male shaming allowed. You are putting all the blame on him. That is logically and morally wrong.
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    (Original post by hipsterrapunzel)
    I don't really understand why there's a obligation to tell the father. Like, I understand that it's fine to do so and perhaps the want to do so, but I'm genuinely curious why people think that you "have to" or are "obliged to". I definitely wouldn't use the words "moral duty" to describe it. That's way too strong. So I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
    If all things were equal, the father would questionably have a say in the abortion. Women have a right to know about their potential future children and morn their over their abortions and miscarriages, why shouldn't a man?
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    tell him after you do it so he can't talk you out of it
    • #2
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    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    To answer your first question. I care as do you, hence your reply.

    You're failing to understand. HOW ABOUT HE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH OP BECAUSE OF HER CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE. How about she is undesirable for a relationship? How about she insited he used protection? How about she didn't open her legs for someone she knew is unfit to be a father. HE EJACULATED AND SHE SHE OPENED HER LEGS. Stop judging him based on stereotypical ideas.

    You should not judge without sufficient information - which you do not have. And if you insist on doing that, do not create false bias.

    No male shaming allowed. You are putting all the blame on him. That is logically and morally wrong.
    So they both had what might have been casual sex, and now she's the only slut?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So they both had what might have been casual sex, and now she's the only slut?
    If you can quote where I suggested anything a long the lines of your accusation, I'l reward you with a nice warm fuzzy rep.
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    If you don't want this guy in your life anymore then don't tell him. If you were still together or trying to work things out he would have a right to know.its your body and your decision? don't take this decision lightly because this is something that you will carry around with you for the rest of your life. There are no do-overs with this one. If you decide to have the baby I think for a boy Timothy and emobambam are great names. I think Jessica would be a great name for a girl
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    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    To answer your first question. I care as do you, hence your reply.

    You're failing to understand. HOW ABOUT HE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH OP BECAUSE OF HER CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE. How about she is undesirable for a relationship? How about she insited he used protection? How about she didn't open her legs for someone she knew is unfit to be a father. HE EJACULATED AND SHE SHE OPENED HER LEGS. Stop judging him based on stereotypical ideas.

    You should not judge without sufficient information - which you do not have. And if you insist on doing that, do not create false bias.

    No male shaming allowed. You are putting all the blame on him. That is logically and morally wrong.
    Let's see if I have got this straight.

    A girl posts anonymously on this website sharing her immense, gnawing, pain. She is conflicted, unsure and anxious what to do next.

    She has unluckily got pregnant and having the baby would destroy her life. So she has made the terrible decision, alone, as the father is nowhere to be seen, to go through a frightful procedure to end her healthy, unborn child's life. This decision, although wise, no doubt, will haunt her forever. She will always wonder, "what if"?

    She asks for advice, for help, in her time of need.

    And in reply you implythat she is nothing but a skanky whore who "opens her legs" whilst being "undesirable for a relationship"? In a post that, she as the OP will read?

    Then you sententiously try and take the moral high ground??

    You need to take a good long look in the mirror before you accuse others of being "morally wrong," you really do.
 
 
 
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