I didn't read the thread but I did have some DMT the other day so be as spiritual as you like IMO.
It is weird to be spiritual and reject all earthly vulgar pursuits? Watch
- 20-09-2016 17:36
- 20-09-2016 17:44
- 20-09-2016 17:49
And the fact that my real instincts are profoundly heterosexual, it comes out every time I resolve not to give a **** about them, and hate how little they consider me, then I have to stop, or go out of my path, on my daily business, or list and basic biology grabs a hold of me again, and it's like the world is punishing me for it, either thinking i'm gay caos the long drought, or patronising me about getting a woman when I'm more attractive than that and have been told so, but keep getting punished in my life for my desires and keep feeling like it is futile to have them, and keep being so ****ing mystified by why nothing is good enough for them, women, and why they are cold
I can't turn back all the conditioning, now I feel I have to be grateful for any crumbs at all, when the market is so stacked in favour of women. It's like the owner of a stack of gold having to be grateful to be offered a trade of a bottle of water for it, even if they haven;t had water for too long.
- 20-09-2016 17:50
- 20-09-2016 17:51
- 26-09-2016 16:15
The wanting to be gay thing so women have no power thing really hit me today. I just got that surge of blood walking past someone, diverted my path and without even thinking made some crap conversation, I just followed my ****, I dunno if it's because I had not masturbated in a few days, of course it is familiar to me- what happened next, knew I had done this pointlessly, irrationally and on a whim, because of lust- knew she'd exploit my innocence and weakness in opening up, and knew I had sod all to say but platitudes..is this unusual? Most people stick to the situation where they have more control..maybe I have no defences? But I just couldn't help acting on impulse, being impressed by a girl all over again even though I want to find them irrelevant.
She's this icy eastern european and she acts like a complete ***** to me, but is hot. Went away hating myself and longing for the day when I don't care. Maybe when my sex drive gets less, maybe masturbating more will have an effect in taking desire away, never really 'recorded' this, or maybe just reaching that stage in life where I have used my desires with the right woman to produce a kid- maybe if you have someone you love and you have a kid, as a life changing event, women don't hold that power over you anymore and your desires are lesser. I really hope so anyway, I don't want to feel so weak. Can anyone advise me?