No friends at University

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    could i potentially see someone under a false identity or would that have repercussions? even if they're confidential i'm still a little mistrusting (so many people claim it can affect your future, like job prospects - althou my SA will do that just fine) and i did go to my school welfare officer/told 1 friend, both of whom were not very helpful (no offence) mainly because, i think, they didn't fully understand my condition or the seriousness of it.
    I found nothing really helped me until I got to actual therapy. Infact I thought counselling just made me more unhappy if anything.
    It shouldn't affect future jobs and being in a poor mental state would certinally harm your chances more.
    I'm not sure about a false identity or anything- sounds kinda complicated- but if you ask there may be a way to see somebody anonymously if it really bothers you.

    Seriously though the chances of it affecting you future are not worth worrying about or not seeking help over. Your health is far more important than that one job that you might possibly have issues with that would be aweful anyway if they will judge you for a little therapy as a (basically) kid.
    Loads of people get therapy and they even get it through work a lot of the time. It's not as problematic as you'd think. There are just some specific jobs where specific health issues could be a safety risk.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i think the main thing i've learnt about university is that it's supposed to be challenging and a time of growth, so i will (try to) push myself, little by little.

    talking about it to someone is very different from finding a solution - past experience suggest it won't help me.
    Except your current methods arent working for you and if you dont try anything different then you will get the same result.

    You might strike lucky and meet someone who recognises and compensates, some people can be intuitive.

    The irony is there are loads of threads with people anxious because they arent making friends, which means in any given Uni there are large groups of people in the same boat as you. Its a shame there isnt just a friendship society for those with anxiety issues and then you might not all feel so threatened by each other becayse you all had this in common.

    Hang in there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i still haven't settled in don't say it's only been a short amount of time because everybody else has made friends just fine and appear to be enjoying themselves.. me, on the other hand..sure i might engage in casual i-just-met-you conversations with people on my course (it's v big) but it's nothing meaningful (by that, i mean someone who i can form a long lasting friendship with) and it gets super lonely walking around campus by myself. i could join societies i guess but i'm thinking of dropping out altogether (struggling to settle in summed with the intensity of the course - i'm lazy, too) so don't want to pay just yet . i know i'm being a giver upper but i'm not happy; i already struggle with SA & depression - realistically, will things get better? all i want is one friend. sorry for the length of the post, didn't know where else to go
    I'm sorry this is happening to you. Starting uni was a big shock for me when I joined this year but it got better when I got to know my flat mates and coursemates. After lectures and seminars why not ask some of your coursemates to grab a coffee or something? Or even if it is not exactly true say you don't quite understand part of the lecture/seminar and ask if they might be able to explain it to you, just as a conversation starter. Most people would be happy to help.Thiskimd of thing worked wonders for me. Wait a bit longer to see if you settle in properly, but there isn't much harm in going to uni next year instead if you really can't handle it.

    Also if on the off chance you are at Warwick uni give me a PM.
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    Sadly if you miss the boat at the beginning it can be very hard later on.

    I really feel for you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've always found it difficult to make friends and was bullied throughout pretty much all of my school years. When I got to university I told myself that things would change and I'd be happy. Needless to say, things didn't change, I didn't make a single friend in 3 years. I wandered campus by myself and drank myself silly every night in my room. I tried societies/sitting next to people/etc but never got anywhere. I was so lonely and considered suicide many times (I did actually try once). Don't end up like me. I would really advise the societies even if you plan on dropping out, you might click with someone. However, and this is what I kept telling myself, you're there for a degree, you might be able to get a 1st if you put the work in (I got a 2:2 but there we go): making friends is secondary. Don't let a lack of friends force you to drop out. I feel really bad for you, mate, I know how lonely you feel but keep trying. Are you living in halls? Are you getting any help for the SA and depression? Have you thought of visiting the university counselling service?

    This makes me pretty sad.

    But I admire you for getting through it.
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    Well, the reality is it has only been a short amount of time. On some courses I've been on it's taken me a good month or to really settle and make friends. Sometimes several months to take mere acquaintances to actual friendship.

    I did a HND in college and it took until the second year to really befriend everyone - whereas I would say I got on with about half of the class by the end of the first year. Although, I almost dropped out less than six weeks into the course because I was in a bad situation where the only person on my course I had managed to befriend sexually assaulted me. But I stuck it out and it worked out really well.

    During my degree, I feel I made most of my friends in the second semester tbh. Group projects and such caused us to work together. First semester I just hung out with the same two guys everyday.

    There is more to university than just the social aspect. You're there to get an education - making friends is just a nice addition. So don't let not having any friends right at the start be a reason to make you leave. Focus on your studies and you're likely to make friends through the course. Talk to the people sat around you in class. Don't try and force friendships. It'll come across in how you behave and will just be a deterrent to the other person tbh.
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    Sounds miserable but you will need to gather some confidence to speak to someone, pick a friendly face, maybe someone on your course? The smokers area of your accommodation even if you don't smoke, have a conversation and simply tell them how you've not really met much people you don't need to go into details their natural response will be 'you can join me', go to an event with them & meet more people, university is a very weird place you can be surrounded by tons of people and still feel lonely, hope things improve BUT try your best not to drop out, you may regret that.
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    If you do not look approachable/ open in terms of talking to people then people are not actually going to come to talk to you. just say hi to everyone you pass when going to uni
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i appreciate your reply but it's not just as simple and pragmatic as you make it out to be; SA is a thing - i used to think i was introverted but now i realise i would like company but am genuinely inhibited... it may or may not be in my head but it's very real with physical symptoms.
    i made an effort in freshers, even astonished myself! i spoke to so many people but never saw them again.
    i don't want to seek help in case it has consequences in the future. plus i don't know how successful treatment actually is - i don't see my problems going away anytime soon.
    Hmm tbf noone speaks to anyone theyve met in freshers:rofl:
    I hung out with a really cool guy today, sat by him in a tutorial, worked together, asked where he was heading after asked to join along and went library and the next lecture with him
    Not everyone you're going to meet is going to necessarily going to be your friend but you wont know unless you try
    I spoke to loads of nervous people and it gets easier for them talk, always exchange numbers even if you wont see them again, go to your society socials at the pub, Speak to someone whos waiting for the same lecture
    Heres an example of an opener, "hi, I've seen you in all my classes are you doing x course too?"
    I've done this with a ton of people
    Also you should host a little social gathering ie plan to go shopping together
    Also dont be afraid of being alone, most of time most people are alone in uni when it comes to frees and walking to classes just play it cool
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    this got to me

    i am so sorry but everything happens for a reason (at least that's what i keep telling myself) and if they are capable of shutting you out like that, you really don't need them! i know people are temporary but i, quite selfishly, want human company (i googled the scientific effect of not having any - it was bad) just to get me through the 3 years. i know my mum knows something's up even though i haven't told her but i don't want to disappoint her yet again.

    but the thing is most people on my course are genuinely friendly with lovely vibes; i'm the problem. i probably won't make any proper friends but, like you, i hope i'll be okay with that. some days i might be ok talking to new people but as soon as we start getting close my anxiety kicks in. i guess i'm also insecure/self loathing, so that doesn't help - today, for instance, is the first day i've not wore makeup and i cannot bring myself to leave my room.

    i hope things cheer up for the both of us x
    Ah thankyou, yeah you're right, it sucks not having human company, and yeah it can make you pretty miserable. I'm sure you're not the problem! You have anxiety, it's not your fault you find it difficult in social situations. What I didn't realise is how common anxiety is. I found somebody in my group who seemed a bit stuck up and never spoke but once I broke that wall I became friends with her and realised she also had anxiety, so I'm sure there will be some people suffering the same. The hard thing is finding them! I really hope you find some one/some people who can understand and can form friendships with you. It takes time but I'm sure it will happen for you! You seem like a wonderful person and that's what matters.

    Keep your chin up, maybe you should tell your parents for that extra support (if they're the supportive type). I hide a lot from my parents and now when I try to let my guard down and admit how I feel, they simply don't believe it. I'm on meds for anxiety and they were honestly completely shocked, that sucks so don't let it go that far- admit how it's going and at least you'll have them to talk to.

    Good luck x
 
 
 
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