I've lost my self, I feel like i made a big mistake

Announcements Posted on
Four things that unis think matter more than league tables 08-12-2016
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by senoritatimaa)
    As'alamualaikum, this is just a little advice from me!

    So firstly, erm you had that interest to go to a club, but you didn't go...why!?
    Haven't you thought about it deeply... because you have that fear of Allah (swt).
    You ended up going to the club...you fell into shaytaans trap.

    This is just a Hadith for you to ponder upon..
    Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Prophet (pbuh) said,
    “The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of the parents, and the displeasure of Allah is in the displeasure of the parents"
    Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1899

    And Subhanallah! you wear the hijab. Hijab is a form of modesty and purity. The hijab is a shield, it is righteousness and shows that you have faith. It is also an act of obedience to Allah (swt) and His prophet (pbuh).

    "going to go out or take my scarf off, i was like you know what - since im getting **** for it already I might as well do it."

    This is how shaytaan will get to you, he will make you think 'oh your getting sin for that anyway, so just take it off!"
    He will work on you slowly, he'll make you commit minor sins..then eventually you'll start committing major sins. (listen to this video until 37:40)
    https://youtu.be/FemDGxSwVcM?t=2046

    At this point my advice would be perform sincere taubah, ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt). Sit on the prayer mat and reflect on what you have done..if you feel like crying, cry, and only cry to Him because Allah will surely listen to your duas and guide you.

    Also control your nafs (desires) that is the biggest thing. if you can control your nafs then shaytaan wont be a problem.
    So for example you went to the club, now that isn't your fault it happens we're not angels, we are humans we all make mistakes but Allah (swt) has given us a chance we have to make taubah. Do taubah and and promise yourself you wont do that again.

    Hadith:
    One of the companions of the prophet (pbuh) asked him:
    How many steps away is Jannah?
    The prophet (pbuh) replied:
    Two steps away, put one of your foot on your nafs and your other foot will lead you to Jannah.

    "I took the scarf off because 1) i dont believe in it, 2) if i WAS wearing the scarf i would a) present islam in a negative light and b) not enjoy my self and feel paranoid and feel out of place and everyone would stare at me"

    1) It dosnt matter if you believe in it or not, just think that your doing all this for the sake of Allah (swt). Make that intention, Allah will surely be happy with you.
    2a) And why do you think your presenting Islam in a negative way?
    2b) Other peoples opinions are not important, pleasing Allah (swt) is important. When this world ends no one will help you, when you depart from this world no one will be with you in the grave, it'll only be you and your deeds, so live in this world within the Shariah laws.

    "I guess i feel bad because i let down my parents. i enjoyed the night though. but coming back, letting it all sink in, it didn't feel real. in fact, if it wasn't for my aching joints i would've thought it was all a dream."

    You are very lucky that Allah (swt) made you feel that guilt, that is also one of the greatest things that Allah (swt) can do to a believers heart. Imagine some people don't even get this feeling!

    "but i still feel horrible. i've just been crying and crying. i only left the room to go toilet. i still haven't eaten since last night really."

    Cry to Allah (swt) and just repent with a true heart. Please do not harm yourself like that, don't starve because you feel down..
    This body of yours is an amanah of Allah (swt). He has given this body to us to keep the soul safe, our bodies are just a empty case for the soul...the prophet (pbuh) has taught us to keep our bodies nourished as it is an amanah of Allah (swt), so keep you diet just right

    "i felt like it was a one time thing, i'd put it back on. but how can i? wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? of course, there's also the point that if i DO fully take it off, my parents WILL find out"

    Sister, like i have said before, shaytaan will slowly work on you...don't let him win! And no, how can you call yourself a hypocrite? This is all part of shaytaans plan, don't fall for his trap..you need to win over him!
    Insh'Allah you don't fully take it off, i will make duaa for you..i advice you to make sincere taubah..and try wearing the hijab again, start off with a couple of days, then try wearing the hijab for a week. Don't think about what other people think, have the intention that you are doing it for Allah (swt) only.

    "I'm just scared, and i feel stupid and i hate myself right now. i just want to end it all but that would do no good to anyone . i don't know what to do or how to feel."

    When getting ready for bed pray your night duas (+ Surah Al Mulk - youll be saved from the punishments of the grave). Wake up for Fajr and make dua in salaah, also when waking up in the morning, pray your morning duas (+ Surah Al Yasin - Allah will make your day easy, and hardships will go away)

    Insh'Allah this helps x
    What is a hijab a shield from exactly? Thirsty men?


    She's just said she doesn't believe in wearing the hijab. You're acting as if she's murdered someone.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I can understand that you are feeling hugely concerned at the moment. But could this be similar to say another religious group deciding to not wear a crucifix or cross (some Christians) or roseary necklace (some Catholics) around their neck?

    Although I understand that some Muslims do consider wearing a headscarf to be a very important part of day to day life, isn't this just an aspect of your beliefs and religion? A very symbolic aspect nonetheless but I don't think you should discredit yourself so harshly because you are still upholding your morals and beliefs I'd assume?

    In life, we have periods of change and self-discovery and I think you should remember that and consider not wearing your scarf on the one night out, a part of the maturing you are going through.

    If your uni has a chaplaincy service there then perhaps go with a new friend you have made and seek advice from others who may be able to relate to you in a useful way

    All the best with working out what's best for you ☺

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Well, do you believe in Islam and/or wearing the hijab? Because then that changes the sort of advice you want. If you still believe in it, then you're going to be getting a lot of useless reponses from people telling you to "liberate" yourself. Best to ask other Muslims who understand the significance of your religion. (And not tell you to eat pork, lmao how is that even helpful? :lol:)

    If you're just scared of your parents and don't really belieive in it. Then there's been some reasonable advice given already.

    Honestly, most people won't really care that you didn't wear the hijab that one day, so stop worrying about what other people think. At the end of the day you just have to see what you feel is right for you and your faith.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    little background info; i'm 18, female, moved out of a very conservative Muslim household to study in a different city, getting a lot of **** for it too but that's not the point

    the point is I went out with my housemates last night to celebrate an occasion. we went to a club. i wanted to go because every time they told me to go, (they weren't pressuring or anything) i would say no even though i really wanted to. i was scared. of my parents, of them finding out. i also felt out of place, since I wear a head covering.

    after many problems caused because of speculation that i was going to go out or take my scarf off, i was like you know what - since im getting **** for it already I might as well do it. And i did. I took the scarf off because 1) i dont believe in it, 2) if i WAS wearing the scarf i would a) present islam in a negative light and b) not enjoy my self and feel paranoid and feel out of place and everyone would stare at me

    but the whole bus journey there, i felt so weird. it didn't feel like i'd done anything drastic. but i kept mentally beating my self up about it. i kept calling my self names and cheap and weak because i 'gave in' - it hurts even though i know i wanted this. I guess i feel bad because i let down my parents. i enjoyed the night though. but coming back, letting it all sink in, it didn't feel real. in fact, if it wasn't for my aching joints i would've thought it was all a dream.

    i've been in bed all day. i didnt go to lectures. i feel like ****. i did not drink, or have sex, or even talk to boys, technically i did nothing to be 'ashamed' of, but i still feel horrible. i've just been crying and crying. i only left the room to go toilet. i still haven't eaten since last night really.

    i also have another problem. i took it off, and obviously a lot of uni students were there. some of whom are friends or acquaintances. i felt like it was a one time thing, i'd put it back on. but how can i? wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? of course, there's also the point that if i DO fully take it off, my parents WILL find out - i've seen a few former friends back from my high school, who know people who know people who will get it to them.

    I'm just scared, and i feel stupid and i hate myself right now. i just want to end it all but that would do no good to anyone . i dont know what to do or how to feel.

    can anyone give me some advice? or atleast calm me down? please?
    I think you really need to calm down, so you went to a club? big deal there's nothing wrong with that. I also come from a Muslim family but I openly say that I'm not religious, I don't pray, I don't wear a scarf, I don't cover up in certain ways a Muslim should but that doesn't make me a bad person. I think you need to be honest with yourself and think about what you really believe in. As long as you have a clean heart and are honest with yourself and do what you truly believe is the right thing to do you won't have any problems.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    What is a hijab a shield from exactly? Thirsty men?


    She's just said she doesn't believe in wearing the hijab. You're acting as if she's murdered someone.
    Yes. It was intended, essentially, as "protecting" women from "being lured" by men, fueled by the archaic (bigoted, etc.) belief that women are weaker, and more emotionally/physically fragile, than men. (I still have little idea where that belief originated from) At least, that's how I interpret that teaching.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok yeah
    youre right youre right
    im freaking out over nothing
    its just taking me awhile to adjust
    thing is i loved it though
    i just
    i hate having to do things in secret
    bit like having an affair i guess
    like you love being with that other person but you hate having to delete all your photos, videos together, delete all your messages and always be on edge in case someone sees you two together

    do you get where i'm coming from?
    Are you perhaps a poet?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _gcx)
    1. Why are clubs a trap?
    2. Not to disrespect this belief, but I don't think that would encourage the OP to continue wearing a hijab. (I could debate endlessly about my belief that the hijab is disgustingly sexist, but I shall refrain) Rather, I can see it having an opposite effect.
    3. She clearly wasn't forced to do anything. Her actions were from choice alone. My above comment applies.
    4. Why he? That is a genuine question, I didn't know that the gender of any figure within Islam (ie. Allah, and "shaytaan?" [I've really never heard of that before, pardon my ignorance])
    5. Such as?
    6. Per point 2. Encouraging the OP to fret over their actions is definitely not the correct path into resolving emotional struggle. Frankly, doing what you suggest may worsen the OP's condition.
    7. Absolutely not. No-one should be forced to do anything they don't want to, especially when it's entirely choice-based, like religion, like that.
    8. Not really painting a pleasant image that she is not in control of her actions, and she should live entirely in the submission of an invisible God.
    My attempt is not berate you, I just don't like the tone in which you're addressing the OP. The effect of this, is, likely, that the OP will feel worse about their actions, which could result in serious psychological damage and potentially depression. If one's religious beliefs makes them feel mentally unstable, they should not feel obligated to hold those beliefs, and I would definitely encourage them to question those beliefs. I am not opposing religion here, I'm simply stating that one should not be encouraged to persist with beliefs that are clearly causing psychological damage, rather encouraged to question those beliefs, which should be encouraged unequivocally, regardless if you're religious or not. I hold this opinion both for religious and irreligious beliefs.
    That was just a little of advice from me - I'm very sorry if my tone offended you.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    What is a hijab a shield from exactly? Thirsty men?


    She's just said she doesn't believe in wearing the hijab. You're acting as if she's murdered someone.
    Hijab is a shield. It is to honour a woman. Allah (swt) has commanded the muslimaahs to wear the headscarf, it is compulsory for every mature Muslim woman to wear it. And Allah (swt) does things for reason, wearing hijab will cause less fitnaah.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by senoritatimaa)
    Hijab is a shield. It is to honour a woman. Allah (swt) has commanded the muslimaahs to wear the headscarf, it is compulsory for every mature Muslim woman to wear it. And Allah (swt) does things for reason, wearing hijab will cause less fitnaah.
    Answer the question. Is the hijab protection from men?

    And I've seen plenty of hijabis have sex before marriage as well so it isn't a shield.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Answer the question. Is the hijab protection from men?

    And I've seen plenty of hijabis have sex before marriage as well so it isn't a shield.
    One of the many reasons why a muslimaah should wear hijab is so that she is protected from men (protected from fitnah)
    Whatever those hijabis do are between them and Allah (swt) only.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by senoritatimaa)
    One of the many reasons why a muslimaah should wear hijab is so that she is protected from men (protected from fitnah)
    Whatever those hijabis do are between them and Allah (swt) only.
    How about Islam tought men not to be predatory perverts instead of forcing women to repress themselves?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like you just escaped from a cult
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    1 i 'gave in'

    2 i did not drink, or have sex, or even talk to boys, technically i did nothing to be 'ashamed' of, but i still feel horrible.
    1 Did you? It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like you "conservative parents" were forcing you, and you didn't give in, you did the opposite.

    2 I wouldn't worry about that, it's perfectly human to do that if you were to in the future etc.

    It's not a mistake, as it's a personal choice, so you 'mark your own work', not anyone else.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by senoritatimaa)
    Hijab is a shield. It is to honour a woman. Allah (swt) has commanded the muslimaahs to wear the headscarf, it is compulsory for every mature Muslim woman to wear it. And Allah (swt) does things for reason, wearing hijab will cause less fitnaah.
    A scarf isn't a shield, and here in the uk we don't force people to wear this or that, or not to, so there is nothing wrong with choosing what to do.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by senoritatimaa)
    One of the many reasons why a muslimaah should wear hijab is so that she is protected from men (protected from fitnah)
    Whatever those hijabis do are between them and Allah (swt) only.
    Really? So are you indicating that girls who don't wear the hijab are open to being used and abused by men?

    And no she shouldn't wear the hijab if she doesn't want to. She can easily survive without it and if she gets hit on by men she has a voice to defend herself and say no. We have something known as "choice" in the modern world hun.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _gcx)
    Yes. It was intended, essentially, as "protecting" women from "being lured" by men, fueled by the archaic (bigoted, etc.) belief that women are weaker, and more emotionally/physically fragile, than men. (I still have little idea where that belief originated from) At least, that's how I interpret that teaching.
    Victim blaming at its very finest. There were so many hijabis from my old school who would act all pious and frown upon the girls who had sex with their partners before marriage and then after school they'd give head to anyone in the parks.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    little background info; i'm 18, female, moved out of a very conservative Muslim household to study in a different city, getting a lot of **** for it too but that's not the point

    the point is I went out with my housemates last night to celebrate an occasion. we went to a club. i wanted to go because every time they told me to go, (they weren't pressuring or anything) i would say no even though i really wanted to. i was scared. of my parents, of them finding out. i also felt out of place, since I wear a head covering.

    after many problems caused because of speculation that i was going to go out or take my scarf off, i was like you know what - since im getting **** for it already I might as well do it. And i did. I took the scarf off because 1) i dont believe in it, 2) if i WAS wearing the scarf i would a) present islam in a negative light and b) not enjoy my self and feel paranoid and feel out of place and everyone would stare at me

    but the whole bus journey there, i felt so weird. it didn't feel like i'd done anything drastic. but i kept mentally beating my self up about it. i kept calling my self names and cheap and weak because i 'gave in' - it hurts even though i know i wanted this. I guess i feel bad because i let down my parents. i enjoyed the night though. but coming back, letting it all sink in, it didn't feel real. in fact, if it wasn't for my aching joints i would've thought it was all a dream.

    i've been in bed all day. i didnt go to lectures. i feel like ****. i did not drink, or have sex, or even talk to boys, technically i did nothing to be 'ashamed' of, but i still feel horrible. i've just been crying and crying. i only left the room to go toilet. i still haven't eaten since last night really.

    i also have another problem. i took it off, and obviously a lot of uni students were there. some of whom are friends or acquaintances. i felt like it was a one time thing, i'd put it back on. but how can i? wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? of course, there's also the point that if i DO fully take it off, my parents WILL find out - i've seen a few former friends back from my high school, who know people who know people who will get it to them.

    I'm just scared, and i feel stupid and i hate myself right now. i just want to end it all but that would do no good to anyone . i dont know what to do or how to feel.

    can anyone give me some advice? or atleast calm me down? please?
    did you enjoy the clubbing experience? or did you not?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RobML)
    If she doesn't believe in wearing a headscarf then she should be totally free not to. Unless you're suggesting that there is *shock*...shame forced upon muslim women who don't wear it? But yeah it's always a decision based on free will ofc
    She's done nothing wrong, get a grip.
    When you don't know a thing or two about Islam its advisable to stay quiet
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MiszShortee786)
    When you don't know a thing or two about Islam its advisable to stay quiet
    What have I said that's wrong?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Answer the question. Is the hijab protection from men?

    And I've seen plenty of hijabis have sex before marriage as well so it isn't a shield.
    This is what it is. A few hijaabis represent all the hijabis. It is up to Allah to whom he guides and to whom he dosent however these hijabis may not be aware of why they are wearing it perhaps it be enforced onto them via their families? There is a whole lot more to what the representation of a hijaabi is and its always been stressed every time.
 
 
 
Write a reply… Reply
Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: October 16, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
Do you think you'll achieve your predicted A Level grades?
Useful resources
Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

Sponsored features:

Making money from your own website

Need some cash?

How to make money running your own website.

Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

Handle your digital footprint

What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.