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Parents won't let me move out for uni watch

    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Ngl your sister sounds amazing.

    And well done for working so hard! :*

    She really is... I wish I could stand up for myself like she did! I dont even know if I want to be a doctor tbh, this is just my means of escape for the moment and if I decide to go into something else then I'll just sneak my way in :lol:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She really is... I wish I could stand up for myself like she did! I dont even know if I want to be a doctor tbh, this is just my means of escape for the moment and if I decide to go into something else then I'll just sneak my way in :lol:
    So out of curiosity, are your parents and your sister talking now?
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    Note that without parental support, you won't be eligible for a means-tested student loan, and so will have to take the bare minimum loan available, which I believe is around £3000 a year for maintenance. This is separate to your tuition fee loans, which will be unaffected. If you truly do not think you can get through to your father, and prize your freedom and future over this abusive relationship you have with him, here is what you do:

    1) Apply to wherever you want and lie to your parents.
    2) Act as though you've resigned to accept that they know what's best for you -- forge a UCAS track page if they ask for proof (inspect element on Google Chrome may help you with this).
    3) Work hard and get the grades you need to get as far away as you like.
    4) A month or two before results day, or after you've got your offers, find a confidant and tell them the situation, and slowly hand over clothes/other things for them to keep so that you won't be starting completely from scratch when you eventually move away. All this while, you should be saving all the money you can -- every penny, even things like lunch money -- to make up for the fact that you won't have any parental support when you are at uni.
    5) Possibly approach your mother alone and find if she will support you moving away from your over-controlling father without his knowledge -- if she can help, she will be a massive asset to you and this plan.
    6) Arrange with an understanding friend, or a different few friends, to stay over for the last 2 weeks or so of summer before uni starts and accommodation is sorted, or get an AirBnB place with the money you have saved so far until you can move in. Explain your situation and I am sure there will be people willing to help you.
    7) Once you've given over enough stuff to help you make a start, find a time that your parents are out of the house (this will be in summer, post results day, once you've secured a place at whichever uni you want to go to), and take anything else you need and just leave. Leave no note, no inkling as to where you went, just go. You must steel yourself to the feeling of leaving everything behind like this, without closure-- I suggest letting someone such as a teacher who you trust very much know this so that they can be aware if your father tries to come and find you etc.

    The guilt over this will probably ravage you from the moment you begin this plan, so you have to be ready to accept the extreme measures you (are likely to) have to take to free yourself from his control. Don't let a few moments of cowardice/not being able to handle lying and deceiving your parents stop you from living a life you will otherwise never experience.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    So out of curiosity, are your parents and your sister talking now?
    Yes, but this is only because my sister got married - my parents are extremely proud and didn't want the in-laws thinking something was amiss (even though obviously my sister tells them everything) so started speaking to her again to keep up appearances.

    Not to mention now she's married, they don't need to worry about the state of her hymen and bringing shame to the family :lol:
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    Oh, the Religion of Peace and Love™ making people feel miserable again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, but this is only because my sister got married - my parents are extremely proud and didn't want the in-laws thinking something was amiss (even though obviously my sister tells them everything) so started speaking to her again to keep up appearances.

    Not to mention now she's married, they don't need to worry about the state of her hymen and bringing shame to the family :lol:
    Ahhh yeah I get you haha. Is she married to a Muslim?
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    Either just apply for where you want and move out or contact the police for domestic abuse
    • #5
    #5

    im in exactly the same situation half german tho not scottish but im not allowed to move out either
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by rainbow3696)
    Note that without parental support, you won't be eligible for a means-tested student loan, and so will have to take the bare minimum loan available, which I believe is around £3000 a year for maintenance. This is separate to your tuition fee loans, which will be unaffected. If you truly do not think you can get through to your father, and prize your freedom and future over this abusive relationship you have with him, here is what you do:

    1) Apply to wherever you want and lie to your parents.
    2) Act as though you've resigned to accept that they know what's best for you -- forge a UCAS track page if they ask for proof (inspect element on Google Chrome may help you with this).
    3) Work hard and get the grades you need to get as far away as you like.
    4) A month or two before results day, or after you've got your offers, find a confidant and tell them the situation, and slowly hand over clothes/other things for them to keep so that you won't be starting completely from scratch when you eventually move away. All this while, you should be saving all the money you can -- every penny, even things like lunch money -- to make up for the fact that you won't have any parental support when you are at uni.
    5) Possibly approach your mother alone and find if she will support you moving away from your over-controlling father without his knowledge -- if she can help, she will be a massive asset to you and this plan.
    6) Arrange with an understanding friend, or a different few friends, to stay over for the last 2 weeks or so of summer before uni starts and accommodation is sorted, or get an AirBnB place with the money you have saved so far until you can move in. Explain your situation and I am sure there will be people willing to help you.
    7) Once you've given over enough stuff to help you make a start, find a time that your parents are out of the house (this will be in summer, post results day, once you've secured a place at whichever uni you want to go to), and take anything else you need and just leave. Leave no note, no inkling as to where you went, just go. You must steel yourself to the feeling of leaving everything behind like this, without closure-- I suggest letting someone such as a teacher who you trust very much know this so that they can be aware if your father tries to come and find you etc.

    The guilt over this will probably ravage you from the moment you begin this plan, so you have to be ready to accept the extreme measures you (are likely to) have to take to free yourself from his control. Don't let a few moments of cowardice/not being able to handle lying and deceiving your parents stop you from living a life you will otherwise never experience.
    This is really good advice.

    The only other things I would note is the possibility of your parents getting the police involved (they think you've gone missing so might alert the authorities) and that student loan companies usually do have extra loan for students who are permanently estranged from their parents - however the process to confirm this is usually long and arduous. This document states that to qualify for independent student status you need to be permanently estranged from your parents for at least 12 months before the academic year you are applying for, but you usually need to provide quite a lot of evidence in regards to this.

    Also definitely look into possible bursaries and charities that you may be eligible for. Getting a bursary may be the difference between living on white bread and butter or actually having enough money to properly look after yourself.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Ahhh yeah I get you haha. Is she married to a Muslim?
    Nope, she's not religious and neither is he - but his family background is the same ethnicity as mine so it just required some careful thought and planning before they met. My sister filled his family in on all the details so they could pretend to be "respectable" in front of my parents :lol: (ie.... quick hide the wine!!! THEYRE COMING")
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    Just call the police and report him for domestic abuse.

    A police report for domestic abuse gets around the student finance 12month rule
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope, she's not religious and neither is he - but his family background is the same ethnicity as mine so it just required some careful thought and planning before they met. My sister filled his family in on all the details so they could pretend to be "respectable" in front of my parents :lol: (ie.... quick hide the wine!!! THEYRE COMING"
    as soon as the parents are gone..hijab off, wine bottles out, bass the music and let's get this party started :rofl: :rofl::rofl:
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    as soon as the parents are gone..hijab off, wine bottles out, bass the music and let's get this party started :rofl: :rofl::rofl:
    except we dont wear hijab we drew a line there.... but we might as well have been wearing one since my mum would scream at me for rolling my sleeves up
    • #6
    #6

    Just move out... He can't force you to do anything when you are old enough to go to uni
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    Have a rational conversation with them about it, then do it anyway if that's what you want to do. They legally can't stop you.

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    I wouldn't have went to uni if I couldnt move out. Thats like 40% of the uni exp. Why do your parents want you to be unhappy?
 
 
 
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