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Applied for unis outside my home city. Worried about my Mum's reaction. watch

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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I'm just pointing it out so you are aware of the implications.
    I assume you are looking at the standalonecharity as well as centrepoint?
    Yeah I know I wasn't being sarcastic when I said thanks

    I'm looking at standalone. Haven't heard of centrepoint though...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I tried to back in the spring. She told the police I was a liar and that I was attention seeking and in the end I retracted my statement against her.

    There's a charity which helps estranged students and I'm thinking of contacting them and telling them about my situation. Independent students get the full sum right?
    By retracting your statement you pretty much stated that you lied to them. How about next time she does something, you report her and not retract your statement? Possibly carry something around with you to record her behaviour as evidence. If you move out and she follows you, report that too. Restraining orders are a thing for a reason.

    For now figure out if you'll be able to afford a living without her. I'd recommend lying to her about your uni choices for as long as possible, get ready to move out in secret. Keep in mind that you may have to take a gap year to save up. Seriously it's not such a big deal to start uni at 20 instead of 19.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I know I wasn't being sarcastic when I said thanks

    I'm looking at standalone. Haven't heard of centrepoint though...
    Nope dont worry I didnt think you were being. You just need to be aware of the implications.

    Things I would be looking at are:

    Whether there is anything UCAS can do to hide the fact you have applied or anything that cna be done to prevent her finding out?

    Possibly getting a support worker of some sort.

    If she does find out and she goes ballistic, then you need to start thinking about her throwing you out, so you need to make a plan that maximises your time.

    I dont know if its possible to do soemthin like apply to the unis she wants, print it off and then change it to the unis you want? Whisly I understand you wnat to go to Uni at 19, its not a big deal if its delayed till 20 and leaving home in this manner is a much bigger issue.
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    my mum is similar (obvously not to such an extent) but thats bc im the youngest, and living costs are expensive in london (where i want to go to uni, about 1.5/2 hours away) like others said, just talk to her, maybe first to a friend or family member or get them with your mum if youre scared on being alone with her
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Nope dont worry I didnt think you were being. You just need to be aware of the implications.

    Things I would be looking at are:

    Whether there is anything UCAS can do to hide the fact you have applied or anything that cna be done to prevent her finding out?

    Possibly getting a support worker of some sort.

    If she does find out and she goes ballistic, then you need to start thinking about her throwing you out, so you need to make a plan that maximises your time.

    I dont know if its possible to do soemthin like apply to the unis she wants, print it off and then change it to the unis you want? Whisly I understand you wnat to go to Uni at 19, its not a big deal if its delayed till 20 and leaving home in this manner is a much bigger issue.
    No I don't think so :/

    Yeah I understand. I think I'm going to find my biological dad first and see if he agrees to help me through uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't think so :/

    Yeah I understand. I think I'm going to find my biological dad first and see if he agrees to help me through uni.
    Have you posted about this before Your biological dad is in Canada?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Have you posted about this before Your biological dad is in Canada?
    Nope.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope.
    Well you arent alone and it seems to be posted about on here at least every fortnight. Rge person who posted similar was no longer living with the biological father.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Well you arent alone and it seems to be posted about on here at least every fortnight. Rge person who posted similar was no longer living with the biological father.
    It's surprisingly common for teenagers to not talk to one of their parents after a divorce...

    I feel alone :/
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    (Original post by Nadile)
    By retracting your statement you pretty much stated that you lied to them. How about next time she does something, you report her and not retract your statement? Possibly carry something around with you to record her behaviour as evidence. If you move out and she follows you, report that too. Restraining orders are a thing for a reason.

    For now figure out if you'll be able to afford a living without her. I'd recommend lying to her about your uni choices for as long as possible, get ready to move out in secret. Keep in mind that you may have to take a gap year to save up. Seriously it's not such a big deal to start uni at 20 instead of 19.
    I don't know, to me retracting a statement seems a very understandable (and surely common) move if you're a victim of abuse. Surely the police know that.

    OP, you need to receive professional advice. Sounds like estrangement is the best move for you, could possibly be the making of you. Pursue the independent route all you can.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's surprisingly common for teenagers to not talk to one of their parents after a divorce...

    I feel alone :/
    Its just the fact the other person said the exact same thing about speaking with the father.

    The events are going to happen anyway, better to be smart and try to ensure you come through it as best you can. Character building.
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    I don't know, to me retracting a statement seems a very understandable (and surely common) move if you're a victim of abuse. Surely the police know that.

    OP, you need to receive professional advice. Sounds like estrangement is the best move for you, could possibly be the making of you. Pursue the independent route all you can.
    I was scared of what would happen to me. She sometimes even mocks me when I challenge her to beat me up like she used. She says, "You actually think the police will believe you?".

    I really need to contact that estrangement charity.. I have a friend whose in a similar situation to me and she's become a sugar baby to save up for university. If worst comes to worst, I think I'll end up doing that if I'm really desperate which I hope I'll never be.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Its just the fact the other person said the exact same thing about speaking with the father.

    The events are going to happen anyway, better to be smart and try to ensure you come through it as best you can. Character building.
    Ahh. I can understand why you got mixed up. My father is my only route if I don't get put down as an independent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi OP,

    First of all I want to say well done for being so brave and applying for the unis you want regardless of your mum's pressure. My mum is just like yours. Even now, at 22, she gives me a curfew of 6pm when I'm at home - she's so controlling. The only difference being that my dad also lives in my hometown and he's just the same.

    I started uni at 20 - honestly, its not bad at all. I know right now you'll be thinking "wow 20 is old, I dont want to be that old in first year" but honestly, uni is completely different to college / high school - nobody cares about what age you are. When I was in first year, on my course there were two people in their 30s, two 27 year olds, loads at 25/24/23, as well as the 18 year old school leavers. Not to mention the people who did gap years (of who there were many who did 2 gap years).

    Money at uni, when you don't get much support from your parents, can add a lot of stress to an already stressful situation if you're not smart about it. I really do recommend you follow the advice of the person above, who suggested you move out for a year and work. I'm sure that whichever uni you choose will accept your request to defer a year, which also gets rid of the stress of re-applying to uni.

    Within this time, you can establish your status as an independent student (SFE guidelines are that you must have had no contact with your parents for 12 months) and save up loads of money. The only thing to mention here is that if you're still in contact with your dad (even though he lives abroad) they might not grant you status as an independent student.

    The other benefits to living out and working for a year are that it will give you time to get accustomed to looking after yourself. For me, moving away from a home under lock and key where my mother controlled every aspect of my life was a massive change, and even though I loved it, there were some difficulties for me with learning how to actually cope with balancing both a social AND academic life (because previously I had no social life!). Having a job and your own place will give you time to learn how to make new friends, balance work / play life, and save up money.

    Don't worry about your mum moving to whatever city you end up in - don't bother even telling her where you're going. And if she does find out somehow and moves, you can contact the police telling them she's harrassing / stalking you and they can issue some sort of restraining order.

    You're old enough to make your own decisions now, so don't let negative influences in your life stop you from doing what you want. Good luck with everything
    Nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you!
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    Any other suggestions?
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    Anyone else? I'm really desperate. Today she was asking me when I was going to send my UCAS off and was telling me to stay in London because of the Brexit hate crimes going up. It's just excuses now :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone else? I'm really desperate. Today she was asking me when I was going to send my UCAS off and was telling me to stay in London because of the Brexit hate crimes going up. It's just excuses now :/
    Brexit hate crimes meaning that you're either brown / muslim / both?

    I don't think there's much else you can do other than what people have already suggested. Make sure you tell a friend that you trust about what's going on from now, so you have somewhere to go in case things escalate quicker than you anticipate.

    I know it's really scary, but you have to just put your foot down and do what's best for you OP. I really do hope things go well for you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My backup is actually Nottingham Uni (which is much cheaper than Exeter and I'm thinking of firming that one instead because of that). The thing about it is I don't want to go to uni at 20. I'd rather go at 19. I have about £500 in my savings account at the moment and I'm planning to work over the summer. I need to get in touch with my biological dad too and ask him for support.
    It is worth sticking with Exeter if that's where you want to go - it's a great uni and I don't think the difference in cost will be significant.
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    I'd tell her she's not been a good mum and I'm leaving because of her.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Brexit hate crimes meaning that you're either brown / muslim / both?

    I don't think there's much else you can do other than what people have already suggested. Make sure you tell a friend that you trust about what's going on from now, so you have somewhere to go in case things escalate quicker than you anticipate.

    I know it's really scary, but you have to just put your foot down and do what's best for you OP. I really do hope things go well for you
    I'm brown and atheist (my very religious family doesn't know this though) and when I tried to hint at it, they all went nuts. My best friend knows and she said if she isn't abroad next summer I could stay at hers. She kept telling me to go for KCL today because then I'd be "safe". I don't really like London too much because it's nowhere near as green as Exeter or Nottingham.

    Terrified of what she'll do when she finds out.

    (Original post by Muttley79)
    It is worth sticking with Exeter if that's where you want to go - it's a great uni and I don't think the difference in cost will be significant.
    I don't mind going to Nottingham either but I've read going to uni in the South of England is more expensive in comparison to the Midlands.

    (Original post by RossB1702)
    I'd tell her she's not been a good mum and I'm leaving because of her.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Tried that once. She started to guilt trip me.
 
 
 
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