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Boyfriend really close to his girl mate watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have pointed out that i am unhappy he sometimes sees her more often than me and usually it is about the same. He just tells me it is convenient and habit and he would see his other friends this amount too if they were available and lived so close by. It grates on me a bit that he just always defends himself rather than makes changes.

    I really want to be okay with it. Would you not hate it if you were in my position? Although she has said he is like a brother to her she admitted she wouldnt be with a guy that had a close girl mate as she isnt laid back enough for it. Thw fact he seemed concerned for her as she is so reliant on him worries me. Am i just being overly jealous? To me alarm bells ring.
    I'm sorry but? Sounds like they are a lot closer than they sound and either he was trying rebound and it didn't work or they're trying to cover their former flame and track by making you feel insecure and doubt yourself thinking that your a jealous woman sorry but I've been there done that my gut was right and I believe yours is too wish you the best you deserve better than a guy who treats his gf as 2nd place alike you should not be made to feel this way at all xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend has a female for a best friend and I am really struggling to accept it. They have been friends for quite a few years and even been housemates at one point.

    He reassures me that I am the only one he wants to be with and he isnt attracted to her in the slightest and they see eachother like brother and sister. I do trust him but there are certain things i really don't like. Eg. She lives really close by and he sometimes sees her more than I see him and they meet up alone. Also he admitted when he got into a relationship with me he was concerned for her as she was so reliant on him for everything and she became lazy. it was a shock for her as she didnt think he was looking for a girlfriend. She has only joined dating sites herself since he got together with me. It rings alarm bells in my head because I dont think its normal to think this way about just a friendship. But at the same time it seems that she is just a needy person and i know she has some mental health issues. I have met her once and she made effort to be nice and she says herself she seems him like a brother and they have always been there for eachother. He doesnt really understand why i am so concerned about their friendship and doesnt think there is anything for me to worry about.

    In my last 2 relationships my exs have betrayed me with their girl mates so i find coping with this really difficult, especially as they talk and see other other so often. To be honest I just dont know anymore whether I am just being over jealous to be so bothered about this or whether other people would accept this. I just dont want to be stupid like in my last relationships.
    I can view this from the other side of the story (his side), so maybe my little insight may help a little, but granted I am not your bf and he may not feel the same as me.

    I have been in a long term relationship (going on 5 years) and have a male best friend, me and my mate have been friends for years and we get on so so well, we spend time together (alone and not with my bf as well as together with my boyfriend), chill together, he calls me all the time and vice versa. But there is nothing going on between us at all, we are just really good friends with similar interests, he is more like a brother to me, we have gone through a lot together as friends and I love him loads, but not in an intimate relationship type way, that would never happen.
    Initially my boyfriend had a problem with this friendship, but over the years has learnt to deal with it and has come to terms with the fact that we are just good friends who have a laugh together. He knows I love him and would chose him but that doesnt mean I am going to put my friendship of many years on the line when I can happily have both.

    I think you are letting your past experiences get in the way here. You need to talk to your boyfriend (again) and let him know about these experiences, why your worried and suggest possibly meeting you and seeing you a bit more often. you have to make him aware that in a relationship he needs to make sure you are comfortable, but you also need to be aware that he cant kill off friendships for you (whether male or female) and hence some compromise needs to be made.
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    (Original post by Natalierm2707)
    I can view this from the other side of the story (his side), so maybe my little insight may help a little, but granted I am not your bf and he may not feel the same as me.

    I have been in a long term relationship (going on 5 years) and have a male best friend, me and my mate have been friends for years and we get on so so well, we spend time together (alone and not with my bf as well as together with my boyfriend), chill together, he calls me all the time and vice versa. But there is nothing going on between us at all, we are just really good friends with similar interests, he is more like a brother to me, we have gone through a lot together as friends and I love him loads, but not in an intimate relationship type way, that would never happen.
    Initially my boyfriend had a problem with this friendship, but over the years has learnt to deal with it and has come to terms with the fact that we are just good friends who have a laugh together. He knows I love him and would chose him but that doesnt mean I am going to put my friendship of many years on the line when I can happily have both.

    I think you are letting your past experiences get in the way here. You need to talk to your boyfriend (again) and let him know about these experiences, why your worried and suggest possibly meeting you and seeing you a bit more often. you have to make him aware that in a relationship he needs to make sure you are comfortable, but you also need to be aware that he cant kill off friendships for you (whether male or female) and hence some compromise needs to be made.
    Thank you for sharing my story. My boyfriend gets frustrated at times when i discuss things with him as he doesnt think there is anything to worry about. Sometimes he is very understanding and answers all my questions, i should probably stop asking.

    How long was it before your boyfriend felt comfortable with your friend? Was there anythng in particular that was said or done to make him not worry anymore?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for sharing my story. My boyfriend gets frustrated at times when i discuss things with him as he doesnt think there is anything to worry about. Sometimes he is very understanding and answers all my questions, i should probably stop asking.

    How long was it before your boyfriend felt comfortable with your friend? Was there anythng in particular that was said or done to make him not worry anymore?
    He got to know my friend a bit more, and now were all really good friends. he also found talking to my friend helped. you may find it useful to talk to this girl about how your feeling and just explain calmly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend has a female for a best friend and I am really struggling to accept it. They have been friends for quite a few years and even been housemates at one point.

    He reassures me that I am the only one he wants to be with and he isnt attracted to her in the slightest and they see eachother like brother and sister. I do trust him but there are certain things i really don't like. Eg. She lives really close by and he sometimes sees her more than I see him and they meet up alone. Also he admitted when he got into a relationship with me he was concerned for her as she was so reliant on him for everything and she became lazy. it was a shock for her as she didnt think he was looking for a girlfriend. She has only joined dating sites herself since he got together with me. It rings alarm bells in my head because I dont think its normal to think this way about just a friendship. But at the same time it seems that she is just a needy person and i know she has some mental health issues. I have met her once and she made effort to be nice and she says herself she seems him like a brother and they have always been there for eachother. He doesnt really understand why i am so concerned about their friendship and doesnt think there is anything for me to worry about.

    In my last 2 relationships my exs have betrayed me with their girl mates so i find coping with this really difficult, especially as they talk and see other other so often. To be honest I just dont know anymore whether I am just being over jealous to be so bothered about this or whether other people would accept this. I just dont want to be stupid like in my last relationships.
    No, not at all. I think it would be extremely unfair of you to ask him to see her less/not at all (just in case others before me have suggested that). You have nothing to "accept" as it is not your decision! Nothing about this seems suspicious. Even if she does have feelings for him (I have no idea, probably not) he clearly doesn't for her.

    I am a girl and have a VERY close male friend and that's literally all it is. I am sick of people forcing their partners to end or lessen their friendships because of their own insecurities. If it were a male friend would you demand he spend less time with them because you have to be the most important person to him? I do understand you past pain but if you cannot separate your past relationships from your current one then it's going to fail regardless.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have pointed out that i am unhappy he sometimes sees her more often than me and usually it is about the same. He just tells me it is convenient and habit and he would see his other friends this amount too if they were available and lived so close by. It grates on me a bit that he just always defends himself rather than makes changes.

    I really want to be okay with it. Would you not hate it if you were in my position? Although she has said he is like a brother to her she admitted she wouldnt be with a guy that had a close girl mate as she isnt laid back enough for it. Thw fact he seemed concerned for her as she is so reliant on him worries me. Am i just being overly jealous? To me alarm bells ring.
    I would hate it if I had a partner who told me I had to spend less time with a specific friend, who I had been friends with for a long time and meant a lot to me as a friend, just because of their own insecurities.

    They clearly are very good friends and have been there for eachother for a long time like all friends should. How horrible would your boyfriend have to be to effectively dump his mate/change his friendship because his new girlfriend decided he had to, instead of welcoming a new friend into her life. If you both think he is a great person (in different ways) then surely that would mean you would get on? I actually think it's commendable that your boyfriend can have such a strong friendship with a girl as a lot of boys are too immature. It's also great that he can support a friend with mental health issues. It's a shame you are seeing something that is positive about your boyfriend as negative. That would upset me as a partner.

    Imagine if YOUR best friends boyfriend didn't like you and asked her to stop seeing you so much. How hurtful/upsetting would that be?
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    (Original post by Moura)
    I would hate it if I had a partner who told me I had to spend less time with a specific friend, who I had been friends with for a long time and meant a lot to me as a friend, just because of their own insecurities.

    They clearly are very good friends and have been there for eachother for a long time like all friends should. How horrible would your boyfriend have to be to effectively dump his mate/change his friendship because his new girlfriend decided he had to, instead of welcoming a new friend into her life. If you both think he is a great person (in different ways) then surely that would mean you would get on? I actually think it's commendable that your boyfriend can have such a strong friendship with a girl as a lot of boys are too immature. It's also great that he can support a friend with mental health issues. It's a shame you are seeing something that is positive about your boyfriend as negative. That would upset me as a partner.

    Imagine if YOUR best friends boyfriend didn't like you and asked her to stop seeing you so much. How hurtful/upsetting would that be?
    I didnt ask him to cut off his friendship! No idea why are you are being so defensive. When you get into a relationship you need to make sure you make time for the new person in your life. If he spent all his time with his friend and little with me then I would feel like i wasnt a priority. Is a girlfriend (potential life partner) not as important as friends? Partners should also be there for partners through difficult times, its only friends thay should matter.
 
 
 
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