Turn on thread page Beta

Still no sex after 4 months of relationship. watch

    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    :doh:
    Of course. Being in a serious relationship always implies that one party holds power over the other and strings them along handing out treats like dog biscuits at their own discretion. Because that's what it is.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Because he has gone for a minimum.

    Sorry but there is something seriously wrong with your relationship if she can't even stand to have you in her for more than two times a week.
    I agree that there might be something wrong, but the assumption is that the relationship is a 'joke' because of the lack of sex. This is just some gross assumption based on two people who no-one knows. What if she's epically god-squad and that why she's not putting out? What if she's got some sort of sexual dysfunction, or has had something awful happen in her past. What if she just has a low sex drive and loves him but doesn't want sex much. Throwaway comments which essentially amount to 'dump her unless she starts putting out' are a simplistic reaction to what could be a complex problem.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Reality Check)
    I agree that there might be something wrong, but the assumption is that the relationship is a 'joke' because of the lack of sex. This is just some gross assumption based on two people who no-one knows. What if she's epically god-squad and that why she's not putting out? What if she's got some sort of sexual dysfunction, or has had something awful happen in her past. What if she just has a low sex drive and loves him but doesn't want sex much. Throwaway comments which essentially amount to 'dump her unless she starts putting out' are a simplistic reaction to what could be a complex problem.
    Your assumptions are also baseless, I generalise based on the information available to me. More often than not, if a woman is not putting out, it is because she does not like you, not because she is unhealthy, insecure, or religious, although all are mitigating factors.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Reality Check)
    I agree that there might be something wrong, but the assumption is that the relationship is a 'joke' because of the lack of sex. This is just some gross assumption based on two people who no-one knows. What if she's epically god-squad and that why she's not putting out? What if she's got some sort of sexual dysfunction, or has had something awful happen in her past. What if she just has a low sex drive and loves him but doesn't want sex much. Throwaway comments which essentially amount to 'dump her unless she starts putting out' are a simplistic reaction to what could be a complex problem.
    Those would be rather rare cases - but wouldn't change anything. If I had a girlfriend with some kind of sexual dysfunction -well that's too bad. I'd find another girlfriend. It's no different to having a girlfriend who has some kind of social dysfunction - causing her to not go out. If she won't go out, and I want to there's no relationship. No need for blame - just go your separate ways.

    If she has low sex drive and doesn't want it - the question has to be asked - how much does she want the relationship? If it's so terrible that she can't bring herself to do it a few times a week - then where's the relationship? Same applies - how about if I said "I have low affection - I can't possibly hug you for at least a year - and then only once a month or so or on special occasions." That makes me a crap boyfriend.

    Low sex drive is no excuse. I've got low motivation to do course work, but I know I have to do it because it keeps me at university.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Terraform)
    so I have been "dating" this girl for 4 months, and we still haven't done it yet.

    It frustrates me because all my mates have sex with their gf's all the time.
    Write her off as a non performing asset and leave on friendly terms.

    (Original post by Lost Her Way)
    If you were hot you wouldn't need a relationship to have sex. If you really cared for your girl you wouldn't be acting like this.

    Your problem is caused by you not being hot enough to get what you want, and not being strong enough to communicate this.
    While your other points are valid i disagree with the bold. A girl who does not have sex within a month is telling me that she does not trust me nor value my expressions of intimacy, i'd dump her.

    Generally though the OP's big failure is in allowing his girlfriend to dictate the terms of the relationship.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Your assumptions are also baseless, I generalise based on the information available to me. More often than not, if a woman is not putting out, it is because she does not like you, not because she is unhealthy, insecure, or religious, although all are mitigating factors.
    ? I didn't make an assumptions - what are you on about?
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Reality Check)
    ? I didn't make an assumptions - what are you on about?
    'What if she is religious, unhealthy, so on' to paraphrase.

    Are these not assumptions?
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    'What if she is religious, unhealthy, so on' to paraphrase. Are these not assumptions?
    No, they're not assumptions - they're possibilities.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Reality Check)
    No, they're not assumptions - they're possibilities.
    Like OPs sex life?

    Moving the goal post.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Like OPs sex life?

    Moving the goal post.
    Usually, there'd be two goal posts to make a working goal, and both would be moved. I don't know what you're on about, but I think it's probably easiest just to agree with whatever you're saying.

    OP: just bear in mind that a lack of sex can be more than just 'she doesn't like me'. Talk to her. Ask her.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Start making moves on her. 'Talking to her' about it wont do jack. Sex isn't about discussion and agreement, its about attraction (and love, some would say). Tell her what you want with actions, not words.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Drop her. She will put out to a guy she likes, clearly doesn't like you very much.
    No she won't. Every girl is different. A lot of my friends will suss the guy out well before they do anything intimate with him.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    Stop treating it as a f***ing competition, and moaning like a child, and then maybe you'd get some.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by typicalvirgo)
    No she won't. Every girl is different. A lot of my friends will suss the guy out well before they do anything intimate with him.
    Lol, that doesn't work in the slightest. A ****boy knows this and acts accordingly, some girls make guys they like wait and shag guys you just want fun with, fair enough, but you can't get annoyed when a 'good guy' gets annoyed at you for wanting more intimacy when you put it out to pricks without any barriers.

    I'd feel awful in a sexless relationship. I'd constantly think we were just friends.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Terraform)
    so I have been "dating" this girl for 4 months, and we still haven't done it yet.

    It frustrates me because all my mates have sex with their gf's all the time.
    You need to have patience. If she doesn't want to have sex yet then you should wait. Forget about your friends, you shouldn't be comparing your relationship to theirs
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Lol, that doesn't work in the slightest. A ****boy knows this and acts accordingly, some girls make guys they like wait and shag guys you just want fun with, fair enough, but you can't get annoyed when a 'good guy' gets annoyed at you for wanting more intimacy when you put it out to pricks without any barriers.

    I'd feel awful in a sexless relationship. I'd constantly think we were just friends.
    Lol then why do they all have long term boyfriends?
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by typicalvirgo)
    Lol then why do they all have long term boyfriends?
    Because they are not dating pricks. Making a guy wait doesn't make him not a prick.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by typicalvirgo)
    Lol then why do they all have long term boyfriends?
    Ok, I don't think i've worded what I mean well so i'll start again.

    Making a guy wait to have sex with you proves absolutely nothing, it does not prove he cares about you, just that he is patient enough to wait. If anything it may deter actual people who are interested and care about you away, by making them question why you won't sleep with them (like OP) but why you will sleep with some guy you met in a bar. Men aren't immune from insecurity, if you act distant and test them you'll do nothing more than push the decent people away as well.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr Gumbil)
    Ok, I don't think i've worded what I mean well so i'll start again.

    Making a guy wait to have sex with you proves absolutely nothing, it does not prove he cares about you, just that he is patient enough to wait. If anything it may deter actual people who are interested and care about you away, by making them question why you won't sleep with them (like OP) but why you will sleep with some guy you met in a bar. Men aren't immune from insecurity, if you act distant and test them you'll do nothing more than push the decent people away as well.
    That might be true for some guys, but I know my friends have kept an open line of communication since day 1 and the guys knew what they were getting into, so at no point did they have any questions or confusion :-)
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Are you intimate with her in other ways? Do you passionately kiss each other, touch each other, hold hands, cuddle, etc. Or is there absolutely no physical contact whatsoever? Is she still a virgin? Have you ever tried to initiate things? Does she reject you?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 21, 2016
The home of Results and Clearing

1,453

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.