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I really want a girlfriend, but I am shy...? watch

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    I think it's good how everyone gave advice to the guy rather than laughed at him... shyness can be a major problem
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    lose ze german acczent.
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    (Original post by Clubber Lang)
    lose ze german acczent.
    LOL cheesy
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    Dude, it's not a job application. No-one hands out CVs for the position of 'Boyfriend' (at least, no-one I've met, and I've seen, and gone out with, some weirdos). You have to go with who you are, not what you're capable of. I'm afraid you'll just have to go out there and start talking to girls. We don't bite. Usually.
    Go with the 'sit and talk to people' bit at clubs and just talk to girls, without the explicit intention of trying to ask them out; it might help you to be a bit more confident and personable (though clubs are rarely the best place for conversation), and to come across to them better. Then, if you want to pursue it further, just DO. If you get anywhere, great; if not, then you've lost nothing so dust yourself off and try again.
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    I know I might sound like too much of a ‘good boy’, which I know many girls find repulsive. But some don’t. So, my question is, what are the chances that a girl who knows me well, or at least a bit, and who likes me for who I am, will be the one to make the first move and ask me out? Of course, if I go to a club/disco/pub, I would also be very glad if it is the girl who first approaches me first and starts a conversation, provided that others had told her at least a few good things about me. I very much appreciate any advice you could give me on this. Do I really have to work up the courage and make the first move, or is it more common nowadays that it is the girl who makes the first move? Thanks a lot in advance.
    You need to learn to differentiate between a "good boy" and a "Nice Guy". A "Nice Guy" is a ponce who puts women up on a pedastal, buys them endless expensive things, and are basically supplicative and wimpy. You don't want to be one of these people. "Nice Guys" ultimately end up as girl's FRIENDS and in their eyes are sexless.

    There's nothing wrong with being a good guy, though.

    From the sounds of things, you're too passive and you're being a bit of a pussy mate. You're trying to work out the odds of a girl approaching you?? Why? Just grab your balls and approach. You're a MAN, this is YOUR job (mainly). STOP being "passive" (your own words), as a man you're supposed to be more assertive than that.

    You may well be shy - I was shy in school. But that's no excuse at all. If you want to get some girls into your life, do it, don't expect them to fall into your lap.

    ..shauny
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    (Original post by 181191)
    I really want a girlfriend, but I am too shy to make the first move. However, once the relationship starts, I am prepared to be a lot more initiative, open and committed. Let me just describe myself briefly:

    Looks: I’m around 5’11’’ (181 cm), physically fit. Normal, average-looking face, no pimples, crooked nose or any other ‘repulsive’ features.

    Health: pretty good, at the moment I do not have any diseases or disorders. I do not take medication, have a good diet and work out twice a week. I’m not a smoker and I don’t drink.

    Personality: reserved, sensitive, calm, serious, average sense of humor, not very emotional, straightforward, honest, responsible, caring, respectful, kind; moderate confidence. I do go out with my friends, but not so often – around once-twice a week. Whenever I go out, I always prefer not to dance and not to shout, but rather sit quietly and talk to others.

    Attitude: I am thoroughly prepared for a serious, long-term relationship. I am ready to invest up to 10 hours a week and a lot of effort and feeling into it. I can swear that I will definitely never cheat on her, as I am naturally loyal, quiet and passive.

    Hobbies: lawn tennis, table tennis, movies, yoga.

    Intelligence: my strongest side, I guess. I have an IQ of 122, which puts me in around top 10% of the population.

    Future career: I work hard at the university and get good marks. I am quite purposeful and expect a successful career.

    I know I might sound like too much of a ‘good boy’, which I know many girls find repulsive. But some don’t. So, my question is, what are the chances that a girl who knows me well, or at least a bit, and who likes me for who I am, will be the one to make the first move and ask me out? Of course, if I go to a club/disco/pub, I would also be very glad if it is the girl who first approaches me first and starts a conversation, provided that others had told her at least a few good things about me. I very much appreciate any advice you could give me on this. Do I really have to work up the courage and make the first move, or is it more common nowadays that it is the girl who makes the first move? Thanks a lot in advance.
    If I was not in a relationship, I would not date you as I hate guys with no confidence! Confidence is a big turn on. You sound like a great guy, but the fact that you get a friend to tell the girl good things about you sounds a bit strange. I also find geeks a turn on- so I'm sure there must be other girls who feel the same way.
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    How many people have you asked out OP? Lots of people just expect people to throw themselves at them, the more people you ask and flirt with, the more chance of one of them wanting to be your girlfriend(did that make sense?). If you are unable to chat to girls etc, get over your confidence issues first, then worry about getting a girlfriend. Its all in the confidence, no matter what you look like, what you can do, confidence is key.
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    Just blitzkrieg her ass. You'll be good at it, you're German. :cool:


    I mentioned the war, didn't I?
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    maybe you should put all this information on a dating site. or on a CV. you might not get a girlfriend but you could probably get some sort of job with this application.
    firstly, don't focus on getting a girlfriend completely. when you meet girls don't be thinking "will they become my girlfriend?". get to know people first. you don't just enter into a serious relationship immediately, you get to know them, go on dates, hang out and then eventually things may progress into boyfriend/girlfriend status. you sound like a nice guy and its cute that you say you'll put a lot of effort into a relationship but also kind of strange how you worded it, 'i'm willing to put 10 hours a week...' etc. like you'll have some kind of timetable worked out and pencil your girlfriend in the designated time slots lol.
    as for being shy.. that is a hinderance in the dating world. some girls find shy guys cute and endearing but most girls prefer confident guys. if you're not confident then fake it!! i used to be really shy but i just had to force myself to talk to people and put on a sort of 'confident act' and eventually it became where it wasn't so much an act, but came easily to me. if you see a cute girl at a club, go up and talk to her, offer to buy her a drink, casually start dancing with her.. it may seem scary and you'l probably be thinking like, oh god i cant just start dancing with her thats weird she'll tel me to get lost blah blah blah, but its really not weird because thats what most people do in clubs and they'll probably like that you made an effort/didn't just stand in a corner being shy. if you dont make moves then you wont get anywhere, seriously.
    i was being serious with the dating site thing by the way. i've never used one before but then again i'm not as shy as you seem to be and i don't really set out to get relationships; but you want a girlfriend. a lot of people meet on dating sites and while it may seem a bit 'sad' or whatever, if it helps you meet people then thats what counts, right? plus you don't exactly have to tell your mates where you met your girlfriend, just say you met her in a bar haha. if you got chatting to someone online you could get to know them rather than being too shy to get to know someone in real life. then you could meet up in real life and see what happens. just a suggestion.
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    I have a higher IQ than you :deal:
    oh and girls do make first moves...at least in my experience...dunno how it is for the rest :yy:
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    Although the OP does sound rather boring and a tad arrogant, it should sometimes be remembered that intelligent men often have a great deal of problems with regard to social situations: especially those that revolve around dating.

    It can be difficult for intelligent guys to accept the banality of small-talk, ignore the risk of approaching women, and 'turn off' analysis of the sitatuion and simply enjoy themselves.

    Girls do sometimes make the first moves, I agree.

    In the most part, however, I think the the OP would be best following the advice given in the thread thusfar.

    Put yourself into the mentality of not caring about the women you seek, be 'radically honest', and other such tricks are helpful for intelligent guys to approach the situation as a high-stakes game.
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    if you're too shy, you don't want a girlfriend enough.
 
 
 
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