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    I suppose if you wanted to put the idea in his head without nagging him, you could always phrase it like a compliment. Say, "hey, have you lost weight recently?" in a positive way, or, "wow, you're looking trimmer" even if he isn't. Perhaps if he gets out of breath doing something healthy people wouldn't, you could say, "don't you ever get tired of that?" in a concerned-friend way.

    My dad is obese, he has got diabetes now as well, but he just won't lose the weight no matter what we say. He'd rather go on medication than attempt to maintain a healthy lifestyle, despite knowing all the serious complications he could get. So although you may want to help your friend, if he isn't willing to change, there may be nothing you can do. Not wanting to sound pessimistic, just some advice if he doesn't respond.
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    I would just leave him to it. You'd probably put a strain on the friendship if you mention something. He's old enough to deal with his own body anyway.
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    people who aren't willing to change in all aspects in life annoy me as well, it's like even though hes not content with who he is he still can't be arsed to change personally I wouldn't be friends with him
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    (Original post by *Miss-Brightside*)
    What do you mean can't enjoy life as much as they should? YES THEY CAN! The very fact that you get angry with him means you don't accept his lifestyle, and who he is. Just because you feel like you should help, doesn't mean he wants your help.
    But maybe she's angry because she cares about him.. We all know about the various diseases etc. related to obesity. We all want our friends to be there for us forever & ever, and knowing that your friend may have a life threatening illness, might make you subconsciously angry.

    E.g. if I had a friend that had cancer, and it was a really good friend of mine, I would subconsciously be angry at them. Kinda hard to explain lol. So I'll stop talking jibberish :o:
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    (Original post by *Miss-Brightside*)
    What do you mean can't enjoy life as much as they should? YES THEY CAN! The very fact that you get angry with him means you don't accept his lifestyle, and who he is. Just because you feel like you should help, doesn't mean he wants your help.
    Comments like that aren't that helpful really. I explained in my OP that he can't walk very far without having to stop, finds it hard to approach girls, can't even go to the fairground etc. In this respect his quality of life is likely to be lower than some other people's, when it shouldn't be that way. Not even considering heart disease, diabetes etc.

    As for me accepting his lifestyle, I don't. It doesn't change the person he is, but I don't have to think what he eats or what he does are good things.

    I personally think people should not ignore this, and just pretend it doesn't exist. If someone was anorexic, was on drugs, drank or smoked I bet I would be considered a bad friend for just ignoring it all. Yet this people think it's fine not to bring up in the slightest.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    If someone was anorexic, was on drugs, drank or smoked I bet I would be considered a bad friend for just ignoring it all. Yet this people think it's fine not to bring up in the slightest.
    Exactly: people forget that eating disorders work both ways (although I understand the mentalities are very different), and you can have a food "addiction".
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    Annon or delete yatter yatter....

    Thanks for the post OP, its inspired me, at least, to try and get "back on the wagon", so to speak. I am at least fairly active (I'm a labourer) but well overweight (19St, just) and had lost alot but i put it back, and started drinking heavily too. I'm giving starting again ago, though, and trying to do something about it. Cheers.
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    He must know he's obese, but you can't exactly do much.

    Yeah, I know it must make you angry but they are living there life that way and soon they'll find out it's ruining their life.

    Your going to have to live with it.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    Comments like that aren't that helpful really. I explained in my OP that he can't walk very far without having to stop, finds it hard to approach girls, can't even go to the fairground etc. In this respect his quality of life is likely to be lower than some other people's, when it shouldn't be that way. Not even considering heart disease, diabetes etc.

    As for me accepting his lifestyle, I don't. It doesn't change the person he is, but I don't have to think what he eats or what he does are good things.

    I personally think people should not ignore this, and just pretend it doesn't exist. If someone was anorexic, was on drugs, drank or smoked I bet I would be considered a bad friend for just ignoring it all. Yet this people think it's fine not to bring up in the slightest.


    from how you've described the bloke in your OP he seems like he's happy at the place he is at now. he's obviously not depressed about it from the way you describe his personality.

    but if your determined to do this personaly I'd just leave it be till he iniatates a conversation regarding his weight (like he might say "oh ..these stairs are killing me" ...and then try and talk to how you've noticed him eating alot of junkfood recently ...and you've been hearing alot of stuff in the media lately about it's effect on health .... (then you go and TACTFULLY drift on to his weight issues)

    If you go in there and just say something out of the blue like, ..btw i've noticed you're a tubby, I hear slim fast works a treat ...then you're gonna make him feel bad about himself. Yeh I know probably you wont say something quite that crude ..but if you bring it up out of the blue you risk making him crap about himself and maybe annoyed with you.
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    Leave him alone.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    First of all I'll clarify before people jump in that I don't mean people who have health issues/immobility nor those who have are just a bit chubby.

    I mean seriously fat. Lately I've been around and got to know for the first time somebody who is very obese. I really like this guy.Not in a romantic sense should I add, he's younger and I have a boyfriend, but I just admire him as a person. He's a really witty,clever and funny teenager.

    Except he's 20 stone. Now this doesn't change his personality, but everytime I'm around him I just want to shake him and tell him to do something because he's ruining his life. It makes me so sad. I've seen pictures of when he was younger, and he'd be drop dead gorgeous if he didn't have the weight. But instead of having girls chasing after him he has never had a girlfriend. Even with simple things like walking around the place, he's the one who has to sit down tired because he can't go on further. I mean a 19 year old guy should be a bundle of energy not waddling around feeling out of breath after a few steps.

    I've had to bite my tongue, because it made me so angry everytime I saw his plate piled high with chips and fried food, chocolate cake with cream on the side and various fizzy drinks during the day while everyone else had a balanced meal.

    I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
    To be honest with weight loss its better to do it with others than alone. As one your going to struggle. If you can convince him and a couple of others to change there lifestyle then they can support each other. As a group I found it easier but after a couple of week I adapted and managed by myself. When he starts losing people will notice and probaly compliment him on it which should keep him on track. It doesn't work with everyone but it worked with me.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    while everyone else had a balanced meal.
    Really? I'd say about 10% of people trully have a blanced meal, in school several people just eat crisps/pizza/chips as their "meal".. he just happens to have a low metabolism and like food..
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    First of all I'll clarify before people jump in that I don't mean people who have health issues/immobility nor those who have are just a bit chubby.

    I mean seriously fat. Lately I've been around and got to know for the first time somebody who is very obese. I really like this guy.Not in a romantic sense should I add, he's younger and I have a boyfriend, but I just admire him as a person. He's a really witty,clever and funny teenager.

    Except he's 20 stone. Now this doesn't change his personality, but everytime I'm around him I just want to shake him and tell him to do something because he's ruining his life. It makes me so sad. I've seen pictures of when he was younger, and he'd be drop dead gorgeous if he didn't have the weight. But instead of having girls chasing after him he has never had a girlfriend. Even with simple things like walking around the place, he's the one who has to sit down tired because he can't go on further. I mean a 19 year old guy should be a bundle of energy not waddling around feeling out of breath after a few steps.

    I've had to bite my tongue, because it made me so angry everytime I saw his plate piled high with chips and fried food, chocolate cake with cream on the side and various fizzy drinks during the day while everyone else had a balanced meal.

    I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
    let him be, and realise people are responsible for themselves.

    also, since he is your friend, then tell him respectfully and tactfully to lose weight.
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    fat people unable to attract partner>eat food for emotional comfort>fat people become even more unable to attract partner>etc
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    You could always try and get him to do some sport with you regularly, like: come on! lets go play footie or join a club or something, so even if he still eats unhealthily there's something working against it. Not sure how well that'd work, but its a thought.
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
    Difficult - because ultimately only he can stop himself doing that, and as with many things maybe he would need to reach his own personal "rock bottom" first. You can't do that for him.

    All you can really do is look for opportunities, where he might say something you can support or encourage.

    It's worth bearing in mind that he may not have been a "witty, clever and funny teenager" had he been thinner... Being overweight may be what caused him develop that personality!
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    (Original post by PaperMoon)
    I personally think people should not ignore this, and just pretend it doesn't exist. If someone was anorexic, was on drugs, drank or smoked I bet I would be considered a bad friend for just ignoring it all. Yet this people think it's fine not to bring up in the slightest.
    We call this hypocricy, and it's ******* ridiculous.

    'Changing your ways' with food is not so goddamn easy as people in this thread seem to think. Nor is weighing 120 kg+, and stuffing yourself with fatty food, an acceptable life-style. It is likely that this guy does NOT want to be fat, it's just that he does not have the will to do something concrete about it (hell, many people have troubles losing just a few kgs!). So yes, OP, you should try doing something concrete about it. WHAT you should do, well, that's probably left to you, as you know the situation. But do SOMETHING!
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    nvm...
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    Leave him alone, I'm sure he doesn't want lecturing off his friends.
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    (Original post by Lofty)
    I've not read this... but i bloody hate fat people too!

    How on earth is it fair that i get fined loads for going over my baggage allowance at the airport, when Chubby McFat behind me weighs about 3 times what i do?! ****ing ridiculous in my opinion...
    Actually so true. But harsh lol.
 
 
 
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