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G/f's male friend coming on too strong watch

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    You need to talk with her about it seriously. You may say it's one sided but you have to get her to realise that she's leading him on if she doesn't tell him to back off. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will tell the guy that she is in a happy relationship and isn't interested.
    I've had a similar problem to you but with my boyfriend and a girl mate of his, I have no problem if he has girl mates it's just when they're blatantly flirting and he doesn't discourage it, that's wrong. Maybe she's just "trying to be nice" but tbh it's not nice being led on.
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    To those people who are saying 'you can't tell her what to do,' that's a fair point. You can't pick her friends for her.

    However, if she's not taking into account YOUR feelings about this situation, then that's pretty bad. Relationships are two-way.
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    (Original post by Tinxx)
    You need to talk with her about it seriously. You may say it's one sided but you have to get her to realise that she's leading him on if she doesn't tell him to back off. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will tell the guy that she is in a happy relationship and isn't interested.
    I've had a similar problem to you but with my boyfriend and a girl mate of his, I have no problem if he has girl mates it's just when they're blatantly flirting and he doesn't discourage it, that's wrong. Maybe she's just "trying to be nice" but tbh it's not nice being led on.
    I don't think it's a case of her leading him on. I think it's more a case of him waiting to pounce as soon as there is the slightest sign that she is single which was what led to him making a move last time round. Friendship between a man and a woman can only work if both parties want to remain just friends. If one tries to take it further than that then it destroys the friendship IMO.
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    hit the guy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think it's a case of her leading him on. I think it's more a case of him waiting to pounce as soon as there is the slightest sign that she is single which was what led to him making a move last time round. Friendship between a man and a woman can only work if both parties want to remain just friends. If one tries to take it further than that then it destroys the friendship IMO.
    Going back to your first post you said she likes spending a lot of time with him, even though he is flirty and tried to make a move. In my opinion that is leading him on, no, she may not be flirting back, but she's obviously not letting him know where he stands.
    I may be pessimistic but I've seen this too many times, she loves the attention, he thinks he likes her, they spend a lot of time together, in the end you're the one that's going to get hurt and she won't even realise it.
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    (Original post by Tinxx)
    Going back to your first post you said she likes spending a lot of time with him, even though he is flirty and tried to make a move. In my opinion that is leading him on, no, she may not be flirting back, but she's obviously not letting him know where he stands.
    I may be pessimistic but I've seen this too many times, she loves the attention, he thinks he likes her, they spend a lot of time together, in the end you're the one that's going to get hurt and she won't even realise it.
    Went through something similar in the past and she knows that. I overlooked the over-friendly approach the girl's mate was taking and I ended up getting hurt. She says she's told him that they're just mates but he clearly wants more and I don't fancy taking that risk again after the horrible feeling it left me with last time.
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    I'd let it continue, because otherwise you may create problems that don't exist. If she doesn't ditch you for him, and chooses to hang out with you more than him, then I really don't think you've got much to worry about. I have had guy mates who may have fancied me and who I just liked as friends, but I was too good friends with them to just not hang out with them anymore. If someone asked me to break friends with my current best male mate, I'd go mad at them. Just leave it. If it's one-sided, then it's HIS problem, not your gf's.
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    (Original post by Brouhaha)
    If it's one-sided, then it's HIS problem, not your gf's.
    But what happens if over time it become mutual and I was right all along?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Went through something similar in the past and she knows that. I overlooked the over-friendly approach the girl's mate was taking and I ended up getting hurt. She says she's told him that they're just mates but he clearly wants more and I don't fancy taking that risk again after the horrible feeling it left me with last time.
    I'm really sorry to hear that, but girls can be heartless and I've seen it happen all too much. Just let her know what you feel for her, if you love her which I guess you do by how much you're worrying lol. Tell her you don't want to lose her and most importantly spend as much time with her as you can without being clingy, don't say she can't see the other guy, just do things you both like and make it a special weekly thing, like every Saturday me and my bf will go to the pub. Make her your best friend as well as your girlfriend and you'll never have to worry again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But what happens if over time it become mutual and I was right all along?
    then get out now

    honestly if she doesn't have any feelings for him right now then don't worry about "what-if she does develop them"

    thinking about all the what-if's they'll drive you mad
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    What-if's are usually right though which is what worries me.
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    Why don't you speak to him? And by speak I mean speak not try and intimidate.

    In all honesty my GF has one guy friend that she is really close to, and it is in peoples nature to suspect the guy, I know this guy likes her, and I get on with him in most respects, but I still have this doubt and it can really bite at me, like it has done today. You need to trust your lady, and make the guy understand that you two are the ones in the relationship.
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    they're only right all the time if you think about all of the good AND bad possibilities

    i'm exactly like you i think about all of the what-ifs, but now when I realize it I stop myself and if it really bothers me I talk about it with the person affected and then it goes away - it's the best way to get yourself to SLOWLY stop having them all reel through your head
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    (Original post by Cocoa)
    they're only right all the time if you think about all of the good AND bad possibilities

    i'm exactly like you i think about all of the what-ifs, but now when I realize it I stop myself and if it really bothers me I talk about it with the person affected and then it goes away - it's the best way to get yourself to SLOWLY stop having them all reel through your head
    I have thought about the good and bad and it's not done much to help put my mind at rest. Talking about it just forces the bad possibilities in my face even though I've made my position on it clear a few times.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think she wants to be just friends but he wants more than that. Pretty sure it's more than him just wanting casual fun. It's all one-sided but I really don't trust him around her. Once someone tries to take things beyond friends that should be it for the friendship.
    Really? You'd lose a friend just for something like that? It seems a little harsh to me. But anyway... you might not trust him around her, that's fair enough. But more importantly, do you trust her around him? Because if you do, then there shouldn't be any problem. And if you don't.... then you have got a problem, on several levels. Do you trust her around him?
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    I'd be flattered she's picking you over her friend, and obviously has been for the last six months or more.

    It doesn't matter how little you trust the guy, you should trust your girlfriend completely to tell him where to go. And if you can't, you've got problems.
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    She's only been mates with him a few months after she met me. They seem to spend a lot of time together for two people who haven't known each other that long which is why I think what-ifs.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Keep anon or delete
    Basically I've been my current g/f for nearly 6 months and we get on great but she likes spending a lot of time with a lad mate of hers. He's really flirty with her and tried to make a move on her before but she still hangs round with him. I'm mad on her and she's mad on me but she won't stop spending time with him even though she knows how I feel about what he did and him being so forward with her. Not sure what to do because he keeps doing this and I'm worried he might succeed if he tries to make a move again.
    So why are you still with her?
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    (Original post by GazzyG)
    To those people who are saying 'you can't tell her what to do,' that's a fair point. You can't pick her friends for her.

    However, if she's not taking into account YOUR feelings about this situation, then that's pretty bad. Relationships are two-way.
    That's definitely true. However, there's also more to your life than a relationship.

    I'm not trying to be funny here (I think it's the girlfriend's job to have a talk with the flirty friend tbh; however, the op can't do anythign about that) but a friendship is a big deal. I don't know, I often talk to/meet up with my flirty exes, I'm going abroad and leaving my boyfriend behind for 3 months before going off to uni, I go to salsa classes (something that my dad always has a huge go at my mum for), I'll go out drinking with a guy....and my boyfriend's told all about it, he's ok with it, and I'm not interested in anyone else other than him.

    It's possible that the op's girlfriend is completely different to me.... but I don't think that the op can expect his girlfriend to give up a friendship for some nervousness on his part (which he acknowledges, so no blame on him there). Unless he has some behaviour on her part to found his nervousness on... how else can he justify it? Unless, of course, he doesn't trust her.... and then that's an issue all on it's own.
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    I don't expect her to give up the friendship but she could at least keep him at a distance. Instead I've been told to get over it. Apparently being kissed by someone that's not your boyfriend isn't that big a deal.
 
 
 
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