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Boyfriend subtly insulting my family watch

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    Totally agree with your BF. Catholic families are just weird.

    He has every right to insult your family - let him be.
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    (Original post by BabyGirl92)
    I can understand him being annoyed that he can only stay on yours for one or two nights if he is travelling far to come and see you. Ask him why he's being unreasonable!
    Just what I was thinking. Probably just irritated about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I told him that he couldn't stay at mine on the phone just now and he acted all surprised and then asked me why, and then started to subtly insult my family - just implying that he was better than them and that they were being rude and didn't have any manners for not letting him stay, and he also started insulting their Catholicism, saying that only 'stupid people were Catholic'. He then abruptly said goodbye and put the phone down in a really grouchy way.

    This is 'subtle'? :o:
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    If nothing else, your definition of 'subtle' suggests that an 'overt insult' would perhaps consist of firing excrement out of a cannon with 'Jesus was a ****' emblazoned on the barrel.
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    If nothing else, your definition of 'subtle' suggests that an 'overt insult' would perhaps consist of firing excrement out of a cannon with 'Jesus was a ****' emblazoned on the barrel.

    :awesome:
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    (Original post by Deanna19)
    He sounds like a spoilt brat who's not getting what he wants.
    That's what I thought as well.

    However, he might come down on reflection. Just scout the territory when you next talk.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also - I use anon to avoid him being able to see my posts on the post search - I doubt he will be scanning H+R randomly but I know he checks my post history!

    Sounds like lack of trust.
    Anyway, he either respects your wishes or ends it. Same for you. He wasn't going to be staying there all the time in the first place so its NOT your fault.
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    (Original post by lm_wfc)
    Was about to post same thing. damn you.
    Great minds. :awesome:
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    It doesn't matter whether you're a 15yr old boy or a 50yr old man - if you're dating a lady you treat her parents with respect and obey their house rules like they're the law.

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
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    Your parents are not immune to criticism simply because they are your parents. If they had a better reason than 'but we're catholics', then maybe. But they don't.
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    (Original post by GazzyG)
    It doesn't matter whether you're a 15yr old boy or a 50yr old man - if you're dating a lady you treat her parents with respect and obey their house rules like they're the law.

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
    Maybe you're old-fashioned, or maybe you just like being walked all over.

    The fact of the matter is that respect is something that has to be earned. From my point of view, nobody gets my respect based on who they are in relation to me, what their job is, what their hobbies are, what their beliefs are, or what music they like. If you give your respect out automatically to people of certain positions, then your respect is meaningless and forced.

    And in any case, the boy is not disobeying the house rules, since he is not actually going to be living in the house. He is simply criticising them, and rightly so.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the OP again - I'd just like to point out that the guy above is a troll..

    And the 'subtle' part of the insulting was more to do with the stuff about my family's manners etc rather than the Catholicism!

    Also good point Lib. I don't agree with the whole 'not letting bfs stay over' thing either, but my parents have relented and said that he can stay for one or two nights, so that isn't really an issue. It's now more the worry that he's going to be rude to them, or look down on me, when he meets them.
    tell gillian to shut his drunk white ass ghetto booty ghetto blaster ass mouth up, everyone who believes in anything is stupid and so are those who believe in nothing. seriously but...wake up, ure gettin used for free accomidation and some sessions. the guy isnt even rich.
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    wont your bf find out given he also uses this form?....you gave so many details......anyway he sounded a bit spoiled
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    (Original post by benedictxvi)
    tell gillian to shut his drunk white ass ghetto booty ghetto blaster ass mouth up, everyone who believes in anything is stupid and so are those who believe in nothing. seriously but...wake up, ure gettin used for free accomidation and some sessions. the guy isnt even rich.
    wut?
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    "and then started to subtly insult my family - just implying that he was better than them and that they were being rude and didn't have any manners for not letting him stay, and he also started insulting their Catholicism, saying that only 'stupid people were Catholic'."

    In no way could that be described as subtle.
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    Maybe you're old-fashioned, or maybe you just like being walked all over.

    The fact of the matter is that respect is something that has to be earned. From my point of view, nobody gets my respect based on who they are in relation to me, what their job is, what their hobbies are, what their beliefs are, or what music they like. If you give your respect out automatically to people of certain positions, then your respect is meaningless and forced.

    And in any case, the boy is not disobeying the house rules, since he is not actually going to be living in the house. He is simply criticising them, and rightly so.
    No - I don't like being walked all over. But I have a modicum of decency and respect that I will automatically grant people until they've proved themselves undeserving of it.

    I've found that that's got me through life pretty well and gained me a lot of loyal friends.

    I used to be pretty cynical like you, when I was young, believing the world owed me a favour; unfortunately it doesn't. And you soon learn it.

    Sounds great to talk tough and say 'my respect has got to be earned.' And to an extent it's true - but not in all situations. If you joined the army, you wouldn't disrespect your superiors out of principle that they've not earned it yet; you'd simply shut up and get the job done.

    Likewise in this situation - if you wanted to be a stubborn pillock for principle's sake, then that's cool.

    Or if you wanted a grown up and mature relationship with a girl, you would realise that their parents are part of their life and show a modicum of respect - even if you don't agree with some of their rules.

    When I very first started going out with my wife (back when I was 16) the rule was I could sleepover as much as I liked if I slept on the couch. So I did. Shortly after, they grew to respect me and I no longer had to do that.

    Called give and take - it's a grown up concept. Some situations (such as that above) demand give before take.

    The boyfriend in the above post is absolutely, 100% fully within his rights to take offense at not being allowed to stay over as much as he likes. I would never, ever contest his right to be annoyed.

    But what he needs to realise is that by throwing his toys out of the pram, like the kid I assume he is, he's not going to get anywhere. The parents are being gracious by allowing him to go over at all - he should accept that, thankfully and wait till he's allowed more.

    Sometimes you need to eat that small slice of humble pie, just to tide you over till something more substantial comes along.

    It's part of growing up.
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    That's what you get for going out with a toff.
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    (Original post by GazzyG)
    No - I don't like being walked all over. But I have a modicum of decency and respect that I will automatically grant people until they've proved themselves undeserving of it.
    Well that's an overly optimistic view of people, who are in general not a respectable lot.

    I've found that that's got me through life pretty well and gained me a lot of loyal friends.
    Good for you. My way also leads me to loyal friends, but doesn't suffer the naivity that comes with being automatically respectful of somebody based on a group they belong to.

    I used to be pretty cynical like you, when I was young, believing the world owed me a favour; unfortunately it doesn't. And you soon learn it.
    Lovely advice, but I don't see how it's applicable. Who said the world owed anybody a favour?

    Sounds great to talk tough and say 'my respect has got to be earned.' And to an extent it's true - but not in all situations. If you joined the army, you wouldn't disrespect your superiors out of principle that they've not earned it yet; you'd simply shut up and get the job done.
    When you obey commands from superiors, you don't do it out of respect. You do it out of fear of punishment, out of duty, or out of contract. Obedience does not equate to respect.

    Likewise in this situation - if you wanted to be a stubborn pillock for principle's sake, then that's cool.
    If by stubborn you mean questioning, and refusing to accept something without reason, then yes. I am stubborn. And it is for 'principle's' sake, because if we didn't have principles, how would we live?

    Or if you wanted a grown up and mature relationship with a girl, you would realise that their parents are part of their life and show a modicum of respect - even if you don't agree with some of their rules.
    I'm in a mature relationship with a girl, and have been for quite some time. I don't always agree with her parents, and I refuse to sit back and accept their viewpoint over my own on the basis that they are somehow superior. They are human beings, just like me, and have no governing power over me. In a mature relationship with a girl, the girl should realise that your principles are part of your life, and not insist that you throw them away like a used tampon for no reason whatsover, other than it being 'tradition', for the boyfriend to quiver in fear of his girl's parents.

    When I very first started going out with my wife (back when I was 16) the rule was I could sleepover as much as I liked if I slept on the couch. So I did. Shortly after, they grew to respect me and I no longer had to do that.
    Good for you. I'm glad you passed their test.

    Called give and take - it's a grown up concept. Some situations (such as that above) demand give before take.
    And giving up rationality and reason in return for some leverage is not a bargain I'll be buying into. But feel free to indulge yourself.

    The boyfriend in the above post is absolutely, 100% fully within his rights to take offense at not being allowed to stay over as much as he likes. I would never, ever contest his right to be annoyed.
    Good. What are you contesting then?

    But what he needs to realise is that by throwing his toys out of the pram, like the kid I assume he is, he's not going to get anywhere. The parents are being gracious by allowing him to go over at all - he should accept that, thankfully and wait till he's allowed more.
    Err. So when you feel like it, you call it 'the right to be annoyed', but when you want to serve your purposes, you call it 'throwing the toys out of the pram'?

    Sometimes you need to eat that small slice of humble pie, just to tide you over till something more substantial comes along.
    I will not immediately accept the notion that one human has power over me simply because he holds a certain position relative to me. Again, you can live your life like that if you want.

    It's part of growing up.
    Your demeaning 'little boy' tone holds no water with me.
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    I agree with the boyfriend.
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    Your demeaning 'little boy' tone holds no water with me.
    Why are you taking everything so personally?

    I wasn't referring to you as a 'little boy.' You seemed to have read a lot into it and taken a lot of offense.

    I'm very sorry if what I said really struck nerves with you - it was not my intention. I'm not a nasty person.

    All I was saying is that sometimes in life you will need to smooth things along to get by with little trouble.

    But if you prefer to cause wakes in the water, then that is entirely your choice and your business. I was just saying what works for me and others that I know.

    I think this is simply a case of very different life views - you like to look at everything negatively, I like to look at everything positively.

    To each his own and I wish you the very best. :beer:
 
 
 
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