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Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

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    Yes, Hopefully xD
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    yeah i am
    • #5
    #5

    I come from quite a conservative South - Asian family but I can marry who the **** I want. My parents didnt have an arranged marriage like all these ****ed up tv shows and documentaries show you.
    Ofcourse there are still nutcases around who don't allow their children to marry who they want to marry, or what ethnicity etc, but thankfully they are a minority.
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    They used to be all about arranged marriages but a recent family disaster has brought them to sense.

    As long as he's Muslim and educated, it's fine. And I'm glad. My parents ****ed up choosing my A-Levels, there is no way they will choose who I marry!!
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    (Original post by paniking_and_not_revising)
    They used to be all about arranged marriages but a recent family disaster has brought them to sense.

    As long as he's Muslim and educated, it's fine. And I'm glad. My parents ****ed up choosing my A-Levels, there is no way they will choose who I marry!!
    Why did they do this? What did they choose? And how come you didn't make your own choices for them (I'm guessing you were 16 at the time).
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    (Original post by effofex)
    Why did they do this? What did they choose? And how come you didn't make your own choices for them (I'm guessing you were 16 at the time).
    I was 16. Turned 17. Tried to change A-Levels. Couldn't since I needed their signature. So I left that college and went to a new one to start again. Now, I'm thinking of leaving this college for a different one.

    I'd gone through 3 months of my mum mostly bullying me. They wanted me to be a doctor lmao!
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    (Original post by paniking_and_not_revising)
    I was 16. Turned 17. Tried to change A-Levels. Couldn't since I needed their signature. So I left that college and went to a new one to start again. Now, I'm thinking of leaving this college for a different one.

    I'd gone through 3 months of my mum mostly bullying me. They wanted me to be a doctor lmao!
    So if they wanted you to be a doctor I'm guessing your A-Level choices would have featured biology and chemistry. Did you have alternative career ambitions or are you as yet still very undecided? Was it not possible to discuss with them A-Level choices before they decided on your behalf?

    Also, when I was choosing my AS-Levels back in 2005 I just submitted my choices to the Director of Studies and discussed it with my tutor. There was no need for 'signatures' apart from my own. How come a parental signature is required?
    • #6
    #6

    I guess go out with whoever I want as my family has lived in England for quite along time and has integrated into the society pretty well, in means of culture and tradition.
    The thing is; my family might have a small problem with me dating guys (i'm bi). I really don't know how to break it to them. Also they don't believe in arranged marriage
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    Can't believe all the people saying no.

    I know 3 asian guys well (All indian and hindu if that makes a difference ?) and when I've met their families it's been completely normal. Dad's making jokes about not getting too drunk etc. Same stuff I'd expect from my family.

    One of the guys I know well, I know because he's going out with my best friend (Blonde white girl) and she gets on amazingly well with his mother (to the point it actually annoys him). His family have never made any issue of it at all. She said she's never felt more welcomed.

    I know 3 isn't exactly a good enough percentage of the asian community but I didn't realise the people I knew were this far of what this thread appears to show as the norm
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    (Original post by effofex)
    So if they wanted you to be a doctor I'm guessing your A-Level choices would have featured biology and chemistry. Did you have alternative career ambitions or are you as yet still very undecided? Was it not possible to discuss with them A-Level choices before they decided on your behalf?

    Also, when I was choosing my AS-Levels back in 2005 I just submitted my choices to the Director of Studies and discussed it with my tutor. There was no need for 'signatures' apart from my own. How come a parental signature is required?

    BIO, CHEM, MATHS, PSYCH

    Hated the first three. Carried on with Maths.

    I wanted to be a translator or a forensic anthropologist. I wanted to take: Biology, History, Spanish, Psychology

    I think I'll be a lawyer. Although I wanna be a barrister. My parents want me to be a solicitor.

    Parents are needed to sign and come into college to drop a subject. And I wanted to drop 2 subjects and the senior tutor needs to discuss with your parents if you weren't 18. My old college had some problems with students dropping too many courses and taking on too many so parental signatures were needed to control what students were doing. It always ended up with students leaving as there weren't places on any courses left for them.
    • #7
    #7

    anon or delete please

    hi could do with some advice here people.... i met a girl 2 days ago, asian (bangladeshi) girl through a mutual friend. we clicked straight away and even on the first day we hung out with each other from about midday till 5 in the morning as we kept talking went out for a meal, ice cream etc. and i think she likes me as she kept dropping light hints and i did the same and i really like her. she has amazingly good morals, she is absolutely beautiful ( she is a model ) and everythings perfect except shes 21 turning 22 in june and im 19. now we both been trough A LOT past relationship wise so im mature for my age and she knows im mature. but i havent told her about my age yet i said i was 20 because she might not think im old enough to be her friend i dont want to start something on a lie so im going tell her about my age ... but do you think the 3 year age difference is too much or do you think id be mature enough for her ... shes only had 2 previous boy friends and she says that i understand her much more then any of them cuz ive had past experiences similar to her.. so we truly understand each other but the age difference could be too much? sorry for the rant lol
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    British Born Chinese guy, and no, my parents don't like the idea at all of marrying a person of a different native country or race. Not that i'm going to listen.
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    yes they r
    although it depends on family . i can say abt my family they wont hv any problem with it...
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    My dad would congratulate me.
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    some are some are not, same in every family.
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    Yes I very much am.

    Current gf is a gorgeous girl who happens to be white (not that I care what race she is)

    I knew my parents wouldn't have an issue with it.

    Wasn't sure about other family but I subtly implied before she met them that any snarky comments would be met by me punching someone in the face.

    The closest that it came to was one of my "aunties" saying "she looks like she should be in a magasine" which my gf took as a compliment and she later said was intended as one.

    My uncles are all impartial around their wives but as soon as they're alone with me I get the "good job she's very attractive" etc. Pervs
    My mum and gf went out for lunch last week and I didn't even find out about it until that night so that's how close they are. Too close
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    It depends on the parents, how forceful they are etc. A person came to my school (multicultural school) about parents either forcing their kids to get married or abandoning them i.e. dont treat them as their kid anymore and kick them out. While things like this can happen, there are people you can call, kind of like the child abuse hot line or something...

    Im an indian male, to be honest, my mum brought up the idea of getting an arranged marriage recently. I would NEVER accept such a thing, i choose who i would get married to and i dont care what skin colour, race, religion they are...

    I dont care much for arrange marriages, if everyones parents accept it as well as both the people getting married. then fine, get married this way.

    If everyone accepts you getting married this way..except YOU... you should have the right to tell everyone... SCREW YOU I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED...

    its just sad that there are parents/other people that will guilt you/threaten you/ pressure you to do this despite how you feel...
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    Some ppl are getting muddled. Arranged marriage is where your parents set it up, but you do get a choice, you can accept or reject....

    Arranged =/= Forced Marriage.
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    (Original post by Z_Ahmed)
    Some ppl are getting muddled. Arranged marriage is where your parents set it up, but you do get a choice, you can accept or reject....

    Arranged =/= Forced Marriage.
    Well said. :yy:
    • #8
    #8

    Technically i'm allowed to marry whoever i want, in reality it's a little different.
    It would be 'preferable' if i married another Hindu, somone with a good job and who comes from a good family.
    Sex before marriage is a huge no-no.
    Friends who are boys are very carefully vetted, and no matter what my dad will not acknowledge or be polite towards them.
 
 
 
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