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    If you don't want to wear it, then you don't. The Hijab isn't meant to be forced onto girls, the girl is meant to make her own choice for when she feels like covering up. You're parents seem to be unreasonable because you're still young and you haven't lived long enough to know whether you want to wear a hijab or not. Therefore, even if your parents are against it and you feel like you don't want to wear it. Then don't. It's your choice not your parents'.
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    (Original post by orphan_black)
    the hijab isn't a necessity in islam so just take it off tbh, it's more of a cultural thing
    I think you need to review that lol
    • #23
    #23

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please guys lets not turn this into a religious debate, I'm kinda upset right now. I just need advice on how to go about taking it off if I wanted to. Thanks.
    Can't you take it off when you're at school/uni/work? Or walking down an empty street? Lol, the suggestions I'm giving are so sneaky. However, I know people that have decided to take off their hijab and seem much happier. They took their headscarf off on the way to school and didn't put it on when they went back home - stating to their parents that it was too hot and they took it off on the way home. If your parents are considerably strict then I don't think where a situation where you want to talk to them about your decision will occur.
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    (Original post by Unorganisedaf)
    I think you need to review that lol
    yeah no it's most certainly a cultural thing.
    • #20
    #20

    (Original post by Unorganisedaf)
    I think you need to review that lol
    no he doesn't sister the koran duznt say you have to cover your hair
    • #24
    #24

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Referring to posts above, God says, if you feel one of your religious duties is becoming a burden to you, then for your sake you will be pardoned.
    In all respects, especially as you're 18 parent's should have no tight constraints on you whatsoever because its you're life that you are living and not theirs!
    Hi, as a Muslim female myself I understand that it's frustrating for to be seen as different by society and that's really hard for someone to deal with- at first. I have always had a strong faith in God and I love wearing my hijab as it makes me feel one step closer to God. All you need to do is its reconnect with God, forget anyone else; just God.

    If your hijab is becoming a burden on you then take it off but cover yourself modestly otherwise, until you are ready to put it back on. Start by reading the Quran with a clear mind and interpret it in the way your heart does; not what you hear from today's ever so patriarchal society. God will connect with you too Insha'allah.

    From what I have interpreted, it's your family that is the problem. As long as you lead a modest and faithful life, anything else shouldn't be of their concern especially since you're 18. Especially in Muslim/ Asian families, the members feel like they must have a say in everything of your life. I know how that feels. I'm afraid that, with experience, I can tell you that the only way to stop that is to block it out.

    Because the only person you can change is yourself.

    You are not doing anything wrong, trust me. You are just following a religion that you don't understand and believe in fully. So learn to understand it your way.

    Please don't feel depressed, that's the way the devil is distancing you from Islam. And remember, Islam is the religion that first gave women the most rights out of all of them.
    And you're only 18 so you have such a long life ahead of you...don't waste your youth.

    My favourite line of the Quran- 'Verily, with every hardship comes ease' 94:5

    Good Luck and inshallah you will see nothing but happiness in your life.

    Ass salaam mu alaikum,

    Your Muslim sister somewhere in the world.
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    Firstly, depression is something that happens to many people and it can be extremely hard. In fact, our prophet (peace be upon him) actually went through a year of depression after loosing so much, but he still kept his trust in God. It's a test from God and if you look at life's problems this way, things become a lot easier. God tests the ones he loves.

    Secondly, your hijab. I think the main problem here, correct me if I'm wrong, is that people these days have lost the symbol and the purpose of the hijab. Hijab is to get people to judge you by your intellectual ability and personality rather than your physical appearance or sexuality. That's not to say hijab is there to make you look ugly; God loves beauty but surely inner beauty is a lot more valuable than outer beauty. Hijab serves many purposes other than that and if you want an in depth answer, there are many YouTube videos and articles on it. The hijab is beautiful and has so much meaning to it.

    You quotes from the Quran are the word of God, but keep in mind that the English translation can be misleading sometimes. For example, in reference to the quote that climes men can "beat" their wives. That's incorrect as the Arabic word that translated to that also has many other meanings. Look into it and I'm are you'll find an answer your happy with. If it makes it any better, men are not allowed to create a scratch, a bruise, a bump, cause the skin to go red, etc. to women. Men are also not allowed to take advantage of vulnerabilities, whether it's their wife's vulnerability or their children's.

    The answers to your questions and doubts can be found all over the Internet. It's great that your questioning things and not just following blindly. God asks for his people to seek as much knowledge as they can so don't be afraid to ask. Have trust in our creator, pray and read as much as you can.

    "With every hardship there is ease."

    If you have any questions I'll try my best to answer :)
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    (Original post by Cobalt_)
    Because the argument every athesist has for god not existing is simply "we cant see him"

    What a terrible argument.

    Unsure why you're trying to start a "debate" anyway, if you cant provide useful advice to the OP you're just wasting your time here.
    I am pretty sure that isn't their only argument. I mostly see them talking about lack of evidence. Which is actually a pretty reasonable argument all things considered.
    • #25
    #25

    Dear poster, there is a really interesting speech by Dr Shirin Ebadi on women's rights in Islam. It may help you.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPkpzb03l08

    Amongst other things she says that families, society and government do not have the right to force you to comply to something which is essentially down to an expression your (private) relationship with god (if you believe in one).

    I am really astounded and moved by your post. I think you are brave and incredibly reflective and I sincerely wish for the entire world that more women would question these issues as you are doing.

    As a graduate of Religious History, it is my opinion that there is an inherent difficulty with reading the Qur'an in a way that divorces it of its context (with or without Hadith and Sunna of the prophet), in other words to see it as God's unchanging and final word to humanity.

    In terms of its content it is clear to me that it was written by human hand (by a particular person with a particular agenda, i.e. the founding of a new civil society) in a time and place and culture for a particular group of people (of the 7th Century Arabian peninsula). The claim to "God's word" is a political maneuver to secure a following by claiming absolute authority (God says so, so it must be right). This claim to be acting out the will of God is still to this day made by fundamentalist groups (including Christian and Jewish) the world over. It is a very dangerous one.

    The difficulty lies in trying to bend or modify the contents of the Qur'an and Hadith to suit the current situation, e.g. "It's not so bad...it says elsewhere in the scripture that a woman should be hit respectfully so that no marks are made". I find this extremely problematic for obvious reasons.

    Apart from (as mentioned above) that it does not challenge, but legitimises what is written in the Qur'an as something we have to accept (a "test" from God) without question. How can hitting be in any way acting out of a sense of equal status and equal personal value in a relationship? How can it be in any way acceptable for women to "accept" a status as second rate, subordinate humans?

    Listen to your heart! Listen to nature!! God gave you eyes, feelings, thought and - in your case - a healthy sense of justice!! Isn't that more valuable and more true than a book or law written by anyone, Angel or man??!!!

    There are many voices even within the islamic tradition that are more progressive (e.g. Shirin Ebadi, but also others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_feminism). They are worth listening to.

    I wish you the best of courage in your journey. Be brave, do the right thing.

    Alex
    • #25
    #25

    Dear poster,

    I think you are incredibly brave. I also think you are doing the right thing by questioning the pressure your family outs on you. Do not be afraid to follow your heart. Take courage! You may find that though some people will close their doors to you, but others will open (you are never alone on this planet). You are carried by destiny and if your heart is good, your life will follow.

    I sincerely wish for the world that there were more people like you who have the courage to critically question their own thinking and behaviours, all of which we of course lean during the course of our socialisation and upbringing.

    If you have the courage to really act on what is in your heart, you will set a precedent for many other women. Don't forget that 100 years ago, women went as far to throw themselves under horses merely to get the right to vote. Take courage!

    I know I should keep the religious debate to a minimum but I think it most important for humanity that more people approach their faiths critically.

    I think there is an inherent problem with seeing any given text as the final and unchanging word of God. This claim is a political maneuvre to justify given actions (in this case, the subordination of women).

    In other words, I think it is a problem to see the Qur'an as anything other than a text orally transmitted by a particular person with a particular agenda (Mohammed/the founding of a new civil society and the expansion thereof) and subsequently written by human hand, in a specific time, in a specific place (7th C/Arabian peninsula).

    Fundamentalist groups (including Christian and Jewish) make exactly the same claim in their justification of even extreme atrocities, by saying they are putting God's will into action! (Qur'an 8:12 "I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieved, so strike (them) upon the necks and strike from them every fingertip" - see atrocities in Kobane/Nigeria to name but a few).

    To try and modify this problem by saying that women should only be hit respectfully so there are no marks made is laughable and sidesteps the inherent problem of male dominance over women in private relationships, as well as in the public sphere, which is justified in Qur'anic terms.

    I see the erosion of women's rights as a growing threat the world over, and not just in islamic cultures.

    Listen to your heart. Listen to nature. God (if you believe in him) gave you eyes, ears, thought and - in your case - a great sense of justice. Follow your heart. Is not your heart more true and believable than any book written by men or angels?

    Remember: no one - neither friends, family, society or religious authorities - has the right to force you to do something that is essentially a matter between you and God (if you believe in him).

    There is also a speech by Iranian Nobel prize winner Dr Shirin Ebadi who was banned from practising her job as Judge and was demoted to secretary by the patriarchal regime of her country that I would like to share with you. It is long, but worth hearing her discuss these issues:

    https://www.odi.org/events/4181-girl...-fragile-world

    and there are many other women out there who are working for women's rights in Islam:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_feminism

    Take courage - be brave. I wish you all the best.

    Alex
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    Dear poster. Please watch this. It is a key note speech about women's rights in Islam by Nobel prize winner Dr Shirin Ebadi. It may help you.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPkpzb03l08
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    hi there my name is Aliyah and I wear a hijab. I am 13 years old . I feel the same way as you do and want to take my hijab off and I've been wearing it for nearly a year and just yesterday I told my dad I didn't want to wear it and he was really angry and I did umarah and he said you cant take it off but I really don't like wearing it .what should I do?
    my mum is white and my dad is Muslim so I don't know what to do because he says you have to wear it and my mum says you don't .I get really upset cause I don't know what to do and he's forcing me to wear it ,I only agreed to wear it because in primary 7 he said to wear it but I said no first year and then I didn't want to wear it in first year so I said second year because I was trying to delay it but I really need help plez plez feel depressed all the time even when I go out .HELP PLEZ!!
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    (Original post by Aliyah2016x)
    hi there my name is Aliyah and I wear a hijab. I am 13 years old . I feel the same way as you do and want to take my hijab off and I've been wearing it for nearly a year and just yesterday I told my dad I didn't want to wear it and he was really angry and I did umarah and he said you cant take it off but I really don't like wearing it .what should I do?
    my mum is white and my dad is Muslim so I don't know what to do because he says you have to wear it and my mum says you don't .I get really upset cause I don't know what to do and he's forcing me to wear it ,I only agreed to wear it because in primary 7 he said to wear it but I said no first year and then I didn't want to wear it in first year so I said second year because I was trying to delay it but I really need help plez plez feel depressed all the time even when I go out .HELP PLEZ!!
    Can't you take it off when you go out or go to school? Because your dad isn't there, is he?
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Can't you take it off when you go out or go to school? Because your dad isn't there, is he?
    Not something to be asking a 13 year old, is it Planta? :hand:

    Are you ready to confess?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    NB: its normally not just dads, it's also sometimes whole community around oneself. I don't think living a "double life" is a good way forward, the best thing imo is to talk her mum if she feels very uncomfortable and get her to explain to her dad.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by Aliyah2016x)
    hi there my name is Aliyah and I wear a hijab. I am 13 years old . I feel the same way as you do and want to take my hijab off and I've been wearing it for nearly a year and just yesterday I told my dad I didn't want to wear it and he was really angry and I did umarah and he said you cant take it off but I really don't like wearing it .what should I do?
    my mum is white and my dad is Muslim so I don't know what to do because he says you have to wear it and my mum says you don't .I get really upset cause I don't know what to do and he's forcing me to wear it ,I only agreed to wear it because in primary 7 he said to wear it but I said no first year and then I didn't want to wear it in first year so I said second year because I was trying to delay it but I really need help plez plez feel depressed all the time even when I go out .HELP PLEZ!!
    Tell him that there is no compulsion in Islam.
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    he wont listen
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    no I cant take it off when I go to school because we live right across the road from my school and the teachers would tell him
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    [QUOTE=chemting;65095357]Not something to be asking a 13 year old, is it Planta? :hand:

    Are you ready to confess?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    NB: its normally not just dads, it's also sometimes whole community around oneself. I don't think living a "double life" is a good way forward, the best thing imo is to talk her mum if she feels very uncomfortable and get her to explain to her dad.

    my mum tried to explain to my dad but he wont listen .its fine to say it to me honestly
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    [QUOTE=chemting;65095357]Not something to be asking a 13 year old, is it Planta? :hand:

    Are you ready to confess?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    NB: its normally not just dads, it's also sometimes whole community around oneself. I don't think living a "double life" is a good way forward, the best thing imo is to talk her mum if she feels very uncomfortable and get her to explain to her dad.
    I would take it off but he can see me so
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    Hi guys just to say thanks for the support I am now free from the hijab.xx
 
 
 
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