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    (Original post by iEthan)
    Afternoon folks :grouphugs:

    Feeling positive today! How are we all?
    A bit better :hugs: Glad you're feeling positive!
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    A bit better :hugs: Glad you're feeling positive!
    :hugs: glad to hear that lovely :closedeyes:
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    #67

    Today brings some many good memories that hurts to remember them. :/
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    It's time for one of my usual interpretation points, I was thinking back that even when I started getting heavily depressed (12 years ago now) I still coped to the point I could still enjoy things like reading, playing video games, even going for a drink at pub I just wasn't pulsing/excited/full of energy when doing so in fact I still wanted my weekly night out and going without it made me feel miserable, or if I was bored as didn't go out of house that day or was skint I may find some pennies and go to 24 hour supermarket.

    Now I have plenty of money (well I get ESA and DLA so rather than have £40 a week JSA and pay bills on top I get £142 and no bills to pay) I will be very thrifty only because I have cupboards of food, and freezer of food even though I know going out of the house is good for me the other part of brain is saying I don't need to.

    So I am stuck in the middle, also if I do go out think of it like an addiction where someone who has gone cold turkey suddenly is surrounded by what they can't have so goes back to it, not in the sense I am saying addiction in the sense I am saying I am addicted to shopping but that as I put off everything be it shopping, even going for a walk, or even as simple as a night out when I do so I am into the routine when the best thing is having it in small regular does when I don't bottle it up so crave it when I don't have it.

    Its why also I eat take outs, I can go days or a week or more without one then buy a big one, then find I am eating take out every day for like a week, till one day I may just not have cash in wallet to get one so I eat home cooking for a few days and think "why was I even craving take aways"

    Sorry wanted to get this out there and wanted some feedback on it.
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    Things that don't help in psychosis: being alone in the house on fireworks night and the police showing up at your door unexpectedly (someone had stolen a motorbike on our road)
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    It's time for one of my usual interpretation points, I was thinking back that even when I started getting heavily depressed (12 years ago now) I still coped to the point I could still enjoy things like reading, playing video games, even going for a drink at pub I just wasn't pulsing/excited/full of energy when doing so in fact I still wanted my weekly night out and going without it made me feel miserable, or if I was bored as didn't go out of house that day or was skint I may find some pennies and go to 24 hour supermarket.

    Now I have plenty of money (well I get ESA and DLA so rather than have £40 a week JSA and pay bills on top I get £142 and no bills to pay) I will be very thrifty only because I have cupboards of food, and freezer of food even though I know going out of the house is good for me the other part of brain is saying I don't need to.

    So I am stuck in the middle, also if I do go out think of it like an addiction where someone who has gone cold turkey suddenly is surrounded by what they can't have so goes back to it, not in the sense I am saying addiction in the sense I am saying I am addicted to shopping but that as I put off everything be it shopping, even going for a walk, or even as simple as a night out when I do so I am into the routine when the best thing is having it in small regular does when I don't bottle it up so crave it when I don't have it.

    Its why also I eat take outs, I can go days or a week or more without one then buy a big one, then find I am eating take out every day for like a week, till one day I may just not have cash in wallet to get one so I eat home cooking for a few days and think "why was I even craving take aways"

    Sorry wanted to get this out there and wanted some feedback on it.
    Spoilered, as discussion of food habits

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    I've no advice on the stopping buying takeaways thing, as I have the same problem. I think last week (or maybe the week before) I had 3 takeaway meals in 6 days :facepalm: If anyone else has advice for both of us, I guess that would be a good thing


    Regarding going out, I do think building it up slowly and steadily might be a good idea. It's important to have a change of scene every now and then and to get some fresh air, yada yada... So like, if you have a garden or a patio/verandah, that might be a good place to start: just spending 15 mins out there every day. If it were summer, I'd say build it up even more if you can, but it's too cold and ain't nobody got time for that

    Don't dismiss or give up on the idea of going out every now and then altogether: it's healthy to go out and it's OK to spend a bit of money once in a while
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Such a **** night

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    Well me and Callan were over at my mum's to watch a horror, have some drinks and watch still game and garry (stepdad) picked us up and was going to drop us back off at night
    So he picks us up and everything is fine, laughing and joking in the car and when we get to my mums, we were about to have dinner and we usually eat it on the couch and garry said really nasty to Callan that he had to either eat it in the livingroom or kitchen because the way Callan eats is disgusting and he said it nasty, not joking and my mum stepped in and said Callan could eat anywhere and I tried to diffuse it by saying "c'mon this is stupid to be arguing over" and then he full on roared at me and I said "you've got a cheek to say Callan disgusts you with the way he eats when you smoke right in front of us and that's ****ing disgusting" and then he went right into my face and I mean right in my face and full on roared at me and then I said **** back. I've never been spoken to like that in my life not even by bullies. The hate in his voice was horrendous and he's been a **** to me in the past but that was the last straw. It happened totally out the blue and he started roaring at me before I said what I said to him since I wanted to keep things cool but I wasn't having him roaring at me or saying **** about Callan.

    The funny thing is, he said Callan disgusts him yet he was smoking in the kitchen at the time and offered Callan to eat in the kitchen while he was standing there so Callan can't bloody disgust him that much. It's like he was just looking for a fight but it literally went from 0 to 100 in an instant




    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Oh gosh that sounds awful hun. So sorry. Fights like that really distress me, so I feel for you :sadnod: :console: :jumphug:

    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    thoughts, may be triggering
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    I keep thinking that my doctor is trying to trick me and has given me a placebo instead of amitriptyline and I don't know who to trust, but I can't exactly go back and say 'I think you've given me a placebo but don't take it off me just in case it's not a placebo because even if it is it won't do harm and if it isn't then I want it to help me'. I've started having other weird thoughts as well like when I wear socks to go out, they have to be odd and noticeably different otherwise I'll have an awful day and something bad will happen and idek I had that for about 4 or 5 years before and managed to get rid of it after I started college the first time but it's back




    Regarding the paranoia about meds, try and evidence-test. By this, I mean, what is the empirical, impartial evidence that your doc is doing what you're thinking s/he is doing? :hugs:

    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Been trying to stabilise and not getting anywhere fast. If anything new alters are trying to push through. I've not been a 10 year old before.

    Safeguarding came to nothing and im an adult so if I wanna do something I have to ring police myself. I don't so it was all a big waste of time.

    Therapy has since got much more pressure on trying to talk about
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    sexual abuse by dad. Ive been getting flooded with memories and body sensations. Not that anything makes any more sense. Been switching alters all over the place.



    Doubt I will pass this semester. Basically failed uni what a disastrous and costly experiment this has been. I feel worthless and disgusting. I hate knowing what I know now. I'm tainted
    Huge hugs hun. Sounds incredibly difficult You're not worthless or disgusting or tainted though, promise you :jumphug:

    Btw, just so you know, therapist is pretty sure I don't have DID by the looks of it :nah:


    (Original post by iEthan)
    Afternoon folks :grouphugs:

    Feeling positive today! How are we all?
    :sexface:

    I mean, :wavey:

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    Please help me.

    I stopped going to CBT a few weeks ago and I stopped taking my meds because I had a bad reaction to them and still haven't booked a follow-up appointment to be prescribed new ones - everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to reach out again to get help, the feelings involved are as complicated for me rn as they were when I first sought help. I mainly feel frustrated with myself and guilty for wasting precious mental health resources and really don't want to waste any more.

    My parents think I'm doing really well atm because I seem really productive and relaxed and happy but
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    for some reason I'm really struggling to manage my emotions and I keep obsessively thinking about ending my life. I have no one to talk to about these suicidal feelings and I'm not sure what to do next. I've tried 7 cups but it wasn't very helpful and the samaritan's helpline is always busy.
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Oh gosh that sounds awful hun. So sorry. Fights like that really distress me, so I feel for you :sadnod: :console: :jumphug:

    Thanks deary :hugs: feeling a lot better about it today. He's burnt his bridges with me though and I can't afford keep toxic people in my life. Me and my mum are fine and she totally understands that I want nothing more to do with him so that is all that matters :yep:
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    (Original post by nverjvlev)
    Please help me.

    I stopped going to CBT a few weeks ago and I stopped taking my meds because I had a bad reaction to them and still haven't booked a follow-up appointment to be prescribed new ones - everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to reach out again to get help, the feelings involved are as complicated for me rn as they were when I first sought help. I mainly feel frustrated with myself and guilty for wasting precious mental health resources and really don't want to waste any more.

    My parents think I'm doing really well atm because I seem really productive and relaxed and happy but
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    for some reason I'm really struggling to manage my emotions and I keep obsessively thinking about ending my life. I have no one to talk to about these suicidal feelings and I'm not sure what to do next. I've tried 7 cups but it wasn't very helpful and the samaritan's helpline is always busy.
    How do you mean had a bad reavtion? What meds have you been on?

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    (Original post by nverjvlev)
    Please help me.

    I stopped going to CBT a few weeks ago and I stopped taking my meds because I had a bad reaction to them and still haven't booked a follow-up appointment to be prescribed new ones - everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to reach out again to get help, the feelings involved are as complicated for me rn as they were when I first sought help. I mainly feel frustrated with myself and guilty for wasting precious mental health resources and really don't want to waste any more.

    My parents think I'm doing really well atm because I seem really productive and relaxed and happy but
    Spoiler:
    Show
    for some reason I'm really struggling to manage my emotions and I keep obsessively thinking about ending my life. I have no one to talk to about
    Spoiler:
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    these suicidal feelings

    and I'm not sure what to do next. I've tried 7 cups but it wasn't very helpful and the samaritan's helpline is always busy.
    Sorry, I feel I ought to know this but I have a memory like a goldfish: why did your stop going to CBT? And does your team know you stopped your meds? Did you get their permission to do so?

    Do you have a crisis number you can ring over the weekend if you need to? If not, in the worst case scenario, ring 999 and/or get yourself to A&E if needed. Then, first thing Monday morning, you need to get an emergency appointment with GP and tell them what's going on. Or if you're under hospital outpatient care, ring your hospital and ask for an emergency appointment with the duty nurse :sadnod:

    Hang on in there :hugs:
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    Indieboohoo1 thanks. I do feel equally to blame. I made choices and I wasn't forced to do anything.

    I dunno what's gonna happen with uni my personal tutor is bit difficult to get ahold of but hopefully this week we will meet up

    The_Lonely_Goatherd thanks. How do you feel about not being DID? You put smiley face but wanted to check 🙂

    I'm just colouring and trying to connect somehow to this stuff. Hate how much is just context changing. Like I knew all along and just never put the most obvious connection together.
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    I'm so stupid. I'm so ****ing stupid.
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    (Original post by Midnightmemories)
    I'm so stupid. I'm so ****ing stupid.
    What's wrong? :console:
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    (Original post by Indieboohoo1)
    Has anyone suffered from sleep paralysis before I read about it and it happens to me about 3 times a month. It's a bit freaky.
    I've had it a number of times.

    The last few times for me were terrifying. I could "hear" my wife and parents talking as if I was in a coma but I couldn't move, open my eyes, or otherwise let them know that I was aware. I think that sleep paralysis is the scariest thing I've ever been through.

    I found that it seems to happen more if I fall asleep on my back. If I lie on my left side then it's not as frequent.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)

    The_Lonely_Goatherd thanks. How do you feel about not being DID? You put smiley face but wanted to check 🙂

    I'm just colouring and trying to connect somehow to this stuff. Hate how much is just context changing. Like I knew all along and just never put the most obvious connection together.
    I'm a bit mixed atm. Like if it's not DID then I literally haven't a clue what's going on. Which terrifies me tbh. I hate lack of control and not knowing things

    Try not to be too hard on yourself. Sometimes the most obvious connections are the hardest ones to make :sadnod:

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    Just managed to get myself a doctor's appointment first thing Thursday morning. It's early as anything, but it's the first of the day so at least I won't be having to wait in a busy waiting room for long because that really stresses me out - not the waiting, just all the people. Would've considered an urgent appointment for Monday, but I wouldn't be able to choose the doctor and I really don't want to have to see anyone else. I don't know how I'm going to get through college though. My classmates are going to hate me and I can't even think about having more days off because of my tutor. Looks like I'm forcing myself in. No clue what I'm going to do about one of my assignments. Only one I'm behind on, but I just can't get my head to work for long enough to sit and write 3000-4000 words.
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    I hate anxiety. My insides are constantly on edge right now and I just can't relax. I just want to scream "whatever bad thing is going to happen, just bloody happen now and get it over with". Hate the anxiety build up, can last days, weeks or months for me, whether I have something to be genuinely anxious about or not :cry2:

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    • #21
    #21

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry, I feel I ought to know this but I have a memory like a goldfish: why did your stop going to CBT? And does your team know you stopped your meds? Did you get their permission to do so?

    Do you have a crisis number you can ring over the weekend if you need to? If not, in the worst case scenario, ring 999 and/or get yourself to A&E if needed. Then, first thing Monday morning, you need to get an emergency appointment with GP and tell them what's going on. Or if you're under hospital outpatient care, ring your hospital and ask for an emergency appointment with the duty nurse :sadnod:

    Hang on in there :hugs:
    It's okay, I don't think I posted about it here. It made me feel helpless that I knew all these tricks from CBT but hadn't been using any of them, I just couldn't motivate myself to go. Now I'm too embarrassed to call and explain, I feel like I've let everyone down. I didn't tell the doctor I stopped taking the meds but it made the thoughts about suicide and self-harm much worse and that scared me, plus I got these awful headaches which made me feel overwhelmed and angry.

    I don't have a crisis number - I'm worried about my parents finding out that I'm struggling with this. Maybe I should phone the GP on monday, but I'm really behind on my college work because I keep missing lessons and I don't want to have the pressure of more catching up to do.

    Thanks for replying I don't really have any close friends who I can open up to about this stuff anymore
 
 
 
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