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Had an abortion - boyfriend found out! watch

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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Why have sex with someone who scares the hell out of you?

    She could have won. She could have stopped all of this before it even had a chance to start. They went 5 years on and off. If she didn't want to be with him, she should have done something about it. All of the restraining order/change the locks/go to the police stuff that you are suggesting now should have been done then.

    Instead, she kept sleeping with him and meandered her way into a stupid situation of her own creation.

    If i was scared of someone, i would never find them in my bed. Simple as.
    Read:

    Where did this whole 'just for sex' thing come from? There's nothing in her post to suggest that she 'used him for sex'. There's nothing to suggest it was even her that initiated the sex. There's nothing to suggest she even enjoyed the sex they had together. There's nothing whatsoever to suggest what kind of sexual relationship they had together, so why are you making preposterous assumptions and treating them as fact?

    It's quite easy to imagine why she might have gone back to him so many times. We don't know how old she is, but we can assume she's somewhere in the range of 16-23 based on the fact that she's posting here. Many girls of that age can be very easy to manipulate. It's not hard to imagine a situation where he would do something abusive (like tie her to the bed), she would dump him, and then a few weeks later he would come crawling back telling her how much he loves her, how he needs her, how he will never ever do anything bad ever again, and plying her with expensive gifts. Of course she would feel guilty and get back with him.

    I'm not saying this is what happened, I am just making assumptions (kind of like what you are doing), but this is an EXTREMELY common dynamic to play out in abusive relationships, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

    Your theory that the only reason she could have gone back to him is to 'use him for sex' is utterly absurd and I cannot take you seriously.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Please quote where she says she 'isn't that into him'. She clearly says that she loves him, but has problems with commitment and fears of abandonment.

    There's nothing to suggest that she's using him for sex. How does getting an abortion indicate that she was using him for sex?! :rofl: Call me crazy, but to me, that indicates that she didn't want to have a baby at that time.
    How does getting an abortion indicate that she was not using him for sex?
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Read:

    Where did this whole 'just for sex' thing come from? There's nothing in her post to suggest that she 'used him for sex'. There's nothing to suggest it was even her that initiated the sex. There's nothing to suggest she even enjoyed the sex they had together. There's nothing whatsoever to suggest what kind of sexual relationship they had together, so why are you making preposterous assumptions and treating them as fact?

    It's quite easy to imagine why she might have gone back to him so many times. We don't know how old she is, but we can assume she's somewhere in the range of 16-23 based on the fact that she's posting here. Many girls of that age can be very easy to manipulate. It's not hard to imagine a situation where he would do something abusive (like tie her to the bed), she would dump him, and then a few weeks later he would come crawling back telling her how much he loves her, how he needs her, how he will never ever do anything bad ever again, and plying her with expensive gifts. Of course she would feel guilty and get back with him.

    I'm not saying this is what happened, I am just making assumptions (kind of like what you are doing), but this is an EXTREMELY common dynamic to play out in abusive relationships, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

    Your theory that the only reason she could have gone back to him is to 'use him for sex' is utterly absurd and I cannot take you seriously.
    Thanks for that long ranty post. I think you will find that i never suggested that she was using him for sex. My point was that if she was so afraid, she should not have had sex with him.

    Your inability to recognise what my theory actually is means that i cannot take you seriously.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    fixed.
    Poor attempt, doesn't change anything at all.

    Nobody has a 'right' to know what surgery their ex-girlfriend has had.

    Even if they did, her right to physical safety trumps that right.

    Hmm... what's worse, being physically abused - or possibly worse - or not knowing that your sperm fertilised an egg that will never become a person.

    I know what I'd rather.
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    You killed his baby, fool.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    thats true he might he might not but lets face it theres more likelyhood of him not letting her go, weve all read the stories tbf
    Its more likely? How did you work that out? We've all read the stories because they are sensational, the kind of sensationalism that papers like the Daily Fail eats for breakfast.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Thanks for that long ranty post. I think you will find that i never suggested that she was using him for sex. My point was that if she was so afraid, she should not have had sex with him.

    Your inability to recognise what my theory actually is means that i cannot take you seriously.
    If you knew anything about abusive relationships, you would know that it's not as easy as saying, 'I'm scared that you'll hurt me, so if you don't mind, I'm going to abstain from having sex with you on this occasion.' :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Poor attempt, doesn't change anything at all.

    Nobody has a 'right' to know what surgery their ex-girlfriend has had.

    Even if they did, her right to physical safety trumps that right.

    Hmm... what's worse, being physically abused - or possibly worse - or not knowing that your sperm fertilised an egg that will never become a person.

    I know what I'd rather.
    Wow, incredible. You are calling the termination of a baby "surgery" now.

    An appendectomy is surgery. Killing a foetus is not comparable.

    Whats worse, physical pain or death? Hmm, let me think about that one for a minute...
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    How does getting an abortion indicate that she was not using him for sex?
    Wtf are you talking about? You've totally lost me.

    There's nothing in her post to indicate that she was/wasn't using him for sex. Nothing at all. This whole strand of conversation has come up as a figment of someone's imagination, that's all.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Its more likely? How did you work that out? We've all read the stories because they are sensational, the kind of sensationalism that papers like the Daily Fail eats for breakfast.


    you ever heard of a abusive man or woman letting their partner go their separate ways? thought not

    they are abusive, thuggish, phycos, yeah i really think they are going to say 'ok darling you go off and have a nice life without me' LOL no they like/want/need to be in control so they are hardly likely to let their partner go without a fight
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    If you knew anything about abusive relationships, you would know that it's not as easy as saying, 'I'm scared that you'll hurt me, so if you don't mind, I'm going to abstain from having sex with you on this occasion.' :rolleyes:
    Well you're the expert who seems to have all the answers as to how the OP could get out of her abusive relationship. In fact, as i remember, you were the very first poster to offer up your advice.

    Mind telling me why all of this amazing advice wouldn't have worked prior to her pregnancy?
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Wow, incredible. You are calling the termination of a baby "surgery" now.

    An appendectomy is surgery. Killing a foetus is not comparable.

    Whats worse, physical pain or death? Hmm, let me think about that one for a minute...
    2. any of various surgical methods for terminating a pregnancy, esp. during the first six months.

    It is what it is.

    Or maybe she didn't have surgery, maybe she took a pill. In that case, nobody has a right to know what pills their ex-girlfriend has taken. Same thing.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    you ever heard of a abusive man or woman letting their partner go their separate ways? thought not
    No i havn't. You know why? Because this is not news. It would not be reported on the news or in newspapers. Because of this, i have never heard of it happening.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Well you're the expert who seems to have all the answers as to how the OP could get out of her abusive relationship. In fact, as i remember, you were the very first poster to offer up your advice.

    Mind telling me why all of this amazing advice wouldn't have worked prior to her pregnancy?
    I haven't offered any advice as to 'how to get out of an abusive relationship'. What are you smoking?
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    2. any of various surgical methods for terminating a pregnancy, esp. during the first six months.

    It is what it is.

    Or maybe she didn't have surgery, maybe she took a pill. In that case, nobody has a right to know what pills their ex-girlfriend has taken. Same thing.
    I know its a surgical procedure, you're missing my point. You're talking about it as if it is comparable to any other routine surgery.

    Its not.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    I haven't offered any advice as to 'how to get out of an abusive relationship'. What are you smoking?
    I'm smoking a nice fat wad of clarity, mixed up with some of the finest cut of Cuban common sense. It's seriously good ****, you should try it. Here is your original post, post number 2.

    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Change your locks and get a restraining order. Why didn't you call the police during the few hours you locked yourself in your room and he was screaming and trying to break down your door?

    Why is he your 'boyfriend' in the title and your 'ex' in the post?
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    I know its a surgical procedure, you're missing my point. You're talking about it as if it is comparable to any other routine surgery.

    Its not.
    It doesn't matter if you don't think it's comparable to other surgeries, it's still a surgery, and nobody has a 'right' to know about other people's medical histories without their consent. It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. It is up to the individual to choose what they want to share with others. In this case, she was afraid that sharing this information would lead to her being physically harmed... so obviously she didn't. Who would?
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    (Original post by Elipsis)
    As we have seen from the OP, it was the OP who had the final decision to have the abortion, not him. Therefore she is the one who has to put more thought into the consequences of her actions. Why have sex with someone who you know is prochoice, then come on a forum ranting about how he reacted when you told him you'd killed his baby?
    I might need to re-read the original post, but why are you assuming his anger results from his moral/political standpoint on abortion? That wouldn't be my first conclusion. Based on what else the OP shared, his reaction could just as much be a result of his controlling and possessive attitude towards his ex-girlfriend. Pure anger and jealousy that she made a decision without consulting him.

    Neither of us know these people. Why are you so quick to characterise her as a "whore" (what has she done that he hasn't? Other than have an abortion, which you are personally opposed to) and him the aggrieved boyfriend?
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    It doesn't matter if you don't think it's comparable to other surgeries, it's still a surgery, and nobody has a 'right' to know about other people's medical histories without their consent. It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. It is up to the individual to choose what they want to share with others. In this case, she was afraid that sharing this information would lead to her being physically harmed... so obviously she didn't. Who would?
    Its not the same.

    Any other procedure involves the woman and the woman alone. An abortion involves her and the man, as part of what is removed is the man's genetic material. No-one has a legal right to this information, but the man has a moral right to it.
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    I think you're missing the point. I don't condone his actions, and he is to blame. However, the woman is not a blameless victim here. She created a situation where the guy would be placed in severe emotional termoil - a place where it would be very difficult for him to keep control of himself. He should still be expected to regain control, but i hardly blame him for not being able to.

    I don't think she's missing the point. I am only ever responsible for my own actions and never anyone else's. Of course he's to blame. He needs to learn some self-control.
 
 
 
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