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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    At the same time I've had a bad experience with the college counsellor. She was patronising, rude, condescending, told me how I should dress and how I should think.
    Well obviously it's your decision but it's worth bearing in mind that different counsellors have different training and different approaches, so this time round it might be more helpful. You'll never know unless you try

    The psychiatrist I saw in Oxford was awful: looking back, he's really lucky I didn't punch him My psychiatrist here in London is very different: much more open-minded and concerned, even if he has no idea what he's doing with me!
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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    At the same time I've had a bad experience with the counsellor at my old sixth form. She was patronising, rude, condescending, told me how I should dress and how I should think. Makes me uncertain about counsellors in general.
    Counselling is great. You can open up. Though I keep wanting to hang onto this dark emotions and I don't know why. I don't want to open up; I want this darkness to corrupt me and I don't know why...
    • #46
    #46

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've suffered from pretty severe OCD for five years now; it crushed myself confidence and made me a pretty messed up individual.

    Only now am I kind of coming to terms with the fact that I really do need help (taken long enough)..and I'm so tired of having to pretend everything's okay- I daren't moan about it incase I annoy people.

    My parents still don't know but I hate to admit I can't help but feel ashamed and embarassed even though I know I shouldn't.

    Anyway, I'm interested in how people handle it whether it's yourself or someone you know.

    I think that there should be more of an emphasis on recognising mental illnesses because in my experience nobody really talks about them because they're kind of invisible if you get what I mean and my parents have often just labelled me as a 'hormonal' teenager :/
    Hey
    I hear you, totally agree with what you say about there being little emphasis on recognising mental illness. The whole taboo thing doesn't help people speak up about it, it does make you feel an oddity, or judged. While I don't suffer from OCD, I've lived with other mental illnesses for 9 years & it's taken me most of those to realise it needs sorting & there is a way out. So I know how you feel when you say you're ashamed/embarassed, but trust me there is nothing to be embarassed about, you are not alone & it is not something you should have to feel shame about, it's a reaction not a characteristic of you. For years I didn't do anything about mine because it served as a sort of block for things I didn't want to think about, a coping mechanism; in that way these behaviours that characterise mental illnesses can seem attractive at the time in a way because it seems better than just sitting & thinking. But remember, if you can't imagine coping without it or being happy again right now, that's just because you haven't experienced being free & happy without being plagued by it for a while, so it's just not in your imagination. You can get rid of this with the right mindset & good support. Being honest can be stressful, as people can react negatively or not be as supportive, but SOMEONE will support you & you need & deserve that support, to free yourself for the rest of your life.
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    (Original post by Asiko)
    Counselling is great. You can open up. Though I keep wanting to hang onto this dark emotions and I don't know why. I don't want to open up; I want this darkness to corrupt me and I don't know why...
    Sometimes there's something strangely comforting and safe about darkness :yes:

    In any case, as Marianne Williamson said:

    ""Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Well obviously it's your decision but it's worth bearing in mind that different counsellors have different training and different approaches, so this time round it might be more helpful. You'll never know unless you try

    The psychiatrist I saw in Oxford was awful: looking back, he's really lucky I didn't punch him My psychiatrist here in London is very different: much more open-minded and concerned, even if he has no idea what he's doing with me!
    At the moment I'm waiting to hear from the CMHT for a proper assessment, as I mentioned earlier.

    (Original post by Asiko)
    Counselling is great. You can open up. Though I keep wanting to hang onto this dark emotions and I don't know why. I don't want to open up; I want this darkness to corrupt me and I don't know why...
    I didn't feel like opening up with that counsellor. All I wanted to do was just get out of there away from her nosy questions, fast. It made me extremely nervous.

    Maybe it will be different now if I can put things into context.
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    I know I'm depressed but I want to go to my GP and discuss this with him. I'm so sick of talking now; I feel like I'm going mad! I need direction so I guess the first step is to have a doctor confirm that I have depression. I could be wrong and just be a messed up kid.
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    (Original post by Asiko)
    I know I'm depressed but I want to go to my GP and discuss this with him. I'm so sick of talking now; I feel like I'm going mad! I need direction so I guess the first step is to have a doctor confirm that I have depression. I could be wrong and just be a messed up kid.
    I think it's best if you get some proper help from your GP, yes.
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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    At the moment I'm waiting to hear from the CMHT for a proper assessment, as I mentioned earlier.



    I didn't feel like opening up with that counsellor. All I wanted to do was just get out of there away from her nosy questions, fast. It made me extremely nervous.

    Maybe it will be different now if I can put things into context.
    It depends on the counsellor though doesn't. I'm thankful that my counsellor is nice. I started in yr 11 when I was 16 so I was in secondary school. That means the counsellor has to have a certain level of understanding and an approach suited to children.

    With my current state of mind if I had a jerk for a counsellor I may attack him and I haven't fought since I was in Primary School. I just hold onto my anger.
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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    I think it's best if you get some proper help from your GP, yes.
    I'm scared though. I sound really pathetic I know but...
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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    At the moment I'm waiting to hear from the CMHT for a proper assessment, as I mentioned earlier.



    I didn't feel like opening up with that counsellor. All I wanted to do was just get out of there away from her nosy questions, fast. It made me extremely nervous.

    Maybe it will be different now if I can put things into context.
    Maybe the assessment will give you a chance to air your concerns. Like when I was being offered CBT, the first things I wanted to know were 1) is it on the NHS and 2) is it going to be psychodynamics again because if so, thanks but no


    (Original post by Asiko)
    I'm scared though. I sound really pathetic I know but...
    It can be quite scary :console:

    Would it help to write it all out and either hand or read it to your GP?
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    (Original post by Asiko)
    I'm scared though. I sound really pathetic I know but...
    The doctor can't do anything to you. They won't mock you for feeling depressed. Tell them your general problems and they will be able to help you
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    I guess I need to book an appointment.

    The sad thing is how I can't talk to my mum about this. I don't want anyone to know about this. Does anyone else feel this way?
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Maybe the assessment will give you a chance to air your concerns. Like when I was being offered CBT, the first things I wanted to know were 1) is it on the NHS and 2) is it going to be psychodynamics again because if so, thanks but no




    It can be quite scary :console:

    Would it help to write it all out and either hand or read it to your GP?
    If I start to write it out then my thoughts start to leave me. It's not something I can describe I can only feel it.
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    (Original post by Asiko)
    I guess I need to book an appointment.

    The sad thing is how I can't talk to my mum about this. I don't want anyone to know about this. Does anyone else feel this way?
    You sure you're not me?
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Maybe the assessment will give you a chance to air your concerns. Like when I was being offered CBT, the first things I wanted to know were 1) is it on the NHS and 2) is it going to be psychodynamics again because if so, thanks but no
    Yes. I need answers as well. I'm nervous about what sort of treatment they will prescribe. Could it make my studies worse than they already are if I have anti-anxiety meds, would therapy be intrusive and potentially stressful? :sigh:

    (Original post by Asiko)
    I guess I need to book an appointment.

    The sad thing is how I can't talk to my mum about this. I don't want anyone to know about this. Does anyone else feel this way?
    The first person I went to was my father, really. Needed a bit of courage to speak to him. It almost felt like I was "coming out of the closet", as if it was a dirty secret that I was experiencing problems. But in the end he reacted more sympathetically than I thought he would.
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    (Original post by Liquidus Zeromus)
    Yes. I need answers as well. I'm nervous about what sort of treatment they will prescribe. Could it make my studies worse than they already are if I have anti-anxiety meds, would therapy be intrusive and potentially stressful? :sigh:
    They should give you the opportunity to ask before you commit to anything. If they don't, just go ahead and ask them. I asked similar questions :yes:
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    (Original post by Asiko)
    I guess I need to book an appointment.

    The sad thing is how I can't talk to my mum about this. I don't want anyone to know about this. Does anyone else feel this way?
    I didn't tell my parents I felt the way I did for about 5 years. Then I confided in my dad, but still couldn't tell my mum, and my dad promised to keep it from her. They're quite close though, and as I began getting worse he didn't have much choice, it hurt him too much to feel he was concealing it.

    I did mention it slowly to my mum but I knew she would take it badly. She really wanted to help (as I knew she would) but her way of helping doesn't help at all (as predicted) and actually hindered me more. She always asks how I am at the most inappropriate times (such as when I'm really happy and it immediately brings me back to earth). I still wish she hadn't had to know. But because I was under 18 she kind of had to know, especially as she was taking me to doctors and things for side effects such as always being tired and ill because the depression was wearing me down.

    If you feel she'd be any good at advice though, I would. I do wish my mum didn't know, so I can't really talk, but at least you don't feel like you're hiding who you really are.

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    I can't confide in my father. My father left me when I was younger. I don't want to make things worse by telling people. I don't want my friends to be like "oh no it's him he's always depressed" and stop being my friends because people are like that and I can't put that much faith in most of them.

    I can't confide in my mother. Nowadays I'm quite bipolar, I'm cheerful but that's only to please people - it's ALWAYS to please people and make them happy. My mother thinks I'm fine. But it's her attitude to me. She doesn't ask me how I am and only asks generally like how's my day. When she asks what's wrong it's in a typical-teenager-in-a-bad-mood sort of way - as if she doesn't care but feels like she has to ask.

    I was starving myself at one point and I went a whole day without eating (for which I was happy about). My mum was in the living room all day and didn't notice that I hadn't entered the living room once. That hurt me a little but I try to be forgiving.

    With this relationship with her I just feel under-appreciated and taken for granted though I sure she doesn't feel that way. But at the end of the day I can only talk to my counsellor but I don't show my true feelings. Even on my own I hold them down. I scream in my head I break things in my mind and it only makes me feel worse.
    • #47
    #47

    I dont know if i suffer from mental illness or I am just selfish. It is just that i get very very lonely at times where i wouldn't want to talk to people and make excuses not to talk to them then I would get extremly social. But when I am social I do not have fun, I dont feel happy as I find none of the people im with interesting, no matter what we are talking about. This happens with almost everybody i meet not just that group. Also when I become friends with an interesting person I only want to find out their secrets and what makes them tick as what is on the surface is fake and influenced. Just when i am happy i always want more and the circle begins again.

    Is there anyone else like this?
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    At the end of August last year, I began to feel really paranoid about my health; I was constantly testing my self, reading symptoms of illnesses online and I was convinced I had a killer disease. Then a few days later, I started to feel sick, as if I had a flu or something, I felt really weak and I felt like I had lost weight; all this made me even more concerned and I started to think about death constantly and I was convinced that I have a few months to live or something. On the same night, I was painting my nails, just before I was going to bed, then I started to feel really cold, and I started trembling-so I thought I was just tired. I waited for the nail polish to dry, and headed to bed. But I was still trembling-I could feel a panic attack coming (I've had several since I was 10) I went down stairs and started pacing up and down etc until my mum took me outside for some fresh air and she supported me.

    A few days after, I started getting some chest pains, this finally resulted in me going to see my GP-something which I haven't needed to do for several years, and she diagnosed me with acid reflux and gave me my first prescription medicine; gaviscon tablets(quite disappointing considering I could easily purchase it my self at Boots or something). But it didn't help, and I was getting more and more worried as I was before. I then started to automatically tremble, get chest palpitations, shooting pains in my chest and breathlessness, back and neck pains et cetera. But one day, someone on TSR was complaining about 'shooting back pains' I looked at what he had to say, and I told him of my experiences of shooting pains, and he suggested I was stresses-something which hadn't ever crossed my mind because I used to think it was just a mental condition. I quickly looked at the symptoms of stress and 90% were the things I was experiencing both mentally and physically. For a few weeks, I felt reassured and I tried to de-stress myself, but I have had a lot of exams and the pressure was intense seeing as I am in year 11. And then just as I thought I was about to get better, the stress kicked in again and I started panicking about my health. My parents just think I am a major hypochondriac; but the hypochondria and stress were like a vicious circle because the stress symptoms were making me worried health wise and the worrying severed stress.

    Anyway, I am having a relapse of stress right now-convinced I have a disease. But thank goodness for this thread. I looked up at the symptoms of anxiety (I used to dismiss it because like stress, I thought it was just physical) and I can tell you, I've pretty much experienced most of them; the weird sensations on my skin, fatigue sometimes, the paranoia of my health, getting angry quickly, et cetera. I now have hope. And I think that being 15, my GP dismissed the possibility of anxiety/stress due to my age. It's such a shame.

    Excuse the essay, I just had to let it out. It's already making me feel better
 
 
 
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