Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women Watch

    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I get that you guys use PUA tactics and that it works for you, but it doesn't mean that it's the most respectful way to court a woman. Well if it was me (and I don't denigrate it completely), I'd take what I wanted from it (the general gist of it) and definitely not follow it to the letter. If I was a bloke I'd be conscious of coming across as genuine and not as if I'm using the same old regurgitated lines on every woman I meet. I'd also be conscious of being my best self because when you put it on, the real you comes out eventually.

    A lot of PUA do have secret issues with women and cover their insecurities with it. There's no reliable alternative to really focussing on yourself between relationships (which a lot of people don't). PUA can be a means for some guys to avoid their real issues.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lucia.)
    I get that you guys use PUA tactics and that it works for you, but it doesn't mean that it's the most respectful way to court a woman.
    You do realise that the guy's who do use these tactics already know that right?
    They know it's wrong blah blah, but some of them are so fed up of the BS fed to them by society, that they don't care anymore and want to go around. That's not the boys' fault, it's society's fault.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Abbadon27)
    All good advice, apart from the above. I'm a geek, and I will dress like one
    sooooo... 2 years on... are you still a virgin?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You have to be one desperate muthatrucker to go into a bar with that PUA **** memorized. Guys who go into the dating game so..........calculated..... won't be able to keep women. If you're not naturally like that with women, they'll see through that façade very quickly. That PUA stuff works on cheap bar floosies, you won't get a girl you bring home to mum with that rubbish.

    And another thing, guys, stop putting women on such a high pedestal. Changing your entire personality just for some pussy?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    People do realise 'PUA' is a scam right? Dudes marketing themselves as 'gurus' so they can charge money for socially awkward men to come to their seminars/download their material under the premise that they will turn into girl magnets. It just preys on the naive and vulnerable under false premises.

    Anybody that is not a socially awkward weirdo can see through it in five seconds, these PUA guys tell people to do things that are just weird and creepy, walking round high streets trying to pick up girls, or going to clubs and bars on your own to try and pick up girls. You can see the demographic it is targeted at are men that are socially isolated and don't have friends or normal social networks.

    I suspect that one outlet it provides is the one of fantasy, because you get guys that have read PUA stuff appearing on various forums (including TSR) parroting what they have read elsewhere to make themselves self-appointed experts on how to be successful with women. You can tell these guys are a bit odd and are basically internet dwelling loners, but they can create online a fantasy world for themselves where they become a ladies man, with stories of how they went 'street sarging' and met some 'hot babe 9' that wanted to get her kit off within half an hour of meeting them. They then indulge in each others stories despite the fact that deep down they all know they are making it all up. It is a form of escapism for the lonely and permanently single. If you can at least create some fantasy persona online it makes things easier to bear.

    When people call them out on it and point out the obvious they get very defensive and will start saying things like "well there's a virgin right there folks" as in their world virgin is the worst insult (probably because it cuts close to the bone).

    Just think about it, we all know guys in the real world that are popular with women. Do you really think those guys seem like the type to spend time writing on internet forums their 'guides' to being successful with women...? It is just an online community of isolated single men trying to make each other feel better through a fantasy world, and led at the top by guys conning people out of money to go to their crappy seminars.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    People do realise 'PUA' is a scam right? Dudes marketing themselves as 'gurus' so they can charge money for socially awkward men to come to their seminars/download their material under the premise that they will turn into girl magnets. It just preys on the naive and vulnerable under false premises.

    Anybody that is not a socially awkward weirdo can see through it in five seconds, these PUA guys tell people to do things that are just weird and creepy, walking round high streets trying to pick up girls, or going to clubs and bars on your own to try and pick up girls. You can see the demographic it is targeted at are men that are socially isolated and don't have friends or normal social networks.

    I suspect that one outlet it provides is the one of fantasy, because you get guys that have read PUA stuff appearing on various forums (including TSR) parroting what they have read elsewhere to make themselves self-appointed experts on how to be successful with women. You can tell these guys are a bit odd and are basically internet dwelling loners, but they can create online a fantasy world for themselves where they become a ladies man, with stories of how they went 'street sarging' and met some 'hot babe 9' that wanted to get her kit off within half an hour of meeting them. They then indulge in each others stories despite the fact that deep down they all know they are making it all up. It is a form of escapism for the lonely and permanently single. If you can at least create some fantasy persona online it makes things easier to bear.

    When people call them out on it and point out the obvious they get very defensive and will start saying things like "well there's a virgin right there folks" as in their world virgin is the worst insult (probably because it cuts close to the bone).

    Just think about it, we all know guys in the real world that are popular with women. Do you really think those guys seem like the type to spend time writing on internet forums their 'guides' to being successful with women...? It is just an online community of isolated single men trying to make each other feel better through a fantasy world, and led at the top by guys conning people out of money to go to their crappy seminars.
    Perfectly put.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nunu Bot)
    You do realise that the guy's who do use these tactics already know that right?
    They know it's wrong blah blah, but some of them are so fed up of the BS fed to them by society, that they don't care anymore and want to go around. That's not the boys' fault, it's society's fault.
    Nope. It's their fault. And of course they know that. That's why I criticise it. There is definitely a better alternative to using it.

    But I do agree that the way romantic comedies portray men is not a good example of what women want. I mean Hugh Grant always comes across as an arse-kissing doormat who follows the woman's every whim. This is not what women want from a man at all. I don't watch those movies any more if I can avoid it. I don't want my mind warped.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

    It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.

    What I hope to set out below is a list of tips relating to appearance, attitude and the way you act that, to many people, will seem blindingly obvious, but to some may actually help a little. I will use a sarcastic tone become I'm a sarcastic **** in real life, bear with me.

    IMPORTANT NOTE: This advice is targetted at people guys who are mainstream and/or want to meet mainstream girls (i.e. this is true for the majority of people). This advice does not work if you want to meet metal, goth, emo chicks etc, however as this is in theory "life" advice and those subcultures really don't much persist past the age of students, it still stands.

    1. Appearance - personal
    Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule (there are many gorgeous long-haired celebrities), but strongly consider whether you in fact are one of them - Many guys go through a long hair phase around as a student, very VERY few people in their mid-late 20s look back and think it looked good.

    Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.

    Wash, using soap! - This is so obvious I genuinely hope noone needs to be told. You should be showering daily, in the morning, at the very least. Overnight, in your bed, you sweat (more than half a litre!) and your skin secretes oils that collect in your pores.

    When you wash, most guys should use real soap rather than shower gel - it is vastly (vastly) better at cleaning / odour prevention / removing oil. Only use shower gel alone if you really do never smell/sweat or you have real issues with dry skin.

    Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.

    Get fit - I cant stress this one enough. Not only is being fit great for your health and appearance, it hugely helps your confidence too. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do it often. If you find the gym really boring (and expensive!) check out www.brit****it.com, which runs cheap fitness classes in parks all across the UK and is probably the quickest way possible to getting fit and toned, and of course awesome fun (and a great way to meet people)

    2. Appearance - clothing
    General - Generally, as a guy you should have some slightly smarter clothes for going on dates etc. An outfit that you know looks good also does masses for your confidence.

    Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out on anything but the most casual of dates (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms on a date would you? Its the same concept).

    What you wear on your top half depends on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT - these are for IT support and cabin attendants only!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.

    Trousers - obviously tracksuits, sports trousers etc are not appropriate for a date. Pretty much anything else is, though jeans are the easiest. I personally don't like Combats and other 'sloppy' styles, but this rather depands on the kind of girl you like. Also never wear anything with a high waist. Personally I cant stand skinny jeans on guys (you look androgenous) but I understand this is a matter of taste and some (many?) girls do like that on a guy. Cords or chinos are ok if you are going for a more preppy look.

    Shoes - Black smart shoes dont usually go with blue jeans (though obviously they may go with black jeans). Hiking boots, Sandals, or running shoes dont go with anything. Wear smartish brown shoes, white trainers, high-tops, deck shoes or pretty much anything else depending on your personal style. Flipflops are fine in summer if your local bars etc allow it but consider what the girl might be wearing and try not to dress down too much more than she does.

    Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc - This is a matter of personal style of course, but a lot of people in glasses would look better with contacts. If you think they are too expensive, have a look somewhere like www.daysoft.com (very VERY cheap daily lenses, you'll need to get an eye test at boots first to find out your prescription though). Most guys can't pull off jewellery and just look stupid, especially wearing chains or rings. Piercings are a matter of taste and again depend on your target audience - I'd say in general most "mainstream" girls don't find ear/nose/lip/eyebrow piercings attractive.

    3. Attitude

    If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

    Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

    Points to remember:
    Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

    Don't be too clingy - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but I don't need you".

    Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

    4. Project Confidence
    Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!

    One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.

    Good luck
    You could have summarised all this in 3 lines:

    Wash
    Look smart
    Be confident


    Heres a tip for you - chill out and dont over-analyse everything. women eh :rolleyes:
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    ...Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play...
    :lolwut: Have you read your own post? If it's not about the game, then what is it about?


    (Original post by Indo-Chinese Food)
    You could have summarised all this in 3 lines:

    Wash
    Look smart
    Be confident


    Heres a tip for you - chill out and dont over-analyse everything. women eh :rolleyes:
    This. Although smart is subjective; everyone is different.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Nope. It's their fault. And of course they know that. That's why I criticise it. There is definitely a better alternative to using it.

    But I do agree that the way romantic comedies portray men is not a good example of what women want. I mean Hugh Grant always comes across as an arse-kissing doormat who follows the woman's every whim. This is not what women want from a man at all. I don't watch those movies any more if I can avoid it. I don't want my mind warped.
    You didn't even bother to explain why it is their fault. Of course, it's their fault that they're sexually frustrated and want some.

    And I agree with you, that Hugh Grant thing is definitely not what women want. I didn't say the PUA was a perfect man either, I'm just giving a reason as to why those type of tactics exist. I think men shouldn't treat women like objects, but having said that, you can't be the basement dweller on the opposite end of the scale either.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nunu Bot)
    You didn't even bother to explain why it is their fault. Of course, it's their fault that they're sexually frustrated and want some.

    And I agree with you, that Hugh Grant thing is definitely not what women want. I didn't say the PUA was a perfect man either, I'm just giving a reason as to why those type of tactics exist. I think men shouldn't treat women like objects, but having said that, you can't be the basement dweller on the opposite end of the scale either.
    Uh, the basement dwellers are not on "the opposite end of the scale". 99% of online PUA gurus ARE basement dwellers. To be a basement dweller is a prerequisite of being a PUA, neither is able to relate to women in a normal functional way.

    If there are two things basement dwellers are good at, its making up nerdy terminology and silently hating women. They're basically born to be PUAs.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by py0alb)
    Uh, the basement dwellers are not on "the opposite end of the scale". 99% of online PUA gurus ARE basement dwellers. To be a basement dweller is a prerequisite of being a PUA, neither is able to relate to women in a normal functional way.

    If there are two things basement dwellers are good at, its making up nerdy terminology and silently hating women. They're basically born to be PUAs.
    How about I rephrase that.

    PUA's and basement dwellers are 2 sides of the same coin.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nunu Bot)
    How about I rephrase that.

    PUA's and basement dwellers are 2 sides of the same coin.
    Yes, thats a good way of putting it: both suffer from classic teenage boy syndrome of being unable to function normally around attractive women.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nunu Bot)
    How about I rephrase that.

    PUA's and basement dwellers are 2 sides of the same coin.
    This is correct but what you are missing is that its the same side.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Enough with the PUA stuff already. These arguments always go round in circles and achieve nothing.

    Further PUA discussion will be treated as spam and warned appropriately.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RightSaidJames)
    Enough with the PUA stuff already. These arguments always go round in circles and achieve nothing.

    Further PUA discussion will be treated as spam and warned appropriately.
    Why don't you have a PUA sticky where you move all the posts to like we have in religion with debates about the definition of atheist/agnostic etc.

    Its a very big and important topic and whether you like it or not its going to crop up on these threads time and time again.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    If I'm bored I'll use a few lines that I know work. Mainly for my own pleasure not because I want the girl to fall for them. I find it impressive how such simple lines can work on so many girls.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by py0alb)
    Why don't you have a PUA sticky where you move all the posts to like we have in religion with debates about the definition of atheist/agnostic etc.

    Its a very big and important topic and whether you like it or not its going to crop up on these threads time and time again.
    Because Relationships isn't a debating forum.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RightSaidJames)
    Because Relationships isn't a debating forum.
    The use of a forum is defined by how it is used by the users, not how the mods would like to see it used. There is no such thing as a non-debating forum. Even in a so-called "advice" forum, when people disagree upon what is or isn't good advice, then that advice will be debated.

    90% of posts in relationships must be debating the validity of some piece of advice or other. You get one post asking for opinions, a couple of posts making proposals, and then 200 posts debating which proposal was the best.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    So yesterday I saw a man play what seemed to be the smoothest pick-up ever. He was at an ice skating rink, by himself, and was an absolute skating god.
    First half of the session time he spent zooming around looking incredible, then stopped for a 'rest', at which point the women flocked (not even joking, every time I went round the rink there was another girl there! Think he'd amassed about 5 by one point). Then he gives a little ice skating lesson to one of the girls, cue holding hands, him skating backwards etc. etc. and bam, they walk off together into the night after returning their boots.

    Quite frankly, I was very impressed. So there you go guys - just become amazing at ice skating and you too can get all the women. (I am a girl. I did fancy him a bit.)
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 4, 2012
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.