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    Warning, slight danger of molten crazy

    Blergh - Currently working 3 people's jobs due to lazy people/holidays and it's getting really overwhelming - I'm starting to burn out. Need a holiday, but how am I supposed to take one when I've got so much work to do? My best friend went to America for two weeks, my ex to Rome, and yet the grand total of my trips away this summer is a trip to bradford for a meeting and a trip to london to do some stuff for TSR - even my breaks away from paid work have been to do work.

    And on the mention of the ex - don't know what I'm doing anymore: I should be a little peeved surely? She pretty much lead me on and then dumped me and yet all I can think is how hard I must have made it for her. How pathetic is that? She really hurt me and yet I keep blaming myself.

    Then there's weight loss - since starting on Citalopram back in October I've lost 2 stones - good news right? No - I'm now only just below being overweight, so even though I'm at an ideal weight, I feel bad about my body, because clearly I'm normally an amorphous blob...

    This has made me realise something though - I'm not going to say no-one likes me: my best friend came to my aid when I was in a right state 2 months back, and I dare say saved my life - had drank so much there was a decent chance of Hendrix-ing, clearly people care about me - but I don't like me, my self-esteem was never great, but I didn't realise how much I don't like myself.
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    (Original post by Sultana)
    You know when you are too ill for people to be able to/want to deal with, yet you need people to stay alive; what do you do? I know I'm no fun to be around and it's right that people avoid me but it doesn't leave me in a very good position.
    I have pretty much decided to stay alive until I get to do something cos it is very important to me and given how nothing at all is even vaguely important to me other than my need to not be here I think I should go. But I don't know how to stay alive until then. **** this is bad
    It's not right for people to avoid you, and plenty of us still want you around and like having you around. :yep: I know that most of us haven't met in real life, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends and help each other out.

    I agree you should go do the very important thing, and I'll help you with that if I can, but I also think you should stay alive after, because you're capable of having an awesome life. Also I would miss you.

    (Original post by Sp20)
    I'm still really struggling with having panic attacks, I haven't suffered with them in a few months and have been having them almost daily. Sometimes twice.

    This may be inappropriate, if it is then by all means just tell me.
    What can I do if an ex is trying to continue to manipulate me by threatening suicide and blaming me for it, due to me not wanting to be back into a relationship (11 months after he broke up with me). I don't know what to do, he shouted at me endlessly when I briefly hinted that I would contact the crisis team or the police. He threatened that he would do it right there and then if someone intervenes. This is why I'm so confused, I can't get him help but the only way he will calm down is if I help him. However, he is awful to me he is absolutely soul destroying and I can't take anymore of his grief and manipulation. I can't be there for him.

    Basically. I just can't cope with this anymore, I can't stop having panic attacks. Stress from this and other things are making me lose control. Apologies if this doesn't make sense.
    Hope everyone is well.
    Your ex doesn't sound like a healthy person to be around at all. Honestly, I'd go to the police. He's being manipulative and threatening, and in no way deserving of your help, but luckily I think the best way to help him is to get the assistance of the authorities (the crisis team would also be appropriate, but personally I wouldn't trust them over the police :no:). None of this is your fault, and the only reason he's been able to manipulate you so much is precisely because you're trying to do the right thing and help him. There's nothing more you personally can do for him though, except to get outside help.

    I really hope he doesn't harm himself in any way, but trust me it's not your fault if he does. :hugs:

    (Original post by Stiff Little Fingers)
    Warning, slight danger of molten crazy

    Blergh - Currently working 3 people's jobs due to lazy people/holidays and it's getting really overwhelming - I'm starting to burn out. Need a holiday, but how am I supposed to take one when I've got so much work to do? My best friend went to America for two weeks, my ex to Rome, and yet the grand total of my trips away this summer is a trip to bradford for a meeting and a trip to london to do some stuff for TSR - even my breaks away from paid work have been to do work.

    And on the mention of the ex - don't know what I'm doing anymore: I should be a little peeved surely? She pretty much lead me on and then dumped me and yet all I can think is how hard I must have made it for her. How pathetic is that? She really hurt me and yet I keep blaming myself.

    Then there's weight loss - since starting on Citalopram back in October I've lost 2 stones - good news right? No - I'm now only just below being overweight, so even though I'm at an ideal weight, I feel bad about my body, because clearly I'm normally an amorphous blob...

    This has made me realise something though - I'm not going to say no-one likes me: my best friend came to my aid when I was in a right state 2 months back, and I dare say saved my life - had drank so much there was a decent chance of Hendrix-ing, clearly people care about me - but I don't like me, my self-esteem was never great, but I didn't realise how much I don't like myself.
    Spoiler:
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    For what it's worth I think you're a pretty cool person to be around. And you're welcome to come visit in Manchester any time you need a break.

    I promise not to feed you rat scrumpy. :crossedf:
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    Had a productive day today, and did a bit of retail therapy so I was feeling more relaxed. But the roadworks have started outside again, and I just want to sleep.



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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Had a productive day today, and did a bit of retail therapy so I was feeling more relaxed. But the roadworks have started outside again, and I just want to sleep.



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    Glad to hear your day was productive. Ah, I hate it when that happens! Hopefully they quieten down soon.
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    (Original post by technology)
    Glad to hear your day was productive. Ah, I hate it when that happens! Hopefully they quieten down soon.
    theyll stop at 6am itd horrible, right outside currently
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    Couldn't eat my tea today- was hallucinating and could see insects crawling all over it. :sigh: Really wish this would stop. :cry2:
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    Couldn't eat my tea today- was hallucinating and could see insects crawling all over it. :sigh: Really wish this would stop. :cry2:
    That sounds quite frightening :hugs:
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    I know most of us are going through horrid stuff and its really hard to deal with. Most of my days are so difficlt but sometimes its good to laugh at yourself. I take sometimes take panic attacks through my sleep and last night I woke up about 3am in a panic shouting "who killed my magic fish, my magic fish loves me" Even I can laugh at that.
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    (Original post by zonkfrog)
    I know most of us are going through horrid stuff and its really hard to deal with. Most of my days are so difficlt but sometimes its good to laugh at yourself. I take sometimes take panic attacks through my sleep and last night I woke up about 3am in a panic shouting "who killed my magic fish, my magic fish loves me" Even I can laugh at that.
    Apparently once when i was abroad staying in a hostel my mate said i mumbled "who poisoned the fish?" repeatedly in my sleep.

    The next day someone fell ill a few hours after eating the restaurants fish curry.
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    Ergh psychiatrist tomorrow. Really scared about what I'm going to say and what she's going to suggest.


    (Original post by tasha96)
    Couldn't eat my tea today- was hallucinating and could see insects crawling all over it. :sigh: Really wish this would stop. :cry2:
    I dunno if this will help but have you tried using your hands to test if it's real? When I hallucinate blood on things the best thing I can do is rub my hands in it then look at the result. Sometimes it works, others it doesn't but it's better than giving in I think. Try picking up one of the insects next time maybe? I know it's scary but it might help. :console:
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    (Original post by james1211)
    Apparently once when i was abroad staying in a hostel my mate said i mumbled "who poisoned the fish?" repeatedly in my sleep.

    The next day someone fell ill a few hours after eating the restaurants fish curry.
    Psychic? Or suspicious?
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    (Original post by zonkfrog)
    Psychic? Or suspicious?
    Suspicious haha, we'd already stayed a few nights and the food had already been awful
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Ergh psychiatrist tomorrow. Really scared about what I'm going to say and what she's going to suggest.
    just try be as honest as possible with her, and take your ideas about meds to her, and remember she'll want what's best for you, she won't suggest something that's bad or wouldn't work or help you :hugs:


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    (Original post by james1211)
    That sounds quite frightening :hugs:
    It scares me so much. Especially when things get all muddled up in my head and I start to think it's real.

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Ergh psychiatrist tomorrow. Really scared about what I'm going to say and what she's going to suggest.




    I dunno if this will help but have you tried using your hands to test if it's real? When I hallucinate blood on things the best thing I can do is rub my hands in it then look at the result. Sometimes it works, others it doesn't but it's better than giving in I think. Try picking up one of the insects next time maybe? I know it's scary but it might help. :console:
    Thank you for the advice! :hugs: I've never tried it before. :nah: Will definitely give it a go if I ever pluck up the courage to try and touch them. They scare me quite a bit. Even if it doesn't stop me seeing them, the reassurance that they're not actually there would make it worth it.
    I really hope your appointment goes well tomorrow! :hugs:
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    just try be as honest as possible with her, and take your ideas about meds to her, and remember she'll want what's best for you, she won't suggest something that's bad or wouldn't work or help you :hugs:


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    Thanks yeah...I'm not sure how honest I can be as I'm so scared but my wife is coming with me so she'll probably do a fair bit of the talking.

    (Original post by tasha96)
    Thank you for the advice! :hugs: I've never tried it before. :nah: Will definitely give it a go if I ever pluck up the courage to try and touch them. They scare me quite a bit. Even if it doesn't stop me seeing them, the reassurance that they're not actually there would make it worth it.
    I really hope your appointment goes well tomorrow! :hugs:
    No problem, I hope it works for you. I realize it's really difficult to start with but it gets easier the more you do it.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Ergh psychiatrist tomorrow. Really scared about what I'm going to say and what she's going to suggest.
    Hope it goes well my friend. Remember she's there to help and wouldn't be doing the job if she didn't want to suggest what's best for you :yes:

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    I am the worst ****ing person in the world


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    (Original post by Sultana)
    You know when you are too ill for people to be able to/want to deal with, yet you need people to stay alive; what do you do? I know I'm no fun to be around and it's right that people avoid me but it doesn't leave me in a very good position.
    I have pretty much decided to stay alive until I get to do something cos it is very important to me and given how nothing at all is even vaguely important to me other than my need to not be here I think I should go. But I don't know how to stay alive until then. **** this is bad
    :jumphug: People want to deal with you, Sultana (I do for starters, and I wouldn't offer to be here if you want someone to talk to if I didn't mean it), and it's not right for people to avoid you. I've been in the position where people I've been close to have started ignoring me (I presume because of depression), and it's horrible. It's not good for anyone, least of all you.

    I'm pleased you've decided to stay alive until then at least (and that superwolf's going to help you!), but like she says, you should stay alive beyond that. I know it is ****ing hard trying to deal with this, but you are, and you should be proud of yourself. I think going to Scotland is being proactive, and maybe it will really help you to deal with your friend's death at least, and maybe that will positively effect everything else. In terms of staying alive until then, reach out for support. As much as it is hard, and as much as I know (and empathise) with how you feel in regards to it in terms of having people invest in you and so on, it is there, and people want to give it. There's this thread and the people here, there's the medical people, there's your friend in Australia, as hard as it is, hopefully it'll help to keep you afloat.

    I'm at the end of a PM or Skype (dodgy internet connection permitting... superwolf will back me up on what a pain it's being!) if you want to talk.

    :jumphug:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
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    For what it's worth I think you're a pretty cool person to be around. And you're welcome to come visit in Manchester any time you need a break.

    I promise not to feed you rat scrumpy. :crossedf:
    Spoiler:
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    Thanks. I may have to, my bestie lives near manchester (Wigan) so could do a bit of visiting as well.

    Rat scrumpy is fine, but it's not a suitable replacement for bacon or steaks :nah:



    Hmm, this could be bad news - starting to feel like there's some hidden message in my music for me. Logical part of me says no, this stuff was released in the 70's/80's (Whitesnake) and is older than you so can't mean anything, but silly part of brain that would be dying an alcohol related death if it weren't for work keeps saying that logical brain is wrong. Ah well, I've got to do a consultation with gp next week (been 2 months since last one and current med prescription comes to an end in a fortnight), I'll mention it and see if it matters.

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    Feel sick. Know i won't sleep tonight. I'm backed into a corner and have no escape routes. Life feels too real.
 
 
 
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