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    Sorry about this but just need to rant here

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    Anyone else seen the latest issue of Grazia? I usually don't buy magazines but saw the story about the teacher seducing a pupil. I did try not to buy it - honest - but ended up buying it. At the end of the article, the teacher said something along the lines of blaming the boy for how it all started and happened and that teachers are only human and so she tries not to feel too bad about it. WHAT. THE. ****. That is SO insulting to everyone and anyone who's been in that situation of having a teacher groom them, even if they went along with it or appear mature or whatever **** reason people like to cite to help themselves sleep at night :mad:


    No offence to anyone training to be a teacher but there's ****ed up **** going down in places
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Had CBT. Didn't talk about Bad Plans. Did talk about other stuff.

    Last therapy session I had a flashback which kept going and I was unable to move cos flashback and it lasted about 20-30 mins after the end of my session, so the next patient had to wait 10 mins or so past when their appt was meant to start. She said that's obviously not good for the other person or the practice, which I agree with, but aside from stopping therapy I really don't know what to do. She wasn't trying to guilt me or anything, was more like trying to make a plan to stop it happening again, which makes total sense.. except, I don't think there is a way. If I go then that possibility is always open, so should I just not go? I don't know.

    Talked about family stuff which she said was helpful for her to know. Is so confusing when she talks about it being threatening/abusive though cos it's my family. It's totally fair for her to encourage me to get away from danger, but I feel like I deserve all of the bad things so it feels wrong.

    My therapist is like, awesome. But I feel in a position of really not knowing what to do because I don't want to damage her work for her and I just can't guarantee that a flashback will never overrun a session. But she's the only one who has been remotely helpful and if I stop therapy I am unlikely to survive for much more than a few weeks, because removing my only hope of recovery means I have nothing to live for, and removing my time in a safe place means I have nowhere safe. And I sort of want to die but still quite a lot don't/am scared.

    Bleh.

    On the train to Nut.'s now. Staying until Sunday so should be able to get some headspace. But given that I've just sobbed for an hour I feel ****ing guilty for inflicting myself on her. So confused.
    I agree with what's been said by the others; don't feel guilty for having a flashback, it's something you aren't able to control and wouldn't want to go through. Your therapist should just deal with it. I did think though, you could discuss with her whether there is a time of day you could see her (just before lunch or at end of day etc) where she might not run late for the rest of the day if this happens again. (eg. Does she finish at 5 but last session ends at half 4 or something?) I know my therapist does not do constant appointments all day but also has prep time etc. This might put your mind at ease a bit; you sound like you have enough stress already without having to worry about this.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    If you ever need a laugh just ask gor an annecdote from my life. Its one big joke and always seem to do something stupid


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    Well as long as you remember that a lot of the stuff that happens to you isn't your fault :hugs:
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    I always worry so much before appointments with my psychiatrist. I was standing at the bus stop beforehand today unable to stop shaking. Then I get there and she's perfectly nice and understanding. Why do I always freak myself out loads?

    Gonna give risperidone a go. Anyone here taken it? Side effects? Hoping for avoiding a repeat of the olanzapine weight gain.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I always worry so much before appointments with my psychiatrist. I was standing at the bus stop beforehand today unable to stop shaking. Then I get there and she's perfectly nice and understanding. Why do I always freak myself out loads?

    Gonna give risperidone a go. Anyone here taken it? Side effects? Hoping for avoiding a repeat of the olanzapine weight gain.
    So glad it went well for you! :hugs:

    I'm on risperidone and when I first started taking it it increased my appetite (which was a good thing for me because I really wasn't eating before) and made me really drowsy. Also made me really really thirsty for some reason. That wore off after a couple of weeks and now it only makes me slightly sleepy when I take it. Good luck with it! It hasn't done much for me at all, so cant say how long it takes to start working or anything like that.
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    ED triggering, so sorry

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    since i stopped posting here (end of may), i've lost 8kgs and 3 BMI points (through all the usual suspect methods, i'm afraid), but i feel bigger than i ever felt before.

    spent the whole day lying in bed staring at the ceiling and wondering where it will all end.

    99.9% of me is pushing me forward, telling me things will get better when i'm smaller, telling me the world wants me smaller, people will like me more, i'll be prettier, funnier, happier.

    i dont want to be fat for the rest of my life, but i dont want to have this crappy a relationship with food either :cry: but i'm too fat to go seek help.

    i don't know what i'm looking for in this post tbh, i just needed to let somebody who won't shout at me know whats going on in my head.
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    So glad it went well for you! :hugs:

    I'm on risperidone and when I first started taking it it increased my appetite (which was a good thing for me because I really wasn't eating before) and made me really drowsy. Also made me really really thirsty for some reason. That wore off after a couple of weeks and now it only makes me slightly sleepy when I take it. Good luck with it! It hasn't done much for me at all, so cant say how long it takes to start working or anything like that.
    Damn, my appetite is already huge (although at least some of that is probably due to the quetiapine). I'm overweight so really don't want to gain any more.

    The other stuff sounds like all the other atypicals, but thanks I appreciate the info.

    I was reading experiences on erowid and some of them sounded really really really bad so kind of scared myself
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Damn, my appetite is already huge (although at least some of that is probably due to the quetiapine). I'm overweight so really don't want to gain any more.

    The other stuff sounds like all the other atypicals, but thanks I appreciate the info.

    I was reading experiences on erowid and some of them sounded really really really bad so kind of scared myself
    No worries. The appetite increase wasn't too drastic- I went from not being able to face food at all to being able to eat little things. But that wore off after a few weeks. :yep: And it didn't come back as they increased the dosage either. :nah:
    I had read some bad experiences too! But I really didn't have many side effects at all, and it certainly hasn't made me feel any worse.
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    Been on sertraline for a couple of weeks now and I think it might be working. I don't think that it's going to be a straight line to getting better and everything will be okay but it might not get worse.
    In other news I almost fell off 3m high scaffolding at work but managed to catch myself with my upper arma which are now horribly bruised but at least nothing is broken. Feel really guilty about it though which isn't logically at all.

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    Don't know what to do, really concernd about someone on here


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Don't know what to do, really concernd about someone on here


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    PM me if you like


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    I keep going back and forth in my mind about whether I want to bother attempting to get counselling or therapy again. I'm at a bit of a low point again, constantly getting down about failing things and not having a perfect life, and I hate it. I don't want to get disappointed again from counselling though like before, but I'm getting so stuck at what to do
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    It's not right for people to avoid you, and plenty of us still want you around and like having you around. :yep: I know that most of us haven't met in real life, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends and help each other out.

    I agree you should go do the very important thing, and I'll help you with that if I can, but I also think you should stay alive after, because you're capable of having an awesome life. Also I would miss you.

    So really seriously do you mean it? Because maybe I can just about deal if I know I have a time frame but not if this is just some sadistic ploy to keep me hanging around forever. And to be honest I don't really know what help you can give me any way unless of course you're secretly a wizard and you can magic away the outside and everything else non-safe and threatening. And it's definitely not fair to ask any way. I don't know I really hope you do mean it because I really really want to do it right but i dont think i will be able to for much longer. am kinda hoping you are secretly a wizard and can just magic it all together for me
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Put it this way: having your front door the teeniest bit open in London is basically asking someone to come rob you. Probably with some kinda weapon in their hand

    Was in Preston, then Liverpool. Now in Lake Windermere

    I don't understand Northerners. They're all so happy and friendly and helpful. Maybe my friends were right about Londoners being mean :p:
    It's understandable that you find it scary!

    But I hope you're having fun despite the Northern scariness .

    During my limited times in London, mostly going to and from train stations, I did find the people a bit more... colder than people up north. I'm sure living there means you probably have a more positive view... people just grow accustomed to where they're from I guess! But you're not mean :jumphug:.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Don't know what to do, really concernd about someone on here


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    I hope they're ok :hugs:
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    Feels like I'm breaking everyone and everything. N is being lovely but I know I'm not much fun to be around when I keep having flashbacks and floor-based meltdowns. But I can't be home either. Not sure when my life became one huge storm of ****...

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Put it this way: having your front door the teeniest bit open in London is basically asking someone to come rob you. Probably with some kinda weapon in their hand

    Was in Preston, then Liverpool. Now in Lake Windermere

    I don't understand Northerners. They're all so happy and friendly and helpful. Maybe my friends were right about Londoners being mean :p:
    my neck of the woods
    Windermere is amazing
    If you want really peaceful walk, go to graze dale Forrest
    also Preston is a scary place anyway :ninja: hahaha

    Northerns are known to be a lot nicer than southeners




    ===============|================ |=============

    Cried on 3 people tonight, this may be a record for me

    Looks like I now have people looking out for me when they don't need to waste there time on me


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    Phone breaks just before a two week holiday with the family. I really hope I can find a spare to use because I will really need to talk to people but its too late to get a new one.
    I hadn't realised just how much I use my phone until this and it sounds sad but I need it. It's a bit like a ritual sometimes and the most annoying thing was knowing I had a text but not being able to see the screen at all.

    Anyway today wasn't too bad a day cos I got to see two of my friends


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    I don't know why I'm up at 8:30am but I like it and I'm going for a run to see if I could maybe become a morning runner :yy:
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    One month until I'm flying to England and doing my 3rd year. Oh god. Every time I think about it, I feel like I'm having a heart attack. Scared as hell.
 
 
 
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