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    (Original post by Midnightmemories)
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    Can't do this anymore... Wont do this anymore... I've had enough...
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    You can, are you safe right now? You can PM me if you need to talk?
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    (Original post by Scott_Maslen_Fan)
    Well I feel happier but also sick as a dog. Had about 5 beers tonight in an effort to make myself happier after what has been a horrible day someone said i shouldn't be this worked up over ESA medical and that maybe my meds need adjusting but can't get that done til next Weds. Can't go in docs again tomorrow after just being in today
    Who said your meds may need changing? How long have you been n them?


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    Im useless dont know why I bother i only make things worse
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    thanks. hope youre ok :hugs:
    I might be if I could manage more than a couple of hours sleep at a time, sadly my body won't comply atm :sad: idk, hope you had a better night! :hugs:

    (Original post by Pathway)
    Just cant cope with everything. feel so alone. had counselling today and i feel stupid because i cried about my dad after. want to hide away from everything :cry2:

    thank you
    :hugs: it's okay to cry! did the counselling help at least? you have any family or friends who you get on with who you can talk to? might help with the loneliness!
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    It's not even about the 'if' anymore. It's about the 'when and how?'

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    Feel so rubbish Very confused now.

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    So have just seen MH-coordinator, and she was very nice and friendly, but she kept saying about anxiety, which I do have issues with, but since seeing GP and with stuff like the GAD-7 I don't have it that bad I don't think?
    But anyway - talking about anxiety about failing stopping me from working/furthering that same anxiety/fear.

    And then she kinda sums up with "see, you're just a normal stressed student" - and just so confused what that means/I think I know what it means, but I'm just left confused.

    And then I asked about medical evidence/she said that if they've prescribed me antidepressants then they'd have a diagnosis of depression for me, but then I didn't think that I did when I looked at the screen of my last appointment last week?

    And it just makes sense but also confusing.
    Like I don't *want* to be a "normal stressed student" because then that means that everything I've been doing wrong and everything with how stupid I've been being is my fault entirely - and I don't want to think that because that feels terrifying

    But then it makes sense/if I actually worked hard then I probably wouldn't get so scared about failing/would find it easier to go to lectures and function, but instead I bring this on myself by being lazy and stupid and giving up at almost any opportunity to do work, and jumping on any opportunity not to do work and to procrastinate and to run away from it all.

    Just so confused because all you guys are always so kind and nice and lovely and reassuring me that its okay and that I'm ill - but then what if I'm not ill and I'm just failing at all this myself, just because I'm me and I procrastinate.

    :sigh: Sorry for such a massive ramble, just needed to write something down
    So confusing
    She said I just need to work hard, though gave some tips/said to have a proper topic objective when I go to revise in the library or whatever, which makes sense.
    So confused though. Always am so much. Hate it.

    I'll stop writing now.


    By duck lake now/think I might try revising here actually/making notes from revision guide for exam tomorrow. Think it might be better here than library/no computer to distract as much (still tablet and phone but eh) and just so pleasant outside when it's nice weather!

    Funny coot by this bench earlier just eating stuff, then he started diving, and came up and splashed a goose then went to fetch a long stick for his nest or something..!
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Feel so rubbish Very confused now.

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    So have just seen MH-coordinator, and she was very nice and friendly, but she kept saying about anxiety, which I do have issues with, but since seeing GP and with stuff like the GAD-7 I don't have it that bad I don't think?
    But anyway - talking about anxiety about failing stopping me from working/furthering that same anxiety/fear.

    And then she kinda sums up with "see, you're just a normal stressed student" - and just so confused what that means/I think I know what it means, but I'm just left confused.

    And then I asked about medical evidence/she said that if they've prescribed me antidepressants then they'd have a diagnosis of depression for me, but then I didn't think that I did when I looked at the screen of my last appointment last week?

    And it just makes sense but also confusing.
    Like I don't *want* to be a "normal stressed student" because then that means that everything I've been doing wrong and everything with how stupid I've been being is my fault entirely - and I don't want to think that because that feels terrifying

    But then it makes sense/if I actually worked hard then I probably wouldn't get so scared about failing/would find it easier to go to lectures and function, but instead I bring this on myself by being lazy and stupid and giving up at almost any opportunity to do work, and jumping on any opportunity not to do work and to procrastinate and to run away from it all.

    Just so confused because all you guys are always so kind and nice and lovely and reassuring me that its okay and that I'm ill - but then what if I'm not ill and I'm just failing at all this myself, just because I'm me and I procrastinate.

    :sigh: Sorry for such a massive ramble, just needed to write something down
    So confusing
    She said I just need to work hard, though gave some tips/said to have a proper topic objective when I go to revise in the library or whatever, which makes sense.
    So confused though. Always am so much. Hate it.

    I'll stop writing now.


    By duck lake now/think I might try revising here actually/making notes from revision guide for exam tomorrow. Think it might be better here than library/no computer to distract as much (still tablet and phone but eh) and just so pleasant outside when it's nice weather!

    Funny coot by this bench earlier just eating stuff, then he started diving, and came up and splashed a goose then went to fetch a long stick for his nest or something..!
    :hugs:

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    I think there is definitely truth in what she says, BUT I believe the root of this is illness - the reason you're worried etc is that you haven't done much work because you're low in mood and motivation. ie had you been well you there's no doubt that you would have done more revision which would mean you weren't as stressed. I know you worry a lot about the what ifs, but theres no doubt that you would have done more had you not felt so low. :hugs:
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    I won a prize from my local Games Centre store from a competition they ran online and have to go into the store to pick it up. Only me would be absolutely ill with nerves at the thought of having to go into town and even worse, having to talk to someone and ask for my prize. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at having to do this but I've been up for ages worrying about it and now my gut is going all dodgy and I feel sick. I hate anxiety

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    It seems like, no matter what time I sleep, my body is determined to wake up pretty early (for me anyway ) annoying.
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    (Original post by senz72)
    It's not even about the 'if' anymore. It's about the 'when and how?'

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    :hugs:

    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    :hugs:

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    I think there is definitely truth in what she says, BUT I believe the root of this is illness - the reason you're worried etc is that you haven't done much work because you're low in mood and motivation. ie had you been well you there's no doubt that you would have done more revision which would mean you weren't as stressed. I know you worry a lot about the what ifs, but theres no doubt that you would have done more had you not felt so low. :hugs:
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    Not sure Yeah defo agree with the fear of failing => don't revise => more fear, just confused about being normal and is scary and don't want to be like this I don't think
    Yeah just confused Like I realise thinking back that last term I was pretty ill I think, but then this holiday I haven't been stuck in bed all day or something, I've just been doing nothing still, but don't know. Urgh.
    Sorry, always go round in circles with this (as you probably know, sorry )
    Just sort of think that if this really is me just being a procrastinator/a couple of other things triggering me into failing stuff, or something. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just maybe if it isn't "illness" and just poor behaviour, which isn't necessarily my fault, then why am I on some meds to try and help that illness or something, don't know. Sorry, makes no sense.

    Thank you for being so nice and sorry for always going on so much should probably start the book or something/try and sort out all this dumb overthinking.

    How are you doing? Hope you were okay last night :hugs:


    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I won a prize from my local Games Centre store from a competition they ran online and have to go into the store to pick it up. Only me would be absolutely ill with nerves at the thought of having to go into town and even worse, having to talk to someone and ask for my prize. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at having to do this but I've been up for ages worrying about it and now my gut is going all dodgy and I feel sick. I hate anxiety

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    Well done on competition
    But :console: that sounds difficult :hugs:


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    Not sure whether to go to group therapy tomorrow. Have an exam at 2/should probably revise for that in the morning/group is 9:30-11, but then don't really want to have to go through another whole week without seeing someone, don't know.
    Confused
    Hope everyone's okay :hugs:


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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I won a prize from my local Games Centre store from a competition they ran online and have to go into the store to pick it up. Only me would be absolutely ill with nerves at the thought of having to go into town and even worse, having to talk to someone and ask for my prize. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at having to do this but I've been up for ages worrying about it and now my gut is going all dodgy and I feel sick. I hate anxiety

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    congratulations on the competition could you get a friend or a family member to go with you for support? I'd feel scared asking for a prize too :hugs:
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
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    Not sure Yeah defo agree with the fear of failing => don't revise => more fear, just confused about being normal and is scary and don't want to be like this I don't think
    Yeah just confused Like I realise thinking back that last term I was pretty ill I think, but then this holiday I haven't been stuck in bed all day or something, I've just been doing nothing still, but don't know. Urgh.
    Sorry, always go round in circles with this (as you probably know, sorry )
    Just sort of think that if this really is me just being a procrastinator/a couple of other things triggering me into failing stuff, or something. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just maybe if it isn't "illness" and just poor behaviour, which isn't necessarily my fault, then why am I on some meds to try and help that illness or something, don't know. Sorry, makes no sense.

    Thank you for being so nice and sorry for always going on so much should probably start the book or something/try and sort out all this dumb overthinking.

    How are you doing? Hope you were okay last night :hugs:



    Well done on competition
    But :console: that sounds difficult :hugs:


    ------------------------------------------

    Not sure whether to go to group therapy tomorrow. Have an exam at 2/should probably revise for that in the morning/group is 9:30-11, but then don't really want to have to go through another whole week without seeing someone, don't know.
    Confused
    Hope everyone's okay :hugs:


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    Yeah, I completely understand. I was well and truly in your position last year and still am really. I just suppose it's about letting go and accepting the fact you will *never* know how things could have been different and trying to do the best given the circumstances. At the end of the day, in the grand scheme of things, a few second year exams are really not the end of the world, and recognising that you are spending excessive time worrying and over analysing everything is unhelpful, is the first step in actually feeling less confused... the more you think, the more things seems confusing and you really are going round in negative unhelpful circles - this isn't your fault, but its essential that you make a conscious effort through self help and hopefully some CBT, to break this cycle. Without this, your mind will send you on this merry dance over and over and over, meanwhile you will just feel worse and worse and worse, trust me :sadnod: Procrastination and low motivation is a normal part of being a 20 year old in a course where your heart isn't fully in it, I see it absolutely EVERYWHERE, and unfortunately, combine that with an illness which is characterised by low motivation, it is not your fault that you are feeling this way. There are just ways to maybe combat things from a more helpful perspective I suppose :hugs:
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    i have a start date
    And i think i get paid for 10 hours for my induction! Haha
    Happy days. Start next week!


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    I'm just not cut out for this.
    Cannot tale anymore.

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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
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    Yeah, I completely understand. I was well and truly in your position last year and still am really. I just suppose it's about letting go and accepting the fact you will *never* know how things could have been different and trying to do the best given the circumstances. At the end of the day, in the grand scheme of things, a few second year exams are really not the end of the world, and recognising that you are spending excessive time worrying and over analysing everything is unhelpful, is the first step in actually feeling less confused... the more you think, the more things seems confusing and you really are going round in negative unhelpful circles - this isn't your fault, but its essential that you make a conscious effort through self help and hopefully some CBT, to break this cycle. Without this, your mind will send you on this merry dance over and over and over, meanwhile you will just feel worse and worse and worse, trust me :sadnod: Procrastination and low motivation is a normal part of being a 20 year old in a course where your heart isn't fully in it, I see it absolutely EVERYWHERE, and unfortunately, combine that with an illness which is characterised by low motivation, it is not your fault that you are feeling this way. There are just ways to maybe combat things from a more helpful perspective I suppose :hugs:
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    Yeah, just find that so difficult/constantly finding myself wondering what ifs But yeah, need to try to stop
    Yeah I know is what she said too/it doesn't *actually* matter if I fail. Just really don't want to
    Might ring IAPT then maybe once this set of exams is over Definitely been having this merry dance lots :sad: Housemate snapped at me almost earlier just me not being sure whether to have chicken soup or chicken and mushroom soup.... Which I know is a silly thing to debate to yourself about...
    Yeah that's probably true Just wondering whether that's maybe the main thing causing stuff/that along with lowered self esteem or something, and just not necessarily ill, though not sure and confusing.

    Really need to get this under control I guess Thank you for being so nice :lovehug:

    Really sorry you're in pain :jumphug: Let me know if I can help at all



    (Original post by senz72)
    I'm just not cut out for this.
    Cannot tale anymore.
    Here for you senz if you need anything :hugs: You can get through this Sorry things are so tough at the moment :hugs:


    -----------------------------------------


    Wishing I hadn't told friend about being ill, and being behind/having an extension, now one housemate is acting slightly worried I think/asking me how I am, and other friend was just telling me I need to start revising/actually do some work, which I know I need to do, and I thought when he first started that it might actually be helpful to have someone be like that, because I'm so terrible otherwise, but just makes me want to hide
    Really tired and just want to hide and rot atm, or just run away somewhere. Don't know what to do/need to revise but tired and dead, and I know I do just need to do it, and I should be able to but erk. Too much stuff going on.
    Just want to cry
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
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    Yeah, just find that so difficult/constantly finding myself wondering what ifs But yeah, need to try to stop
    Yeah I know is what she said too/it doesn't *actually* matter if I fail. Just really don't want to
    Might ring IAPT then maybe once this set of exams is over Definitely been having this merry dance lots :sad: Housemate snapped at me almost earlier just me not being sure whether to have chicken soup or chicken and mushroom soup.... Which I know is a silly thing to debate to yourself about...
    Yeah that's probably true Just wondering whether that's maybe the main thing causing stuff/that along with lowered self esteem or something, and just not necessarily ill, though not sure and confusing.

    Really need to get this under control I guess Thank you for being so nice :lovehug:

    Really sorry you're in pain :jumphug: Let me know if I can help at all





    Here for you senz if you need anything :hugs: You can get through this Sorry things are so tough at the moment :hugs:


    -----------------------------------------


    Wishing I hadn't told friend about being ill, and being behind/having an extension, now one housemate is acting slightly worried I think/asking me how I am, and other friend was just telling me I need to start revising/actually do some work, which I know I need to do, and I thought when he first started that it might actually be helpful to have someone be like that, because I'm so terrible otherwise, but just makes me want to hide
    Really tired and just want to hide and rot atm, or just run away somewhere. Don't know what to do/need to revise but tired and dead, and I know I do just need to do it, and I should be able to but erk. Too much stuff going on.
    Just want to cry
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    I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad I will stop labouring the point, but in a nutshell, brains lie and make us think things that aren't true about ourselves - just remember that. If you want to cry, then maybe crying would help to release some of the emotions? And if you want to run away, then run away to me! :awesome: I'll look after you, and I'll give you both types of chicken soup :yep: :hugs:
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
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    Yeah, just find that so difficult/constantly finding myself wondering what ifs But yeah, need to try to stop
    Yeah I know is what she said too/it doesn't *actually* matter if I fail. Just really don't want to
    Might ring IAPT then maybe once this set of exams is over Definitely been having this merry dance lots :sad: Housemate snapped at me almost earlier just me not being sure whether to have chicken soup or chicken and mushroom soup.... Which I know is a silly thing to debate to yourself about...
    Yeah that's probably true Just wondering whether that's maybe the main thing causing stuff/that along with lowered self esteem or something, and just not necessarily ill, though not sure and confusing.

    Really need to get this under control I guess Thank you for being so nice :lovehug:

    Really sorry you're in pain :jumphug: Let me know if I can help at all





    Here for you senz if you need anything :hugs: You can get through this Sorry things are so tough at the moment :hugs:


    -----------------------------------------


    Wishing I hadn't told friend about being ill, and being behind/having an extension, now one housemate is acting slightly worried I think/asking me how I am, and other friend was just telling me I need to start revising/actually do some work, which I know I need to do, and I thought when he first started that it might actually be helpful to have someone be like that, because I'm so terrible otherwise, but just makes me want to hide
    Really tired and just want to hide and rot atm, or just run away somewhere. Don't know what to do/need to revise but tired and dead, and I know I do just need to do it, and I should be able to but erk. Too much stuff going on.
    Just want to cry
    :hugs: Here if you need anything.
    (Original post by senz72)
    I'm just not cut out for this.
    Cannot tale anymore.

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    :console:


    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    x
    How're you feeling love?
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
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    Yeah, just find that so difficult/constantly finding myself wondering what ifs But yeah, need to try to stop
    Yeah I know is what she said too/it doesn't *actually* matter if I fail. Just really don't want to
    Might ring IAPT then maybe once this set of exams is over Definitely been having this merry dance lots :sad: Housemate snapped at me almost earlier just me not being sure whether to have chicken soup or chicken and mushroom soup.... Which I know is a silly thing to debate to yourself about...
    Yeah that's probably true Just wondering whether that's maybe the main thing causing stuff/that along with lowered self esteem or something, and just not necessarily ill, though not sure and confusing.

    Really need to get this under control I guess Thank you for being so nice :lovehug:

    Really sorry you're in pain :jumphug: Let me know if I can help at all





    Here for you senz if you need anything :hugs: You can get through this Sorry things are so tough at the moment :hugs:


    -----------------------------------------


    Wishing I hadn't told friend about being ill, and being behind/having an extension, now one housemate is acting slightly worried I think/asking me how I am, and other friend was just telling me I need to start revising/actually do some work, which I know I need to do, and I thought when he first started that it might actually be helpful to have someone be like that, because I'm so terrible otherwise, but just makes me want to hide
    Really tired and just want to hide and rot atm, or just run away somewhere. Don't know what to do/need to revise but tired and dead, and I know I do just need to do it, and I should be able to but erk. Too much stuff going on.
    Just want to cry
    I can't. Look at me, I'm just a pile of turd.
    All I can feel is a sense of death. Mind's in overdrive.
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    Tempted to just pay someone to finish it :s


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    (Original post by Pathway)
    :hugs: Here if you need anything.

    :console:




    How're you feeling love?
    Not great tbh :/ in a lot of pain/feeling anxious. a bit better than last night though - thanks for being there :hugs: how are you?
 
 
 
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