Depression Society MkII Watch

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jonathan122
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#5681
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#5681
(Original post by anna_spanner89)
Just want to say, ive booked an appointment with my doctor, requesting to go on some better medication..im moving on up
That's great news. :hugs:
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*pink_sapphires*
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#5682
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#5682
:hugs: back for Jonathan. How are you feeling today?

Well done Anna, that's really good When is the appointment?

I've not rung the employment agency yet but I have been and got my phone unblocked and bought some wool to start knitting the blanket I'm going to make for my baby cousin. Bought yellow, green and lilac as they're suitable for either a girl or a boy I think.

Mum's rung my brother's psychologist (I think that's his job title, not sure) about my brother not getting up at all. Everything is so stressed out here but I'm really hoping things get better soon as I can't take much more
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anna_spanner89
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#5683
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#5683
appointment is tomorrow at 4:50, so think of me then! I want to start up knitting too..so im going to pop down the shops later and get some wool and needles and have a go!

Im also ringing up the counselling service at uni latter, to see if i can have a counselling session sooner rather than later
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hbandtr4eva
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#5684
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#5684
My ex rang me last night crying down the phone because he'd heard I slept with someone on NYE (I didn't btw) and he was shaking and throwing up and basically saying he felt exactly like I have for the last 3 weeks. Everything I've said on here he said to me last night. He was saying how much he loved me and missed me and that the thought of me being with someone else broke his heart and he felt like part of him was missing.... But he still doesn't know what to do I told him I wasn't waiting for him though. I think he's starting to realise what he's lost - especially as he's now the only single one out of his 4 closest guy friends at Uni - 2 of them got back together with their ex's over the holidays

I'm going to the doctor's tonight about anti-depressents and I'm thinking of taking a year off Uni next year and graduating a year later because right now I can't cope. I originally made the appointment for something else completely different which has been plagueing me for several years but I told my mum about it recently and said I should get checked out so I'm going to bring this up at the same time.

I want to know that there's something they can do for me - I think I could be mildly schizophrenic (sp?) because I always feel like there's two parts of me, and the "bad"/"irrational" part of me is the one that controls me and tells me no-one cares about me and if I walked out of my house no-one would care.... So I want to get that sorted, probably counselling too, as well as seeing if there's anything they can do about my sleeping as it's really starting to take its toll on me now (not had more than 4/5 hours sleep a night for about 2 months now) and also see if I'm endangering myself by not eating. So lots of things really. I also want to see if she thinks it's worth applying for "extenuating circumstances" at Uni.

I don't really want to get put on medication but I think in the short-term if there's something I can do about my sleeping pattern, at least for the next few weeks until I've gone back to Uni and decided about my degree, worked out where I stand with Matt (ex), spoken to lecturers etc. I just want to be happy because I haven't honestly been happy, unless I was with Matt, in a very long time and it scares me so much.

I don't really know what to do about last night: we both said how much we missed each other and how much we were hurting but he said that he didn't know what he wanted anymore and I said I wasn't going to wait around for him to decide. But that's not really true, part of me is always going to be waiting for him because I love him so much and know how good we are together. A lot of our friends are of the opinion that we will get back together some day, and I know that one day that might not be what I want, but now I want to sort myself out and a couple of months down the line I'd like to try again. And he seems to be of the same opinion....I thought it would make me feel better hearing him hurting but all it did was make me want to hold him. I don't really understand how he can think he's made the right decision.....is it just me thinking this?

Right now I really want to get away from Uni. Ideally I would take next year off and delay graduating for a year and I would go and work in Switzerland over the winter, to improve my French and German as I have a friend who owns a hotel there so I would do that during ski-ing season and from April 2010 onwards I would live in my parents house in Italy, working in the town and the language school there so I could apply to do Final Honours Italian in my 3rd year (2010-2011)instead of Subsiduary Honours which I would have to do otherwise due to not having spent enough time in the country.

I would also apply for my PGCE/Masters and try and decide on my future. But I need to talk to lecturers/Uni etc and find all this out. I just want to be happy, with or without Matt but right now I can't deal with this and I'm petrified. I can hardly keep it together - the only reason I'm carrying on going to work is because it's easier than telling my parents why I'm still in bed at 12pm. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't get out of bed because I don't see the point in still existing anymore. I've got myself so deep into a mess and I don't think I can get out.

I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for the long rant, but I need to get it out. I'm falling apart.
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anna_spanner89
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#5685
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#5685
aww honey..

you do what you think is best for you, co-dependant relationships are hard, ive been there, me and my ex both have major issues and we don't work, we won't until we're better, not even a friends and im realising that now the hard way

go see the doctor, get reassurance and no matter how painful it is, get your life back on track :hugs:
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*pink_sapphires*
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#5686
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#5686
(Original post by hbandtr4eva)
My ex rang me last night crying down the phone because he'd heard I slept with someone on NYE (I didn't btw) and he was shaking and throwing up and basically saying he felt exactly like I have for the last 3 weeks. Everything I've said on here he said to me last night. He was saying how much he loved me and missed me and that the thought of me being with someone else broke his heart and he felt like part of him was missing.... But he still doesn't know what to do I told him I wasn't waiting for him though. I think he's starting to realise what he's lost - especially as he's now the only single one out of his 4 closest guy friends at Uni - 2 of them got back together with their ex's over the holidays

I'm going to the doctor's tonight about anti-depressents and I'm thinking of taking a year off Uni next year and graduating a year later because right now I can't cope. I originally made the appointment for something else completely different which has been plagueing me for several years but I told my mum about it recently and said I should get checked out so I'm going to bring this up at the same time.

I want to know that there's something they can do for me - I think I could be mildly schizophrenic (sp?) because I always feel like there's two parts of me, and the "bad"/"irrational" part of me is the one that controls me and tells me no-one cares about me and if I walked out of my house no-one would care.... So I want to get that sorted, probably counselling too, as well as seeing if there's anything they can do about my sleeping as it's really starting to take its toll on me now (not had more than 4/5 hours sleep a night for about 2 months now) and also see if I'm endangering myself by not eating. So lots of things really. I also want to see if she thinks it's worth applying for "extenuating circumstances" at Uni.

I don't really want to get put on medication but I think in the short-term if there's something I can do about my sleeping pattern, at least for the next few weeks until I've gone back to Uni and decided about my degree, worked out where I stand with Matt (ex), spoken to lecturers etc. I just want to be happy because I haven't honestly been happy, unless I was with Matt, in a very long time and it scares me so much.

I don't really know what to do about last night: we both said how much we missed each other and how much we were hurting but he said that he didn't know what he wanted anymore and I said I wasn't going to wait around for him to decide. But that's not really true, part of me is always going to be waiting for him because I love him so much and know how good we are together. A lot of our friends are of the opinion that we will get back together some day, and I know that one day that might not be what I want, but now I want to sort myself out and a couple of months down the line I'd like to try again. And he seems to be of the same opinion....I thought it would make me feel better hearing him hurting but all it did was make me want to hold him. I don't really understand how he can think he's made the right decision.....is it just me thinking this?

Right now I really want to get away from Uni. Ideally I would take next year off and delay graduating for a year and I would go and work in Switzerland over the winter, to improve my French and German as I have a friend who owns a hotel there so I would do that during ski-ing season and from April 2010 onwards I would live in my parents house in Italy, working in the town and the language school there so I could apply to do Final Honours Italian in my 3rd year (2010-2011)instead of Subsiduary Honours which I would have to do otherwise due to not having spent enough time in the country.

I would also apply for my PGCE/Masters and try and decide on my future. But I need to talk to lecturers/Uni etc and find all this out. I just want to be happy, with or without Matt but right now I can't deal with this and I'm petrified. I can hardly keep it together - the only reason I'm carrying on going to work is because it's easier than telling my parents why I'm still in bed at 12pm. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't get out of bed because I don't see the point in still existing anymore. I've got myself so deep into a mess and I don't think I can get out.

I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for the long rant, but I need to get it out. I'm falling apart.
:hugs: I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I think going to the doctors is a really good idea, as is the gap year for going to Switzerland and Italy. It would help you as a person, be life experience and it would help your degree. I don't see what's bad about it so go for it hun!

You CAN get out of this. Take little steps and you'll get there. As for your ex...you're doing the right thing by saying you're not going to wait and by taking some time for YOU. If you want to get back together and he is going to help you and not make you feel like you've felt for the past 3 weeks, then that is your decision but you're doing the right thing by not rushing. :hugs:
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sexysax
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#5687
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#5687
Been to doctors, got more citalopram and put on waiting list for NHS mental health team, ringing them on Wednesday.

Still feel utterly crap though
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Psyk
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#5688
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#5688
I'm kind of scared of going back to uni. One of the things that triggered my depression was developing really strong feelings for my housemate. hbandtr4eva mentioned shaking and throwing up at the thought of someone you like sleeping with someone else and that's what happens to me sometimes. I've was never going out with her or anything but now she is seeing someone and I know they have sex. I'm scared to go back because I've been thinking about her a bit less recently and seeing her again might completely undo that. I really don't want to have these feelings.
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starchild
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#5689
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#5689
Guess what... i'm still ill... woopdidoo
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jonathan122
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#5690
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#5690
(Original post by starchild)
Guess what... i'm still ill... woopdidoo
:console:
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Nothos
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#5691
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#5691
I got prescribed Citalopram today. But from what I've heard it has some wicked side effects and I'm a little nervous about taking it...
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jonathan122
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#5692
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(Original post by BruceTaylor)
I got prescribed Citalopram today. But from what I've heard it has some wicked side effects and I'm a little nervous about taking it...
Hi Bruce, different people react to citalopram in different ways, but as long as you start off at a low dosage and keep your doctor informed of any side-effects hopefully it will work ok for you.

Best wishes.
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anna_spanner89
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#5693
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#5693
ugh im trying to keep myself busy, making myself a meal. ive just had enough, enough enough

sometimes i wonder how many i'll need, im fed up of relying on people, and i think the easier way out to help them..is to take myself out. im pushing so many wonderful people out of my life, my ex doesn't want to chat to me..the other ex, thinks its funny im depressed and my brothers go around abusing me, calling me an ******* for the way im treating everyone. but i want them close..i miss them in my life..and im hurting myself. im self destructing myself and i may aswell keep on going
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Bangers+Mash
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#5694
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#5694
I feel horrible, so christmas was good-OK for me, but now im not.
I have stupid exams on thursday (only idiot AS ones) I cannot be bothered.
I have lost my motivation i don't know what to do, the stupid college have rebuilt the library so its crap now i can't even go work at college at the library because i hate it.
So much is getting me down at the moment, I don't know what to do anymore.
I knew this would happen right before my exams, I knew it.

I like to think ive been a nice person, i dont drink exessivly i don smoke i dont cause problems for people, i try and help others but i feel as thouygh im constantly being punished. I hate this so much, I feel as though i should give up on college. as well as everything else.
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jonathan122
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#5695
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#5695
(Original post by Bangers+Mash)
I feel horrible, so christmas was good-OK for me, but now im not.
I have stupid exams on thursday (only idiot AS ones) I cannot be bothered.
I have lost my motivation i don't know what to do, the stupid college have rebuilt the library so its crap now i can't even go work at college at the library because i hate it.
So much is getting me down at the moment, I don't know what to do anymore.
I knew this would happen right before my exams, I knew it.

I like to think ive been a nice person, i dont drink exessivly i don smoke i dont cause problems for people, i try and help others but i feel as thouygh im constantly being punished. I hate this so much, I feel as though i should give up on college. as well as everything else.
:hugs:

Don't give up now Luke, you've come so far already. In a couple of months time you'll have your A-levels, and you'll be able to make a fresh start.
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Dinendal Leralonde
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#5696
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#5696
(Original post by BruceTaylor)
I got prescribed Citalopram today. But from what I've heard it has some wicked side effects and I'm a little nervous about taking it...
I've just had some annoying back twinges from citalopram. Other than that though, it's actually making no difference whatsoever to my moods.

Oh, and I lost my job today They're making me redundant, which is ****, because that job was the best thing going for me I actually didn't ever feel like I didn't want to go.
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sexysax
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#5697
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#5697
(Original post by BruceTaylor)
I got prescribed Citalopram today. But from what I've heard it has some wicked side effects and I'm a little nervous about taking it...
I felt quite sick about an hour after taking my first one but then it was pretty much ok, aside from a few headaches early on. I've started back on it again today and so far haven't had any side effects. They may make you feel worse to start off with though so keep at it.
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jonathan122
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#5698
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#5698
(Original post by Dinendal Leralonde)
I've just had some annoying back twinges from citalopram. Other than that though, it's actually making no difference whatsoever to my moods.

Oh, and I lost my job today They're making me redundant, which is ****, because that job was the best thing going for me I actually didn't ever feel like I didn't want to go.
:hugs: I'm sorry about the job.
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raspberrybubbles
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#5699
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#5699
I'm on citalopram and never really had any problems, but it doesn't seem to be working! Think I need to up the dose...
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jonathan122
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#5700
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#5700
(Original post by raspberrybubbles)
I'm on citalopram and never really had any problems, but it doesn't seem to be working! Think I need to up the dose...
Hi rb, how are you? :hugs:
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