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    "I'm trying really hard to see this from his point of view, but I cannot understand why he borrowed/took the money from me to begin with if he had no intention of paying me back. I don't think he really respects me or our friendship and I feel really used. Am I totally overreacting here?"

    theres no need to see it from his view. being poor isnt an excuse. he shouldnt have lent it off you if there was no intention to pay back.

    youre not over reacting.
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    So how much does he actually owe you? You said he owed you something before, then you bought him a meal and drinks - I mean are we talking a fiver and a McDonalds? Or into the hundreds?

    Regardless, once you have it back, you need to lose him. Maybe suggest he pay you in other stuff, or he puts some DVD's on Ebay?
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    (Original post by Bagration)
    Oh next time you're at his house just steal it from him. Well it wouldn't actually be stealing I guess. If he can't pay you back he shouldn't have borrowed from you in the first place unless you made it absolutely clear he didn't need to pay it back. I would feel awful if I borrowed enough for a meal and drinks (which appears to be £30 or so in my case) and then couldn't pay it back... I'd rather just not eat. Personal honour, I suppose.
    Seriously, do this.

    I have done this to a friend who owed me £20 for entry to a club one night. I got sick of asking for it back because she was never going to give it to me so I took £20 out of her bedroom one time.

    I felt a bit dodgy about it but she was in the wrong. :yes:

    I didn't mention it again and she probably thinks she did me out of £20 notes. :laugh:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A few months ago a friend of mine, let's call him Bob, invited some mutual friends and I out for dinner. He already owed me a few quid, which I was hoping to get back.

    After we'd eaten Bob 'just realised' that he'd forgotten his wallet. I'd already taken out some cash so I couldn't pretend I didn't have the money to lend him. My other friends flat-out refused to lend him money because he owed them all money too:rolleyes: . So I paid for his meal and drinks making it clear that he needed to pay me back soon.

    Over the next few months, every time I've invited him out he's suddenly jumped in and said he was poor or can't afford anything, as if he's making sure that he isn't paying for me. When I ask him for the money he says he doesn't have it and acts REALLY moody with me which makes me feel bad for even asking.

    He recently paid back my other friends, so I spoke to them for advice on how to get the money back. A friend spoke to him on my behalf and told me that Bob is of the opinion that because I am 'loaded' (he is on benefits and is in debt whilst I have a job and come from a more supportive family) he doesn't need to pay me back ... because he needs money to live whereas I will just ... and I quote ... 'spend it on shoes.' :lolwut:

    :rant: Grrr, the only reason I'm more 'well off' than him is because my parents and I work our bums off and come back from work completely exhausted and shattered, whilst he just claim benefits! :mad: Ahem, rant over.

    I'm trying really hard to see this from his point of view, but I cannot understand why he borrowed/took the money from me to begin with if he had no intention of paying me back. I don't think he really respects me or our friendship and I feel really used. Am I totally overreacting here?
    Tell him you're getting your cash, and he can give it or you can take it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A few months ago a friend of mine, let's call him Bob, invited some mutual friends and I out for dinner. He already owed me a few quid, which I was hoping to get back.

    After we'd eaten Bob 'just realised' that he'd forgotten his wallet. I'd already taken out some cash so I couldn't pretend I didn't have the money to lend him. My other friends flat-out refused to lend him money because he owed them all money too:rolleyes: . So I paid for his meal and drinks making it clear that he needed to pay me back soon.

    Over the next few months, every time I've invited him out he's suddenly jumped in and said he was poor or can't afford anything, as if he's making sure that he isn't paying for me. When I ask him for the money he says he doesn't have it and acts REALLY moody with me which makes me feel bad for even asking.

    He recently paid back my other friends, so I spoke to them for advice on how to get the money back. A friend spoke to him on my behalf and told me that Bob is of the opinion that because I am 'loaded' (he is on benefits and is in debt whilst I have a job and come from a more supportive family) he doesn't need to pay me back ... because he needs money to live whereas I will just ... and I quote ... 'spend it on shoes.' :lolwut:

    :rant: Grrr, the only reason I'm more 'well off' than him is because my parents and I work our bums off and come back from work completely exhausted and shattered, whilst he just claim benefits! :mad: Ahem, rant over.

    I'm trying really hard to see this from his point of view, but I cannot understand why he borrowed/took the money from me to begin with if he had no intention of paying me back. I don't think he really respects me or our friendship and I feel really used. Am I totally overreacting here?
    Anon my boy, I think your loosely low-expectational definition of 'freind' is partially the problem. Virtually every typical relationship has an intrinsic social interest— that's not to say that every 'typical relationship' is as inherently intimate as a genuine 'friendship'. On the other hand we have the common 'typical relationship' that we can call, "associate relationships"— unlike the intimacy of 'friendships', associate relationships are predominately superficial, and/or materialistic at the crux.

    To explicate:
    Genuine friendships can be unisex— sexuality having to be mutual; trails are totally expedient before claiming an associate to be a 'friend'. Some qualities to consider in prospecting for a friend are qualities like maturity, mutual consideration, loyalty, respect, education, and a consequential emotional attachment. Trail will determine whether your prospective friend lacks any of these, because when they don't, nothing materialistic can hinder the friendship. I'd like add that the difference between a 'friendship' and a family member is a mere biological one.



    Associate relationships are typically quasi-friendships— can be unisex— that seem to have all the hallmarks of a genuine friendship; however, they're almost always totally centered around superficial interest: mutual recreational interest, credit interest, coveted interest, sexual interest, and/or promotional interest. Associates can also be the preliminaries of a friendship, but the stark contrast can be identified by the lack of relational vigor that would make their relationship susceptible to unwarranted conflicts like those of consideration that otherwise wouldn't be an issue within a friendship.

    Meshing up associates and friends underneath one roof can be so costly down the road, especially if it's passionate, and you recklessly entrust information or engage an ambiguous associate in marriage, that it can mean your sanity, your financial stability, your freedom, or worse—your life.
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    Bob doesn't sound like a very good friend to me
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    Next time he asks for you to pay for him or claims to have no money, jump in out of your friends first and say 'well you still owe me *however much*! I'm not paying for you because you won't return it'. If you say this in a jokey way then he can't get too mad at you but you still won't have to pay. Just stop lending him money and if he doesn't pay back the money he owes you, just forget it but don't give him any more of your money.
    My friend did that to me once. Overseas call = £22. Still not paid back and claimed she was 'waiting for her pocket money' whilst paying other friends back. She's fun to talk to but she's not the best of people now and I'm not good friends with her anymore. Some people are just good to hang out with but not good to get too close to.
    Good luck!
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    (Original post by Stokie)
    HaHa you've just met someone bought up on a council estate. trust me I know what these people are like since my city is one big one. I doubt you will get your money back.
    Sorry I disagree with this sweeping statement. I know people who live on council estates who are very nice and nothing like Bob.

    Anyhow, thank you for all the replies.

    For those of you asking how much he owes me in total, it's £46. It was a medium-upper priced restaurant (that he chose to go to) and he'd bought a lot of alcoholic drinks, and owed me money from before too.
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    Go round his house and take his TV until he pays you.
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    Sleep with his mum and let him catch you doing it
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    Punch him in the face and get your money back.
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    as shakey said:
    'neither a borrower nor a lender be'

    wise words there...think in future you ought to follow them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For those of you asking how much he owes me in total, it's £46. It was a medium-upper priced restaurant (that he chose to go to) and he'd bought a lot of alcoholic drinks, and owed me money from before too.
    That's ridiculous!! :eek:
    If anything, being poor should only make him feel more ashamed because money and small luxuries mean more to you when they're more difficult to get.

    I grew up in a situation with very little/no money, but I would never do anything like this or think I had an entitlement to someone else's. Friends would even offer to pay for inexpensive things for me (not lend) and I always refused because it would feel wrong to me. I'd rather go without.
    I'd certainly never dream of accepting anything as expensive as that, let alone borrow it without intending to pay you back.


    He's not a nice person. You might have to just cut your losses and ditch him.
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    Can't stand numpties who are like this.
    I remember a mate of mine (this was 2 or 3 years back now) paid for a taxi (£5) for a bunch of us because we had no cash on us. Anyway, the next day at school he was straight up to me demanding £2.50 to cover my share of the taxi because apparently none of the other lads had paid. I was pissed off about this but thought I'd pay anyway, turns out he has been to each of the lads individually and told them the same story so he was us at least a fiver. I wouldn't mind but he's a right stingy **** all the time (gave him a tenner for his birthday, I get **** all for mine) and his world revolves around money.
    I ended up just telling him to piss off and that I can't be arsed to go out with him again if he is so driven by a bit of money.
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    This will solve everything:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFfzH2W2w4g
 
 
 
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