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Would you dump him for this or let it go? Watch

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    (Original post by munchkin88)
    My boyfriend and I had the perfect relationship for the first six months; he made it clear he was absolutely devoted to me and went out of his way to stop anyone getting in between us. He had a (very hot) female friend who he had pulled in the past, and who would constantly try it on with him after we got together. I saw him reject her for me on several occasions, so I knew he was loyal and taking the relationship seriously.

    After six months we hit a really bad patch which was entirely my fault. I became really insecure and paranoid about EVERYTHING and would constantly shout at him, question him about everything and generally make his life hell. This culminated in me dumping him, pulling someone else the same night, and then taking him back the next day when he begged me to try and change back to who I used to be.

    Things got a lot better after those few months and now are pretty much back to perfect. He admitted to me yesterday that when things were bad, he had been invited out for dinner with a guy from work who was bringing a female friend with him who he hadn't seen for years, and so my boyfriend invited THAT girl (the one who always tried it on) to go with them, and they went out as a foursome. He hid this from me for nearly a year, saying he did it because he had almost lost hope in us ever working and didn't want to continue to reject this girl when she kept trying to contact him and be his friend.

    He swears he didn't kiss her and that it was just as friends, but he didn't see why he should cut people who wanted to be his friend out of his life for my sake - when I was being a terrible person towards him.

    I think it was all my fault but I hate the thought that he has lied all this time and the thought of them out for dinner when I had no idea....am I over-reacting? Should I get over it or dump him?
    I wouldn't blame your boyfriend if he did see it as a date, it sounds like you have him wrapped around your little finger and that you're a bloody head case, you're even asking a forum full of random strangers whether you should dump him!? Do you even give a crap? I hope he realises soon that he should dump you
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    If I was OP's partner, i'd dump OP, rather than the other way, tbh.
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    :facepalm: you're bf is better off without you
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    Really don't see how you have a right to be mad at all. I would've dumped you ages ago.
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    you pulled a guy the same day you broke up and he still wanted you back. lady why are you even asking this question. 99% of lads would think they obvusly mean **** all to you if you did that to them. and all he did was go to dinner... do you have any self respect? sounds like you dumped him that day to go shag the guy you pulled...

    you need to sort your head out kiddo...
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    Psycho :erm:
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    WTF :lolwut: He didn't actually do anything wrong you weirdo :lolwut::lolwut:
    Unless I've read it wrong, YOU dumped him after being a crazy person, and then pulled someone in the same night (classy, :rolleyes:) And you're what, considering dumping him (again) because he went out with the girl AS A FRIEND during the bad patch :eek::eek:

    I actually pity your boyfriend, you go insane, dump him, get with someone else on the same night, go back out with said boyfriend and then consider dumping him for this. My god.
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    Listen, you're not doing yourself any good whatsoever in dwelling on whether or not it was a date. the question you should be asking yourself is do you trust him? if you do then let this go, cry and scream and shout to get it all out of your system once and for all if needs be. If this is the case, let him know how you feel. Sit him down and say "i need to let you know how you made me feel about this, but afer this i promise i won't bring it up again, as i know it doesnt mean anything [only if you do know that] and that you love me... blahblahblah" that way he knows how much it hurt you and it would make such a big impact that he won't do it again.

    stop thinking of it as a date. start thinking of why he did it. If you want things to go back to "ways things were" before you started feeling all insecure and shouting at him for nothing then you NEED to stp thinking of it like that.

    Keep thinking this way, you're going to start resenting him (whilst loving him) for little things and there'll be a big massive wedge driven betwen the pair of you because he will pick up on the vibes you're sending out, and as you'll be mulling over it you won't want to necessarily talk about it and then he'll feel he can't talk to you.... you see where this is going?

    God knows, i know what it feels like " for things to go back to normal" and i've learnt that being withdrawn and somber and angry and insecure just doesnt work. i makes your life hell. it makes his miserable. and then things get pushed to breaking point.

    one question though, does your boyfriend know you pulled on that night?
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    (Original post by munchkin88)
    Because he said he didn't want to see this girl as she had tried to get between us in the past....
    blooming heck you really think a lot of yourself, hes bent over backwards as far as you are concerned, and youve put him through hell.

    Personally yes i think you should break up with him, because he would be far better off without you.
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    You slept with someone else on the night you broke up , he must have felt crap and you're wondering whether to dump him ?????????????? You're the one in the wrong here
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    If anything, he should be the one breaking up with you. You sound like one crazy *****.
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    lol @ dump him. you should just be grateful he didnt leave your ass.
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    Who's done the most dammage?

    You who pulled on the same night you broke up with him and caused your relationship to deterioate to the point where he didn't have any hope for the two of you

    or

    Him who had a meal with a girl and didn't even do anything.

    Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you.
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    (Original post by munchkin88)
    My boyfriend and I had the perfect relationship for the first six months; he made it clear he was absolutely devoted to me and went out of his way to stop anyone getting in between us. He had a (very hot) female friend who he had pulled in the past, and who would constantly try it on with him after we got together. I saw him reject her for me on several occasions, so I knew he was loyal and taking the relationship seriously.

    After six months we hit a really bad patch which was entirely my fault. I became really insecure and paranoid about EVERYTHING and would constantly shout at him, question him about everything and generally make his life hell. This culminated in me dumping him, pulling someone else the same night, and then taking him back the next day when he begged me to try and change back to who I used to be.

    Things got a lot better after those few months and now are pretty much back to perfect. He admitted to me yesterday that when things were bad, he had been invited out for dinner with a guy from work who was bringing a female friend with him who he hadn't seen for years, and so my boyfriend invited THAT girl (the one who always tried it on) to go with them, and they went out as a foursome. He hid this from me for nearly a year, saying he did it because he had almost lost hope in us ever working and didn't want to continue to reject this girl when she kept trying to contact him and be his friend.

    He swears he didn't kiss her and that it was just as friends, but he didn't see why he should cut people who wanted to be his friend out of his life for my sake - when I was being a terrible person towards him.

    I think it was all my fault but I hate the thought that he has lied all this time and the thought of them out for dinner when I had no idea....am I over-reacting? Should I get over it or dump him?
    I think he should dump you, you sound like a total *****.
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    Personally, I don't think anybody should be so critical for a situation they do not know much about. I know myself that I would be slightly paranoid if a girl was still trying to intefere in my relationship. This just depends on how much intefering she has done, though.

    I think this should be a wake up call though and you should reflect on how you've been treating him. He has stuck by you... that should indicate how much he cares for you. He probably told you that piece of info to clear any conflict that might've arose if you found out from someone else. That should show he's wanting to start afresh.

    If you don't trust him I don't see the point in this relationship. You have to learn to accept that he loves and dotes over you and not this other girl; he wouldn't be with you otherwise. It'll be your paranoia and insecurities that'll lead to this split.

    So if you feel you could trust him again allow him to have a friendship with this girl and don't deprive him of friendships, otherwise the relationship will turn lonely and sour.
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    i hate myself for reading the whole thing.


    but yeah, let it go, why ruin a good thing?
    • Thread Starter
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    I know I was a ***** to dump him for no reason and pull someone the same night, but I did tell him THE NEXT DAY and he took me back anyway.

    I behaved badly over the following months and I know that, but whilst it was happening he never seemed to give up; even when I refused to speak to him/ignored him/said mean things, he constantly called me and tried again and again with me, and drove from London to Birmingham every weekend without fail to visit me, even when things were at their lowest.

    That's why I don't understand how at the same time he was talking to some girl he knew I had a problem with, and meeting up with her whilst reassuring me he wasn't in touch with her. He knew that lying to me about that wasn't going to help the situation, but he did it anyway.
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    (Original post by munchkin88)
    I know I was a ***** to dump him for no reason and pull someone the same night, but I did tell him THE NEXT DAY and he took me back anyway.

    I behaved badly over the following months and I know that, but whilst it was happening he never seemed to give up; even when I refused to speak to him/ignored him/said mean things, he constantly called me and tried again and again with me, and drove from London to Birmingham every weekend without fail to visit me, even when things were at their lowest.

    That's why I don't understand how at the same time he was talking to some girl he knew I had a problem with, and meeting up with her whilst reassuring me he wasn't in touch with her. He knew that lying to me about that wasn't going to help the situation, but he did it anyway.
    You do not deserve him y'know that?

    you have no right what so ever to complain about anything he's done , who gives a damn if you had a problem with that girl, she's his friend, he tried to cut her out for your sake and your still complaining, why should he lose friends for you, why do you think you are that special?
    After everything you've put him through, after everything he's done for you what gives you the right to have a problem with anyone he talks to?

    He saw her as a friend for gods sake, your are obviously still going through your little psycho phase cause any sane girl would realise just how lucky she is if she had a guy like yours. Use it or lose it sweetheart, if you dont start appreciating him soon he's gonna relaise just how much time is being wasted on you.
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    (Original post by munchkin88)
    That's why I don't understand how at the same time he was talking to some girl he knew I had a problem with, and meeting up with her whilst reassuring me he wasn't in touch with her. He knew that lying to me about that wasn't going to help the situation, but he did it anyway.
    *sigh*
    Why should he restrict who he talks to because of your paranoia and emotional instability?
    You do not own him, and should be grateful he'll talk to you at all, never mind wanting him to talk to you exclusively.
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    (Original post by JGR)
    *sigh*
    Why should he restrict who he talks to because of your paranoia and emotional instability?
    You do not own him, and should be grateful he'll talk to you at all, never mind wanting him to talk to you exclusively.
    Before the bad patch, he told me he was uncomfortable with me speaking to my ex, so I agreed not to meet up with him anymore in case he got the wrong idea. In return, he said he wouldn't meet up with that girl either as she may get the wrong idea too.

    It was HIS idea to cut these people out of our lives, and HE broke it whilst still asking me all the time whether I was seeing that guy or if I had broken the deal in any way. I don't understand why he was bothered whether I'd broken it or not seeing as he was breaking it the whole time without me knowing....
 
 
 
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