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Never Had Sex Before - Please Help Watch

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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Stop being so idiotic.
    Use a bit of common sense.
    Read the post.

    I DID NOT know she was 16 when she posted this, CLEARLY i posted it before she stated she was 16.
    So, now we have that sorted, none of your post is valid so i dont need to reply to anything.
    That 'Evidence' is considering adults.
    If she's 16 now, she was 14 when she started dating her boyfriend.
    I know some guys can't completely understand the idea of wanting to wait, being desperate to shove their **** into anything that moves, but seriously, you can't comprehend that a 14 year old girl could be attracted to a guy, but not want to have sex? really? That's not a reason?
    If she doesn't feel ready to have sex, which to some people can be a pretty big deal, then good for her. Its not good for a girl's emotional development to sleep with someone when you're not sure and then have them hurt you afterwards. A ridiculous number of women regret rushing into sex and losing their virginity to the wrong person.
    She obviously doesn't feel like she would be fine doing it now, hence the waiting. Jesus!

    Maybe you're not a pig but you're part of the culture who think that boyfriends have a right to sex with their girlfriends, pretty much regardless of how young/not ready they may be. Its disgusting.


    Still valid for someone older than 16.
    Aaaaaand We're on a students forum. :curious:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay,

    SO me and my boyfriend have been going out for 1 and a half years now and we never had sex because I told him I wasn't ready and he said it's okay with him and that he'd wait for me.

    And I am wanting some good advice from you lot because my friends are seriously immature and they have had sex, heaven knows how many times, so they take it casually but I find it more important and I don't know what to do.

    Because I feel like I made him wait long enough, and what if he gets bored of me?

    Please help
    xx


    sex is great or whatever, but it doesn't make the relationship at all.
    if you're not ready, and your boyfriend says okay (which tbh he can't say anything else) then there's nothing to worry about because he is clearly with you for more than sex.
    if your boyfriend really cares about you, he won't get bored of you. if he gets "bored of waiting" then he's not worth you
    anyway, he sounds like a good person because i know not all boys (or girls if their boyfriend said it to them) would 'wait' for them.
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    Have sex when you want to. Personally I wouldn't wait a year and half for someone so serious kudos to your boyfriend. He must really love you. Go at your own pace. Do what you feel comfortable with and don't feel like you have to conform to societies blaise attitude to sex.

    Do it when you're ready, not when other people tell you you're ready
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Umm.. what.. grow up?

    The simple FACT is that sex helps a relationship.. actual EXPERTS say that.

    I'm sorry if i came across an ass , i didnt mean to, i simply meant to state that i dont understand how people cant be sexually attracted enough to their partner to put it off for one and a half years with no real reason. The OP doesnt seem so set on the fact she isnt ready to have sex, she seems like she'd be fine doing it now, thats why i said it.

    Am not a pig


    sex may "help" a relationship, with "intimacy" or whatever
    but you can do lots of stuff thats not sex which is still intimate like lying around in bed, sleeping together (as in falling asleep), going to certain places, going out to eat etc.
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    (Original post by Boobies.)

    Maybe you're not a pig but you're part of the culture who think that boyfriends have a right to sex with their girlfriends, pretty much regardless of how young/not ready they may be. Its disgusting.[/B]


    Still valid for someone older than 16.
    Aaaaaand We're on a students forum. :curious:
    What the hell are you on about?
    Nowhere did i say, or insinuate , that boyfriends have a right to sex?
    If OP was a guy talking about his girlfriend, i would say the same, would you then tell me i was saying girlfriends had a right to sex? Stop trying to be all 'womans rights' about things and over analysing what i said.

    And btw.
    The majority of people on this forum are older than 16, its a student forum..with the majority of people being AT university.

    I'm sorry i didnt write 5 replies to OP, each aimed at different age groups just to make sure it was right.

    Jesus christ.. some people.
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    (Original post by ashleighwhitehouse)
    sex may "help" a relationship, with "intimacy" or whatever
    but you can do lots of stuff thats not sex which is still intimate like lying around in bed, sleeping together (as in falling asleep), going to certain places, going out to eat etc.
    Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?

    I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help. :facepalm:
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?

    I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help. :facepalm:


    yes, but the whole reason it helps a relationship is because of the intimacy it creates.
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    (Original post by ashleighwhitehouse)
    yes, but the whole reason it helps a relationship is because of the intimacy it creates.
    Yes... i know..
    and ... ?
    I said sex helps a relationship.. and your agreeing with me yet still trying to argue with me.. ?
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Your subjective opinion, nothing more.

    Sure, sex isn't EVERYTHING in a relationship (unless it's a casual sex relationship), but it IS an ESSENTIAL part of it. A relationship without sex is just a platonic friendship.

    Men and women get together primarily because of SEXUAL ATTRACTION. If they are not going to have sex, why bother being together?

    Every straight person hooks up with a member of the opposite sex because they have a degree of interest in having sex with that person. You don't date a member of the opposite sex so you can 'hold hands in the park on a Saturday afternoon', or so you can 'hang out as best mates'. You might do those things IN ADDITION to having sex, though, but if those are the only things you do and there's no sex, then it's not a sexual/romantic relationship, but merely a platonic friendship.

    Why is she with this guy then? If there's no sex, what does she get out of it?

    If she isn't ready to have sex, she isn't ready to have a boyfriend, END OF.

    If people aren't ready to have sex, they should just stay single and remain only platonic friends with members of the opposite sex until they are mature enough to have proper relationships (i.e. which sex is a part of).

    What I feel sorry for is guys like the OP's boyfriend, who waste a year and a half with a girl who they're not even having sex with. In fact, no, I don't even feel sorry for him because he must be a complete chump if he spent so long with a girl who didn't put out.

    I'd have been out of there after 3 dates maximum if a girl didn't have any interest in having sex with me. I wouldn't waste my time. If a girl isn't ready for sex, then I don't want her.

    Don't come on here telling I 'need to grow up' or that I'm an 'absolute pig'. If anything YOU need to grow up, not me. If anything, the OP and her boyfriend need to 'grow up'. You are the one who basically states the following points:-

    1) Guys and girls can be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' without ever having sex with each other

    2) Sex isn't important in a relationship

    3) Any guy who thinks sex is important in a relationship is a 'pig' and 'needs to grow up'

    4) Any guy who gets with a girl and then wants to have sex with her is 'pig' or needs to grow up'.

    5) Guys should be willing to spend 1.5 years or more with a girl without ever having sex with her

    ....and you have the audacity to tell ME I need to 'grow up' and that I'm a 'pig'!!! Are these 5 points what you're saying then, Boobies?

    Can't you see what bull**** the above statements are?

    I can tell you're very immature and inexperienced with sex and relationships, Boobies. Let me put it to you another way...if you got with a guy you really fancied, then he turned around and told you 'he wasn't ready for sex', would you stick around for 1.5 or more years until he was ready? I would bet money you wouldn't. I would bet money you'd be sucking the **** of a guy who was more willing to satisfy your sexual needs.

    And don't call men who wants sex 'pigs'. Women love to **** just as much as men. Sex is a normal, natural human desire...NOBODY is a 'pig' for wanting it...they are simply HUMAN.

    Until you answer these questions, I am having a hard time taking you seriously, so I await your reply.
    I actually cannot believe you think like this. Sex isn't essential, especially in teenage relationships. Why bother being together? Well because they like each other's company and being intimate with each other? Because they feel attracted to each other, despite not being ready to have sex?

    Why is having a relationship just a means of getting sex to you? If her boyfriend is happy dating her for 15 months and not having sex, then there's absolutely no problem! Why's it 'wasted' if he enjoys her company, likes being close to her and spending time with her?

    1) Yes, people of 16 years old are perfectly fine to have a relationship and not have sex. Its pretty normal really.

    2) Sex isn't as important as you think it is, by a long shot. And when you're young and not ready for sex, its not important.

    3) Once again, no. You're a pig and need to grow up for making such a post on a thread where someone relatively young is talking about not having sex with her boyfriend. Do you have any idea how much pressure statements like that exert on young girls? You're trying to make her feel guilty and inadequate for not having sex with her boyfriend when she's not ready. How do you not understand how ****ed up that is?

    From this post, I also think you need to grow up because you're incapable of having a relationship without sex. You couldn't spend a month or two dating a girl without shagging her? seriously? Your inability to get to know someone before you need sex to validate the relationship is really worrying.

    4) Wanting to have sex with your girlfriend does not make you a pig no. Thinking of sex as your right as a boyfriend? Yeah that does. Where is your respect for women..

    5) I didn't say every guy should be willing to spend 1.5 years with a girl without sex. I completely disagree though that the time is wasted if they guy wants to wait for the girl. It wouldn't be as bad if it were you moaning about your girlfriend not putting out and the two of you could just break up, but you're trying to inflict these opinions on other people who seem happy.

    If I liked a guy enough to stick with him for a year and a half without sex, I would.
    I wouldn't be 'sucking the ****' of anyone I wasn't emotionally attached to.

    Once again, i didn't call the guy a pig for wanting sex. I called you a pig for your attitude, and boy was I right. I appreciate humans want sex, but you put it on a complete pedestal. Sex should be part of an emotional relationship, when you get to know a person, not the be all and end all. This entire post is ridiculous.

    :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    What the hell are you on about?
    Nowhere did i say, or insinuate , that boyfriends have a right to sex?
    If OP was a guy talking about his girlfriend, i would say the same, would you then tell me i was saying girlfriends had a right to sex? Stop trying to be all 'womans rights' about things and over analysing what i said.

    And btw.
    The majority of people on this forum are older than 16, its a student forum..with the majority of people being AT university.

    I'm sorry i didnt write 5 replies to OP, each aimed at different age groups just to make sure it was right.

    Jesus christ.. some people.
    Yes! You're missing my point.
    You insinuated that if she wasn't willing to have sex with him for that long then she couldn't like him as much as she thought. I just don't see where the hell that logic comes from? Its *******s.
    The exact same applies if she was 20. Some people don't want to rush into sex, why is that a problem?
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Yes... i know..
    and ... ?
    I said sex helps a relationship.. and your agreeing with me yet still trying to argue with me.. ?


    no.
    im arguing with the fact that you were like people should just be friends if they dont have sex because they clearly dont care the about each other enough type of thing.
    you make it sound like you think people should only be together if they have sex, and that if they have sex itll create intimacy, but i was saying that you don't need to want to have sex to be together because you can create that intimacy in other ways.
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    (Original post by Boobies.)
    I actually cannot believe you think like this.
    I'm having a hard time believing the way you think too.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Sex isn't essential, especially in teenage relationships.
    Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? Why not just be platonic friends if you're not having sex?

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Why bother being together? Well because they like each other's company and being intimate with each other? Because they feel attracted to each other, despite not being ready to have sex?
    So, I can 'like the company' of my male friends. I can talk 'intimately' with my male friends. I don't necessarily need someone of the opposite sex for this.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Why is having a relationship just a means of getting sex to you?
    That depends on the type of relationship we're talking about. I put all sexual/romantic relationship into one of the following categories:-

    1) Long term or short term?

    2) Monogamous or non-monogamous?

    3) Casual or more serious?

    Of course, if the relationship is short-term, non monogamous casual sex, then it's going to be based on sex. Nothing wrong with that at all if that's what both parties want, if everybody has been upfront and honest with each other.

    If the relationship is a longer term, more serious thing, then of course it's not JUST sex. I want to get to know that girl so I can see if she's on my wavelength as a person. I want to see if she's interesting to me. I want to see if she's on my level of intelligence. I want to see if she has good character or if she's just full of ****. I want to be with someone who I like as a person, but who I'm also sexually attracted to. I want to see if we have anything in common, etc.

    I live my life by a code of honour and base all my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT, and I don't get involved with any girl who doesn't believe in those 3 things. In fact I tell girls this upfront, so there's no misunderstandings about how I operate.

    But what I'm saying is...WITHOUT SEX, a 'relationship' is just a platonic friendship.

    I don't get with women to have platonic friendships. No man gets a girlfriend because he is looking for a female friend. Let's get real here.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    If her boyfriend is happy dating her for 15 months and not having sex, then there's absolutely no problem! Why's it 'wasted' if he enjoys her company, likes being close to her and spending time with her?
    I can't comment on this without knowing the boyfriend's side of the story. He may be frustrated, I don't know. But you can 'enjoy the company' and 'spend time with' a friend. Those things don't make the relationship a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' relationship.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    1) Yes, people of 16 years old are perfectly fine to have a relationship and not have sex. Its pretty normal really.
    Again dear, a relationship without sex is just a platonic friendship.

    And it's 'pretty normal' to not have sex with someone you're 'going out with'? Since when? You're not actually 'going out' if there's no sexual element; you are just friends.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    2) Sex isn't as important as you think it is, by a long shot. And when you're young and not ready for sex, its not important.
    How many times do I have to repeat myself: if there's no sex in a 'relationship', then it's just a platonic friendship.

    And if you're young and not ready for sex, then stay single. Don't get involved with anyone of the opposite sex, just remain platonic friends with them until you are mature enough to handle normal, sexual relationships.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    3) Once again, no. You're a pig and need to grow up for making such a post on a thread where someone relatively young is talking about not having sex with her boyfriend.
    Again, calling me a 'pig' is nothing more than a subjective criticism and means nothing.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Do you have any idea how much pressure statements like that exert on young girls? You're trying to make her feel guilty and inadequate for not having sex with her boyfriend when she's not ready. How do you not understand how ****ed up that is?
    Again, if young girls feel 'under pressure' to have sex, then that means they aren't ready to be having relationships with guys. So they should wait until they are ready and mature enough before getting involved with someone. End of. Then they wouldn't feel 'pressured'.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    From this post, I also think you need to grow up because you're incapable of having a relationship without sex.
    Of course I can have relationships without sex....they are called platonic friendships. I have plenty of those...with my male buddies, and with my family, etc.

    But I hook up with members of the opposite sex because I'm SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. Nothing wrong with that, this is REALITY. Of course I want to like them as people as well...I always say it's good to be friends with the girls I date....but never JUST FRIENDS. The best relationships are when you are friends AND lovers all in one. And to be lovers, there has to be a sexual element to the relationship.

    You seem to be living in some sort of weird alternative reality where men and women hook up just to be mates and to not have sex. In your reality, guys and girls who don't have sex but merely 'enjoy each others company' are 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. And in your reality, any guy who hooks up with a girl because he wants to have sex with her is a 'pig'. Can't you see how messed up your reality is? It's not the REAL WORLD....

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    You couldn't spend a month or two dating a girl without shagging her? seriously? Your inability to get to know someone before you need sex to validate the relationship is really worrying.
    Why would ANYONE date a girl for a month without having sex with them? That's a LOT of wasted time in my opinion. I value my time and it would be the height of stupidity to wait that amount of time to have sex with someone.

    If a girl still 'isn't ready for sex' a month or 2 months after meeting me, she's either a) not attracted to me, b) playing games with me, c) wasting my time, or d) has hang-ups about sex.....in which case, I don't want her. There are plenty of single, horny women out there who will give me what I'm looking for in a much shorter space of time.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    4) Wanting to have sex with your girlfriend does not make you a pig no. Thinking of sex as your right as a boyfriend? Yeah that does.
    Of course you have a right to have sex with your girlfriend (if she consents to it, of course). A 'boyfriend-girlfriend' relationship should be a SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, or they aren't 'boyfriend and girlfriend'.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Where is your respect for women..
    Again dear, I stated earlier that I live by a code of honour and base my relationships on 3 things: HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT.

    If a girl doesn't want to date me, I fully RESPECT that...and I move onto a girl who does want to date me.

    If a girl doesn't want to have sex with me, I fully RESPECT that....and I move onto a girl who does want to have sex with me.

    I treat women fairly, I treat them as human beings, I am honest with them etc etc.

    So don't give me this crap about not respecting women.

    You seem to think that 'wanting sex from a girl' = 'I don't respect her'. That's bull****.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    5) I didn't say every guy should be willing to spend 1.5 years with a girl without sex. I completely disagree though that the time is wasted if they guy wants to wait for the girl. It wouldn't be as bad if it were you moaning about your girlfriend not putting out and the two of you could just break up, but you're trying to inflict these opinions on other people who seem happy.
    Why would any guy want to wait 1.5 years or more to have sex with any girl? That is just an ABSURD amount of time to wait to have sex with someone.

    Any guy who is willing to wait that amount of time to have sex with one girl either a) can't get another girl, because he knows he 'got lucky' with this girl and if he walked away from her he wouldn't be able to get anyone else, so he has to latch onto her; or b) over-values sex and under-values his own time ; or c) is very young and naive.

    And you state this girl is 'happy'. If she was so 'happy', why would she feel the need to post about her situation on an internet message board? Something tells me that she DOES want to have sex with this guy, but she has hang-ups about having sex for whatever reason. She wouldn't be posting here for advice if she was 'happy' with her situation.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Once again, i didn't call the guy a pig for wanting sex. I called you a pig for your attitude, and boy was I right.
    If I'm a 'pig' for giving people the honest truth and cutting through the bull**** on this thread, then so be it. But again, it's merely a subjective label and as such means nothing.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    I appreciate humans want sex, but you put it on a complete pedestal.
    Excuse me??? I put sex on pedestal??? No no dear....I'm not the one who is willing to wait 1.5 years or more just to have sex with someone. People who put sex on a pedestal and treat it like a sacred thing are willing to wait that amount of time.

    But me? Hell no. I don't treat sex like the 'Holy Grail' of any on that ****. I see sex as a normal, healthy human need. And therefore I don't put it on a pedestal at all. I would NEVER be willing to wait that amount of time just for a bit of sex with a girl. So I really don't understand why you think I put sex on a 'complete pedestal'. The only guy I see who puts sex on a 'complete pedestal' is the OP's 'boyfriend', because he was willing to wait so long for it.

    (Original post by Boobies.)
    Sex should be part of an emotional relationship, when you get to know a person, not the be all and end all. This entire post is ridiculous.
    Says who that 'sex should be part of an emotional relationship'? Says who? The church? Religion? Your parents? School? The media? Where did you pick up this belief from?

    Sex doesn't have to be part of an emotional relationship. What about short-term casual sex? What about one-night stands? Are these emotional relationships? Hardly!

    Sex CAN be part of an emotional relationship....but it can also be part of a non-emotional relationship. There is no fixed rule or fixed law that says 'If you have sex with someone, you must also be emotionally attached to them'. That's bull****!

    Sex is just sex. If you choose only to have sex as part of an emotionally profound relationship, fair enough. But people also have the right to have non-emotional sex too. Both men and women are SEXUAL BEINGS, and as such can be turned on without being 'emotionally attached' to someone.

    It is not 'of higher morals' to only have sex within an emotional relationship. Seriously, YOU are treating sex like it's this 'Holy Grail'....YOU are the one putting sex on a pedestal if you think you can ONLY have sex within an emotional relationship. And you had the audacity to accuse ME of 'putting sex on a complete pedestal'.

    You are a piece of work, Boobies....
    • #3
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    (Original post by *Star*Guitar*)
    I was like this too. And I didn't feel ready until I was 18. Balls to what anyone else thinks, its your decision and its you that lives with it, so do what you think is right.
    I'm 18 and still not ready!

    And now that I've found out OP is 16 it's not really such a big deal.....(in my opinion) 16 is so young! You got ages ahead of you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ... Oh wow, is that what it looks like from the outside ;; that I am stringing him along.

    And when I say my friends are immature not because they have had sex so many times but the way in which they answer my questions a bit too casually when I need proper advice.

    And I feel like I am ready ... So should I just go for it?
    And if I ask him to go slowly, will he listen?

    - by the way I am 16 , Just so you know.
    Have you done other things? Don't just 'do it', do it when it feels right and you want to, now that you know your ready.
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Ye, i know you can.. nowhere did i say you cant?

    I simple made a statement. The statement was that sex helps a relationship. And that is proven. I did not say anything about what else does or doesnt help. :facepalm:
    Except 'sex' doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse, does it now? It just means sexual acts and sexual intimacy.
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    Except 'sex' doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse, does it now? It just means sexual acts and sexual intimacy.
    Sexual intimacy COMES from sexual acts, so there is no difference.

    and yet again,i LITERALLY said SEX helps a relationship, i said one main statement, one fact.. i did no say anything above other sexual acts and whether they do or dont help a relationship.

    I have no idea what you are trying to argue about or point out, but there is no reason for it.
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Sexual intimacy COMES from sexual acts, so there is no difference.

    and yet again,i LITERALLY said SEX helps a relationship, i said one main statement, one fact.. i did no say anything above other sexual acts and whether they do or dont help a relationship.

    I have no idea what you are trying to argue about or point out, but there is no reason for it.
    You're being very vague about what you mean by 'sex'. Do you mean specifically intercourse or are you including any sexual acts?

    Because sexual acts doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse. And the OP said she has done other sexual acts with her boyfriend. So why does it matter whether they have sexual intercourse or not?
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    You're being very vague about what you mean by 'sex'. Do you mean specifically intercourse or are you including any sexual acts?

    Because sexual acts doesn't have to mean sexual intercourse. And the OP said she has done other sexual acts with her boyfriend. So why does it matter whether they have sexual intercourse or not?
    I said sex, sex means sex. When you say two people had sex, it does not mean anything other than intercourse. Dictionary definitions show intercourse

    I specifically said, experts say SEX helps a relationship, the actual act of having sexual intercourse.
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    He's going to get bored. Especially if you are over the age of 15. Neg all you want, but any guy on here can tell you that's the truth.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    I'm having a hard time believing the way you think too.

    Sex isn't essential in a relationship? Riiiiiight! Why bother being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' then? ......

    We are definitely not going to make any progress on this, our views are near enough polar opposites.
 
 
 
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