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    The situation in OP's post pretty much NEVER actually happens in reality

    I have seen plenty of stable relationships where the two people were previously good friends

    I doubt many people would admit that their 'best friend' is someone from the opposite gender
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    (Original post by ilovecoffee)
    I agree with you here and have to say i am guilty of this. Sometimes once someone is your friend your just too scared to take it any further for fear that if it does not work out you just messed up a really good friendship. I also know that sometimes it is the attraction part. They can be the perferct guy but if your not attracted to them its not going to work.
    I'm a bloke and had this experience from the other side. I just couldn't do it. We were best friends it would have been like sleeping with my sister. I can't put my finger on why but I just wouldn't have felt right.

    Sadly we haven't really spoken since, which is something I regret, but she said that she didn't think she could just be a friend with me anymore.

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    I think most girls have been in this scenario. The thing is I get along with some guys, I really wish I had more male friends, mostly due to how 20 year old girls can be (gossipy for instance) and there are some guys I talk to now and then, and I think to myself "I really wish we were friends and did things together". It's not like I sit there and think to myself "am I attracted to him or not?". The thought doesn't even occur to me. It's very much possible that a guy imagines something sexual / romantic every time he sees a girl (if he's not attracted, at least he thought about in order to conclude he isn't). I only think about a possible dating scene if I am in fact immediately attracted. It is not as if he's been "friendzoned". It sounds as if he had a shot at it and for some peculiar reason he ended up as my friend; truth is I never considered him anything else and he is simply not something for me in a romantic aspect.
    Whereas for guys there is always an attempt for something more. I've been chit-chatting to guys at school and eventually they ask me to do something outside school just the two of us, like going to the beach (a first "date" where I would be in bikini...). And if I did that with only friendship in mind, I knew how it would end. I would eventually have to disappoint him and either things would be awkward between us at school and never the same, or he would be straight out angry from rejection and claim I've "led him on". I'd like to have male friends, but it doesn't seem to be possible. I think the ones I have are just hanging around in hope I'll just one day wake up and go for them.
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    (Original post by Traceur)
    Because these sorts of guys tend to be pussies that leave it too long to ask the girl out, at which point the girl will only see this guy as a friend. Then the girl comes across some bad-boy type that actually has the balls to ask her out and instead goes out with him, leaving the 'nice' guy behind.

    In summary; grow some balls and ask girls that you like out or you will forever be deemed as a 'friend' to her.
    But then when you get ****ed over by the bad boy, the nice guy will be there for you, even though it is your fault. Ever thought about making a move yourself? Bad boys only want sex, no matter how much you think you can change them.

    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    I'm just going to state now, I AM a girl, and I am aware that not every single girl in the whole world does this, before I get people squawking "I don't do that STOP GENERALISING" but it's something I have noticed happening very frequently, and I'm curious about it.

    There's been more than enough threads in H&R on this over the past God knows how long, so most of you will get what I'm talking about. The scenario is, a guy likes a girl. Really likes her. They're usually really good friends, but the girl is completely oblivious. Eventually, the guy comes out and tells her. Girl says she doesn't feel the same way (for some wishy-washy reason), so she and the guy stay friends. The girl will go out with countless other guys, but it never works out, and she complains to the guy that there are no decent guys out there and she will never find anyone, and asks "why aren't more guys like you?" But never goes out with guy. Guy pounds head against a brick wall.

    Despite the fact that this guy would probably treat her really well, knows her well already and is probably a good match for her, she will never go out with this guy.

    Why does this happen? Girls, why do you never consider 'the best friend' type of guy? I can't answer my own question because I've not been in this situation before. Are you put off by a trait of theirs? Is there just no attraction? Even if you've not experienced it, you can theorise. This happens so often, and you see it IRL and even on TV all the time. I think this quote summarises it well:

    A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
    Would rep you more than once if I could, what you say is not only true, but has a good example to back it up.

    (Original post by joanna-eve)
    I've got a twist on this story...my best male friend asked me out since he's desparately in love with me. I said yes because he's a great guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. The problem is, I'm not attracted to him the way he is me (I think he's lovely and there is something there, but he loves me WAY more than I love him) and now I can't break up with him or I'll lose a best friend!
    That is a bad situation to be in, in some cases physical attractive can grow (or more, be ignored due to friendship, and then rediscovered). I think, in situations like that, you need to just go on a few dates, see how it goes before making big decisions. I think you should tell the guy how you feel, if he is truly a good friend, he will still be friends - but it is not an easy call.
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    But then what if it doesn't work out with the best friend?
    It's probably better not taking that risk?

    I don't know though, I've never been in that position.
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    (Original post by chemical_bex)
    But then what if it doesn't work out with the best friend?
    It's probably better not taking that risk?

    I don't know though, I've never been in that position.

    I have been in the position (as the guy) outlined in the OP, kind of. With us it was pretty much all or nothing and I think that's what puts a lot of people off.

    . I liked her, she liked me, we never spoke about it, things just started to happen over a few months and all of our friends kept talking about it. Before things got really serious though she backed off and gave me the old classic "we should stay as friends" talk. Well, I'm not going to lie, I couldn't do it and was totally hung up on her. She started to basically ignore me and distance herself before deciding to spend the night with me while giving me all the talk about how something can happen between us etc. That was, before saying she was just drunk and proceeding to ignore and be cold to me for the next several months. Now we only talk to eachother when we have to and I switch between resentment of "the one that got away" and anger. Oh well, **** her the stupid ****. Obviously weren't that close friends in the first place. *****.

    Me, bitter? No not at all Haha
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    I agree, and find that boys do it to me :/

    x
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    (Original post by kpg)
    I have been in the position (as the guy) outlined in the OP, kind of. With us it was pretty much all or nothing and I think that's what puts a lot of people off.

    . I liked her, she liked me, we never spoke about it, things just started to happen over a few months and all of our friends kept talking about it. Before things got really serious though she backed off and gave me the old classic "we should stay as friends" talk. Well, I'm not going to lie, I couldn't do it and was totally hung up on her. She started to basically ignore me and distance herself before deciding to spend the night with me while giving me all the talk about how something can happen between us etc. That was, before saying she was just drunk and proceeding to ignore and be cold to me for the next several months. Now we only talk to eachother when we have to and I switch between resentment of "the one that got away" and anger. Oh well, **** her the stupid ****. Obviously weren't that close friends in the first place. *****.

    Me, bitter? No not at all.
    Oh. man, that sucks
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    (Original post by chemical_bex)
    Oh. man, that sucks
    Well yes and no.

    I'm not going to lie, when someone you think is perfect for you tells you things like "There was nothing going on", "I never liked you", "I was just really really drunk", "That's just how I treat guys" or "Yeah I really want something to happen, i'll see you in a few days and we'll talk about it some more" before texting you 2 hours later saying we should stay as friends.....it's hard to take. I feel led on, cheated and trodden on by someone who was supposed to be one of my best friends for four years.

    BUT, despite having been rejected by other girls before I was SO hung up on her that I couldn't see the wood for the trees. I pushed things too far and kept going back trying to find the spark again when it just wasn't there. It's always the case in these situations, no one likes someone who's clingy and there would've been more of a chance of something happening again if I'd just let happen naturally. But at the time it's hard to see that and you become more and more engrossed in trying to not repeat what you perceive as mistakes (e.g. I kept thinking I should told her how I felt a lot earlier but at the time didnt want to ruin what I perceived was a growing "relationship") that got you in the position in the first place.

    At the end of the day, you'll always come across people who act in ways that are hard to handle and may hurt you. You'll always make mistakes, act too quickly, act too slowly, whatever. It's life. **** happens. Just have to learn from them and move on.

    In the situation the OP mentioned, I really don't blame people for being too cagey because they're scared of ruining a friendship, or jumping in two feet because you're so convinced you're right for eachother. If you're friendship is really that solid (in my situation, obviously wasn't), things will resolve themselves eventually. Conversely, as mushy as it sounds, if it's meant to work out between two people, it usually will.
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    (Original post by L i b)
    Because flirting demonstrates sexual interest. If someone doesn't display sexual interest towards you - whether out of a normal lack of attraction or simply because he happens to be a coward - then you're not going to reciprocate. It doesn't help that the sort of friend-zone types are usually wet in other ways too: often not having any self-confidence, decisiveness or ability to speak their mind. Who is going to fancy someone like that?
    Ok i see what you are saying but many females reading this thread may actually find it suprising that NOT ALL GUYS JUST GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF THEIR SEXUAL INTERESTS. us guys are generally thought of as wanting nothing more - but i am different, and i am sure that many other guys genuinely do love someone for all the right reasons.
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    I was in this situation, and it's become really awkward now...

    I see this guy like a brother rather then as a potential boyfriend, and I'd just feel really uncomfortable if we went out...plus if it didn't work out, it would just have completely ruined our friendship. But now it's even more awkward, because two of our other friends are going out, and it's like snog-city atm.
    I'm still not/never will be attracted to this guy, but I always wonder if going out would have been the 'easy option' because it is awkward. Like, REALLY awkward.
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    No sexual attraction, basically.
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    Because I just don't have romantic feelings for my male friends. You can't MAKE there be a connection no matter how much you want to.
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    Girls, why do you never consider 'the best friend' type of guy?

    i considered the best friend type
    i've been with my boyfriend for a year now, and we were best friends for about 2 years before that
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    (Original post by donuticus)
    I'm a bloke and had this experience from the other side. I just couldn't do it. We were best friends it would have been like sleeping with my sister. I can't put my finger on why but I just wouldn't have felt right.

    Sadly we haven't really spoken since, which is something I regret, but she said that she didn't think she could just be a friend with me anymore.

    I know exactly want you mean. my friend was someone who i loved to pieces just not in that way. They couldnt get that into their heads and now they wount talk to me sad how good friends can be torn apart over something like that
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    Seriously rofl... Some of the female responses in this thread warrant "get back to your kitchen".
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    I went out with someone who was one of my best friends for a long time beforehand. It wrecked our friendship and I ended up really, really disliking him.

    Maybe girls really are scared of this happening? If you feel like there's only one decent guy in your life, no matter what capacity that's in, you don't want to lose him.
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    . This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
    Love it!
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    I'm just going to state now, I AM a girl, and I am aware that not every single girl in the whole world does this, before I get people squawking "I don't do that STOP GENERALISING" but it's something I have noticed happening very frequently, and I'm curious about it.

    There's been more than enough threads in H&R on this over the past God knows how long, so most of you will get what I'm talking about. The scenario is, a guy likes a girl. Really likes her. They're usually really good friends, but the girl is completely oblivious. Eventually, the guy comes out and tells her. Girl says she doesn't feel the same way (for some wishy-washy reason), so she and the guy stay friends. The girl will go out with countless other guys, but it never works out, and she complains to the guy that there are no decent guys out there and she will never find anyone, and asks "why aren't more guys like you?" But never goes out with guy. Guy pounds head against a brick wall.

    Despite the fact that this guy would probably treat her really well, knows her well already and is probably a good match for her, she will never go out with this guy.

    Why does this happen? Girls, why do you never consider 'the best friend' type of guy? I can't answer my own question because I've not been in this situation before. Are you put off by a trait of theirs? Is there just no attraction? Even if you've not experienced it, you can theorise. This happens so often, and you see it IRL and even on TV all the time. I think this quote summarises it well:

    A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
    I'm in this situation...
    I just told a guy I didn't want to see him again (as in date wise - we'd been on two dates before that). He's perfectly fine - nothing wrong with him. I made up a silly excuse about A levels being stressful. But I like this other guy, who happens to have a girlfriend. Haha, how stupid am I, right? Why did I do it? I've know idea :') He probably deserves someone better than me anyway - I don't think my heart would be into him, I'd end up hurting him. I cheated on someone I actually loved, so what makes you think I wouldn't do it to him? (yeah yeah I know that cheating was really stupid and wrong but it's complicated so no judging please).
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    Maybe because they are oblivious and don't see it, or they just don't connect the dots.
    Either that or perhaps they want someone like that friend but not for it to be that friend because they subconciously don't want to lose or endanger that friendship.
 
 
 
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