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Do you become distant with a person you start to like? Watch

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    (Original post by anti-duck)
    I do, definitely. It's due to being bullied at school, I still can't accept that people like me so I don't even bother with people that I do like because my effort isn't going to be reciprocated.
    nah you have to, what if she feels the same? tbh in the nicest way, thats pathetic cause girls arent supposed to make the first move and if you like someone enough you have to put ur self-consciousness second
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    (Original post by BylineSkyline92)
    nah you have to, what if she feels the same? tbh in the nicest way, thats pathetic cause girls arent supposed to make the first move and if you like someone enough you have to put ur self-consciousness second
    Traditionally girls aren't supposed to make the first move, traditionally girls aren't supposed to pay for their own drinks, traditionally men aren't supposed to do the ironing, see where I'm going? Times have changed old bean. It isn't pathetic, it's an irrational behaviour that's been instilled.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Hey TSR)
    You start blanking them and whatnot?
    I used to!! A lot!! And avoid the person like i might say or behave in a way that was wrong, but I was very self conscious and kinda insecure, you can kinda tell. Only because I thought that the person was like the best person in the whole world. I used to avoid the person but stare a lot at the person aswell. Maybe this will help!
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    (Original post by anti-duck)
    Traditionally girls aren't supposed to make the first move, traditionally girls aren't supposed to pay for their own drinks, traditionally men aren't supposed to do the ironing, see where I'm going? Times have changed old bean. It isn't pathetic, it's an irrational behaviour that's been instilled.
    Im just saying this because im in a situation where I really like this boy I used to be friends with. Like Im crazy about him. I don't think I'm so great, I'm pretty shocked tbh, but 3 boys have recently told me they like me and they're behaving in a lot more different way than him so I'm just trying to forget right now. I asked him if he wanted to do something with me and he turned me down, sometimes he's friendly and says hi, other times he's really hostile like avoiding me openly. What should I do then? I really want to know Oh yeah, and I was bullied too. Dont let it have any more impact on your life. There's here and now, you can do what you want. The past is gone and you can say that it made you a more insightful sensitive person.
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    (Original post by BylineSkyline92)
    Im just saying this because im in a situation where I really like this boy I used to be friends with. Like Im crazy about him. I don't think I'm so great, I'm pretty shocked tbh, but 3 boys have recently told me they like me and they're behaving in a lot more different way than him so I'm just trying to forget right now. I asked him if he wanted to do something with me and he turned me down, sometimes he's friendly and says hi, other times he's really hostile like avoiding me openly. What should I do then? I really want to know Oh yeah, and I was bullied too. Dont let it have any more impact on your life. There's here and now, you can do what you want. The past is gone and you can say that it made you a more insightful sensitive person.
    I honestly don't have a clue what to do in that situation, sorry

    Everyone keeps telling me the past is the past, let it go etc... I honestly wish it was that easy but one of the biggest things for me is understanding why it happened, I'm a very deep thinker and I had always been the golden boy at school until I moved to Cumbria and spent my last 3 years at a certain school, for the first few weeks everything was brilliant, I don't want to sound big headed, but everybody wanted to hang around with me, I could of had any girl I wanted and I literally had the most popular people baking me muffins in cooking class, then suddenly everybody turned and my attendance in the last 2 years plummeted to below 60%, I went from all the top sets to the very bottom sets because I didn't do any coursework and I managed to leave school with 1 GCSE, a C in English language. I don't get it
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    I get a bit standoffish. Not sure why tbh.
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      Yeah sometimes
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      Definitely
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I thought only guys were supposed to tell someone that they like them..Is it like an equal thing then that both do? The thing is, i like a boy who used to be a friend and then suddenly sttarted to not invite me to do things and avoid me. You sound like an expert lol
      You say "supposed to", there's no rule. It's regarded as the norm because of tradition and nothing else. There's literally no reason a girl can't make the first move, guys are sometimes just as nervous as girls in this sort of situation so for one thing, it speeds things along and stops you thinking "does he feel the same?", and for another thing it shows confidence which guys find attractive. Guys don't like subtleties either so if you try and be subtle to show him you like him he probably won't pick up on the signals. You don't have to come outright and say "I really like you", to ask guys on a date I've said things the lines of "hey, I think we get on quite well and it's a shame we've always been drunk when we've seen eachother, so I was thinking why not try a sober meet up, fancy dinner in Leicester square or something?", or the other day I said "Hey, my friend mentioned this great jazz bar the other day and told me to try it, and I remembered you like jazz so if you're free at any point fancy coming along with me and teaching me a thing or two about jazz?". The last one worked particularly well in a way, we had a good night and he told me it was really sweet that I remembered he liked jazz just from one conversation we had. Dates are a great idea because it's obvious but at the same time you don't have to go "omg I totally fancy you", that's just implied.

      It's not always a shot in the dark though, sometimes it's been with guys I've been quite confident like me, it hasn't always been the case though. Once it was with a guy I had literally no idea about, he surprised me by reciprocating.
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      I think that was what happened with my boyfriend when we first met, we spent loads of time together and got on like a house on fire and then I realised that I was developing feelings for him and couldn't help but back away a little bit. I think I was just scared of what would happen cos I'd never had a boyfriend before and didn't know how to act. It's kind of sweet in hindsight though
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      Yes, because im scared of rejection and i want him to notice me first.
      • #4
      #4

      Yes I do! & it really annoys me.
      I am useless when it comes to someone I like, even if I like someone and they ask me out my automatic reaction is to say no!!! WHO DOES THAT!?!
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      Erm.. yes.. especially now that this boy has a girlfriend But I do this quite often in general, it's some sort of a protection instict.
      • #5
      #5

      I am literally doing this right now. Mainly because I'm not sure whether he likes me even though he's practically told me he does. But then he dances with other women, and he has a rep etc etc. So, I'm avoiding him. I don't want to get too far in for him to turn around and reject me.

      Completely irrational but I figure that if he's that interested he'll find a way to talk to me. And no, I'm not proud of what I'm doing. I'm miserable haha.
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      (Original post by BylineSkyline92)
      Depression can give you bad concentration and motivation.. my advice is to go back to school and get some qualifications! Honestly, don't let the past ruin your future. I don't know what to say either really as I havent been in your situation and I can't make judgements. From what you're saying, I'd just guess that they had been quite close-knit, you were new, like exciting at first, and then they began to resent you for being successfuil and disrupting the circles they had.
      I've told one person this before only, don't feel obliged to read, but if your interested, what happened to me is that I moved to a new school for VI form, this might sound strange to you, but I was just joking to my friend about how my mum kept on trying to get me to have a boyfriend and how that was supposed to be like the wrong way around, and then this girl started to flirt with me, like stare at me in the eyes for very long periods of time trying to catch my eye amongst other things.. THEN she started telling everyone that I was doing it to her!!! "long adoring glances"."I mean wtf? I thought that maybe she thought I was actually reciprocating and just finding it funny or something. It turns out that it was intentional because i confronted her about it.she said to me "sorry it was not intentional as far as im aware..." "haha okay... apologies for any confusionn on my part" things i couldn't repeatin defence, but she didn't stop. She is bi though im pretty certain.
      Then just before AS exams in study leave she got someone to say that I thought she was dedicating facebook statuses to me romantically in a mass fb message *****ing. I messed up my AS exams and as a result my uni choices were narrowed despite getting the grades in the end and she's studying the same course at cambridge. I just don't know how her mind works and I've given up trying.
      Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around moping and felling sorry for myself and I'm not unhappy at all, hopefully I'll be off to university next year too And yeah, everybody who I have explained my situation to agrees that it was a classic case of resentment/jealousy.

      Your situation is a pretty... strange one eh? But sounds like you're now doing brilliantly, well done
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      (Original post by anti-duck)
      I honestly don't have a clue what to do in that situation, sorry

      Everyone keeps telling me the past is the past, let it go etc... I honestly wish it was that easy but one of the biggest things for me is understanding why it happened, I'm a very deep thinker and I had always been the golden boy at school until I moved to Cumbria and spent my last 3 years at a certain school, for the first few weeks everything was brilliant, I don't want to sound big headed, but everybody wanted to hang around with me, I could of had any girl I wanted and I literally had the most popular people baking me muffins in cooking class, then suddenly everybody turned and my attendance in the last 2 years plummeted to below 60%, I went from all the top sets to the very bottom sets because I didn't do any coursework and I managed to leave school with 1 GCSE, a C in English language. I don't get it
      Where abouts in Cumbria you from dude?
      • #2
      #2

      This guy I like seems to be distant and almost like he is in a mood with me, no idea why.
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      I'm doing it at the moment, because I can't afford to have such a large distraction at this time in my life. She's like my polar opposite. Nearly everything we do, we do differently... other than sleep. Plus I'm probably a bad influence since she has a lot to be working towards right now as well.

      I don't want to, but I have to. For now.
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      i do it because i'm scared he'll find out and won't like me back

      and i've never liked anybody enough or felt comfortable enough with anyone to risk my ego (or whatever it is i'd be risking by being open to rejection)
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      No. I become embarrassingly cutesy.
     
     
     
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