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Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

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    (Original post by sixthformer)
    only if they are my religion
    also my parents say they can't be qhite or black
    they must be the same race pretty much

    and they must go to my tiny community
    my religion obviously allows me so much more freedon, it is silly backward culture
    my parents have told me i'd ruin their lives if i married a white girl
    I'm guessing you are Oriental then?
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Wow, really? Wish i was you haha! I've done this numerous times but my mother's cutlural values are instilled in her, and she holds that for girls to have sex before marriage is a disgrace. Mostly because of the reaction of others if they found out and the shame it would bring on the family. It all seems to be about reputation tbh. She found out i gave head to my ex, was absolutely disgusted, made me break up with him, etc. However if my dad had found out, (he didn't even know i HAD a boyfriend of 3 years), he would have definitely kicked me to the streets.
    why'd you do it
    i appreciate freedom to marry who you want
    but come on, why get immoral
    you were lucky to be brought up with good morals
    why throw it back at your parents face
    do they do it to harm you
    do you think you are the only intelligent girl
    that you and you alone know whats right and wrong
    that maybe, your parents may have experience and logical reasons to tell YOU why you should not

    listen, not ranting, just if you continue, go ahead, it is your choice, i won't judge you
    i just want you to, if it even lasts for 20 seconds, just think about why your parents may want you to wait for a stable marrige before engaging in such acts
    ty
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    Yes I can and will, I thank a liberal-ish ubringing.
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    Sort of. But I have restrictions, so they must be Asian, but parents secretly want the same country, and same religion is a must.
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    (Original post by sixthformer)
    why'd you do it
    i appreciate freedom to marry who you want
    but come on, why get immoral
    you were lucky to be brought up with good morals
    why throw it back at your parents face
    do they do it to harm you
    do you think you are the only intelligent girl
    that you and you alone know whats right and wrong
    that maybe, your parents may have experience and logical reasons to tell YOU why you should not

    listen, not ranting, just if you continue, go ahead, it is your choice, i won't judge you
    i just want you to, if it even lasts for 20 seconds, just think about why your parents may want you to wait for a stable marrige before engaging in such acts
    ty
    Why do what? Give head to my long term ex boyfriend of 3 years? Sorry, what did i do that is "immoral"?
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Wow, really? Wish i was you haha! I've done this numerous times but my mother's cutlural values are instilled in her, and she holds that for girls to have sex before marriage is a disgrace. Mostly because of the reaction of others if they found out and the shame it would bring on the family. It all seems to be about reputation tbh. She found out i gave head to my ex, was absolutely disgusted, made me break up with him, etc. However if my dad had found out, (he didn't even know i HAD a boyfriend of 3 years), he would have definitely kicked me to the streets.
    Can I just ask, have you ever quizzed your parents as to WHY it's so wrong to be with a guy of your choosing? Also how do they expect you to find a partner, you said your dad would go mental if he even found at you had a BF let alone the race of the boyfriend? Will you have an arranged marriage?
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    Can I just ask, have you ever quizzed your parents as to WHY it's so wrong to be with a guy of your choosing? Also how do they expect you to find a partner, you said your dad would go mental if he even found at you had a BF let alone the race of the boyfriend? Will you have an arranged marriage?
    Yeah, many times before i gave up an accepted it! I can choose a boy if he's the same religion and caste, but i wouldn't be able to "be with him" or show people i have a boyfriend until around the age i'm expected to get married. Basically if he's not my religion and caste it would bring "shame" on the family because everyone in the community would be talking about it. If he's not the same religion then it's like abandoning my religion which would be shameful, too. Uhm, my dad expects me to have an arranged marriage, but my mum expects me to find my own partner as long as he's the same religion etc. And i don't even wanna get married. Who knows what'll happen with my life :confused: aha.
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    well Im Bengali and so is my Fiance, my parents knew about us before they knew we wanted to get married, when I was 16, I got caught and they were mad but they have accepted it now but hes bengali too and a Muslim. MY older sister on the other hand married a non bengali non muslim guy, but the condition was he had to convert to islam which he did, hes not practising at all, just a muslim by name but I suppose if you want to marry someone of your choice, make sure they follow your religion AT LEAST, nowadays most south asians don't care what country the spouse is from, as long s they are of the same religion they will accept it, if they aren't try to persuade them to convert, it would help ALOT x
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Actually in my culture it's only really seen as important for a girl to be a virgin before she's married. My brother is able to have a girlfriend and have sex, everyone knows it but nobody cares. This is the case in many other instances, and i'm told "that's just the way it is."

    Well i know that the majority of people don't really care about that nowadays, but those who are still grounded in their culture do. I keep saying that no one will know whether i'm a virgin or not but it doesn't seem to matter. Typically it comes down to what others say; if some old auntiya from the temple see me with a boy, they'll spread the news that i'm not a virgin, which in turn will bring shame on my family. I don't agree with it, don't like it, but i'm just explaining the way it is.
    Just because you see a boy does not mean that you aren't a virgin. How are you going to study in mixed colleges/universities or work in mixed workplaces or meet/serve clients/colleagues who are of a different gender to you? Also, does your auntiya really have much influence, when compared to British Common Law? You are aware that old women are sometimes renowned for their (often) false gossip, right? If your family name is very common (e.g. Smith, Taylor, Khan, Patel, Singh, Li, Wu etc.) it's unlikely you could really bring shame on it given the number of other people with the same surname.

    Also, surely the girl whom your brother has having sexy intercourse with is also 'bringing shame on her family' no? (according to the criteria you mentioned).
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Yeah, many times before i gave up an accepted it! I can choose a boy if he's the same religion and caste, but i wouldn't be able to "be with him" or show people i have a boyfriend until around the age i'm expected to get married. Basically if he's not my religion and caste it would bring "shame" on the family because everyone in the community would be talking about it. If he's not the same religion then it's like abandoning my religion which would be shameful, too. Uhm, my dad expects me to have an arranged marriage, but my mum expects me to find my own partner as long as he's the same religion etc. And i don't even wanna get married. Who knows what'll happen with my life :confused: aha.
    I feel for you, although when you go off to uni and are older maybe you'll find someone then slowly break it to your parents that it is a common norm to be in a loving relationship :/
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Wow, really? Wish i was you haha! I've done this numerous times but my mother's cutlural values are instilled in her, and she holds that for girls to have sex before marriage is a disgrace. Mostly because of the reaction of others if they found out and the shame it would bring on the family. It all seems to be about reputation tbh. She found out i gave head to my ex, was absolutely disgusted, made me break up with him, etc. However if my dad had found out, (he didn't even know i HAD a boyfriend of 3 years), he would have definitely kicked me to the streets.
    I am very grateful for my parents, tbh.

    I think part of the reason they leave me be is because they had an inter-caste marriage themselves, and had to deal with criticism for it. Breaking tradition is a slippery slope, the second step is easier than the first, as it were.
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    Yes. My parents have always made it very clear that they will not be arranging my marriage and I am to decide who to marry myself. I'm greatful for this but also a little apprehensive as I am a very introverted person and I would prefer some involvement on my parents part to make it easier. It does depend on each individual family, for instance my parents have always been very liberal and pretty much let me do what I want, of course there are ground rules that I have to follow, i.e. no dating, drinking, and I have to prioritise my education, other than that I'm free to do what I want.
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    I myself certainly wouldn't care what race they were, as long as she's Muslim. I don't think my Mum would care too much, but my dad may ie: he would probably want me to marry a Pakistani. He seems a little racist against Indian's and Bengali people(even to the point of what colour clothes I wear ie: that colour is Bengali. Why does that even matter?) He would probably come to accept it at the end, but the likelihood is that the older generation will be a tad more miffed tbh, but love marriages have happened within our little community

    Even if it's arranged, I and possible said future wife would have a say if we marry each other or not. Also, there is no way that I would be marrying a Pakistani from Pakistan who speaks no English whatsoever, as there would be severe language differences
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    (Original post by oHellno)
    Sort of. But I have restrictions, so they must be Asian, but parents secretly want the same country, and same religion is a must.
    So any one of these countries then?:

    * Afghanistan
    * Bahrain
    * Bangladesh
    * Bhutan
    * Brunei
    * Cambodia
    * China
    * East Timor
    * India
    * Indonesia
    * Iran
    * Iraq
    * Israel
    * Japan
    * Jordan
    * Kazakhstan
    * Korea North
    * Korea South
    * Kuwait
    * Kyrgyzstan
    * Laos
    * Lebanon
    * Malaysia
    * Maldives
    * Mongolia
    * Myanmar (Burma)
    * Nepal
    * Oman
    * Pakistan
    * The Philippines
    * Qatar
    * Russia
    * Saudi Arabia
    * Singapore
    * Sri Lanka
    * Syria
    * Taiwan
    * Tajikistan
    * Thailand
    * Turkey
    * Turkmenistan
    * United Arab Emirates
    * Uzbekistan
    * Vietnam
    * Yemen

    Or are there other (ahem) conditions?
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    (Original post by Qaz25)
    If I find someone I like... then I can tell my parents... if I don't find anyone... they'll find someone for me... but it's still my choice... they can find loads of different girls.. but if I don't like any of them, then I can say no... then they'd accept my decision.

    But I can see myself eventually being 35 and single. Therefore, desperate to find someone, in which case, I'd say yes to the first person that comes along

    Oh she has to be Muslim and it seems like my mum doesn't want me to marry a non-Pakistani girl
    Not getting any of that Somali loving bro? :jiggy:
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    :confused:
    (Original post by effofex)
    Just because you see a boy does not mean that you aren't a virgin. How are you going to study in mixed colleges/universities or work in mixed workplaces or meet/serve clients/colleagues who are of a different gender to you? Also, does your auntiya really have much influence, when compared to British Common Law? You are aware that old women are sometimes renowned for their (often) false gossip, right? If your family name is very common (e.g. Smith, Taylor, Khan, Patel, Singh, Li, Wu etc.) it's unlikely you could really bring shame on it given the number of other people with the same surname.

    Also, surely the girl whom your brother has having sexy intercourse with is also 'bringing shame on her family' no? (according to the criteria you mentioned).
    I know! You're saying this like i agree with or believe the stuff i've explained. I go to school with boys, i have a few friends who are boys, and no, there's nothing wrong with it. But i have to keep friendships like that a secret nonetheless, because of what i've said. Yes old women gossip! Tell me about it, and often their gossip is false, i wish you could tell the indian community around here that. I'm talking about bringing shame upon my IMMEDIATE family. For instance i'm always being told "What if [insert cousins family name] found out about this? Do you really want to dishonour this family like that?"

    Yes, but as i'm told, that's the problem of the girls family. My brother's still allowed to have sex and whatnot. I don't get what you're trying to say... do you believe i agree with these values and what goes on in this isolated community, or that i'm making it up? :confused:
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    My parents are Chinese and Indian, they have always maintained that I could marry anyone, but she has to be either Chinese or Indian. They been clear along as to the requirement that she has to be either Chinese or Indian and definitely under no circumstances absolutely no muslims or blacks. Apparently the rule also included no whites

    The other rule is her family must have the same social and economic standing as my parents and she must not earn less than 20% of what I am earning.

    They just found out I have a white gf, and they've not yet known it yet that she grew up in a single family household, definitely do not have the same economic or social standing and yes currently she earns 20% of what I earn. Thankfully they do not live in UK else WW3 is definitely on the way.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    :confused:

    I know! You're saying this like i agree with or believe the stuff i've explained. I go to school with boys, i have a few friends who are boys, and no, there's nothing wrong with it. But i have to keep friendships like that a secret nonetheless, because of what i've said. Yes old women gossip! Tell me about it, and often their gossip is false, i wish you could tell the indian community around here that. I'm talking about bringing shame upon my IMMEDIATE family. For instance i'm always being told "What if [insert cousins family name] found out about this? Do you really want to dishonour this family like that?"

    Yes, but as i'm told, that's the problem of the girls family. My brother's still allowed to have sex and whatnot. I don't get what you're trying to say... do you believe i agree with these values and what goes on in this isolated community, or that i'm making it up? :confused:
    Are you hindu? :ninja:
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    (Original post by qwerty_mad)
    Question open to all, but mainly targeted at South-Asians. Are you allowed to marry a person of your choice, even if he/she doesn't originate from the same country as you?
    Yeah, obviously! :rolleyes: ....... Well I am anyway!
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    I feel for you, although when you go off to uni and are older maybe you'll find someone then slowly break it to your parents that it is a common norm to be in a loving relationship :/
    I was in a loving relationship lol, but all my pleading over a long 3 years changed nothing! I mean, i couldn't even speak on the phone to him in case my dad heard and came raging in the room with a knife (it happened mutliple times). Yeah uni mahahaha. I'm not really looking for another relationship though. I'm lucky, some families are even more strict and won't let their daughters live out for fear of what they might do.. i'll be allowed to live out, at least.
 
 
 
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