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Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee? Watch

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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
    Girl, you're being uncool here. Very uncool.

    Any boyfriend with self-respect would drop your ass immediately.
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    (Original post by PerigeeApogee)
    That's right... I don't trust the ex's.
    ....

    Surely if you trust the gf, there is no need to trust the exes...

    Unles they're all rapey. :lolwut:
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    It would be nice to tell him, shows him you trust him.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    If you were in a relationship with them, then surely it's because you liked them as a person. Why would that suddenly change just because the romantic relationship didn't work out? And why would you not want to spend time with people you like?

    I'd be more worried if I was dating someone who avoided all their exes like the plague, quite frankly...
    That's distasteful and naive on so many levels. And if you're honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with "liking the person" - it's about the thrill of the taboo of being friends with an ex, and all the labile emotional masturbation and drama that it entails.
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    (Original post by PrimateJ)
    That's distasteful and naive on so many levels. And if you're honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with "liking the person" - it's about the thrill of the taboo of being friends with an ex, and all the labile emotional masturbation and drama that it entails.
    lolwut?

    I wasn't aware there was a "taboo of being friends with an ex". Seriously? If basic social encounters with people you've previously ****ed are so pregnant with "emotional masturbation and drama", maybe you should consider why that is. Because for most normal, well-adjusted adults, they really aren't.
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    lolwut?

    you know, saying it doesn't make it so. distasteful? lol.
    Never mind. You sound a bit simple.

    Tip: it's distasteful to hang out with exes while you're in a relationship.
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    Jealousy is for low-class, loser types. If your bf has any self-respect and confidence, he won't care that you're meeting your EX for coffee. You're not meeting him for a shag... Presumably either your bf trusts you or he doesn't. If he doesn't, you've got bigger problems waiting for you than this meeting with your ex.
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    i checked that it was ok with my boyfriend before meeting up with my ex, both when i met him just to catch up and straighten things out so we could be friends comfortably, and when i met with him and a group of people. I know he doesn't mind, but I always like to let him know, would rather that than it come across like i was trying to keep it a secret! he knows nothing would every happen anyway
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    If you were in a relationship with them, then surely it's because you liked them as a person. Why would that suddenly change just because the romantic relationship didn't work out? And why would you not want to spend time with people you like?

    I'd be more worried if I was dating someone who avoided all their exes like the plague, quite frankly...

    This is a load of rubbish.

    they are an ex for a reason, part of the past, if a relationship ends its because they wern't compatible for whatever reason, I wouldn't be too happy if my girlfriend suddenly wanted to start going for coffees and tea breaks with someone she used to screw, just as she wouldn't be happy if i did the same.

    But i don't feel the need to do that, my ex girlfriend was/is a good person, but im not about to start asking her out for coffee just because shes likeable.

    I don't know, maybe im just not a weakling that needs to constantly go backwards in time to when things in my life went tits-up, instead i focus on now and the future.
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
    If he hurt you that badly, why go meet him again? Things always get messy when exes get involved, no matter how healthy the relationship. Just a thought.
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
    if it was a messy break up why do you wanna go to coffee with him?
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    Absolutely cannot believe that some guys think this is out of order behaviour! Perhaps if it involved some day trip somewhere or alcohol or staying overnight, fair enough - but a coffee?!
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
    Don’t know if you’re living together or what but if so you should probably pack your personal effects and bring them with you.
    • Thread Starter
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    This has taught me to talk to my other half before bothering with TSR Though the discussion's been fun, thanks folks!
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    This has taught me to talk to my other half before bothering with TSR Though the discussion's been fun, thanks folks!
    Yea we all have had different experiences with EX-partners...etc So you got a varied response I hope it worked out well :yep:
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    I'm hurt when my boyfriend wants to catch up with his ex. It's mostly because I have so little interest in what my ex's are doing, I'm upset that he cares at all about his after we've been together so long. I would hate to NOT be told, I don't want him to hide it from me, that's when I start to doubt my trust in him.

    If I chose to see my ex, I'd check with my current partner and if they weren't happy with the idea, I wouldn't go. *Shrugs* I don't see it as a particularly irrational decision on their part and I'd rather they were content than dredging up a part of my past that shouldn't be that important in my present.
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      (Original post by caseyhayes)
      If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
      You are being selfish
      If you ask him and he isn't happy will you not go and not think ill of him?


      If you ask him, there is no way for him to 'win'.
      So don't ask.
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      If you have decided that you want to go, then tell him you are going - dont ask because then if he says no it might lead to arguments over trust.

      I dont really see why you are going for a coffee with your ex though.
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      (Original post by caseyhayes)
      If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
      Why would you want to meet up with your ex for a 'civil' coffee, after such a 'messy' break-up? They're your ex. End of.
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      (Original post by 4TSR)
      The typical female response:

      "Yes do it, you are free no need to ask!"

      Well vickie89, if your bf met his ex for a coffee, you would be making an anon thread in the H&R about how your bf went out with his ex for a coffee behind your back...

      How the **** is it ok for her to go out with her ex for a coffee without asking her bf? I would really hate it if my gf did that, specially considering how most girls would be in tears if someone went with their partner/ex for a coffee...
      Is your issue not being asked or not being told.
      I think telling them is the thing to do, but asking does seem a bit OTT.
      Obviously it can be a source of insecurity, so reassuring your partner is important. But I wouldn't let that stop me in itself.
     
     
     
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