I wouldn't say I'm a psychology junkie.. I just end up trying to analyse people when I'm bored.(Original post by PortiaLovesMcqueen)
Cuckoo are you a psychology junkie like me? I agree with all you have said I definitely believe OP has definitely has low self esteem and a distorted self image also I feel OP has been having identity conflicts, the need to be passive and people please is often a 'mask' worn by people who haven't learnt to love themselves or have been taught not to love themselves so they assume they can fill that gap by making other people like themselves however once thing they fail to realise is this can only be gotten from within.
When I was mentoring I remember sitting with someone and wanting to shake some self esteem into them and to allow them to realise that the world is much bigger and has alot more to offer them than the mental battle they are in, however it's never that easy is it? Because some of these ideas have been implanted so deep and so long in the individual's sub concious mind they aren't even aware it exists.
I don't know OP but I recommend self esteem/ assertive group classes and therapy and a lot of new positive affirmations and self exploration.That's great OP, I understand what you're saying. I'm not really one for giving much advice so I recommend maybe trying to book in to see a school counsellor or a psychologist. It seems like you're struggling to resolve these issues and there's no harm in asking for help, as I'm sure your way of life will drastically improve once you begin fixing these problems. You never know, maybe your cat will start paying attention to you again .(Original post by Anonymous)
This is almost exactly how I feel sometimes actually.
I have a very strong personality. I think if you asked someone whether I was passive or tried hard to please they would definately say no.
The problem is like.. some aspects of my personality make me feel really bad. I don't think I am imagining them, or that it is how other people make me feel. I just am.. there is something bad.
I don't mind being eccentric (which I am), but I don't want to be annoying. I don't want other people to have to put up with me.
And I don't want to be rude, or cruel. The worst thing is that I am cruel. The things I think of that I could say to people. I can make people laugh, it's the best thing about me. I'm always trying to be funny, making people laugh makes me feel good, but then I'll say something at the expense of someone.. and I just feel so guilty.
I'm a manipulative kind of person as well. Sometimes I think even my feelings are just part of some grand narcissistic manipulation.
My friends seem like angels compared to me.
I can't find the right balance between being a pleasant person, and being myself and kind of interesting. I don't want to just abandon being nice.. god knows what I'd be like.
Anyway feel free to PM me or what ever if you need someone to talk to.
Has yours come through yet?