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Dating a guy in his 40s - found out he's pretending to be a 20 y/o online??!! Watch

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    But where do you go on your dates? Skype, facebook?
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    From the OP:


    but i later found out that he was actually a 38 y/o busker (ex teacher) diveorced, broke and living with his parents
    he was regularly dating under 21s and lying to them about his age pretending to be a super cool musician in his 20s to get girls into bed
    i later found a few online dating profiles and social networking and his youtube profile all in which he pretended to be 28.
    he can get away with it as he is hot, but it seemed weird to me.
    this seems really weird to me, he must be looking to date girls under 20 ie teenagers and doesnt seem normal behaviour for a man in his early 40s.
    i want to get back with him and hopefully marry him (im 25) but this stuff makes me think he is a paedo or else mentally unstable. could there be any other explaination? is it a normal mid life crisis? it seems weird to me.
    Shinytoy, you've asked for our explanations for this man's behavior, whom you say you would like to marry, and yet look at your description of him.

    • Attractive
    • financially unstable
    • Irresponsible/ still dependent on parents
    • Deceitful
    • Abnormal behavior


    Besides his appearance, what other positive attribute does this man have?
    You yourself state that his behavior "seems weird" and you know him better than any of us. It would be impossible for any of us to properly diagnosis this man based on second-hand limited information, but in regards to this situation any diagnoses we give would be unnecessary, you, the person who knows him personally, already know that there is something wrong with this person.

    So the more pressing issue you should perhaps concern yourself with is: why do you care?

    Why did you made your OP. What were you hoping the responses would be?

    Why do you want to enter in to a relationship with him again?

    What about him makes him more worth your time than other men?

    Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man you think may be a paedophile or have another mental disorder?

    It's perfectly natural to wonder time to time about ex-partners, especially first loves. However I have trouble imagining how you could possibly have a healthy relationship with a person you view as potentially mentally unhealthy, untrustworthy and unstable.

    Instead of looking for explanations regarding his behavior, it would be more in your interest to look for explanations for your own. What is going on right now in your life that would cause you to reconsider a relationship with such a person. Don't you think that you deserve better?
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    well its only online, he said he always lies about his age because if he says he is 40 people always respond 'omg!!! you sooo dont look 40, how do you look so young', etc and apparantly dont stop going on about it.

    .
    That is the polite thing to say to anyone once they are over 25 years old. Believe me, I fall into that category. The first 3 times you believe it, then you realise.

    Hot or not, the man is a creep. Run, don't walk in the opposite direction. Give him 10 more years and I am thinking Wagner.
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    I'm mainly wondering whether this guy can actually play any music (let alone make an album) as the OP doesn't mention whether they ever heard them play a note.

    'he can get away with it as he is hot' you say. So if you're happy to be with him for that that's up to you and you may get pleasure from it which some emminent people have said is what life is about. (There are loads of people who would like a hot person in their lives). But you will be sensible enough, knowing that it was your choice, not to be distraught or cursing men in general if he leaves you at the drop of a hat for an 18 year old I assume.
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    He sounds like a right scumbag. Walk away and don't look back.
    • TSR Support Team
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    (Original post by Panda Bear)
    He spent 8 years working on an album? In his 40s? It's Axl Rose, isn't it?
    And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain
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    (Original post by shinytoy)
    i think it is paedo or else delusional, but where would i report it? i dont want a naive 15 y/o being taken in the way i was with some cool musician with hot shirtless pics airbrushing out the wrinklies

    he has a six pack and is very tanned and toned. Brad Pitt is in his 40s.
    You want to marry someone who you suspect is a paedophile?
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    LOL at all the people calling him a paedo for scoring with 18 year old+ girls
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    You've mentioned the same guy before iirc... he sounds like a walking disaster area and imo you'd save yourself a lot of heartache if you stay well clear of him in future tbh.

    dunno how to put it any clearer than that.
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    Hahaha I love this!

    What else has he kept a secret from you?

    I bet he has a wife and kids you don't know about, and he likes to dress up in your lingerie. Ohh and he attends underage discos..........

    Jeremy Kyle anyone?
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    Sorry, sounds like a complete creep.
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    This is one of those weird things, I mean age difference is acceptable to a point then it gets creepy and then you reach another point where you get a pass.

    Example -

    20 year old female dating a 25 year old male - who cares?

    20 year old female dating a 30 year old male - meh, he should probably know better.

    20 year old female dating a 40 year old male - very weird.

    20 year old female dating a 50 year old male - gotta wonder what daddy issues shes got at this point and shudder at how creepy this dude is.

    20 year old female dating a 60 year old male - really? how?

    20 year old female dating a 70 year old male - clearly a millionaire.

    20 year old female dating a 80 year old male - clearly a billionaire.

    At 70 ish the creepy factor shifts from the male to the female, if you're 70 and can bang a 20 year old you pretty much have to if for nothing else just to see if you still can.
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    To who? Lying about your age is not illegal. And he wasn't trying to chat up underage girls, so he has done nothing illegal. Its morally wrong yes, but the OP is also partly at fault for being so naive.
    (Y)
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    You're 25. You are not a child. This does not make him a paedophile you tool :facepalm2:
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    You are a troll. And not even a good one. You post variations of this same crap every year.

    In 2008,
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...php?p=13262285

    In 2009,
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...php?p=18304749

    And now this. Same story, with some variations. Either you are seriously disturbed or a poor troll. I don't know which.
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    did you not see what happened to india off hollyoaks with a guy pretending to be in his 20s on the internet? :eyebrow:
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    (Original post by Maxxie)
    He seems to have a thing for younger girls.

    And he'll give you no financial security, because lets face it his album will go nowhere.
    i know, im not after money though cos i have a good job plus he is a qualified primary school teacher even though he doesnt do it anymore. i think alot of his 'targets' are the bimbos who are in awe of a wannabe musician.

    (Original post by Silver fern)
    When I was 25 I hooked up with a 40 year old. He was a personal trainer, didn't look 40 at all
    :top: nice one!

    (Original post by alibobs)
    you know he has lots of online dating profiles scouting for said younger girls......no matter what he looks like, he's hardly a catch is he. Also the fact he says he likes younger girls because they are in awe of him and his lifestyle makes me think that really, he is fairly pathetic and knows this, and recognises the only way he can command any respect in a relationship is to go for girls who are yougner so more likely to be naive and to lie about himself. Seriously, tell us again what you see in him cos I don't think anyone here can work out a single thing attractive about him.
    thanks so much! this post hit the nail on the head. when i first found out his age, i said 'its one thing being 28 broke and living with your mom and becoming a musician, but another if your still doing it at 40 and your life has gone nowhere' and he looked really embarrassed as if he thought his ife was pathetic too, but then got agry and said i shouldnt tell him how he should live his life.
    (Original post by ManAbout)
    you post the same crap every year in 2008 ...in 2009 ...
    yeah it is the same guy, i still love him innit. and cheers for stalking my post history btw :mad:

    thanks guys
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Another set of questions are:
    Do you think he'd continue lying to you?
    yes but i can always tell

    Do you think he can handle a long term commitment?
    yes, when he gets too ld to fool about and wants someone to tend to him when he gets old - he's 42 now

    Do you think he can handle having children?
    i think if he had them he would love them since he used to teach

    Do you think he can handle a monogamous relationship?
    maybe with the right person

    Do you think his music 'career' is going anywhere?
    no. in the past 8 years he won a music competition and recorded a single, declined a recording contract and has since been working on his album he watnts to self produce. he is brill at music, ive seen him play guitar and he has had an interview on local radio

    Do you think you'll be happy with him?yes absolutely, i love him

    Do you think he'll be happy with you? no but i dont think he will ever be happy

    Do you think you both want the same, similar, or at least compatible things from life? i dont think he knows what he wants and is just driftin with a dream of being famous

    Do you want to be with him because of who he is, or because of who you want him to be? because of who he is, he has an amazing mind i just wish he would stop cheating, being a perv and would get a proper job so we can get married and have babies

    Because of who he is or because you want to be with someone in general? only with him

    You don't have to answer us, but yourself. It has to be honest, and you have to assess any little doubts you have.
    You might want to ask other questions as well.

    P.S. based on what you've said he sounds really manipulative, I'm not saying he is, but from the way you're articulating things. Which is a bad sign in itself.
    thanks so much for the helpful post

    (Original post by VeniViciVidi)
    You think about him alot because he was your first love, first time for everything and you're scared you won't find someone who can match him. Listen to your mind for a bit than listen to your heart.
    i know, thanks, but its taken 2 years and i still only love him even though ive dated a few other dudes. you are so so right but i just cant get over him so im wanting to get back with him.
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    Didn't you you're really hot?

    If that's the case then why did you need to get a BF from online, and why was he your first at 21? O.o

    Dedicated troll.
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    (Original post by ManAbout)
    You are a troll. And not even a good one. You post variations of this same crap every year.

    In 2008,
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...php?p=13262285

    In 2009,
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...php?p=18304749

    And now this. Same story, with some variations. Either you are seriously disturbed or a poor troll. I don't know which.
    Awwwww.

    It was amusing when I thought it was somewhat true.
 
 
 
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