I did explain how I felt though.(Original post by Jimmy McNulty)
I think from a practical perspective you need to help him learn to last longer, 6 minutes or whatever is frankly pathetic and any guy can do a lot better than that. I'm sure you know the tips and techniques a guy can use to delay orgasm (it's not that difficult with practice) so maybe go through these with him in a positive way.
If he really won't fulfill you even after you explain things to him carefully, and it just isn't important to him, you'll have to weigh up whether the rest of the relationship makes it worth staying with him, and if not, move on!
By not talking to him about it that's kind of unfair - he should have the chance to know clearly how you feel, what he can do about it and have the chance to change.
I told him it was important to me to have an orgasm, and he said perhaps he needed to try to last longer. I told him I'd like to experiment with other positions, but that in these it might take me a lot longer to orgasm, and that it was very important to me that I DID orgasm. I also said that I understood sometimes that he didn't 'help me out' afterwards if I hadn't ***, because he was in a hurry to get to work, and I didn't ALWAYS mind if I didn't get an orgasm, but many other times it left me frustrated and that I'd like it if he at least asked me if there was anything he could do for me.
The only net result of that conversation was that I didn't orgasm 3 out of the next 4 times we had sex, and he didn't acknowledge that fact or offer to do anything else for me sexually any of those times. And each of those times I didn't orgasm because he insisted on having sex in other positions or starting off with foreplay on him and not me (despite me having pointed out that he couldn't last long enough for me to orgasm in these positions, AND him knowing that I couldn't ever orgasm in at least one of them).
So I felt like he ignored the rest of the conversation, and only listened to the "it would be nice to be able to do different positions" bit, tuning the rest out. I felt really resentful. One of the times I didn't orgasm I told him straight away that I had been within seconds, but he never offered to help me out.
We've only had sex once since then, and I did orgasm. He lasted for longer than usual, because he was obviously TRYING to (he never does this usually) - he was stopping when he was on the edge etc. He seemed determined to make me ***, even though I'd told him that I was very tired (early hours of the morning) and this time I wasn't bothered about having one.
I feel like this was his way of "making up" to me... I've noticed before that if I haven't had an orgasm three or four times in a row, he tries to "make up" for it by giving me unasked for oral sex, without getting anything back himself, a couple of days later. Unfortunately, I'm not keen on oral, which he knows, so can't understand why he does this. It DOESN'T make up for it, because what I want is to orgasm at the time.
Beginning to wonder if he has some thing against touching me once he's had his fun. My ex always used to do stuff for me afterwards but this guy won't, and I refuse to have it before because it makes intercourse uncomfortable and unpleasant for me.
Boyfriend doesn't seem to think my orgasm is important... Watch
- Thread Starter
- 08-01-2011 15:50
- 08-01-2011 19:23
Put up a sign above the bed with both your names on it and tally underneath the names when either of you orgasm. Maybe he'll be shamed into taking some action
- 08-01-2011 19:29
- 18-05-2015 13:58
Men, boys can be real nasty to women I think men should just **** men not women as they can't treat us right.
- 18-05-2015 14:04
I think making your girlfriend orgasm is VERY important. However, I can't do it. Vaginal stimulation seems to get me nowhere.
Going down on her is always good but I can't tell whether she orgasms or not? She makes groans and good noises but never shouts or tells me how amazing it is (she is slightly reserved and shy about it) after about 5-10 she makes me stop by grabbing my head? Has she orgasmed and is now sensitive and wants me to stop???
I want to be able to make her orgasm but she won't tell me if I do. She gets real shy and would never, ever tell me. Need some girls help here.
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- 18-05-2015 16:04
You're definitely not being unreasonable, he should want to make you feel good!