Explaining asexuality to sexuals

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Sexuality is subjective.

If I were you, I would considered myself to have low sex drive as opposed to being asexual, but if you think of yourself as asexual, it's not wrong.

I'm aware sexuality is subjective. I don't have a low sex drive, I have zero sex drive. I'm turned on when I am 'actively' stimulated, but that's a purely physical reaction. My point though was that people probably don't understand what you mean by 'asexual' because you don't really fit the definition of asexual that most people use (from my experience). I know quite a lot of people who consider themselves asexual, yet I have honestly never met anyone who has never been sexually attracted to another person, other than people with personality disorders or autism.

Reply 41

joey11223

Original post by TheSownRose

Question I once got asked: if you're asexual, you remove the sexual component from attraction. Using the 'standard model' is emotional, physical and sexual attraction, that means you're left with emotional and physical.

Without any sexual attraction, does it mean asexuals that are romantic are more likely than the general population to be bi/homo-romantic?

I'm not sure. Personally, I can feel attraction to both sexes, although only ever feel inclined to act on those towards guys ... but I could have been like that if I had been sexual as well. :dontknow:

So...physically what do you do? Because personally although sex isn't the top of my priorities list, caressing a partner has sexual undertones..seems most physical content has a sexual relation to it even if you don't follow them..

Reply 42

TheSownRose

Original post by Anonymous

In my experience, most asexuals use the lack of sexual attraction definition ... but that's not to say the asexuals in your experience are wrong about it.

Reply 43

joey11223

I suppose you have a point, though personally I wouldn't class myself as bi-sexual in any way. I can see myself being affectionate to males but not sexuality at all, incredibly unattractive prospect, my paraphilia is also highly waited towards females. I suppose the best way to think of it is a sliding scale, some are right up there in total heterosexual, some are totally gay, some are bi-sexual, some prefer women but would consider males, etc.

Reply 44

Huskaris

I've never met anyone who is asexual, as I have never met anyone who has succesfully reproduced with themselves.

Reply 45

Anonymous #2

I wasn't sure of the best way to phrase it, so I wasn't using the term in a scientific sense. I meant people who either have a recognised condition which means their social abilities in general are different from the norm, or people who simply have unusual social needs/abilities.

Reply 46

TheSownRose

Original post by joey11223

I meant physically as aesthetic, but this is also a valid question.

I'm not a very physical person at any time, so touching anyone is significant as an expression of deep trust. I suppose on my part, it's that - a desire to be closer and express that you love and trust them.

Reply 47

joey11223

Original post by TheSownRose

ah right sorry.

What about cuddling? Hugging friends? That's rather platonic so I'd assume that sort of affection is possible, even if as an individual you're not the hugging type, it doesn't mean the root cause is the asexuality...if that makes sense?

Reply 48

JohnC2211

Original post by Profesh

Do you have any authority for this half-arsed conjecture?

You can look up various studies showing the psychological part in 'attractiveness'. The bottom line is men and women will be most strongly attracted to those that they believe will pass on desirable traits to give their offspring the best chance at life. Think of it like selective breeding, but in humans. If choice were eliminated from the equation, most women would select the tall, muscular man who is financially sound. He has good genetics and will provide for their children. Look up any kind of dating FAQ or how-to in any womens or mens magazine and they will talk about confidence, walking upright etc.

So we've found out what makes us attracted to certain people, so how does that work exactly? Well it's a nervous pathway. Our eyes (receptors) see the desirable trait that we like (wide hips for childbirth, for example) and relay that information to our brain, which secretes hormones/electrical impulses along neurones to the sexual glands. These impulses or hormones then provoke the release of sex hormones which give the feeling of arousal (boner/wetty).

A slight genetic mutation can cause several things which impede this. Receptors and hormones are very specific, like enzymes. A lock and key, if you will. If there is even a slight change to the initial genetic code of the protein structure for the hormone receptor (as brought about by a genetic mutation) they wont fit, and the response wont occur (the release of the hormones provoking arousal).

The above is simplified of course, because the real pathway would takes pages to write out.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 49

TheSownRose

Original post by joey11223

It's possible and completely unrelated to asexuality. I just don't like getting too close with many people, even very good friends.

Cuddling with a partner would again be a sign of trust and love. Hugging a friend is like my describing life without a penis analogy at the beginning - hard to define because I don't do it, so I don't know what it would classify as.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 50

JohnC2211

Not at all. My biology knowledge is limited at best, I'll be the first to admit that. The stuff I've outlined may not me completely technically correct with regards to the biological processes, but it's 0237 hrs so cut me some slack, the general direction of everything is right.

Reply 51

joey11223

Original post by TheSownRose

It's possible and completely unrelated to asexuality. I just don't like getting too close with many people, even very good friends.

Would you shove them over if they tried? Because if so I'd be on the floor all the time..total clash of interests as I'm very affectionate including platonically. You'd be surprised how many males don't want proper hugs from other males...well you probably wouldn't be surprised tbh.., I blame the "no homo!" attitude maybe seem to have, fearing any friendliness would make them look homosexual.

Reply 52

TheSownRose

Original post by joey11223

No, I just tense up and make people feel guilty... :s-smilie:

If people get too close as well, I step back which usually reminds them, but if someone runs at and hugs me, I don't have time to.

Not surprised, but sad. We don't all have to be physical people (incidentally, you equate friendliness with platonic physical affection?), but those that are shouldn't be put off of it by pressure.

What would you do with a friend who didn't want you to touch or hug them? Because I'm guessing you do have some..?

Reply 53

naomidawn

Original post by karateworm

I imagine it's like how you feel just after you've orgasmed, all the time.

(That only works for guys...)

Reply 54

joey11223

Oh my gosh let me just dial up the star...ooooh..yeah damn that USB stargate idea is only in my mind. C'mon smart people, it can't be that hard to make I saw it on TV! :biggrin:

*cuddles...in spirit*

Reply 55

JohnC2211

Eyes see -> Info goes to brain -> Brain sends out signal -> Hormones released -> Arousal.

In order for arousal to occur the signal has to be received. Genetic mutations cause irregularities in the shape of receptors, causing them not to work. Ergo, no arousal. Therefore, asexuality can be due to a genetic mutation.

Can also be due to psychological trauma and other reasons. It's obviously not fully understood yet.

Reply 56

Anonymous #3

It's a load bull ****.

And honestly Rose, I've noticed you using the term more often recently. Just appears to me as attention seeking or rather trying fuffill this desire to be different from the a majority of people - actually almost every mammal.

You think you're asexual (obviously lacking knowledge of it's definition and meaning).

Good for you, we get it now.

Ok, thanks, bye.

/thread.

Reply 57

wtfCharlie

Original post by TheSownRose

Why are people so curious about this? :lol:

I don't personally see the point and get nothing from it, but lots of asexuals do. It's not lack of a sex drive necessarily, just lack of sexual attraction.

But I geuess it's arguable that if they're attracted sexually to themselves but not others that they're autosexual :confused:

Reply 58

joey11223

Original post by TheSownRose

No, I just tense up and make people feel guilty... :s-smilie:

you edited your post didn't you...

Sorry a bit confused with what you're asking when you question my linking with friendliness and platonic affection? Are you assuming I'm suggesting to be a friendly person you HAVE to hug people a lot? I don't mean that if that's what you think, but in some peoples minds I think friendly and affectionate can be interlinked as it seems my affectionate nature towards friends labels me as friendly when described by them.

A friend who didn't want to hug me. In actual fact I don't have any male friends at the moment, which has been the case for the majority of my life anyway. Females are generally more affectionate and so there is no one in my current friendship group who wouldn't accept a hug from me. In six-form one girl was a bit weary of such things, I basically just didn't hug her...although sometimes my nature got the better of me and I did hug her as a greeting, just she wouldn't hug back, as you say you'd do she'd sort of stiffen up and cope with it, occasionally put her arms sort of around me but not really, very awkward for her. I tried not to, but I'm forgetful and my instinct is to hug people when meeting up with them. I obviously didn't hassle her about it though, not interrogating her as to why she doesn't like hugs.