how to tell him I cheated Watch

GBateman
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#41
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#41
(Original post by concubine)
I don't really see much of a difference between the way me and the other chap responded and you coming out with inane, condescending comments based upon nothing but your individual beliefs.
I don't believe my initial comment to be condescending. If it came across in that way, I can only apologise.

However, you are correct; it is based on my individual beliefs - in much the same way that your comments are. The only difference being that I was able to present my stance without actively attacking and defaming someone.
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azalia
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#42
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#42
(Original post by Nick Longjohnson)
"While you were gone another guy was balls deep in me. But that's ok because I can rationalise it and somehow make it your fault."

.
It's not his fault...I'm not going to say something so cruel! I can't explain why I did it because I don't really understand it myself. When I say I love my boyfriend, I really mean it, otherwise I wouldn't tell him that I cheated because I wouldn't care. And being drunk IS an excuse. I wasn't acting like myself at all. I'm sober now, and trying to figure out how to deal with the consequences in an appropriate way.
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GBateman
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#43
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#43
(Original post by there's too much love)
So you would argue that you were not talking out of your arse?

Please explain that argument to me.
In an argument/discussion/debate/conversation there are likely to be (but not limited to) two differing points of view.

I believe in my view and will express why I believe so.

You believe in your view and will express why you believe so.

Perhaps a conclusion will be reached, but perhaps not.

Perhaps you may sway me to think alike, or I, you, but perhaps not.

You may not agree with what I, or other people say, but they are our opinions and we have reasons why we believe in what we do - in the same way that you do - and to claim one person is talking out of their arse simply because you disagree with them isn't really how it works.
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bdanns
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#44
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#44
I would offer him a 'get out of jail free' card i.e. he is allowed to hook up with someone of his choice and you can't get mad.
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25095514
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#45
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#45
if a girl cheated on me, regardless of love, i could never trust her again, therefore relationship over!!
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canimakeit
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#46
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#46
(Original post by azalia)
It's not his fault...I'm not going to say something so cruel! I can't explain why I did it because I don't really understand it myself. When I say I love my boyfriend, I really mean it, otherwise I wouldn't tell him that I cheated because I wouldn't care. And being drunk IS an excuse. I wasn't acting like myself at all. I'm sober now, and trying to figure out how to deal with the consequences in an appropriate way.
You had sex with someone you ****ed up no one else whether you understand it or not it was not against your will and you made a choice no matter how bad a choice it was.

Being drunk is not an excuse it's an explanation but it does not excuse your behaviour otherwise everyone driving whilst drunk would be let off by the police because...... you know they were drunk wasn't their fault.
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WelshBluebird
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#47
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#47
(Original post by azalia)
And being drunk IS an excuse
Not it isn't. If you can't handle it, then don't drink that much. Simple.
At the end of the day, you decided to cheat.
Its your fault.
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ShadowConspiracy
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#48
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#48
The ****, If you were attracted to your boyfriend, you wouldn't have cheated, I hope he dumps you and punches the guy who you cheated with.
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there's too much love
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#49
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#49
(Original post by GBateman)
In an argument/discussion/debate/conversation there are likely to be (but not limited to) two differing points of view.

I believe in my view and will express why I believe so.

You believe in your view and will express why you believe so.

Perhaps a conclusion will be reached, but perhaps not.

Perhaps you may sway me to think alike, or I, you, but perhaps not.

You may not agree with what I, or other people say, but they are our opinions and we have reasons why we believe in what we do - in the same way that you do - and to claim one person is talking out of their arse simply because you disagree with them isn't really how it works.
I said you were talking out of your arse because your subscribing to a set of theories that have been almost entirely debunked and your statements over simplified a very complex issue.
And I stand by that.
I told you where you should go to read up on those things, and you became very defensive. Fine, but go read up on those things and stop spouting crap on the internet.
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Jakeh
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#50
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#50
I believe GBateman is right.
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GBateman
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#51
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#51
(Original post by there's too much love)
I said you were talking out of your arse because your subscribing to a set of theories that have been almost entirely debunked and your statements over simplified a very complex issue.
And I stand by that.
I told you where you should go to read up on those things, and you became very defensive. Fine, but go read up on those things and stop spouting crap on the internet.
I never once got defensive. I just said I wasn't going to engage in your debate because you can't express your ideas and disagreements without personally attacking me. It's that simple.

If anything, you're the one being defensive.
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Reformed2010
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#52
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#52
It depends on the individual and the relationship they have with their partner. Every couple will handle a case of cheating differently and there can never be a definitive, this is right or wrong answer. Some consider a mild peck on the lips as a cause for separation, others will put up with a one night stand. However lets not kid ourselves here. What is generally agreed on, any relationship (platonic or not) is built on trust, a healthy dose of loyalty and love for one another. Without it, lets be honest, you got jack ****. You seem to have broken all three and to many people, including myself, don't deserve to have this guy.

Personally I don't by the 'rebel' excuse. Why do you feel the need to rebel to the point of cheating with some one else with some one you love? totally defeats the purpose of loving and staying loyal to some one doesn't it?

Lastly, being drunk is the lamest excuse in the book. We all have to take some responsibility and if we are unable to have control over our actions when it comes to breaking morals or the law.

Then don't get ****ing drunk. Your fault, tell him and hopefully you can get dumped.
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Jmzie-Coupe
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#53
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#53
You ****
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Roedhaken
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#54
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#54
If you think that you can keep yourself from cheating on him again, I'd say don't tell him, just never do it again.
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IndigoRockGirl
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#55
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#55
However you tell him he's going to be upset, so just tell him in a really apologetic way, and make sure you tell him it will never happen again, and DO NOT tell him that you attracted to the other guy unless you plan on acting on it again.
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PrincePauper
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#56
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#56
Go team gbateman! Theres too much love is obvs a ssllaagg! lol
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_DaNnY_
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#57
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#57
(Original post by azalia)
It's not his fault...I'm not going to say something so cruel! I can't explain why I did it because I don't really understand it myself. When I say I love my boyfriend, I really mean it, otherwise I wouldn't tell him that I cheated because I wouldn't care. And being drunk IS an excuse. I wasn't acting like myself at all. I'm sober now, and trying to figure out how to deal with the consequences in an appropriate way.
Okay.... I believe you. You can love somebody and cheat on them.

Cheating doesn't mean you don't love someone. But in our society, a one that praises and preaches monogamy - Cheating is certainly a breach of trust, as your partner trusts you enough to have a long-term relationship with you, and assumes that within the confines of that relationship - having sex with another individual is unacceptable.

So really this turns into a trust issue, if he really loves you he will wonder how he can ever trust you again.

If he doesn't love you, but had some kind of infatuation and was considering having a serious relationship with you - he won't now. You will have lost his respect. He may just use you for sex, but not let you in emotionally - or if he cannot emotionally withstand this level of betrayal he will just dump you instead.

Anyhow I'm digressing a little...

What happened is your responsibility. You may not know exactly know why or how it happened, but that doesn't mean you have a "get out of jail free card". You need to be responsible for yourself, maybe you're just a little naive but you should not be drinking to the point of drunken-ness with a man you find sexually attractive - that's just a recipe for disaster. When I was in a long term relationship
of a few years, my girlfriend would never drink around guys she couldn't trust to not exploit her lowered inhibitions and blurred judgement.

Just to add... even if the drink is partly responsible for your actions (by lowering your inhibitions), you chose to drink the alcohol initially, when you were sober with said individual in your presence - and essentially created the situation that allowed you to have sex with another man yourself, so while you should factor the alcohol in as one significant factor for your behaviour , the responsibility remains with yourself - do not try to diffuse that responsibility to an inanimate bottle of alcohol which cannot argue back or talk for itself - you will gain no respect for that from him - we've all heard the "it doesn't count, i was drunk" **** over and over - it's like saying "I forgot" - it's a crap excuse and shows lack of personal responsibility or forethought.

Good luck.
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VeniViciVidi
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#58
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#58
Siding with team gbateman.
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flight409
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#59
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#59
****. So you ****ed up and had sex with someone else. Just think how he's gonna feel. I don't understand why these girls do this then tell their boyfriends that they still love them; you obviously don't. Tell him and tell him the real reason why you cheated, which is either: your a dirty filthy **** who has no respect for anyone including yourself, or, the relationship has too many faults and you don't really love or like your boyfriend.
If you stay together by not telling him, or even by telling him and he 'forgives', the relationship will just get worse and worse and you'll both end up just hating each other - which will be worse for him and about 98% your fault.
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aeterno
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#60
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#60
Being drunk is NOT an excuse whichever way you try to spin it - I don't think saying 'Hey, while you were away I cheated on you but I was drunk and I want you to know I'd never do that sober. You forgive me given the circumstances, right?' is quite going to cut it.

Tell him the truth and deal with the consequences. You messed up.
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