The 2012 FOOD AND DRINK OLYMPICS! Watch
This is one of the very few times I will actively seek to top a food item with cheese, but on a burger, it's just... right. It just.... works. As it melts and permeates the meat, it becomes the meat's "polyfilla", filling the coarse ground meat. Considering the Cheeseburger is ordered almost 2 to 1 at McDonalds compared to their standard Hamburger in the UK, I guess this gold medal was no surprise.
BORING ALERT, but no, I mean it wholeheartedly. BURGERS NEED SALAD. The crunch of the lettuce, the tart squish of the tomato, the peppery crunch of onion, the sour tang of a gherkin slice. I never will understand the "burgers with just meat and more meat and meat" because it's texturally ALL THE SAME. BUN, MUSH. BEEF, MUSH. MORE MUSH? NAH! You want crunch! Snap! CRUMBLAGE!! Salad makes burgers come alive (though thankfully not literally. That would be horrific).
BRONZE: FRIED EGG/POACHED EGG
I cannot express my love more for the bursting yolk of an egg into a burger; it's both a tasty addition food-wise AND it's own condiment!!!
MEDALLISTS IN: HALF-COATED BISCUITS?
What're your GOLD, SILVER and BRONZE MEDALLISTS IN...
SILVER: Milky way cake bars. They actually, unlike a lot of cadbury ones, have a nice balance in them, not just TOO much of one thing. Milk chocolate outside but a light inner sponge, with the creamy bit just to keep it from being too dry.
BRONZE: Jamacian ginger. I don't even like ginger..(apart from Ginger people, ginger people are hot. Go on the Branning boys!) But these cakes are JOY. The spice is JUST right, subtle but there. It's fruity/spice cakes that are always the most appealing to me in terms of texture too. All in all, Mcvities do cake bars a lot better than Cadburys.
medals in OVEN PIZZAS?
YES I'M CHEATING, but I'm making a point. All this fake American deep pan fatfests make a mockery of the real deal.
SILVER: FRECHETTA REAL DOUGH.
I don't even know if these are still available, but they offered exceptional uncooked dough in a frozen pizza that fluffed with the oven... beautiful.
BRONZE: DR OETKER.
How delightfully absurd that a German company should provide one of the more authentic thin crust(real) pizza experiences but it truly does!
WHATRE YOUR MEDALLISTS IN...
SILVER: CHOCOLATEY SQUARES. The hot brother of Krave, which gets all the attention while the Squares sit on the side line. Go for the underdog and you won't regret it.
BRONZE: CHOCOLATE SHREDDIES. Knitted by Nana's, how can you deny these beautifully crafted intricate squares of coco? You can't.
Frosties are notable for their sugary white armour not only making them magnificently sweet, but also holding up to the milk and staying uber crunchy, one of the follies of Corn Flakes.
I just want to get the record straight - I think Rik should get as much exposure as Tony. Ricicles do for Rice Krispies what Frosties do for Corn Flakes, arguably just as well, but ever since that hubbub back in the 90s when Ricicles had marshmallows in that made kids SUPER HYPER, I guess Kelloggs is still a bit ashamed of the juvenile space-laddie...
BRONZE: FROSTED TOAST CRUNCH
One of the absolute best American cereals I've tried. And no, it's not "just Golden Grahams". It's more insanely crunchy, less powdery, and EVEN SWEETER.
Imagine the Graham texture and shape; but IMBUED WITH SUGAR ARMOUR.
YOUR MEDALLISTS FOR: FOOD SMELLS?
SILVER: APPLES AND CINNAMON. Either in a pie, or just on the stove being made (my Mum makes this apple mix to add to yoghurts, pies etc which is apples, sugar/golden syrup, hazelnuts and cinnamon.) Either way, Apple Crumble or Apple Mix. Amazing.
BRONZE: BACON. I'm not even a HUGE bacon fan, but damn, when you wake up and you smell bacon wafting through the air, GOD DAYMNNN you're up in an instant. Unless you're a veggie, then you cry yourself back to sleep.
MEDALISTS FOR GOOD LOOKING PUDDINGS
It could taste like herpes for all I care, it's just ridiculously pretty.
SILVER: PERFECT CHOUX SWANS
What's more beautiful than gorgeous cream profiteroles oozing with caramel or chocolate? Why, the same thing, but perfectly formed into a swan! Of course, you always nitpick, I mean, SWANS HAVE BIGGER BEAKS, PUDDING FAIL etc, but it's SO PURDY! ALL FORGIVEN.
BRONZE: PERFECT TRIFLE
Notice the adjective there. PERFECT trifle. Maybe it's because trifle is so goddamned ugly, a mess of gloop in a bowl, but when it's done absolutely perfectly, it just seems so... gorgeous to me. WHY DOES MINE NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT?!
MEDALLISTS IN MEAT SNACKS?
Prosciutto OM NOM!
Ostrich jerky NOM!
MEDALLISTS IN KIT KAT PRODUCTS?
Anyway, sticking to strictly UK varieties (ain't no way I'm attempting to tackle the Japanese varieties...)
GOLD: Kit Kat Two Finger Bar. Who didn't love those foil wrapped fingers of joy in their lunchboxes? Sure, you might be bored of em now, but you know you loved em at one stage! Plus, if you haven't had one in a while, and then you do, it's like WOW, why did I stop eating these?! They also come in 4 flavours, so if you're feeling like mixing things up like a biscuit rebel, you can go for Dark chocolate, mint or orange. Oh the choice.
SILVER: Kit Kat Chunky. It's like, now you've grown up, you can have a PROPA sized bar. It's like taking a finger of a Kit Kat and SUPA SIZIN' it. What's not to love about that? You got wafer, thick chocolate (none of this 'chocolate coated but actually only the thinnest layer known to may') and crunch. If you want a proper chocolate bar, you could do far worse than a Kit Kat Chunky Original.
BRONZE: Kit Kat Chunky Peanut Butter.Sure, it's not as good as Reeces, but hey, it's PB and chocolate, and it's not half bad! It's not like the Double Chocolate variety, which was a bit...chocolate overdose in my view. It was a bit pointless having that chocolate layer because it all just blended. And the white chocolate (even for me) was nice, but not being a white chocolate fan, it wasn't my fave. And the Choco Orange was equally pretty good, but I felt it was missing an orange element inside.
SILVER: PIC n MIX. It's a shame penny sweets aren't a penny anymore, and R.I.P woolworths but STILL, I love me some pic a mix. From fruit salad chewy sweets, to the strawbs to the cola bottles. Me and my brother would always pester my mum for "a pound for some sweeties" when we were little. It's just variety and sweet, what more does a kid want?
BRONZE: Lunchables! The best ones were the pizza ones..but all varieties I remember fondly. Okay, so we're kids and we can be trusted to make our lunches with sharp blades and hot ovens, but we can compose those bad boys. The ham, processed cheese, cracker bottom. Good times.
medals of chain restaurants?
Hardly even "chain" these days, but retains the qualities of the "sit down dinner" AND "fast food meal" simultaneously... A miraculous feat. Plus BENDER BURGER AND BROWN DERBY.
Painful to even admit but the sheer convenience and reliability of McDonald's now far outweighs any elitist prejudice.
BRONZE: ASHOKA SHACK
Unlike KFC with fried chicken or BK with burgers, ashoka shack is the only overt fast food chain restaurant to try to "fast food up" Indian cuisine!!
MEDALLISTS IN... THINGS FOR SUPPER?
MEDALLISTS IN SUBWAY FILLINGS?
GOLD: Sweet onion chicken teriyaki. I love sweet onions. I love chicken. Yes, toasted. Delicious. Even comes under one of the "lighter" options. BOOOONUS.
SILVER: Meatballs. It's messy but damn, it's a proper MEAL. The others can feel all a bit "lunchy" Meatballs I could have for my dinner and feel full. I'd probably like to eat it in private, mind you. But that's fine. A private moment between me and my meaty balls.
BRONZE: Tuna. I love getting it, adding loads of sweetcorn and lettuce and having a really toasted crunchy tuna delight. It's filling and feels almost healthy. Tuna is best in subs, rather than sarnies. It's a good marriage.
Medals in Cadbury chocolate bars
As Cadburys uses their second-class recipe of chocolate on every other bar except the Dairy Milk range, and as Dairy Milk is an exceptional tasting, melting and pairing chocolate (it's a testament to the flavour that it works with nuts, fruit, caramel and shortcake, the lot), there's nothing the purple wonder cannot do.
Okay, so it's not covered in Dairy Milk, but IT DON'T NEED IT. It has EVERYTHING ELSE, and is one of the most delicious, overlooked bars, containing pretty much ALL INGREDIENTS SINCE TIME BEGAN, inexplicably being a fairly healthier option (compared to equal weight bars), and does so... whilst looking like a poo. PICNIC IS A BADASS.
Fudge, really? YES REALLY, PUNK. If there's one thing Cadbury does well, it's fudge, and that's coming from a Scot. It's not dairy fudge, it's clearly an insane proprietary blend they came up with, but it WORKS. Just as Cadbury has adopted fudge in quotation marks as it has cinder toffee (Crunchie's "Honeycomb" is sliiiiightly different from actual cinder toffee), it makes it a product entirely unique, which is why Cadbury is so successful. Like the Colonel's secret recipe, it's something that can't be exactly replicated elsewhere... and with Fudge, you don't waste your dinner appetite!!
That was SO tough. The meal-bars that are Boost and Double Decker, sublimely silky Caramel, Gorgeously "Imagine if Fingers were bigger" Snack Bar, Messy as hell Flake... yeah, that was tough.
MEDALLISTS IN... GALAXY PRODUCTS? :P
Galaxy Ripple - flaky and messy but tastes amazing.
Galaxy Minstrels - I could eat these all day.
Chinese takeaway medal winners?
This was sent from TSR's iPhone app, as I couldn't be arsed to turn on the laptop.
GOLD: BEEF AND GREEN PEPPER IN BLACK BEAN
IMAGINE. instilled flavour of soy, bean, chicken; it's a pure Chinese flavour usually raped by curry and something-fried-something!! Beef black bean is the CLASSIC.
SILVER: FOO YUNG.
Omelette? NUT. this is a beast WAAAAY tastier!!
BRONZE: CHAR SUI CHOW MEIN.
Pork seasoned by magic with noodles and beansprouts. GANDALF WAS CLEARLY CANTONESE.
MEDALLISTS IN... CADBURY CAKES?
What're your medallists in BERRIES?
SILVER: Strawberries. Plain, chocolate covered, in trifle, in eton mess, in fondu. So many uses, so little time.
BRONZE: Cranberries. JOKE. Na, i'd probably go Raspberries. They make a nice change to strawberry flavour, and add a good twist on usual desserts. They are nice plain, though (and this may just be me) I find them to be a bit...dry. I would have said Blackcurrants, but thats mainly for the juices/cordials, so its not quite the same.
ONE DAY LEFT OF THE OLYMPICS, SO LET'S SAY: TYPICAL PARTY/BUFFET FOODS