Would it bother you if a potential guy you may be seeing still lives at home

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I'm talking to this guy .... seems like a nice guy ...into the same music as I which is important.

He's very handsome .... don't really get why he's taken an interest in me but anyway we've been talking and then he dropped something that really bothers me and I don't know why....

He said he still lives with his family, he's 22...... thing is I'm very very independent , have no family really, I don't rely on anyone and would like someone similar.

I think it says a lot about the person if they still live at home

I'm trying not to be picky as I know I can and trying to go along with it.

But would it be something that bothers you.

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from this but I think it's just human nature that we need to accept but ..

I think I'm only making an effort because he is fit and if he wasn't that good looking I wouldn't have bothered is that wrong too?

Keep in mind I havent ever been in a long term relationship should I still get to know him?

Wouldn't bother me at all as long as he is willing to move out at some point. There might be many reasons as to why he is staying at home. Once you get to know him better then ask :smile:

. It could be to help with the family, might be saving up money etc.

Reply 41

WelshBluebird

Original post by Popppppy

Yes, times this by 4 you get £297 a month, which is what I need to cover my rent and bills (assuming I have a roommate). Obviously I would have to work more than this to afford food etc, but I also have savings.

So less than 300 quid a month to cover rent, food, bills, transport, social life (even if it isn't much) etc etc.
Yeah, not going to happen love.

Now, you it may be possible to get income support and housing benefit and stuff, but is it really a good idea to put yourself in quite hard financial situations just to essentially "save face" about not having to move back home? I'd say not.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 42

redwood_phoenix

Some people who are 22 have little choice in where they live.

If I couldn't have come home I would be screwed. My job doesn't pay much, but it's vital experience if I do eventually go for the career path I was thinking about when I started it. In my area, if I were to rent my own place, I would be spending near enough my entire earnings on rent. Let alone needing to eat, or use a car etc. Living at home is not completely free for me though, I have to pay my Dad a portion of my monthly income so that I get used to the idea of not being allowed to spend all the money I get on things that I want. I've only been at home since the summer, and I'm itching to be more independent. I'm on a temporary contract and hoping that once it's up I'll get a better paid job and be able to move out.

Like many others have said, if it's a temporary thing where he's just trying to save/move up the ranks until he is earning enough to move out (in the not too distant future) then I see no issue with someone in their early 20s living at home. If he's happy as larry about living at home with zero intention of ever getting out it may be different.

Reply 43

danny111

I live at home because it's cheaper. I'm still at uni, "only" have a part-time job, and I don't see why if my parents and I are okay with, that I should go find a flat for myself. Living on your own is terribly inefficient anyway. I got enough privacy and independence.

Reply 44

phunky_fresh

Original post by Popppppy

I agree with you OP.
It would be so weird to have to hang out in his room with his parents downstairs in the living room, like being back in high school!

Even if I don't get a graduate job straight out of uni I wouldn't move home.

I've worked out that to pay my current rent and bills, I'd have to work 12 hours a week earning minimum wage. I could easily get more than those hours at my current part time job, so I would have no need to move home.

I guess some people don't mind living at home, but I much prefer the independence of not living with my parents and obviously would like a guy who feels the same way.

Lol then they would go to her house then, since she's missing independent and lives alone. Or they could go out

Reply 45

Climbontoyourseahorse

Original post by Popppppy

Poppy, it is easy to get sanctimonious as a student, asserting your 'independence' and 'maturity' and making derisive remarks about those who return home temporarily after university and how you couldn't possibly do that, but I really would like to see you hack it out in the real world. First you would have to get this job, and believe me, even the 'worst' jobs are difficult to get. It could take you months to find a part-time shelf-stacking job. All the jobs at the bottom which you think you can waltz into because you have a degree will be filled with 16 year olds because 16 year olds are cheap. Second, not many people live in areas in which £297 covers all living expenses, and the majority cannot afford to relocate to somewhere that cheap. Consider, for example, that your job would have to be close to your house otherwise you'd be spending a large chunk of money on transport. Consider also that your savings will run out. What happens if you get fired or are made redundant from your job? No job these days is secure and many people are on very short contracts.

If you make it, good for you. Just consider that every person has their own circumstances and that you should think long and hard before judging someone. I personally think it takes a great deal of maturity to move back in with the parents and make it work. I think that is possibly a true sign of an adult.

Reply 46

username306617

Original post by WelshBluebird

I said I could easily get more hours, I do get more hours over the summer, and as I stated before, £297/month covers my rent and bills, I also live within walking distance of my work, and Glasgow city center so transport costs are low.

I don't get any money from my parents and I'm not about to start any time soon.

Also please don't call me "love", it's very condescending.

Reply 47

username306617

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

I already have a job (actually two, but one main one), and I've been working since I was 13. I also had two other jobs on top of the two I currently have during 2012.

Reply 48

jblackmoustache

Girls better get used to it. More and more guys are staying at home. An extended youth

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 49

rjm101

I'm 22 and still live with my parents. In all honesty I'd much rather save up for deposit on a house rather than pay rent on something I'm never going to own and have little remaining to actually save up for anything. Staying at my parents may not look good to women but I'm dam better off financially because of it. Based on where I live, if I did have a place I would have very little money remaining at the end of the month. I dont want to get into that vicous loop of working just to pay the rent when my time spent at my rented place would be minimal because I'm working so much just to pay the rent.

My parents house is around the corner from a tube station which is ideal for me. Weve discussed this issue and they have made it clear that they really dont mind at all and they also prefer that I save up for a deposit instead of rent. Sure there are benefits to having your own place which is mostly to do with having a girl come round without any problems but that never happens to me anyway so whats the point?

My financial goal is to save 1m for retirement by the time I hit 50. Just staying at my parents for a phew more years will significantly help me achieve my goal. Our generation really have it crap so it makes sense to seize every opportunity to save, invest and spend wisely. If anything the guys staying at home are playing it smart. We know what our priorities are and its not to impress girls with our independance.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 50

username306617

I'd just like to point out that there's nothing wrong with guys who move back home, I'm just saying I wouldn't want to date one.
Just like there's nothing wrong with vegetarians, but I wouldn't like to date one, because I like cooking and eating meat.

Reply 51

DuncanMono

I think I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who was happy and in a stable environment rather than the accommodation status. That being said, I'm 25 and assuming I date someone my age, I would assume they no longer lived at home or would be making steps to move out, but moving out even renting a house with friends is difficult and can be very expensive. Maybe he wouldn't be able to afford to move out at the moment so his staying at home means that he has a decent quality of life.

Reply 52

concubine

Original post by tweety_2479

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from this but I think it's just human nature that we need to accept but ..

Only it's not.

It's a cultural thing more than anything, and one that's changing in this country because the reality is that it's harder and harder for young people to move away.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 53

sweetiepie

Original post by tweety_2479

I'm talking to this guy .... seems like a nice guy ...into the same music as I which is important.

First of all i dont understand how this is at all relevant.

Secondly why does it matter to you if he lives at home? i mean the most important thing is his taste in music because after all you prioritised that first in the post and its just so important. in all seriousness though it probably wont affect you in anyway, if you have your own place you can just go there with minimal contact at his house. don't act superior just because you moved out at 18, many people aren't in a position to do so for whatever reason, you can't judge someones motives for not moving out at a relatively young age. doesn't make him any less independent either you don't know how much rent he pays, whether he does his own washing etc he may literally just be using it as a roof over his head.

Reply 54

thunder_chunky

Original post by tweety_2479

Seems pretty petit. I'm in my late 20's and I live at home. I have lived in my own place previously but circumstances have brought me back to live with my parents.
Honestly I dont think it matters that much and I don't think it automatically says something about them in the negative sense. I think you should get to know him regardless.

Reply 55

Climbontoyourseahorse

Original post by Popppppy

I already have a job (actually two, but one main one), and I've been working since I was 13. I also had two other jobs on top of the two I currently have during 2012.

But the thing is though, Poppy, is that this isn't about your circumstances. This is about your attitude. It's great that you've had jobs, but then again no one can guarantee you'll have them in the future. You can ask for more hours but there are other people who need hours too, and whilst on one hand they might be loyal to you they might give them to a 16 year old who as stated earlier, will be much cheaper than someone in their early 20s.
My post was written to try and demonstrate to you that peoples' circumstances can vary hugely and a lot of it is down to luck, or a lack thereof. There are circumstances people have no control over. Anything can happen in this climate and **** does happen. You could just as easily find yourself in a situation in which you have to move home, and with an attitude like yours if it does happen you'll sadly not be met with much sympathy.

Reply 56

Climbontoyourseahorse

Original post by tweety_2479

Look, in terms of financial independence, living with your parents is no worse than getting money from the government to live away from home as a student. Do students receive as much criticism as graduates living at home? No.

You might be complaining here that he lacks life experience, but what if he turned around and told you he was completely turned off by the fact that you have never had a serious relationship? Obviously there is nothing wrong with having not experienced that yet, but if you're going to nitpick about him... If you view him living at home as indicative of a weakness in personality, he might take a similar view with your lack of relationships.

Another thing... if as a 24 year old woman you're looking for a mature man with life experience, why are you bothering with a 22 year old? What do you expect? What were you doing at 22? I'm sure you were probably not as accomplished back then as you are now.

Reply 57

WelshBluebird

Original post by Popppppy

And yet you would still massively struggle.

Most people do not live in places where rent is that cheap (hell where I live you struggle to get rent alone for less than £300 a month). Most people dont live within walking distance of work.

And you still ignore things like food, social costs (because I doubt you want to work and do nothing else), unexpected costs, if you need to buy a new pair of shoes or whatever, etc etc.

So as I said, do you really think its a good idea to have to struggle so much just to be able to save face about not moving back home?

Reply 58

username306617

Original post by WelshBluebird

Yes, because I would have to move 142 miles, from Scotland to Northern Ireland, to live in the middle of nowhere, thus having to buy a car to get anywhere (2 mile walk to the nearest bus stop from my mother's house), where there are stupid riots and the lowest salaries in the UK.
Also I want to go into rail engineering, I assume you are not familiar with the rail network in Norther Ireland, there are literally about 3 train lines.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 59

doobucks

Not a problem tbh. Why should it be?
My brother is 21. He just got a job after uni, he's going to probably get a big payday in a year and be up to 25-30k if all goes well for him but he's still living with me mum. He's making sure he's financially stable first before he moves out.