Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Drogue)
    More decent? Do you associate wanting sex in a relationship with not being a decent guy?

    I'm a pretty serious nerd and didn't choose my partner based solely on physical attraction, but both physical attraction and sex played a significant part. If you're attracted to a girl enough to want to go out with her, it would be strange not to have sexual feelings towards her. Being decent means respecting what she wants and not pushing things, even if this means ending things if you're incompatible. It doesn't mean not having sexual desires.

    If you're choosing your partner independent of any physical attraction, then that's not a romantic relationship, it's a platonic one. I guess you may find guys who have that attraction but aren't yet ready to act on it, but that's a maturity issue not a decency one.
    Wanting ONLY sex, which is what the OP asked, yes.

    Again, I never denied that the sexual aspects of a relationship are significant. The key word in the title is ONLY. You're trying to argue me of something I never denied in the first place.

    Wanting sex and wanting ONLY sex in a relationship are two different desires. You've misunderstood me.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Not necessarily I prefer to get to know them first. I wouldn't jump for sex straight away especially when there's no commitment and relationship.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    Go for the nerd at the back of the class, and see if that happens again. Blame your taste in men, not men.

    I am funny, intelligent both academically and generally, and popular, and I've never known a girl to have a crush on me or my friends, the nerds. Pretty much all the guys with girlfriends are in the lowest academic sets and are gangster wannabes. Do you expect these boys to act sensible?

    I know you can't deny physical attraction, but that alone shouldn't tempt you to engage in a relationship.

    Just try it. Go for a nerd who spend their spare time revising and listens to classical music (if they'll accept you, that is; won't get a Romeo if you ain't a Juliet). And then see if it happens again. I hate to flip the nice-guys-finish-last card, but it couldn't be more true.
    You sound hugely up yourself. This is kind of the point, being shy, being introverted, not getting girls, being a "nerd", this doesn't make you a good person, or a good boyfriend.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    You sound hugely up yourself. This is kind of the point, being shy, being introverted, not getting girls, being a "nerd", this doesn't make you a good person, or a good boyfriend.
    I'm really not. I've acquired some of the highest levels in the year, and have gained respect from elder students and teachers for my academic ability. When queried who their funniest is friend on Ask.fm, almost all my friends listed me. I'm not confident at all, but neither am I modest; I know I am intelligent and funny. To be able to support that doesn't render you an arrogant ass for accepting what is simply the evident truth.

    I guess that does have something to do with it; the douches that get all the girls are always confident and powerful.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    No, I want someone to love me who isn't biologically obliged to (like my parents) and someone to hug and someone who needs me the most.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    yes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    I'm really not. I've acquired some of the highest levels in the year, and have gained respect from elder students and teachers for my academic ability. When queried who their funniest is friend on Ask.fm, almost all my friends listed me. I'm not confident at all, but neither am I modest; I know I am intelligent and funny. To be able to support that doesn't render you an arrogant ass for accepting what is simply the evident truth.

    I guess that does have something to do with it; the douches that get all the girls are always confident and powerful.
    In my experience, it's those you are confident and powerful who are successful. You can have all the academic ability in the world but if your a timid nerd you'll have no chance. Please take this under advisement. Coming from a recruiter at one of the UKs leading banks, we look for the person and not the qualifications. Also, get off your high horse and stop trying to be better than everyone else. You'll end up nowhere.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by dmutch11)
    In my experience, it's those you are confident and powerful who are successful. You can have all the academic ability in the world but if your a timid nerd you'll have no chance. Please take this under advisement. Coming from a recruiter at one of the UKs leading banks, we look for the person and not the qualifications. Also, get off your high horse and stop trying to be better than everyone else. You'll end up nowhere.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    What if you're confident, powerful, and have the qualifications?
    Oh boy, working for a bank, most selective job in the world! Unfortunately, you're going to need a few qualifications if you wanna go into something like medical science. Both types of people have different aspects which will appeal to different employers, but for a job that's actually of value to society, I'd much rather chose the latter; a lack of confidence can be dealt with, a lack of education, not as easily. Working in a bank does not require skill, it requires certain personality traits.

    Please point out where I'm trying to be better than everyone else, after supporting the claim that I'm of above average intelligence academically. There's always that ******* who'll repeat what you've already addressed. How about you actually pose a supported argument instead of throwing baseless accusations?
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    O
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    I'm really not. I've acquired some of the highest levels in the year, and have gained respect from elder students and teachers for my academic ability. When queried who their funniest is friend on Ask.fm, almost all my friends listed me. I'm not confident at all, but neither am I modest; I know I am intelligent and funny. To be able to support that doesn't render you an arrogant ass for accepting what is simply the evident truth.

    I guess that does have something to do with it; the douches that get all the girls are always confident and powerful.
    It isn't that I'm saying you are a stupid man with no friends, I'm saying you sound up yourself saying how great you are. No one asked. You must know acting like that is considered vulgar in our society? Being self confident helps with girls, but you are supposed to show you are intelligent, not tell people you're intelligent. If you want to be seen as funny, say something funny.

    Also, you make the ridiculous statement that only "douches" and "gangsters" get girls. This is obviously rubbish, and very insulting to women, saying they are all idiots who go for the wrong guys. To get girls, you need to be confident. Being confident doesn't make you a bad person.

    This is something that is very common on here, guys don't get girls, but they see themselves as wonderful people, so they blame girls, blame guys, society, anyone but themselves. Be a man, take some responsibility.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mirazia)
    I feel as if every guy I've been out with has only wanted me for sex. I dumped my last boyfriend after he tried to make me have sex with him whilst I was drunk; I can;t seem to kiss a boy without him asking me for a blow job. Even when I was fourteen, in my first relationship, I was dumped after refusing to go further.

    I don't really know what I do that gives off this vibe. I'm intelligent and, although I wouldn't call myself prudish, I don't have loose morals with regards to sex. I'm currently 17 and have never had sex - I'm so glad that I reject these guys' advances but I'm becoming exasperated and worried that it's something I'm doing??

    thanks for any advice in advance
    I would say that what has happened has happened. Now I don't know if it works for you or not I think it should. In the months prior to the start of the relationship try to really know the boy I.e. His emotional self , his care for you, and I think the best way to do that would to be to share your problems with them or him I hope. And don't worry about the wrong in you cuz even if there is something the boy must accept you for what you are. Don't worry be happy .

    Best regards,
    Palash jain
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    What if you're confident, powerful, and have the qualifications?
    Oh boy, working for a bank, most selective job in the world! Unfortunately, you're going to need a few qualifications if you wanna go into something like medical science. Both types of people have different aspects which will appeal to different employers, but for a job that's actually of value to society, I'd much rather chose the latter; a lack of confidence can be dealt with, a lack of education, not as easily. Working in a bank does not require skill, it requires certain personality traits.

    Please point out where I'm trying to be better than everyone else, after supporting the claim that I'm of above average intelligence academically. There's always that ******* who'll repeat what you've already addressed. How about you actually pose a supported argument instead of throwing baseless accusations?
    Oh working for a bank requires no skills? I'm glad I spent 6 years at uni and another 2 years of training and getting professional qualifications to do my job when some little brat thinks it takes no skill. Listen son, you attitude needs some serious work. You're arrogant, rude and to quote someone earlier you are extremely up yourself. So let's not get into an argument over which person is "of more value to society."

    Oh and you're not the only one here with higher than average intelligence.

    Quite frankly I don't even know why I'm still talking to someone who probably hasn't even left school/uni yet.





    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    Wanting ONLY sex, which is what the OP asked, yes.

    Again, I never denied that the sexual aspects of a relationship are significant. The key word in the title is ONLY. You're trying to argue me of something I never denied in the first place.

    Wanting sex and wanting ONLY sex in a relationship are two different desires. You've misunderstood me.
    The title says only sex, yes, but if you read the OP it's clear the issue is with guys wanting and pushing for things to go further than she's willing to go. They're not dumping her because she doesn't, she's dumping/rejecting them because they push for sexual interaction she doesn't want. So the issue isn't whether men only want sex, but whether they're willing to stay in a relationship without demanding sex.

    That's what the post you quoted was saying - that even nerd guys likely will push for sexual things if they have a girlfriend. It even said "they might not ONLY want sex...".

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ignitus)
    Typical, hackneyed tactic, making a positive correlation out to be a cause and effect.
    Uh, I'm nerdy, and my friends more so, and I think I know my friends well enough to assure myself they're more decent than that. You're addressing the stereotypical 'nerd', which I'm entirely to blame for, but I was referring to someone not necessarily academically but generally intelligent, who would have the decency not to chose their partner based on, at least not solely, physical attraction.
    What's your point?

    I'm a nerd. I didn't get into Medical school by playing FIFA and shagging girls all day. But I also know the difference between being a nerd and basically just being socially inept and unable to bring myself to see the opposite gender as my equals, and therefore interact with them on any level. People in the latter category will forever blame the fact that they are "nice" as the reason they can't get a girlfriend. Wrong. Being nice is a basic tenet of being a decent human being, it does not entitle you to come on TSR and start saying that any and all guy that is NOT a nerd must be after only one thing. More often than not, you'll find the guys who you talked about in the first post as having more respect for any woman than a nerd (aka "nice guy") would. He at least feels she was worthy of interacting with, and not just a vagina with a woman attached that he must be nice to, even if that's the way you see them.

    You can be shy and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be confident and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be smart and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be stupid and nice and have a girlfriend.

    See where I'm going with this? What you can't be is someone who never puts themselves out there, but will sit at his computer and declare outright that just because someone has had some bad luck with men that she deserved it because she never considered the people at the back at the classroom who have basically become no more noticeable than the chairs they're sitting in.
    Offline

    14
    at 17 any of the guys i knew just wanted sex, they would dump you if you said you wouldnt have sex, theyd call you frigid and boring they'd tried to bully yo into having sex even my ex at the age of 18 was sex obsessed and from whagt i hear he still is. Some men and i emphasise SOME do just want sex its all that is on their mind but others do not. My now boyfriend who is 24 who i have been with for over a year wants a realtionship etc etc but he even admitted when he was 21/22 he just wanted to go out and hve casual sex. Dont do it if you dont feel ready dont let them pressure you you will find the right guy but unfortuantly finding a 17 year old boy who doesnt just want sex is rare
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    A guy asking you for a blow job doesn't mean he only wants that, it just means he wants that. I don't understand how wanting sex equals only wanting sex.
    this
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    guys are sex drived, which however is not necessarily mean they only want sex. But nowadays, with too many choices, guys are difficult to focus on a girl persistently i guess - especially when the margin utility (sorry for this terminology, not offend...) going down...

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Why Mr Darcy is that a flintlock in your breeches or are you pleased to see me ?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    It isn't that I'm saying you are a stupid man with no friends, I'm saying you sound up yourself saying how great you are. No one asked. You must know acting like that is considered vulgar in our society? Being self confident helps with girls, but you are supposed to show you are intelligent, not tell people you're intelligent. If you want to be seen as funny, say something funny.

    Also, you make the ridiculous statement that only "douches" and "gangsters" get girls. This is obviously rubbish, and very insulting to women, saying they are all idiots who go for the wrong guys. To get girls, you need to be confident. Being confident doesn't make you a bad person.

    This is something that is very common on here, guys don't get girls, but they see themselves as wonderful people, so they blame girls, blame guys, society, anyone but themselves. Be a man, take some responsibility.
    No one asked you to respond, either. You do things you aren't asked to do if you have a motive, and my motive was conveying that I'm quite a decent boy and my friends just as much, but the girls don't spare us much more than a glance, and that's fine; after all, intelligence is a rarity. I was merely proposing that the woman should look towards men with greater maturity, intelligence and social decency.

    I never stated that. I stated that the douches in MY school are the only ones to have a girlfriend. In fact, the most intelligent boy with a girlfriend is still in set 2's and 3's. All but 2 people in set 1, both of whom are female, are single. Seen as many men bemoan the same gravitation, I think it safe to assert that many women have a bad taste in men, which I do not blame for; it's only natural that qualities like confidence and power are looked upon better than intelligence.

    Absolutely agreed. However, the rule is that the stupid are confident, and the intelligent aren't. Charles Bukowski - "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence."

    (Original post by dmutch11)
    Oh working for a bank requires no skills? I'm glad I spent 6 years at uni and another 2 years of training and getting professional qualifications to do my job when some little brat thinks it takes no skill. Listen son, you attitude needs some serious work. You're arrogant, rude and to quote someone earlier you are extremely up yourself. So let's not get into an argument over which person is "of more value to society."

    Oh and you're not the only one here with higher than average intelligence.

    Quite frankly I don't even know why I'm still talking to someone who probably hasn't even left school/uni yet.
    You see in black and white. Of course everything requires basic skill, but I think even you can agree that doctors and lawyers work a bit harder. Being an IT technician requires IT skill, not confidence or aggression.

    Forgive me if I don't believe you're telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth when you say that decent qualification's aren't necessary. Do you pick random teenagers of the street because they think themselves great?

    You're right, I haven't. In fact, I'm a good four years from leaving school and Sixth Form. Why squander your supreme intellect on a youth?

    (Original post by Drogue)
    The title says only sex, yes, but if you read the OP it's clear the issue is with guys wanting and pushing for things to go further than she's willing to go. They're not dumping her because she doesn't, she's dumping/rejecting them because they push for sexual interaction she doesn't want. So the issue isn't whether men only want sex, but whether they're willing to stay in a relationship without demanding sex.

    That's what the post you quoted was saying - that even nerd guys likely will push for sexual things if they have a girlfriend. It even said "they might not ONLY want sex...".

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Then we've both misunderstood each other, and I'm to blame. Let's come to the understanding that sex is important and usually beneficial in a relationship, but men with more social decency and intelligence are less likely to be so demanding.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TwilightKnight)
    What's your point?

    I'm a nerd. I didn't get into Medical school by playing FIFA and shagging girls all day. But I also know the difference between being a nerd and basically just being socially inept and unable to bring myself to see the opposite gender as my equals, and therefore interact with them on any level. People in the latter category will forever blame the fact that they are "nice" as the reason they can't get a girlfriend. Wrong. Being nice is a basic tenet of being a decent human being, it does not entitle you to come on TSR and start saying that any and all guy that is NOT a nerd must be after only one thing. More often than not, you'll find the guys who you talked about in the first post as having more respect for any woman than a nerd (aka "nice guy") would. He at least feels she was worthy of interacting with, and not just a vagina with a woman attached that he must be nice to, even if that's the way you see them.

    You can be shy and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be confident and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be smart and nice and have a girlfriend.
    You can be stupid and nice and have a girlfriend.

    See where I'm going with this? What you can't be is someone who never puts themselves out there, but will sit at his computer and declare outright that just because someone has had some bad luck with men that she deserved it because she never considered the people at the back at the classroom who have basically become no more noticeable than the chairs they're sitting in.
    My point in what post?

    As do I. I'm getting and was getting A's and A*'s long before my GCSE's. I spend my time reading above all else, when most others in my age group are concerned about new 'maps' in black ops. I've gained respect from elders and teachers for my adept creative writing abilities. You'll have to go by what I say when I tell you I and my friends are miles above most others on the academic field.

    I'm not socially inept, quite the contrary actually. I would say a good quarter of my friends consist of females, too.

    I don't categorize and generalize people based on something that has little influence on what I'm judging. I formulate impressions of people as individuals. Some women are my equals, some others aren't. Some blacks are my equals, some others aren't. You're oversimplifying things.

    Sorry, but me and my friends have many qualities a woman SHOULD look out for, but they just don't, not only from my experience. Many if not most girls go for the players, get played, and then blame it on the entire gender (you'd be surprised about how many women are subtly sexist, compared to men). Their priority is height and dimples, not intelligence or decency.

    I never said that. Again you're making a correlation out to be a cause and effect. It is a CORRELATION that a 'nerd', an intelligent and socially decent person, has the qualities that SHOULD be looked out for but usually isn't. Nice people are usually more intelligent.

    And again, I was bringing up the steroetypical nerd for imagery purposes. Considering someone like who I've made myself out to be, taking what I've said for granted; intelligent, social, confident, decent etc. we're barely even considered, and that's due to looks I theorize, not personality.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Meh. You probably just friend zoned the good guys and keep complaining why there aren't any good guys to date.
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 2, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.