Guys; Do you like it when women approach you first?

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Because men are either shy or douchebags? Women want a man who is a good person and confident in the same way men want a woman who is attractive but not a slut. Telling people that such a person doesn't exist is a lie and a defense mechanism.
Confidence is the most important attribute to attract women and that is something men have to get used to. A man who's too shy to approach women falls in the same category as a woman who doesn't take care of herself - they need to change to become successful with the opposite sex, rather than waiting for everybody else to fix things for them.

No. But loud confident guys are more likely to be the typical douchebag that women often moan about.

Alright. You might be attracted to confidence. I'm just saying you are writing off like 30% of men, many of whom will be perfectly dateable. Seems like a pretty pointless exercise when all you have to do to remedy the problem is start a conversation and become comfortable with each other.

You can't really compare not taking care of yourself, which is fairly easy, and going up to a complete stranger, which risks humiliating rejection. Obviously one is harder than the other. You say confidence is the most important quality in a male, but I'm sure a lot of girls wouldn't mind a shy guy at all if he possessed other positive qualities.

Reply 41

Lucia.

Original post by Tabzqt

this basically summed up is:
"women, don't go for shy guys".

and then they wonder why they get used by douchebags :rolleyes:

There's plenty of shy douchebags as well.

Reply 42

Lucia.

Original post by Spontogical

I'd find it flattering and I'd have respect for her. Doesn't mean I'll be more inclined to say yes - but I'll always remember you on a good note. :smug:

I think that's pretty spot on. And it's why I don't approach guys. Doesn't mean I don't interact with men or invite approaches at all. Just means I don't walk over to them since I know it won't change their opinion about me either way.

Reply 43

Habibul Bashar

I think in this day and age of gender equality and 'we're all the same dude' rhetoric, I think it's important to remember that a woman should try and make a man feel like a man.

Firstly, you should try and be suggestive and give hints and flirt. Slowly step up the level of flirting. Then, hopefully, he will eventually approach you. He can be the chaser, you can be the one chased and we can all happily slide into our gender roles that we all secretly love.

If this doesn't work, in many situations you should probably back off. If you see a nice guy and want to approach him, then by all means do so. But realise that you're chances of success will increase if you make him feel as if he is the one that approached you.

Reply 44

Jack22031994

Volunteer Team

Original post by Lucia.

That is why some guys don't approach girls though

Reply 45

Tabzqt

Original post by Lucia.

There's plenty of shy douchebags as well.

When I say "douchebag", you know what kind of guy I am referring to. These people are certainly not shy...

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 46

Lucia.

Original post by Jack22031994

That is why some guys don't approach girls though

Yeah I guess. But I don't want to date that type of guy as I'm not into shy guys.

Reply 47

Lucia.

Original post by Habibul Bashar

I think it's important to remember that a woman should try and make a man feel like a man.

But realise that you're chances of success will increase if you make him feel as if he is the one that approached you.

Yeah this is exactly how I think about it. I don't sit around waiting for men to do all the work. I just don't approach in an obvious way. Getting that right can be hard.

Reply 48

Spontogical

Original post by Lucia.

This! Whist I think more girls should ask out guys because I mean (if you like them you like them), I prefer playing the role of asking a girl out, it just fits in more with my overall persona. Though I'm pretty good at realising when they've given me a hint that they're semi-interested so I'm probably in luck :tongue:

Reply 49

Jack22031994

Volunteer Team

Original post by Lucia.

Yeah I guess. But I don't want to date that type of guy as I'm not into shy guys.

ok but the shyness can be got rid of with something as simple as a girl talking to him - as he'll get more comfortable therefore his confidence will grow,and eventually he wont be shy anymore (that would work for me anyway)

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 50

Millie228

Original post by Tabzqt

If you add "loud", sure. Obnoxious is another thing you can look for. Some guys are obvious *******s, some are more subtle. Women can filter out these men in various ways, out of those who ask her out, who pushes for sex, and so on. But confidence IS an attraction cue, and linking it to being an ******* is ridiculous. It's the equivalent of saying that hot girls are sluts.
Being confident is not just about approaching, it is about signalizing self-esteem, getting respect, showing yourself from the best side. Telling women to "give shy guys a chance" IS the equivalent of telling men to ask out women they don't like. You cannot expect the world around you to ignore their preference for your benefit. If you don't have the guts to approach a woman, you need to change. Most guys do - out of adult men, most of them do approach women. It is normal to be shy as a teenager. Adding to that, there is absolutely no guarantee that a shy guy will make a good partner.
If you bothered to read the article, you'll see all of this explained. Women face rejection too, less often, but of a different kind. It usually happens further into dating, when she is more invested in the man. If they have had sex, she is also more in the negative, as women are judged for having more sexual partners than men are. It is not as if men have it harder than women. You have just decided on this as I am guessing you prefer to wallow in self pity.
And no, taking care of yourself is not "fairly easy". Exercise, diet, hair removal, hair dresser, skin treatments, clothing etc. takes an immense amount of time and money. Any girl you see who's a 8 or more, puts a LOT of effort into it. This is typical ignorance.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 51

russellsteapot

I find it quite refreshing and welcome.

The idea that women should never initiate contact is naïve nonsense written by someone on a peculiar social mission. Not all men are into 'chasing' or that sort of caveman rubbish. I find it tedious and a waste of time. Not because I'm 'shy' (I'm not), 'young' (I'm not) I just grew out of it in my early 20s and relaxed a bit more.

I wouldn't have even met half of my girlfriends if women didn't initiate contact sometimes, because I wouldn't have even known they were there. I think I've probably made more first moves, but honestly I don't think of it as a mind game, it's just something that happens. It's too easy to overthink it.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 52

Wiska

I wouldn't say approach directly.

Come with a group and become friends with their friends or something, it is more comfortable for the both of them to get into a conversation. I would dumbstruck if a nice girl approached me :colondollar:

My friends somehow (Not to my knowledge) managed to get the girl I fancied to our group at the train station, I stood with them and tried to talk as normally as I could. The first thing I said to her was that she had a nice phone lol, first touched her hand when trying to have a look at it :L

We are now very good friends!

Reply 53

username306617

If I never made the first move then I'd still never have had my first kiss.
I always make the first move, it's crap.

Reply 54

Lucia.

Original post by Jack22031994

I don't believe a man should change his innate personality to attract a woman. If the guy is shy, that's fine. But shy guys just aren't my type. Just like how I'm shyer and some guys won't dig that. It's cool.

I don't treat men as projects. Either I like them as they are, or I let them find someone who does.

Reply 55

Jack22031994

Volunteer Team

Original post by Lucia.

ok fair dos

Definitely. :yes:

I would kill to have a female ask me first...

Reply 58

iamgreatness

yh its quite nice but happens to me a lot so can get quite annoying real talk

Reply 59

theguv92

Guys only don't like being approached by ugly girls if they're dicks.

I like being approached by hot girls and not so attractive ones alike - its extremely flattering and you should only be gracious that they've taken the effort to speak to you. Whether I'm interested in them or not shouldn't come into it. Just be a gentleman.

And no, I'm neither cripplingly shy or insecure.