Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like a first class ****. Proper wannabe millionaire snob. I bet he judges everyone on their wealth and material possessions, oh apart from you because he probably enjoys feeling 'stronger' than his partner. He just sounds like one of those ridiculous faux-alpha male guys.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    Trying to look at it from his side: it really sounds like he doesn't realise you're that tight for money.

    I think you should tell him that you're really struggling and tell him you need some money off him (give him a specific amount that you need like £100). I doubt he'll refuse a straight-up demand if you actually tell him you're struggling. If he refuses then it doesn't sound like a relationship, it sounds more like friends with benefits.
    I don't agree - it might just be the way I was brought up, but I don't think anyone has a right to expect money off their partner. It would be nice of him, and he can clearly afford it, but I don't think he has any moral obligation to pay for her clothes, holiday or anything else.

    However, where it gets weird is the fact that he accepts the OP's money, and won't even pay for her toothbrush. I can understand the large amounts like £100, but that's getting ridiculous. You maybe right that he simply doesn't realise the OP can barely afford to 'treat' him, or perhaps he's just mean, but if I was in his position I would feel embarrassed to be accepting someone else's money and giving nothing in return regardless of whether they were poor or a millionaire.

    OP, I won't just say 'dump him', because it's obviously not that simple, but if you are both serious about this relationship this needs to be sorted out quickly and maturely. Just sit him down and talk about it - he may not even realise there is a problem. I can recognise a certain 'working class' versus 'middle class' mentality - my mother's family have virtually no money and they are the most generous people on earth, whilst my father's family have a lot, and are far less willing to let go of it. Neither side is necessarily right, but the most important thing is that whatever you decide works both ways.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I am not sure about what guys in relationships are like in UK. However, in our country, no girl would date a guy like that.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lunch_Box)
    I wouldn't class £2200/month has 'very successful'. This is £26400/year, which is slightly above the average pay.

    If he is able to afford his own house and 3 cars with this salary, then there's something that he's not telling you.
    I assume 2200 a month is after tax. so before tax the salary is£34,680. This is a very good salary.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    In the words of Bill Gates:

    "I didnt get rich by signing a load of cheques"
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Well first of all, stop paying for him when it comes to car journeys and meals.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Thats a real MAN right there lol. The amount of guys who say I'm not paying for nothing, ill make her pay but secretly pay for everything.

    When you dump him please tell him I said well done for lasting that long.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    A selfish lover is a bad one...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sharp910sh)
    I assume 2200 a month is after tax. so before tax the salary is£34,680. This is a very good salary.
    It is after tax. And he gets multiple bonuses throughout the year which are generally above £1000.
    For 25 I'd say he's successful and I am proud of him for that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Octohedral)
    I don't agree - it might just be the way I was brought up, but I don't think anyone has a right to expect money off their partner. It would be nice of him, and he can clearly afford it, but I don't think he has any moral obligation to pay for her clothes, holiday or anything else.

    However, where it gets weird is the fact that he accepts the OP's money, and won't even pay for her toothbrush. I can understand the large amounts like £100, but that's getting ridiculous. You maybe right that he simply doesn't realise the OP can barely afford to 'treat' him, or perhaps he's just mean, but if I was in his position I would feel embarrassed to be accepting someone else's money and giving nothing in return regardless of whether they were poor or a millionaire.

    OP, I won't just say 'dump him', because it's obviously not that simple, but if you are both serious about this relationship this needs to be sorted out quickly and maturely. Just sit him down and talk about it - he may not even realise there is a problem. I can recognise a certain 'working class' versus 'middle class' mentality - my mother's family have virtually no money and they are the most generous people on earth, whilst my father's family have a lot, and are far less willing to let go of it. Neither side is necessarily right, but the most important thing is that whatever you decide works both ways.
    I think it is the way we were bought up. I see similarities with his parents. And I do think we need to find a middle ground but he is very closed when it comes to the money topic.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I thought this thread would be about a tight ars*hole...
    Turns out I'm right!
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    16
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by American Vampire)
    After reading the title, not exactly what I expected, but...
    Haha, yes. I thought something else too.
    ----------------------------------------------


    Hey Op, I'd leave the guy, it's one thing for you and another for him (money), and it's all a bit awkward tbh. I think you should focus on yourself, if you leave him.

    Best of luck.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He earns £2200 a month after tax, revives regular bonuses and bought one with inheritance.


    I wasn't asking for him to pay for my whole holiday just if the holiday was £600pp then he could pay £750 and I could pay £450, and then both have our own spending money. He keeps moaning he wants to do something before I go to uni but its not possible for me.


    We are very happy and dont argue about anything really, just this is becoming such a turn off
    If you want to consider not leaving him, talk to him , tell him how you feel because at least he will know and in the future he can't say you didn't tell me.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I would say 'leave him' but I know when I've mentioned problems on here before people said 'leave him' and I thought 'No I don't want to...other suggestions of how to fix this please!'

    So I know what you want is a solution. However, if this is a fundamental part of him it won't be possible to change this. You can't change a person really, as much as you may want to.
    I also don't think you want to put up with this any longer.

    If it were me I'd have a really serious 'lets sit down I want to talk to you' conversation or I'd write him a letter. I've also found in the past if you aren't getting what you want, it's best to leave. If the guy really wants you, after 3 or 4 days he will call you and tell you he can change his mind on said principle. However this option is really only if you are willing for him to not chase you and actually properly break up.

    You really do need to fix this. It does not sound like a loving relationship at all. How can he do this to you/watch you suffer financially without it tugging on his heartstrings and making him want to hep you out. He must be very cold and selfish in all honesty. Do you want to be with someone like that for the rest of your life??
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Start charging him for car journeys and don't "treat him". You can't expect to take and take without giving. It's a two-way street!
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    what a ****!! Why are you putting up with him?!

    Seriously, the toothbrush thing would havemade me so angry....

    Its not the money that matters but the thought and he clearly thought ''im not paying for her tothbrush''

    WTF?!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i just feel i should point out the glaring innuendo in the title...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for everyones input, I do try and talk to him, he just comes out with "I have a mortgage, bills etc, you dont know how hard it is" but when I point out that his bills are only about 30% of his monthly income, whereas mine are 60-70% he doesn't see why I struggle. Or he will bring up times when he bought things that cost say £17, and I maybe only gave him £15 back.

    The once he offered to buy me a coat, I was so grateful, I needed one for a winter holiday and found one for £135 (expensive but I offered to put some toward) he paid, and a week later asked for £100 back :\
    I agree with everything in this thread so far.

    However, if you're so tight - why are you picking out £135 coats? - you clearly can't afford it. The fact that he put £35 in is fine imo...

    I still think the toothbrush thing was hilarious and you should both review your relationship and whether or not it has a future.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Octohedral)
    I don't agree - it might just be the way I was brought up, but I don't think anyone has a right to expect money off their partner. It would be nice of him, and he can clearly afford it, but I don't think he has any moral obligation to pay for her clothes, holiday or anything else.
    I agree with this post.

    OP if you're living outside of your means, I don't see how that makes your boyfriend liable to pay more for your joint bills etc on a regular basis just because he's fortunate enough to have a higher salary. Fair enough to say that couples should treat each other once in a while, but protesting that he should pay more into your joint account every month to subsidise your earnings is taking things a bit far.

    The earning gap between you two is not his problem. He's entitled to do what he wants with his money and spend it all on himself, even though you are unselfish enough to do otherwise. I'm not sure what your personal situation is but if you need more money you should get a better job or a 2nd job or whatever. Not expect hand outs from your boyfriend.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Now before anyone starts moaning, I'm a modern woman and dont expect a bunch of flowers every friday but this situation is really getting to me.

    My boyfriend is 25, I am 21, we have been together happily for 3 years.
    He is very successful, earning around £2200 a month, has his own house, 3 cars and around £20000 in savings

    I have worked since I left school, and am starting uni in sept.
    My parents struggle with money and I give some to them to help the cover bills (still live with my parents).
    I earn at the minute around £600 a month as I'm at college. But I have to travel quite far to college and work so my fuel bill is around 160/month. I have some savings (around 1500, to get me started at uni) and about £400 out standing on a credit card from when I first started college and didnt have a job.
    Before this I worked a full time job earning around £1000/month.

    We have enjoyed a few holidays abroad, always splitting things about 50/50, with myself being more carefree with cash, and always being the first to say "I'll treat".

    But now as money for myself is very tight, I'm getting so annoyed with him being tight!!
    The other day we went to do his food shop, and I needed a toothbrush, his food bill came to around £80, and he put my toothbrush behind one of those next customer please signs on the till so I had to pay myself! (Even the cashier was like WTF?!)
    We mainly use my car to go around, no petrol money ever seen, even on long journeys. If we go in his car 50/50.
    Majority of meals 50/50 or my treat.
    He will happily go and spend 100's on clothes, if I pick up a top to ask his opinion the first thing is "Buy it yourself" "I havent any money" not "that's nice" or "Chuck it with my stuff".
    I'd like to go a cheap holiday before uni, a few months ago I explained to him I'll struggle to get the cash for holiday and spending money so asked if he could put a 100-200 towards my ticket. It was met with a firm "No, I cant afford". He then booked a holiday with work colleagues.
    I've again bought up the holiday situation as he selling one of his cars for around £4000, still no movement on paying some towards my ticket.
    He often says "do you need a loan to till the end of the month" as he knows I sometimes have to put fuel/food on my credit card, but would it be so hard for him to go heres £50 don't worry about it!?
    Theres so many examples on a day to day basis that I just cant think.

    Its really starting to make me resent him, I come from a very humble family, but a family that would give each other their last pound.
    Am I being ridiculous?
    What would you do?
    You've just described my Dad.

    Unfortunately people like this are unlikely to change, well not for at least 18 years anyway. I've just gave up and come to accept the way he is.

    I'd just recommend keep bringing it up how you chip in a lot for him and it would be nice if he contributed every once in a while too.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 10, 2013
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.