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How long do you wait before sleeping with a new bf/gf? Watch

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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    If he is coming over to yours overnight, its a bit late to back out now.
    It's definitely a bit late considering overnight was last night.
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    I waited until she offered, which was half an hour after I met her
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is exactly it, and this is what bothers me: people can trivialise this issue, but at the end of the day, there are people who will judge you for it. That's why I was concerned, especially because of my past experiences.

    I wish I'd never made this thread now though, you know, it's making me overthink it all way too much! I'm going a bit crazy in my head about this.
    You have to do what you think it right for you. If you are having doubts, maybe you should hold off. If not, go for it! Only you know what is right for you. I personally would hold off cos I wouldn't want him to think I was a **** I'm sorry to put it bluntly but that's what I feel. I care too much about what people think and over think things. I'd want to enjoy getting to know him and build a relationship and then have sex. But I know sometimes the lust can be overwhelming. I've been there. I believe that the longer you wait the more meaningful it'd be, the control, curiosity and build up of sexual tension is so sexy and will make it all the more perfect when you do have sex and he'll have more respect for you when you do. The control will make you feel empowered and in control as a woman than if you give in, cos then there is nothing left to work towards physically.
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I personally wait till they are my exclusive boyfriend so however long that may be and when your ready ! although ive been told that apparntly after waiting 4 months i just gave into my boyfriend according to the other poster which is bull **** , do it when you know they want you not just sex
    yeah i will. Thats what i cant figure out whether he wants me or sex lol. Though he has stayed over at mine and not even tried anything on!

    I guess time will tell
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I went through a similar thing and I know how it feels to be caught up in the moment. Everything is so amazing and you feel all these new emotions and you notice your body reacting in new ways and it can cloud your thinking and obscure rational thought. But you seem to know what you want and hold onto that until YOU are ready
    thank you
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I fail to see how you could derive my boyfriend forced me its pretty offfensive not the sort of thing you should brandishing about when its crap
    Ignore her, she's just trolling...
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    As long as we are talking about 'full-on' sex (and not other sexual activities)
    1st boyfriend I had sex with: about a year
    2nd boyfriend I had sex with: about a month
    3rd boyfriend I had sex with: less than a week
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I fail to see how you could derive my boyfriend forced me its pretty offfensive not the sort of thing you should brandishing about when its crap
    I agree with you and not her. Try not to let her get to you. You clearly meant that the safety net was making your boyfriend wait, not the sex itself. And I fail to see how you could ever be "harming" other TSR users - if anything, girls like to know that others feel the same and/or have found guys who were perfectly willing to wait. Because not all men would.

    I made my last boyfriend wait two and a half months, as I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I was 100% ready and comfortable with him. He never pressured me. I'd had a few boyfriends before him that I hadn't slept with because it didn't feel right, but with him it did.

    I was with him for four and a half years and we broke up two years ago - since then I have slept with three other guys, all fairly casually (although all were with people I knew fairly well), so my personal views on sex are quite different now and I'm more relaxed about it. To be honest I prefer it this way as it means I can just learn to enjoy sex (it keeps getting better!) without all the baggage that comes with it. Still not big on the idea of having sex with a stranger though as I think I'd rather feel really comfortable with someone.

    So to answer the OP's question: I'd be like you these days, just do it when it feels right. Although a long build-up is always fun.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is exactly it, and this is what bothers me: people can trivialise this issue, but at the end of the day, there are people who will judge you for it. That's why I was concerned, especially because of my past experiences.

    I wish I'd never made this thread now though, you know, it's making me overthink it all way too much! I'm going a bit crazy in my head about this.
    Yeah, but **** them. If people are going to judge you on this, just don't tell people.
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    I think there is still a bit of stigma attached to the number of sexual partners someone, particularly a girl, has or how early they lose their virginity or how long they wait. It is a very personal thing but it's something girls talk to each other about and compare and people make judgments based on that. It's shallow but that's just an observation. It's definitely not the same with men.




    Read my previous posts, I said he may not have pressured you, but from my interpretation it seemed that you felt compelled to have sex.



    You don't need to justify anything to me, but your insecurities speak for themselves. Don't attack me for my inferences. Being open about your confidence issues doesn't make you a hero. Deal with them before attacking someone who is trying to help vulnerable TSR girls from opinions like yours. Talking about how you felt your boyfriend is some kind of hero cos he stuck around for 4 months without sexual contact is the kind of shallow understanding of a good boyfriend, is not helping anyone.
    I dont think im a hero im just being honest i dont claim to be great over confident attractive person im honest theres nothing wrong with being blunt and honest.

    And again I was saying that if a guy actually cares he will stick around and wait for you as many people including girls will not wait 4 plus months for anything sexual, so what i was saying was it was a decent act of his to put his feelings and emotions on hold for thus he showed me he cared he wasnt with m e just for sex.

    Again as orginally stated I wanted to have sex with him after 4 months so did so i didnt feel the need to do it to 'keep him' ive had boyfriend who have left as i didnt sleep with them its their loss not mine. Your not protecting anybody as my view isint shallow or wrong i have never stated a girl should feel pressured if anything im proving that woman shouldnt feel the need to sleep with somebody if there not ready, 4 months is a hell of a long time to do nothing sexual so im not attacking but youve derived a totally false conclusion
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Sternumator)
    If he is coming over to yours overnight, its a bit late to back out now.
    Not necessarily, I haven't slept with my new boyfriend yet but he's slept over with me a few times - the first time before we'd done much at all sexually.
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    I think it's stupid to "wait"... you should just embrace that body and feeeeel the heat!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree with you and not her. Try not to let her get to you. You clearly meant that the safety net was making your boyfriend wait, not the sex itself. And I fail to see how you could ever be "harming" other TSR users - if anything, girls like to know that others feel the same and/or have found guys who were perfectly willing to wait. Because not all men would.

    I made my last boyfriend wait two and a half months, as I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I was 100% ready and comfortable with him. He never pressured me. I'd had a few boyfriends before him that I hadn't slept with because it didn't feel right, but with him it did.

    I was with him for four and a half years and we broke up two years ago - since then I have slept with three other guys, all fairly casually (although all were with people I knew fairly well), so my personal views on sex are quite different now and I'm more relaxed about it. To be honest I prefer it this way as it means I can just learn to enjoy sex (it keeps getting better!) without all the baggage that comes with it. Still not big on the idea of having sex with a stranger though as I think I'd rather feel really comfortable with someone.

    So to answer the OP's question: I'd be like you these days, just do it when it feels right. Although a long build-up is always fun.
    thankyou somebody who actually gets what i meant!
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I dont think im a hero im just being honest i dont claim to be great over confident attractive person im honest theres nothing wrong with being blunt and honest.

    And again I was saying that if a guy actually cares he will stick around and wait for you as many people including girls will not wait 4 plus months for anything sexual, so what i was saying was it was a decent act of his to put his feelings and emotions on hold for thus he showed me he cared he wasnt with m e just for sex.

    Again as orginally stated I wanted to have sex with him after 4 months so did so i didnt feel the need to do it to 'keep him' ive had boyfriend who have left as i didnt sleep with them its their loss not mine. Your not protecting anybody as my view isint shallow or wrong i have never stated a girl should feel pressured if anything im proving that woman shouldnt feel the need to sleep with somebody if there not ready, 4 months is a hell of a long time to do nothing sexual so im not attacking but youve derived a totally false conclusion
    I understood what you were saying from your initial post. The other user is clearly misrepresenting you and not listening to what you are even saying. If I was you I would stop explaining myself to her because she can't help quoting you out of context.
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    In case anyone was wondering how it went (I'm the OP off anon): decided to sleep with him after 3 dates. Felt quite secure as he assured me he really liked me and wasn't in it for the sex, didnt care how long I wanted to wait, etc.
    He's no longer interested. Hah. Sad times for me! I guess I'm picking the wrong uns. It hurts but I'm trying not to mope around after him... clearly a waste of time and a ****, no matter how nice he seemed.
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    I dont think im a hero im just being honest i dont claim to be great over confident attractive person im honest theres nothing wrong with being blunt and honest.

    And again I was saying that if a guy actually cares he will stick around and wait for you as many people including girls will not wait 4 plus months for anything sexual, so what i was saying was it was a decent act of his to put his feelings and emotions on hold for thus he showed me he cared he wasnt with m e just for sex.

    Again as orginally stated I wanted to have sex with him after 4 months so did so i didnt feel the need to do it to 'keep him' ive had boyfriend who have left as i didnt sleep with them its their loss not mine. Your not protecting anybody as my view isint shallow or wrong i have never stated a girl should feel pressured if anything im proving that woman shouldnt feel the need to sleep with somebody if there not ready, 4 months is a hell of a long time to do nothing sexual so im not attacking but youve derived a totally false conclusion
    On re reading your previous posts, I think I misinterpreted what you originally said. Sorry
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    (Original post by when she was 22)
    In case anyone was wondering how it went (I'm the OP off anon): decided to sleep with him after 3 dates. Felt quite secure as he assured me he really liked me and wasn't in it for the sex, didnt care how long I wanted to wait, etc.
    He's no longer interested. Hah. Sad times for me! I guess I'm picking the wrong uns. It hurts but I'm trying not to mope around after him... clearly a waste of time and a ****, no matter how nice he seemed.
    Wow no way! That's really sad to hear There is no way you could've predicted what could've happened. You went with what you thought was right at the time and in hind sight unfortunately he was a right *******. Of course it's gonna hurt but that's the sad part, guys like this do this to girls and will continue doing so. You are better off without him sometimes the risk pays off and sometimes it doesn't how will you get your revenge?
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    (Original post by hali0112)
    Wow no way! That's really sad to hear There is no way you could've predicted what could've happened. You went with what you thought was right at the time and in hind sight unfortunately he was a right *******. Of course it's gonna hurt but that's the sad part, guys like this do this to girls and will continue doing so. You are better off without him sometimes the risk pays off and sometimes it doesn't how will you get your revenge?
    I know, it sucks! (obviously the experience takes nothing away from the message of this thread though: if it's the right person then it doesn't matter how long to wait) it just sucks that it coincided with someone like this! I just find it so gross and awful that people will tell so many lies just to get sex. It's also horrible realising someone you thought was so nice and perfect is actually far from that! I try and think I'm better off without him but then I'm like 'but he was sooooo nice!'. Obviously not really! It's just messed with my head a bit, ugh. Definitely think I need some time off from guys.
    hahaha, I've no idea really, I'm not sure what to do now it's become obvious he lied to me: ignore him completely and just get on with my life, or have a go at him at some point for being such a **** obviously the first option is more sensible and will make me look like a better person but it's tempting to just let him know I know exactly what he's done, and let him know what I think of it! Hah
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    Is there a set period of time?

    Otherwise. When the times right I guess.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've only been in 1 long term relationship before, for 1.5 years, and waited 3 months (inadvertently, because of contraception issues!). So now I'm back to dating and quite clueless. I dated a guy almost immediately after breaking up, with whom I arguably slept with far too soon, because it appeared to just ruin things... so now I'm quite wary about it.

    Anyway, all that was a while ago. Started seeing a lovely guy about 2 weeks ago, and he's coming to stay for the evening (possibly overnight) tomorrow. We're not official yet but I don't want to have sex 'too soon' and ruin it. I don't know why I'm even bothered, I'm one of those people that doesn't believe it should ever be too soon if it's the right person etc, but I'm just worried about blowing my chance with someone really great! I'm inclined to wait until we're 'official' (if that ever happens) really, but just wanted other people's opinions about whether too soon really exists anyway.

    So yeah. How do people normally go about this issue? I've barely ever heard my friends talking about how long it was for them. Do you think 'too soon' exists? How long do you normally wait (if at all)?
    • #4
    #4

    My current relationship arose from a one night stand....My last one, which lasted for 2 years, waited for 4 months before we had sex and I think it was a bit unnecessary Do it when you feel ready not when you think you should! If you're not sure then it's probably not a good idea.
 
 
 
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