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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    Once again we evidently cant win :rolleyes:

    Also of course some of us have a defensive attitude when talking to guys, guys tell us (on here and outside) to be wary of strange men and then get pissed off when we actually do it?

    What the hell is wrong with you? make your bloody minds up!
    Exactly. There is so much hypocrisy surrounding how women are supposed to behave but there's still a set of people who think they know best when it comes to how we should act.

    (Original post by effofex)
    Not sure why people would go to a nightclub to talk to someone (I thought the music there is really loud). Surely it is more appropriate to go to a bar/public house/dhaba/restaurant/cafe if you want to talk?

    Maybe one system is to give people stickers - red to signify 'unavailable/attached/uninterested' and green to signifiy 'available/unattached' etc.
    It's not as socially acceptable to go up and talk to strangers in restaurants or pubs, even when drunk. As a smoker I end up talking to a lot of people when clubbing because we're forced outside where it's actually possible to have a conversation. Most of the time people are just after someone to talk to if they're out for a cigarette on their own and we part way after five minutes but you can get people who are only there to hit on women. There's not a problem with that, but neither should there be a problem with a woman making it clear she is not interested straight away.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Assume that anyone talking to them is interested in sleeping with them.
    Haha I see this ALL the time. My fiancee was out with his friends last week and was being the 'wing-man' to help his pal get with this girl. He had to dance with her friend (who he described as 'sweaty and smelly' haha!) to make the situation less awkward and the girl kept asking my other half's friend if he was interested in her haha! Feel bad for them sometimes, so deluded.
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    My oh my that woman was fine , she would be much sexier if she wasn't so irritating.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
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    Did you quote me? Because it says you have but it's not showing up... :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just have to get this off my chest. I keep noticing a breed of women that, when out:

    1. Assume that anyone talking to them is interested in sleeping with them
    2. Go to bars with the expectation of being bought drinks
    3. Have a default defensive attitude when talking to guys.
    4. Believe themselves to be more attractive than they actually are
    5. Focus on the things that dissatisfy them in a relationship rather than the things that satisfy them
    6. Complain that 'there aren't any good men out there, anymore'.


    I find this really annoying sometimes; does anyone else have a similar experience?

    I've also found that this is not the case in America - it's easier to meet people there because it's more natural to chat to strangers there.
    I agree with the point you are making because there are some girls out there that have this chip on their shoulder and expect to be wined and dined with a stinking attitude. I for one would NEVER expect a guy to buy me a drink, If i'm going to a bar, I should have enough money to buy myself drinks and expect no one to buy me anything. If a guy did, i'd be grateful for the gesture and think him a nice chap.

    But also I feel that sometimes girls can't win. Simply because many men say that they find confidence incredibly attractive, yet when us girls exude confidence many assume we think the most high of ourselves and come across as vain. Then at the same time, a lot of guys do just want sex and if we don't state from the start that, that's not what we want, we're then accused of leading a man on. It's just hard at times finding a guy that doesn't just want those things because of how men often present themselves (especially when surrounded by other males). However, I could argue that their behaviour is down to their particular surroundings, i.e. a bar or club.

    What i'm trying to say here is that, yes you do have those extremely arrogant and blatantly rude girls. But sometimes, girls can come across in that way out of defense and quite clearly a lack of balance in trying to be the ideal woman.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    Did you quote me? Because it says you have but it's not showing up... :dontknow:
    Yeah, I did! Sorry, I don't know what happened to my post. I'll just say it here:

    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    We are constantly told, on here and in real life, that as a woman we can walk into any bar and get sex if we want to. This is said by men who feel they have a hard deal in life because they have to 'work' to get sex. Now is it any surprise that women have a 'default defensive attitude' when we are told that we can basically have sex any time we want and if we don't show that attitude we'll be accused of leading him on?
    This is a fair point. Out of interest, do you think its true (or at least to some extent) that "women can walk into a bar/club and get sex whenever they want"? My girl mates disagree and say isn't that easy, unless they lower their standards quite a bit or just happen to get lucky! lol I myself find it hard to believe it is that easy.
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    What I have deduced from TSR about women:

    1) We are 'b*tches' for friendzoning a guy whom we thought was just a friend as he was nice to us and we were nice to him in return
    2) We are 'sluts' for saying yes to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    3) We are a 'tease' for saying no to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    4) We are 'naive' for thinking we can't get sex whenever we want it
    5) We are 'arrogant' for thinking many boys want to have sex especially while intoxicated and in a club so thats probably what they're after

    All these things are constantly claimed by males on TSR. Not all of them but enough.

    So basically we cannot win. Do you see why we can get defensive, people create so many labels that we need to defend ourselves from.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    It just seems a bit cowardly when you're ****ging people off to hide behind being anon. I mean we're already using user names! You say personal details, what could you possibly give out that could cause you a problem?
    Some people I know also know what username I use, so using that is equivalent to using my name. Many people wouldn't want to do that.

    Also, if usernames provide the same level of anonymity as the anonymous function, then what difference does it make.

    Clearly there are loads of things that people might not want to speak about unless under complete anonymity.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    That's what I meant. We are often told, by men mostly, that men go to the clubs to have sex and most of us have many experiences of men talking to us with the intention of getting us to have sex with them. Although not all men will want to have sex with the woman they're talking to, I think it is a fair assumption by women in clubs that he might want to have sex with her. By dropping in the boyfriend line, she is trying to get in that she doesn't want to have sex with the man and I actually think it's quite a nice way of doing it. A man has said to me before "I'm not hitting on you, I don't find you attractive." which was ruder than simply saying he had a girlfriend. As it happens I did find his bluntness funny and I don't expect every man to find me attractive so I wasn't insulted but the boyfriend line is definitely better than that.
    meh, people shouldn't have to lie to get out of any moderate difficult situation. He should've just said, "I'm not hitting on you." and moved on from there. Some blokes really couldn't care less if you had a boyfriend they'd still be prepared to try it on tbh.
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    (Original post by The_Super_Nerd(:)
    What I have deduced from TSR about women:

    1) We are 'b*tches' for friendzoning a guy whom we thought was just a friend as he was nice to us and we were nice to him in return
    2) We are 'sluts' for saying yes to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    3) We are a 'tease' for saying no to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    4) We are 'naive' for thinking we can't get sex whenever we want it
    5) We are 'arrogant' for thinking many boys want to have sex especially while intoxicated and in a club so thats probably what they're after

    All these things are constantly claimed by males on TSR. Not all of them but enough.

    So basically we cannot win. Do you see why we can get defensive, people create so many labels that we need to defend ourselves from.
    A very limited opinion of what males on TSR think. Probably 10% or less think in this way. :/
    ------------------------
    why are men and women always treating everything like a battle? God. Can't we all just get along. :pinch:

    Men and women are just ****ing eachother up - I actually feel sorry for people who can't think for themselves and make their own decisions/actions when it comes to dealing with these things.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    This is a fair point. Out of interest, do you think its true (or at least to some extent) that "women can walk into a bar/club and get sex whenever they want"? My girl mates disagree and say isn't that easy, unless they lower their standards quite a bit or just happen to get lucky! lol I myself find it hard to believe it is that easy.
    I don't think it is as easy as many men make it out to be. It probably seems like that to them because it is men who are expected to be the chasers, and in the majority of cases that is still how it works. Men get to pick the women who they like, whereas women will tend to wait until someone they like comes to them, which won't happen the majority of the time. Men can't walk into a bar and expect someone to approach them for sex because we still tend to follow gender roles in dating/causal sex. However, for women this probably does happen reasonably often but not by someone they actually want to have sex with because the odds are against this happening (if she finds 10% of people attractive, chances are one of the 90% she doesn't fancy will come up to her). Also, there are more social constraints on women having causal sex than men so this means there are probably more men willing to engage in causal sex than women.

    (Original post by Spontogical)
    meh, people shouldn't have to lie to get out of any moderate difficult situation. He should've just said, "I'm not hitting on you." and moved on from there. Some blokes really couldn't care less if you had a boyfriend they'd still be prepared to try it on tbh.
    They might not be lying - they might genuinely have a boyfriend. Although I do understand why they might be abrupt with men who they think are hitting on them because some women do get pestered all night when they're just trying to enjoy themselves. And we were talking about politics before he dropped that line - I knew he wasn't hitting on me. I think cultural assumptions about the role of men and women probably play a part in they way both genders act in that type of environment - women might be defensive when talking to men they don't know but then some men are also aware of that which is why they feel the need to explicitly state they are not looking for sex.
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    (Original post by The_Super_Nerd(:)
    What I have deduced from TSR about women:

    1) We are 'b*tches' for friendzoning a guy whom we thought was just a friend as he was nice to us and we were nice to him in return
    2) We are 'sluts' for saying yes to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    3) We are a 'tease' for saying no to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    4) We are 'naive' for thinking we can't get sex whenever we want it
    5) We are 'arrogant' for thinking many boys want to have sex especially while intoxicated and in a club so thats probably what they're after

    All these things are constantly claimed by males on TSR. Not all of them but enough.

    So basically we cannot win. Do you see why we can get defensive, people create so many labels that we need to defend ourselves from.
    A priori, there isn't any reason that all of these accusations could be equally levelled at men. However, it's clear that some of these points are far more frequently ascribed to women (in the same way that some other traits are more frequently pinned on men).
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    (Original post by The_Super_Nerd(:)
    What I have deduced from TSR about women:

    1) We are 'b*tches' for friendzoning a guy whom we thought was just a friend as he was nice to us and we were nice to him in return
    2) We are 'sluts' for saying yes to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    3) We are a 'tease' for saying no to sex despite having a right to choose whether we have sex or not
    4) We are 'naive' for thinking we can't get sex whenever we want it
    5) We are 'arrogant' for thinking many boys want to have sex especially while intoxicated and in a club so thats probably what they're after

    All these things are constantly claimed by males on TSR. Not all of them but enough.

    So basically we cannot win. Do you see why we can get defensive, people create so many labels that we need to defend ourselves from.
    Quite. I did a slight double take at the number of women initially going along with the OPs somewhat unfair characterisation!
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    A problem rife among young urban negrettes.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    I don't think it is as easy as many men make it out to be. It probably seems like that to them because it is men who are expected to be the chasers, and in the majority of cases that is still how it works. Men get to pick the women who they like, whereas women will tend to wait until someone they like comes to them, which won't happen the majority of the time. Men can't walk into a bar and expect someone to approach them for sex because we still tend to follow gender roles in dating/causal sex. However, for women this probably does happen reasonably often but not by someone they actually want to have sex with because the odds are against this happening (if she finds 10% of people attractive, chances are one of the 90% she doesn't fancy will come up to her). Also, there are more social constraints on women having causal sex than men so this means there are probably more men willing to engage in causal sex than women.
    Yes that's why you tell people you're having casual sex? Perhaps not telling people would help?

    This might be a weird suggestion here but I'd say.... If women did actually talk to the guys they fancy them you probably wouldn't have to listen to men that complain about this stuff?

    Just a slight suggestion that actually BARELY EVER happens. You wonder why men get pissed off? You never actually bother to approach the men you like. But wait the world revolves around you....

    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    They might not be lying - they might genuinely have a boyfriend. Although I do understand why they might be abrupt with men who they think are hitting on them because some women do get pestered all night when they're just trying to enjoy themselves. And we were talking about politics before he dropped that line - I knew he wasn't hitting on me. I think cultural assumptions about the role of men and women probably play a part in they way both genders act in that type of environment - women might be defensive when talking to men they don't know but then some men are also aware of that which is why they feel the need to explicitly state they are not looking for sex.
    What sort of idiots go to a nightclub spending ages getting dressed up to look attractive to "just dance"? Oh wait.......... Come on, if you were to go in a t-shirt and jeans you'd probably barely even get hit on at all.... Or does wearing black trainers and jeans instead of six in heels and a skin tight dress restrict you from moving?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    Yeah they have traffic light parties where you do similar, wear red if taken etc, green if not. i think its a good idea

    I dont talk to people in nightclubs so i dont understand this, but i dont go to meet people so anyone who comes my way is given a (hopefully!) polite headshake so they know i dont want to talk to them.

    But i was talking about in general as well as in nightclubs.
    I don't think people who talk to you in public are often actually going to be attracted to you. I think most people are usually after things like directions etc.
 
 
 
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