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Ladies, would you ever "submit" to a man? Watch

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    Er.. No?
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    To be specific:
    If you were in a relationship, would you submit to your boyfriend/husband? As in, being second to him, letting him be head in the relationship, letting him be head/'man' of the household, letting him make all the decisions in the relationship, letting him have the final say, letting him decide stuff for you, letting him boss you around, doing as you are told by him, asking for his permission to do something/go somewhere, doing stuff for him ever if he is not obliged to do stuff back (e.g. you cook and clean for him even if he doesn't himself) etc. Sometimes sex may come into it e.g. he wants you to do certain things.

    All in all, I'm talking about gender roles, and the notion that you should 'obey' your husband no matter what.
    No. I think behaving in that way would do more harm than good in the long run.
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    To be specific:
    If you were in a relationship, would you submit to your boyfriend/husband? As in, being second to him, letting him be head in the relationship, letting him be head/'man' of the household, letting him make all the decisions in the relationship, letting him have the final say, letting him decide stuff for you, letting him boss you around, doing as you are told by him, asking for his permission to do something/go somewhere, doing stuff for him ever if he is not obliged to do stuff back (e.g. you cook and clean for him even if he doesn't himself) etc. Sometimes sex may come into it e.g. he wants you to do certain things.

    All in all, I'm talking about gender roles, and the notion that you should 'obey' your husband no matter what.
    do you watch scrubs? you know that blonde guy elliot used to date called nurse paul flowers, does he count as an example?

    http://www.dvdizzy.com/images/q-s/scrubs2-05.jpg
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    What about the women who don't mind submitting to their husbands, and choose to do so?
    Most people obviously have no objection to other people doing what they want.

    HOWEVER, this argument sometimes comes up in the context of, say, the suffragette movement or equivalent in other countries, as the question 'What about women who want to be subservient wives? Aren't they free to do that too?'. I think this question is misguided, because womens' movements (I hesitate to say feminism, because that can be a bit stronger) are about freedom, and choosing to be subservient is about limiting your own freedom. Women choosing to be subservient is fine so long as it doesn't impact other womens' freedom by promoting the image that it's the norm. Anyone who wants a free and fair society (which I do) will see that choosing to limit your freedom is not the same sort of choice as choosing to, say, go to university.

    In other words, by all means be a subservient wife, and I would never judge you for it, because it's your choice. However, don't campaign for it, because it's a private choice, one you will always have the option to do, and flies right in the face of all the rights that most of the population have fought for over the last century.

    Do you mind if I ask the context of your question?

    Edit: Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that being a housewife meant being subservient. I don't think they are the same thing at all, I was just trying to vary my vocabullary. Edited
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    (Original post by The Socktor)
    Well, now that I think about it he most certainly is... think about how much hell must give him a rush.
    Yh I'm creasing
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    (Original post by Octohedral)
    Most people obviously have no objection to other people doing what they want.

    HOWEVER, this argument sometimes comes up in the context of, say, the suffragette movement or equivalent in other countries, as the question 'What about women who want to be housewives? Aren't they free to do that too?'. I think this question is misguided, because womens' movements (I hesitate to say feminism, because that can be a bit stronger) are about freedom, and choosing to be subservient is about limiting your own freedom. Women choosing to be subservient is fine so long as it doesn't impact other womens' freedom by promoting the image that it's the norm. Anyone who wants a free and fair society (which I do) will see that choosing to limit your freedom is not the same sort of choice as choosing to, say, go to university.

    In other words, by all means be a housewife, and I would never judge you for it, because it's your choice. However, don't campaign for it, because it's a private choice, one you will always have the option to do, and flies right in the face of all the rights that most of the population have fought for over the last century.

    Do you mind if I ask the context of your question?
    How does being a housewife automatically make you subservient though?

    I work far less than my bf (well not so much as of a few days ago, new job!) but enough so that i was pretty much living the role of a housewife, but my boyfriend tell me what to do or try to make decisions for me? Id like to see him try.

    For me personally when i do choose to be a housewife (and i will for a few years as i want to have children and be at home whilst they are young) it is then me saying that is me in charge of the childcare, house maintenance and cooking. If my boyfriend tries to massively disrupt that, then i will be reminding him who stays and works in the home all day.
    Same if he chose to be a househusband, that is not him being subservient, just taking organization over a different part of our lives than i would be.

    Choosing to be a housewife and choosing to be subservient are two different things. i hope ive explained my point of view ok, i guess it depends how you see being a housewife. Cleaning, cooking and childcare are all jobs outside the home and i see no reason why they should not be considered worthy of equal respect and importance in the home, hence my viewpoint.
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    I wouldn't obey in the traditional sense. I would ask his opinions, appreciate his views, and discuss to come to a compromise, but I think as a human being I have just as much of a right to a say about the way our relationship works as he does.
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    (Original post by Kazbian)
    Hell no. I'm confused as to why you even made this thread.

    This isn't even about gender. No self-respecting person would put themselves second-in-command to someone else like that unless there is some form of abuse going on. And I'm talking about in life in general - not about in a job, not about in a sexual manner (if that's what turns you on), not about in a specific aspect where your partner may know more and therefore it makes sense they take control.

    If it's a case of one person being passive and not really caring that much, so the other person ends up taking the lead more and being dominant (like I did with my previous boyfriend), then fair enough. If it's a case of one person wanting to do things with their life, but letting their partner decide for them that they won't - there is something not right there.
    I made this thread because recently I've been studying gender and sexuality at uni, and I made a comment stating that I would never ever submit to a man. In response, a friend of mine said that if I was in a relationship then I'd have to submit to a man. I said no, I don't have to and I don't want to, and if I had to then I'd rather marry or be in a relationship.

    I just wanted to know other people's opinions on the subject, but I also wonder: what is the exact definition of submission? Maybe my definition of submission and my friend's definition of submission are both different. I don't think my friend meant oppression, but I define submission as a form of oppression (depending on context.)
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    (Original post by Octohedral)
    Most people obviously have no objection to other people doing what they want.

    HOWEVER, this argument sometimes comes up in the context of, say, the suffragette movement or equivalent in other countries, as the question 'What about women who want to be housewives? Aren't they free to do that too?'. I think this question is misguided, because womens' movements (I hesitate to say feminism, because that can be a bit stronger) are about freedom, and choosing to be subservient is about limiting your own freedom. Women choosing to be subservient is fine so long as it doesn't impact other womens' freedom by promoting the image that it's the norm. Anyone who wants a free and fair society (which I do) will see that choosing to limit your freedom is not the same sort of choice as choosing to, say, go to university.

    In other words, by all means be a housewife, and I would never judge you for it, because it's your choice. However, don't campaign for it, because it's a private choice, one you will always have the option to do, and flies right in the face of all the rights that most of the population have fought for over the last century.

    Do you mind if I ask the context of your question?
    See my post above.
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    How does being a housewife automatically make you subservient though?

    I work far less than my bf (well not so much as of a few days ago, new job!) but enough so that i was pretty much living the role of a housewife, but my boyfriend tell me what to do or try to make decisions for me? Id like to see him try.

    For me personally when i do choose to be a housewife (and i will for a few years as i want to have children and be at home whilst they are young) it is then me saying that is me in charge of the childcare, house maintenance and cooking. If my boyfriend tries to massively disrupt that, then i will be reminding him who stays and works in the home all day.
    Same if he chose to be a househusband, that is not him being subservient, just taking organization over a different part of our lives than i would be.

    Choosing to be a housewife and choosing to be subservient are two different things. i hope ive explained my point of view ok, i guess it depends how you see being a housewife. Cleaning, cooking and childcare are all jobs outside the home and i see no reason why they should not be considered worthy of equal respect and importance in the home, hence my viewpoint.
    This.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    I made this thread because recently I've been studying gender and sexuality at uni, and I made a comment stating that I would never ever submit to a man. In response, a friend of mine said that if I was in a relationship then I'd have to submit to a man. I said no, I don't have to and I don't want to, and if I had to then I'd rather marry or be in a relationship.

    I just wanted to know other people's opinions on the subject, but I also wonder: what is the exact definition of submission? Maybe my definition of submission and my friend's definition of submission are both different. I don't think my friend meant oppression, but I define submission as a form of oppression (depending on context.)
    I think it's an interesting topic. My ex asked that we be in a relationship that would mean I would be as submissive as one possibly could be. He told me to research the matter before I made my decision. I looked up stuff on the internet covering every aspect, both in and out of the bedroom. There are many men and women who like and want that sort of relationship and if they can find a partner that will happily consent to it then all the best to both of them. Personally, the idea sickened me. Bedroom fun is one thing but I'm a human being, not a pet dog to sit and bark only when told.

    I asked a few friends vague questions on the matter, would they allow their partner to dictate this and that, how would they feel? I received mixed reactions, some things people would submit to, others not. I believe my relationship should be a matter of equal care and responsibility. Perhaps your friend DID think it was more of a 'put the man's need's first and do things for him selflessly' rather than follow all commands relationship. If that's the case, I'm not against that arrangement, I quite like it, but I'm not a slave.
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    How does being a housewife automatically make you subservient though?

    I work far less than my bf (well not so much as of a few days ago, new job!) but enough so that i was pretty much living the role of a housewife, but my boyfriend tell me what to do or try to make decisions for me? Id like to see him try.

    For me personally when i do choose to be a housewife (and i will for a few years as i want to have children and be at home whilst they are young) it is then me saying that is me in charge of the childcare, house maintenance and cooking. If my boyfriend tries to massively disrupt that, then i will be reminding him who stays and works in the home all day.
    Same if he chose to be a househusband, that is not him being subservient, just taking organization over a different part of our lives than i would be.

    Choosing to be a housewife and choosing to be subservient are two different things. i hope ive explained my point of view ok, i guess it depends how you see being a housewife. Cleaning, cooking and childcare are all jobs outside the home and i see no reason why they should not be considered worthy of equal respect and importance in the home, hence my viewpoint.
    You're totally right. Sorry - I actually didn't mean to imply that being a housewife meant being subservient in a modern context, I was just trying to vary my vocabulary, and I didn't think. Edited.

    I can totally see why a couple would want to split things so that the woman works at home / looks after the children, and the man earns money. Personally I'd hate it, but it does work well as a family dynamic if you have the right people, and I totally respect that. I only meant to comment on the actual subservience aspect, which can be totally distinct.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's an interesting topic. My ex asked that we be in a relationship that would mean I would be as submissive as one possibly could be. He told me to research the matter before I made my decision. I looked up stuff on the internet covering every aspect, both in and out of the bedroom. There are many men and women who like and want that sort of relationship and if they can find a partner that will happily consent to it then all the best to both of them. Personally, the idea sickened me. Bedroom fun is one thing but I'm a human being, not a pet dog to sit and bark only when told.

    I asked a few friends vague questions on the matter, would they allow their partner to dictate this and that, how would they feel? I received mixed reactions, some things people would submit to, others not. I believe my relationship should be a matter of equal care and responsibility. Perhaps your friend DID think it was more of a 'put the man's need's first and do things for him selflessly' rather than follow all commands relationship. If that's the case, I'm not against that arrangement, I quite like it, but I'm not a slave.
    This is what I was thinking. But I'm not a slave. Even if I am in a relationship, I still have to put my needs first, and I still have to make myself first priority. I don't mean that in a selfish way. Of course I'd think about my other half but I wouldn't forget my need and my identity. And in terms of thinking of the needs of your partner, does it need to be one-sided? I would rather be treated as an equal in a relationship - for me, putting a guy's needs on a high pedestal must include the guy doing the same for me, and that is that.
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    (Original post by SannaS)
    Ill submit myself to god not a man
    Isn't god within every man. Which means you'll submit to anyone.
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    (Original post by Octohedral)
    You're totally right. Sorry - I actually didn't mean to imply that being a housewife meant being subservient in a modern context, I was just trying to vary my vocabulary, and I didn't think. Edited.

    I can totally see why a couple would want to split things so that the woman works at home / looks after the children, and the man earns money. It's probably good for the children too - I had two working parents, but they were both teachers, so the timings worked well around school etc. Otherwise I can imagine it's quite hard. I only meant to comment on the actual subservience aspect, which can be totally distinct.
    no need to apologise! I find the subject of being a housewife very interesting because i find lots of people have different view points on what it actually means and so on.
    Sorry if i came across an aggressive, wasnt my intention at all!
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    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    I made this thread because recently I've been studying gender and sexuality at uni, and I made a comment stating that I would never ever submit to a man. In response, a friend of mine said that if I was in a relationship then I'd have to submit to a man. I said no, I don't have to and I don't want to, and if I had to then I'd rather marry or be in a relationship.

    I just wanted to know other people's opinions on the subject, but I also wonder: what is the exact definition of submission? Maybe my definition of submission and my friend's definition of submission are both different. I don't think my friend meant oppression, but I define submission as a form of oppression (depending on context.)
    That's quite an odd thing to say. I wonder how your friend meant it? Did she mean that in a relationship, each person submits to the other? Or that it is specifically a woman that submits to a man.

    I'm guessing the definition of submission varies depending on the context in which you use it. I mean obeying the law or doing what your boss says at work are both forms of submitting to a higher authority. If you apply that kind of definition to relationships, then no one should be submitting to their partner. Maybe there is some definition of submission that could apply to healthy relationships, but I certainly can't think of it. Well, other than the kinky kind I guess. That isn't really true submission though, because you choose to do that (if you're so inclined) and could stop it at any point without repercussions, which is why it isn't generally considered unhealthy/harmful.
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    (Original post by Kazbian)
    That's quite an odd thing to say. I wonder how your friend meant it? Did she mean that in a relationship, each person submits to the other? Or that it is specifically a woman that submits to a man.

    I'm guessing the definition of submission varies depending on the context in which you use it. I mean obeying the law or doing what your boss says at work are both forms of submitting to a higher authority. If you apply that kind of definition to relationships, then no one should be submitting to their partner. Maybe there is some definition of submission that could apply to healthy relationships, but I certainly can't think of it. Well, other than the kinky kind I guess. That isn't really true submission though, because you choose to do that (if you're so inclined) and could stop it at any point without repercussions, which is why it isn't generally considered unhealthy/harmful.
    That a woman submits to a man.

    We were discussing gender roles and patriarchal structures. She's from a traditional culture, so many that's why she said it. Each to their own I guess.

    It all depends on context, though for this thread, I'm focusing more on relationships and certain expectations on a woman to submit to a man.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Dee Leigh)
    When I talk about submission, I'm talking about it in the religious/cultural/societal context. In a relationship, would you submit to your man?

    To be specific:
    If you were in a relationship, would you submit to your boyfriend/husband? As in, being second to him, letting him be head in the relationship, letting him be head/'man' of the household, letting him make all the decisions in the relationship, letting him have the final say, letting him decide stuff for you, letting him boss you around, doing as you are told by him, asking for his permission to do something/go somewhere, doing stuff for him ever if he is not obliged to do stuff back (e.g. you cook and clean for him even if he doesn't himself) etc. Sometimes sex may come into it e.g. he wants you to do certain things.

    All in all, I'm talking about gender roles, and the notion that you should 'obey' your husband no matter what.
    that is exactly what i want. thats how i want my relationship to me, im just attracted to those sort of guys.

    Is not to say i dont have self respect, but in a relationship that is what i would want
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that is exactly what i want. thats how i want my relationship to me, im just attracted to those sort of guys.

    Is not to say i dont have self respect, but in a relationship that is what i would want
    Just out of interest, why?
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    I'm a guy, and I have to say that the thought of having a totally submissive partner sounds horrible. I want a girlfriend to talk back and tell me if and when I'm being unreasonable- but also recognise if she is too- and I want to spoil her rather than expect her to make all the effort. Apart from anything else it'd be incredibly dull to have the cooking and cleaning done for me every single time I came home and someone willing to follow whatever I say. I'm pretty sure it'd be enough to either give anyone a massive superiority complex or drive them mad with boredom.

    That's just what a relationship is though, isn't it? When two people come together and make each other feel special. When people push each other to be the best they can be, and appreciate the other one for it.

    I dunno. There's my tuppence worth, anyways.
 
 
 
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