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How to break up with him? Any advice?? Watch

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    You have to come to terms with the very real possibility that he will not be your best friend afterwards. If he is in the state that you're describing, chances are that he'll do what any rational human beings do after a breakup and stay the distance. Perhaps after a couple of months things might change, but there is no honest reason that someone would stay with the daily reminder of pain, except in the case of masochistic self-denial. And to avoid self-denial, for his sake, you have a responsibility to be very straight and thorough with him.

    He will only get over it when he realises he doesn't have feelings for you any more, which could take any time between a couple months and never.
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    (Original post by SummerAnthems)
    I've been the bloke in this situation and you should know if you decide to do this there's no going back.
    He won't magically be your best friend again and it will never be the same as it was. You'd be foolish to think otherwise.
    The thing is, he's always seen you in a romantic light and now he's with you, this is as good as it gets for him. Going from that back to best friend again just won't be possible. You'll lose not only your boyfriend but your best friend too. Ultimately, if your heart isn't in the relationship anyway, then why be with him?
    I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but its the cold truth and it sucks. I know.
    Okay that sucks. What im really hoping is... maybe after a few months, we can sort things out, we've had time to get over it and all, is there no chance of going back to normal? However foolish I sound? Haha...

    I mean I've known him since the age of 6, we've been best friends for years and years, he knows me so well, I know he wouldn't want to lose me either. Does that not count for anything?

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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Okay... set the scene. l started dating my best friend 2.5 months ago, known him for 5 or so years. He told me he loved me, I said it back on impulse, but I was never really sure (I made a thread on it earlier).

    I feel like... after thinking carefully, seeing how things were if I distanced myself from him and really just coming to terms with myself... I love him more like a friend, love him to absolute bits. But not as a boyfriend.

    So... bit of a pickle. I need to break up with him, because I can't be stringing him along any more, he's my best friend and I don't want to hurt him. But I need to make sure our friendship survives it, ill be gutted if it doesn't.

    Anybody have any advice whatsoever for me? I would really appreciate it guys, anything at all. Thanks.

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    You're probably going to lose a friend but it's better than pretending to have a relationship.

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    (Original post by Sweet-Nothing)
    I don't think you're going to get your best friend back if you break up with him like this. It happened to two of my friends in school, exact same way, he just didn't talk to her much again and he had been crazy about her before and a really good boyfriend. And no this wasn't me :P

    If you think about it from his POV, why would he want to keep being reminded about what he craves/loves, to limit the pain he will just distance himself from you. Obviously it will be in a subtle manner, to prevent things from being awkward, but it will certainly happen and be prolonged.

    On the back of this, I would say give it another while to make sure you don't like him as a BF. People change as a relationship progresses.

    If you are very devilish, you could even highlight in certain ways that the relationship is not really working out, as opposed to just coming out and saying it's over. Do this over a while and he may even be the one to start slowing things down!

    I don't think it's realistic for you to think that things will even be close to normal with him.

    Best of luck sorting it all out though, that stuff is never easy! Also, it's near exam season, might want to take that into consideration as well!
    Yeah I don't want to sneak around like that, I think honesty is the best policy. I've thought about this for ages so im pretty sure atm.

    Exam season yup. AS exams and please take note of my username. Ugh. What is life.

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    Just drop the link to this thread in his email
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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    Seriously, how the **** is this helpful? Best friends certainly don't stick with someone they don't want to be with and just let them eventually lose all of their confidence as they slowly realise that it is a shell of a relationship.
    that same shell could bcome an arena of fun.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Holy crap that's a messed up situation.

    I've seen something similar happen in my friends circle. My bird's best friend and my best mate got introduced after we started dating and they got along really well. Eventually the 4 of us began hanging out a lot, and surprise surprise he started fancying her. They're both awesome people and I thought it would work, she seemed very fond of him and all. Started dating and a few months down the road, this girl (my mate's girlfriend ) at the time calls me at like 3 am one weekend and says she needs to talk and its urgent, so we spoke for quite a long time on the phone and she said it was really comfortable with him as friends and she enjoyed his company a lot and felt she could trust him. Also said she found him quite attractive but there was no spark, and since she hadn't dated before, she said yes when he wanted to go out with her...liked how the dates went so went along with it thinking she'd develop feelings. 5 months later - nothing, and she didn't want to string him along cause of the same reasons as you've said basically...she eventually had a really long chat with him, and went into detail about everything, explained it all to him, and told him she was really sorry, and she wished it could work etc. My mate had the wind knocked out of him cause he thought they were doing well, but she made it clear, she wanted to be friends, and would give him space if he needed, but no matter what she wanted to be a part of his life.
    My tip - have the talk, and soon, when you're alone and have a LOT of time to talk. Explain everything, be honest about everything 100%. He'll be angry for a bit (at least my mate was) but eventually (2-3 months after the breakup, he 'got it' and moved on. Went to her and said he was sorry for being distant and needed the time apart (crucial, spend some time apart, cause if not, he'll see you, feelings will be there and there will be bitterness - best to be away, let him think it out, gain some perspective, heal etc). It'll take time, but eventually if he's the awesome and understanding guy you say he is, he'll see your point of view.



    I think he used to /still posts on here. So anon .
    Thank you. So do these two people have a happy friendship again? Does he feel like he can talk to her as normal or has this affected their relationship?

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    (Original post by LETSJaM)
    This happened to my friend too. She dated her friend for a week before she admitted to him that she didn't feel that way about him.

    I'd say just tell him the truth, say that you thought that you might love him but you realise now that you only love him like a friend. He'll probably be a little hurt for a few weeks but he'll appreciate your honesty in the end.

    All the best.

    <3 x
    Yeh the sooner the better. Are they back to normal? Thanks

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    (Original post by SunderX)
    You have to come to terms with the very real possibility that he will not be your best friend afterwards. If he is in the state that you're describing, chances are that he'll do what any rational human beings do after a breakup and stay the distance. Perhaps after a couple of months things might change, but there is no honest reason that someone would stay with the daily reminder of pain, except in the case of masochistic self-denial. And to avoid self-denial, for his sake, you have a responsibility to be very straight and thorough with him.

    He will only get over it when he realises he doesn't have feelings for you any more, which could take any time between a couple months and never.
    I'm going to be as honest with him as I can... and I know that can happen. I mean we're both 18, there has to come a time when he moves on! I don't know.

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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    You're probably going to lose a friend but it's better than pretending to have a relationship.

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    In a nutshell hopefully not though!

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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    In a nutshell hopefully not though!

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    I really wouldn't expect it to go that way at all, unfortunately, if he has got feelings for you, you might not end up talking again. :/ no matter what you'll lose him as a best friend, but if you're lucky he might be friends with you in the future.

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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Thank you. So do these two people have a happy friendship again? Does he feel like he can talk to her as normal or has this affected their relationship?

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    We all hang out like before, but its much less frequent. She makes sure to call him/text him whenever everyone's doing something together, but he keeps his distance from the bigger group a fair amount. He's really nice to her though, but he'll never go discuss issues with her like he did before they dated...maybe that'll come with more time. She was prb the closest girl 'friend' he's had, and he's told me its not the same, but I think things will be back to normal as friends in a few months (especially if he starts seeing this new girl he has a crush on).

    Thing is, your situation is exponentiated as you guys have been best friends for ages, plus he seems to have very strong feelings for you. Does he have any idea you feel like this? Biggest issue for my friend was that this kind of came out of the blue. It'll be hard on this guy, but you're doing the right thing. Its probably not what you want to hear, but the sad truth is it'll probably hurt this guy a lot since he seems very attached to you.
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Yeh the sooner the better. Are they back to normal? Thanks

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    Yeah, they're talking again now although it took him quite a few weeks for him to accept this.

    <3 x
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    I really think it'll be difficult for him. There will always be that persona that he felt really close to you, but you didn't really have the same feelings for him in the same way. That's always the danger of having a relationship, when it really should just be a close friendship. It sucks for the guy, trust me.

    Just tell him honestly, as others have said, be straight with him. Better to tell the truth now, when you'll regret it later. And for what other people think and say, ignore them, it's just their mumblings; what counts is your relationship and his feelings.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    In a nutshell hopefully not though!

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    The best thing you can do is be honest and tell him you don't want to be with him, it will hurt him and it will probably affect your friendship, but it is better than just stringing him along or staying in the relationship for the sake of it, least then he can find someone else.
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Thank you so much. Yeah ill tell him everything basically, because there's no point in hiding anything, just gonna be totally straight with him.

    Yes that's true. I dont want to ask them for advice on the situation only because, on the face of it, it seems like the relationship is going really well. And I know they'd be shocked to find out I'm like this.

    Plus, I want him to be the first person I know personally (sorry people of tsr, you don't really count ) to know about how I'm feeling towards him. I dont want him to hear anything secondhand.

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    What I meant was, once you've told him and they have found out and are all shocked, explain the situation to them and then ask them for advice, to demonstrate that you care about him and what he's going through. Ask for advice for how to mitigate the damage.
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    (Original post by Aspiring Medic 7)
    Its just that we've been friends for so long, and I don't even know what it is but I preferred him so much more as a friend than a boyfriend!

    I can't help it, trust me I feel awful about it, but I just don't feel that attraction I suppose.

    He's amazing, he knows me inside out! So sweet, loves me to bits. But I just want my best friend back (

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    I'd be coup de la if my girlfriend broke it off and offered me FWB status.

    No joke. That would soften the...blow?
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    straight guys are never 'just friends' with straight girls, especially when that girl is 'just friends' with him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We all hang out like before, but its much less frequent. She makes sure to call him/text him whenever everyone's doing something together, but he keeps his distance from the bigger group a fair amount. He's really nice to her though, but he'll never go discuss issues with her like he did before they dated...maybe that'll come with more time. She was prb the closest girl 'friend' he's had, and he's told me its not the same, but I think things will be back to normal as friends in a few months (especially if he starts seeing this new girl he has a crush on).

    Thing is, your situation is exponentiated as you guys have been best friends for ages, plus he seems to have very strong feelings for you. Does he have any idea you feel like this? Biggest issue for my friend was that this kind of came out of the blue. It'll be hard on this guy, but you're doing the right thing. Its probably not what you want to hear, but the sad truth is it'll probably hurt this guy a lot since he seems very attached to you.
    Okay... I suppose that's not too bad.

    Right, you mentioned that a main issue was the fact that it was completely out of the blue. Is there any way I can possibly make him see it coming? I talk to him everyday, text and phone calls and I see him on weekends. We were like this when we were just mates too. Boy its going to be hard when he starts distancing himself after I break up with him

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    (Original post by abzy1234)
    I really think it'll be difficult for him. There will always be that persona that he felt really close to you, but you didn't really have the same feelings for him in the same way. That's always the danger of having a relationship, when it really should just be a close friendship. It sucks for the guy, trust me.

    Just tell him honestly, as others have said, be straight with him. Better to tell the truth now, when you'll regret it later. And for what other people think and say, ignore them, it's just their mumblings; what counts is your relationship and his feelings.

    Good luck
    I can imagine yeh... I will tell him honestly yes, but I don't want it to be completely out of the blue like another poster said. Anybody have any advice on how to kinda hint at it beforehand so it doesn't seem like im attacking him randomly?

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