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Is it wrong to break up with someone because of their lack of job prospects/ ambition Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We were young and both at college in the same stage of life.

    I have not once said that ambition is all I am looking for, I love him because he is caring and supportive and makes me laugh, it's just as I am getting older i need to consider these things.
    I'm the opposite, i like to be the "man" of the relationship and so whilst i want a girl who does have a career i could never see myself with a girl who could match me in terms of ambition, intelligence or general success. I'd feel emasculated.
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    Maybe your boyfriend cannot progress because of low self-esteem?

    You are clearly not helping matters, OP. Stop thinking of yourself for once, and start actually helping the guy you profess to love.

    A young guy not confident enough to want to better himself is on a very slippery slope indeed. Without help soon enough, he really will be a little too old to sort himself out.

    In the mean time, there is no guarantee your life will end up any better than his, is there?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone,

    I am having problems in deciding what to do with my relationship, I know it's my choice but I would like some opinions!

    Basically I am a female, 20, finishing my second year of university.
    I have always been really goal orientated and I know what I want to do in life and what I need to do to get there (Primary school teacher)

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, we met when I was at college.

    Whereas I went on to university, he went on to a minimum wage job and has gone between similar jobs and a small amount of time on job seekers. He annoys me because he doesn't have plans on what he is going to do in life and just applies for low skilled jobs and thinks he is too old to do any training (21).

    It is me that constantly looks for jobs and ideas for him to which he is thankful but it just never seems to happen!

    I really do love and care for him and if I ignored his job prospects I could definitely see us together in the future.

    I know I am only young but it's getting to the stage where I would like to move out and he doesn't have the finances to support himself in moving out.

    So yeah that's my problem, do I stay with him even though his lack of ambition annoys me and worries me.

    Or am I being shallow for wanting him to get a better job?

    Head or heart kind of predicament!
    I really like the way you think . I wish girls i knew would think like you but instead they prefer guys with no future :/.
    I think you should get rid of him, unless you are happy with being the main bread provider and someone living of your crums .
    Think about it, when you have a bunch of kids can a £12k job really support a family??
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    Stay with him. And find a way no matter how much it kills you. If you truly love this guy you will find a way round all obstacles including financial. Love never fails. Unless you let it, of course.

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    Yes, you could "stick with it", how long are you are you willing to wait around hoping he eventually "figures it out"? A year? Two years? Five years? Ten years? You're still young, are you certain you won't resent him when he hasn't suddenly magically become a go getter a few years down the line? I think you're probably either going to have to accept the way he is or decide if this relationship is what you really want.
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    Yes. You need someone to bring you UP in life, not down.
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    (Original post by Janineee)
    Yes. You need someone to bring you UP in life, not down.
    Depends on how you define up or down.
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    No comment . Although I'm really not the kind of person who picks a bloke based on the size of his penis. Honestly.
    What do penises have to do with inheritance money?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Or am I being shallow for wanting him to get a better job?

    Head or heart kind of predicament!
    I don't think it is. I think that if you're serious about a relationship with someone, you do need to see your lives fitting together. If your goals and ambitions (or level of ambition) are completely different, then it will be difficult to build a life together.
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    Your boyfriend got tons of job that we can decide on, if he wants to become a security guard than he will have to get a SIA security badge which will cost £100-240 to get the qualification and training need to apply for the license and £220 to pay for the application fees.

    Tell him to look for a full time retail job, very manageable with his experience. Or make him do some sort of call centre jobs plenty available especially if he got customer service skills which he has.

    Since he under 25 years old, it possible for him to apply for apprenticeship even though they are some bad ones that can be considered cheap labour. The good apprenticeship programs lets you start your role without experience and gain all the training and education while working. Afterwards you either get a full time job with the employer or finish up with the extra experience and qualification and apply for other jobs. The apprenticship will cost him £400 fee since he over 19 years.
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    (Original post by SkinnyKat)
    I know we're all brainwashed by Hollywood and Disney to believe that love conquers all. HOWEVER.

    Love doesn't pay bills or a mortgage. You can't eat love or run a car on it.
    I'm really loving the analogies today, keep 'em coming, keep 'em coming. :daydreaming:

    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    As someone who's partner is 29 and has NEVER had a job, I understand your frustration. I'm 22, and am also looking to move in with him- but it's easier said than done with his current financial situation.

    I would like to say "love wins every battle" but after 4 years I'm not too sure it does anymore. Love may fill the heart, but it doesn't fill the fridge.
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    Have a serious discussion with him. Usually I would think that these are things people decide/think about before they get into long-term relationships. But.. young people will be naive as always. If your core values are not on par, then this relationship won't last much longer, especially since it's bothering you to a great degree.

    I personally wouldn't care if my partner didn't have an extremely well-paid job. As long as she's making ample contribution towards the family and the relationship, that is fine. I too am attracted to ambition as well however, and I personally wouldn't get into a serious relationship with someone if I felt that they were just not making an effort. However, at the age of just 21/22 - 99% of us haven't got a clue about what we want to do - so many options, opportunities. The whole follow your passion thing isn't necessarily going to make you rich or well off.

    Just speak with him and ask him where he sees this relationship going... should be a fun exercise for you two.
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    IMO relationships where there is a significant mismatch between the two partners in terms of prospects and ambition never work. You can work at them for a long time but you are always fighting a losing battle.

    It's not always about income, eg you could have one partner working as a solicitor, the other trying to break into the charity sector, doing a series of unpaid/low paid internships, or being a teacher etc. Both have ambitions and the income disparity doesn't show up much.

    Where it goes wrong is when one partner is driven and the other is just lounging around particularly if that partner is spending a lot of time with their mates who live the same lounging around lifestyle, down the pub etc.

    A classic example of this is the "musician" boyfriend. Nothing against people pursuing their hobbies but you do get a certain type of guy that basically is happy to live a life of unemployment/bar work, existing between their student style flat, rehearsals with their band and pub with their band and other mates. They won't try for anything more in their life because their excuse is "I need time to spend on the band" even though it is never going to go anywhere other than playing gigs in pubs etc.

    If they have a girlfriend that's ambitious and wants to get ahead, before long the boyfriend becomes a drag on her ambition....no we can't move away because what about the band/my mates; we can't go and travel because I've got no money and what about the band/my mates, etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Or am I being shallow for wanting him to get a better job?

    Head or heart kind of predicament!
    I don't think it would be shallow. I mean as long as you make it clear that it is effecting you, then he should be able to explain his apathy?

    If he doesn't understand then it might not be a great relationship if you have to carry him?
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    I don't think it's wrong to break up with him for that reason. It shows that ultimately your personalities aren't compatible.
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    Kick his ass into Uni! Or at least some kinda training. He could easily take some business management training then apply for managerial work if has decent A-Levels.
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    If you have to ask the question, "should I break up with him".. you probably should.
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    Just for the record: both of my sisters are the main bread-winners in their families, each living with a man who is mainly responsible for the house and child-care. One sister makes a good living as a school-teacher and has a house-husband (although he earns a bit of money from part-time freelance work). His career ambition was in the theatre (doing lights and things) and while he loves doing this and is ambitious, I don't think he ever managed to make a living from the theatre. (He picked up some skills in book-keeping and so can always earn a bit of money when needed.)

    So if you are happy to be the person in the relationship who brings in most of the money, you could be very happy sharing your life with a non-earner. Obviously your material standard of living would be lower than those in a double-income family, but it is quite possible that your quality of life would be higher.

    And just for the record, most students (including those doing a PGCE) live away from their parents' homes, and manage to do so on student grants and loans rather than a partner's income.
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    Hey, this is a time to go with YOUR gut feeling and not what other people think.

    Important here to not let others influence you too much, because only you know how this particular relationship feels, and only you will living with the results of your decision - no one else.

    Have a good hard think, make your decision, then stick with it and do it!

    Staying with someone when there is something missing whatever it may be is just sorta torturing yourself so you should not feel guilty for putting an end to it if thats what you feel is right.

    Follow your gut, either option is completely fair and don't let anyone sway you IMO!
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    I personally would be unhappy and fed up but I dont think id leave them while only be 20. If i got to 23/4 and it was still at the stage that he was doing what he was doing 18 then yes maybe id have a bit of an issue with it.

    I literally wouldnt care what job my boyfriend did aslong as he wsa happy however lets the fact the facts in the real world unfortunatly you need money, you need money to get a house and mortage you need money to fill up your car with petrol you need money to pay your bills and feed yourself.

    He is however only 21 im not intending to leave home till 24 when i can get a decent place, so maybe hold on to the breaking up with him and see how it goes.

    Just discuss your life plans and say when you want to move out etc, show him houses/flats you like and make him realise the reality that poorly paid jobs are difficult to fund anything for. My boyfriend after doing pretty low paid jobs decided at 21 to become an accountant he did 2/3 years trainig at collage and now at 24 he's on a bigger salary than ill ever hope to earn coming straight out of uni
 
 
 
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