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Boyfriend puts sport before me. Watch

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    This is why I never date a guy without a passion. I did it once and it was so irritating because he didn't understand that I enjoy other things in life besides him.

    I'm lucky in that I found a bf who shares 2 of the same passions as me, but my exes got annoyed when I wanted to go off cycling for the day, or go to unmissable gigs.
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    (Original post by AdviceSeeker09)
    I don't think you're overreacting. Having a hobby is obviously fine, but to miss important parts of your life for it is a bit selfish. He can go to Karate any time.
    It's not his hobby though. It's a large part of his life. So he can't go 'anytime'.
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    (Original post by Michaelj)
    Bit selfish to assume he'll give up a life long hobby for you, don't you think? Ok missing birthdays and events is harsh but he shouldn't have to give up stuff for you.
    I think you are missing what I keep saying. I don't want him to give it up. I just want him to accept that it upsets me when he misses dates we planned. He doesn't understand that and just calls me pathetic for getting a little bit annoyed about it. if you read what I've said in other comments, I don't want him to stop it.


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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    1. Did no one else notice that? That's not an especially good sign.

    2. Untrue. Should never be a big reason for staying in a relationship.
    Not the reason I'm staying in a relationship. Just saying that I don't ever think ill be in love with anyone as much as him due to feelings now.


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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    I think you are missing what I keep saying. I don't want him to give it up. I just want him to accept that it upsets me when he misses dates we planned. He doesn't understand that and just calls me pathetic for getting a little bit annoyed about it. if you read what I've said in other comments, I don't want him to stop it.


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    You know when his lessons are, how hard is it to arrange something not on a Wednesday? If I misunderstood it, so did 99% of the people in this thread!
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    (Original post by Pigling)
    Several issues:

    1) He loves karate and its a big part of his life. This you have to take or leave. It's not unreasonable for him to have a passion which often "comes first", it would never be good for your relationship to try and force him away from that. It's part of him.

    2) He makes promises he doesn't keep. This is more of an issue. Unless something particularly, un-missably important comes up in karate, he shouldn't be ditching plans with you made months in advance at the last minute. That's just rude, and inconsiderate of your feelings.

    3) You've stated you can't see yourself finding anyone else?! *alarm bells* Is this the reason you're with your boyfriend?
    I understand he has other commitments, and the issue is him dropping me and then not undersandig why i get so upset.
    No! You're getting that last bit all wrong. I mean I can't see myself with anyone else other than him because I love him and I can't ever stay mad at him so we don't even get close to break ups.



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    (Original post by Michaelj)
    You know when his lessons are, how hard is it to arrange something not on a Wednesday? If I misunderstood it, so did 99% of the people in this thread!
    Monday and Wednesday.. Oh and it's very hard. The point isn't the karate though! On a normal day I'm fine with him going to karate! it's because it's my BIRTHDAY. You are actually all missing the point. I understand he can't go "anytime" and that it's his lifestyle and he's done it before he met me, blah blah blah. I don't want to spend every waking moment with him! That's not what I am saying! Ok, I recently got a job making weekends harder to do, he is also looking for a job, which will make things even harder than they already are. After college is sometimes the only time we can see each other, but we can't because of both of our lives. My birthday was supposed to be a day where we could forget all the work/college hassles and have a meal out. We planned it, and all of a sudden he drops me for karate because his mum won't take him anywhere other than to karate. It's not his fault, he tried to get out of it, but he can't. But I can't help feeling if only he didn't do it. NOT SAYING I WANT HIM TO QUIT! People in this thread call me selfish for trying to make him quit. That's not what I'm doing. People in this also say that in only with him cause I can't find anyone else, no, I'm with him because I love him, and I won't find anyone else because I won't need too. Ok, I understand, I've over reacted. Just think though, you plan something with someone you love for over a month, and they drop you, do you not think it will make your heart sink even a little bit, because it did with me. it's not a case of we're not right for each other or in a healthy balanced relationship, it's because it's a day we planned for a long while, and he's just not going to be there for it anymore. So thanks to everyone calling me selfish, etc. however, it's because it was one day I expected him to be there, and he won't be..


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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?
    You sound like you want him to quit karate. Not going to happen, and why should he give it up?
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    Monday and Wednesday.. Oh and it's very hard. The point isn't the karate though! On a normal day I'm fine with him going to karate! it's because it's my BIRTHDAY. You are actually all missing the point. I understand he can't go "anytime" and that it's his lifestyle and he's done it before he met me, blah blah blah. I don't want to spend every waking moment with him! That's not what I am saying! Ok, I recently got a job making weekends harder to do, he is also looking for a job, which will make things even harder than they already are. After college is sometimes the only time we can see each other, but we can't because of both of our lives. My birthday was supposed to be a day where we could forget all the work/college hassles and have a meal out. We planned it, and all of a sudden he drops me for karate because his mum won't take him anywhere other than to karate. It's not his fault, he tried to get out of it, but he can't. But I can't help feeling if only he didn't do it. NOT SAYING I WANT HIM TO QUIT! People in this thread call me selfish for trying to make him quit. That's not what I'm doing. People in this also say that in only with him cause I can't find anyone else, no, I'm with him because I love him, and I won't find anyone else because I won't need too. Ok, I understand, I've over reacted. Just think though, you plan something with someone you love for over a month, and they drop you, do you not think it will make your heart sink even a little bit, because it did with me. it's not a case of we're not right for each other or in a healthy balanced relationship, it's because it's a day we planned for a long while, and he's just not going to be there for it anymore. So thanks to everyone calling me selfish, etc. however, it's because it was one day I expected him to be there, and he won't be..
    Again, you want him to quit. You acknowledge it's not his fault, but you still want him to quit.
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    (Original post by Hopple)
    You sound like you want him to quit karate. Not going to happen, and why should he give it up?
    I don't want him to quit. It's something he enjoys, im not going to get in the way of that.
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    (Original post by Hopple)
    Again, you want him to quit. You acknowledge it's not his fault, but you still want him to quit.
    No. I don't. If I wanted him to quit, I would plain and simply tell him I want him to quit, and we would probably be finished. but I don't care about the karate, I care about the plans he makes to then drop on me. It's just because of the karate that he drops the plans with me. Saying that "if only he didn't do it" isnt me saying I want him to quit, it's saying that I can't help thinking if he didnt do it, would things be different?
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    I don't want him to quit. It's something he enjoys, im not going to get in the way of that.

    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    No. I don't. If I wanted him to quit, I would plain and simply tell him I want him to quit, and we would probably be finished. but I don't care about the karate, I care about the plans he makes to then drop on me. It's just because of the karate that he drops the plans with me. Saying that "if only he didn't do it" isnt me saying I want him to quit, it's saying that I can't help thinking if he didnt do it, would things be different?
    I'm just reading between the lines of what you're saying. He's doing something regularly, and has been doing so for far longer than he's known you, it's part of him. Accept it or move on.
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    A lot of people don't care that much about birthdays. Clearly they are important to you and he should try to make it up to you if he is busy on your birthday. Can't you just go out for a meal the day before your birthday?
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    (Original post by NerdGlasses)
    So basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he does karate. He's done it since he started high school, and now were both at college 5 years later. However, I recently got a job making it a lot harder to see him, and when I can see him it's usually 'karate' nights. I've been ok with it for the past year, because I completely accept that it's a hobby of his and he wants to do well in it, but he has no interest in quitting any time soon. Now, I've been fine with the karate, up until he tells me that he's going to be missing my birthday and a party of my families because of it. I don't really know whether I am over reacting, or acting how anyone would to this situation. Anyway, I'm just stuck. It's been a long term relationship, and it's not an "on-and-off" one, but we don't agree on much, and this karate situation is one of them. Now, because of how long I've been with him, and how close he's gotten to my family, I know that I'm in love with him. I don't think I'll find anyone else, however I don't know how many times I can take getting dropped because his karate is more important. What would you do in this situation? And am I overreacting?


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    If he's done karate for a long time it's kind of a big part of his life now and obviously something he really enjoys, i don't think he doesn't want to spend time with you, I think it's just that your schedules clash making it hard to find time. Maybe you should talk to him about the problems and decide on days when you both are free and can spend some time together and make a day out of it, you both need to put in some effort.


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    Overeating.
 
 
 
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