Just remember Anonymous that some of those people on here- strangers - now expressing such 'concern' would have probably avoided your gaze and walked over the other side of the street when you didn't appear to meet their requirements of an upbeat and easygoing acquaintance.
There's probably a term for it but basically it boils down to - people choose to feel sympathy when it suits them or subconsciously relieves them of some latent guilt - or when they are compelled by contract in the case of 'professionals'.
The only people who you should rely on are those who who have been there for you - proactively of their own volition - in the very worst times.
It can be far worse when depression affects those at prestigiously regarded institutions. It seems like an unfathomable disconnect of reality that the image of academic cosiness does not lastingly permeate the reality of thousands of numbers (names) on a professor's computer.
Is there any hope for me? I have failed in life. Watch
Last edited by Picnic1; 26-04-2013 at 22:30.
- 26-04-2013 22:25
- 27-04-2013 00:40
[QUOTE=Picnic1;42388962]Just remember Anonymous that some of those people on here- strangers - now expressing such 'concern' would have probably avoided your gaze and walked over the other side of the street when you didn't appear to meet their requirements of an upbeat and easygoing acquaintance.
There's probably a term for it but basically it boils down to - people choose to feel sympathy when it suits them or subconsciously relieves them of some latent guilt - or when they are compelled by contract in the case of 'professionals'. QUOTE] What a bizarre view. You don't think people may just feel he's having a miserable time and empathise with that?
- 27-04-2013 00:42
I'll try that again:Just remember Anonymous that some of those people on here- strangers - now expressing such 'concern' would have probably avoided your gaze and walked over the other side of the street when you didn't appear to meet their requirements of an upbeat and easygoing acquaintance.
There's probably a term for it but basically it boils down to - people choose to feel sympathy when it suits them or subconsciously relieves them of some latent guilt - or when they are compelled by contract in the case of 'professionals
- 27-04-2013 01:22
Actually Picnic, you may have a point in your first para, but your second is a bit of a sweeping generalisation.
- Thread Starter
- 27-04-2013 15:13
- Thread Starter
(Original post by there's too much love)
- 27-04-2013 15:16
If any of that is true then you need to go to student services and talk about the fact that you have these problems and are receiving such poor treatment from your tutor.
- 27-04-2013 16:33
That's good the sleeping pills are working in time for the exams .At my University, death of someone doesn't count as an extenuating circumstance unless they were your immediate family
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 27-04-2013 19:06
I feel like I have failed in life only at the age of 21.
I was a very hard-working kid. I got straight A*s at GCSEs and AAA at A-level and went off to Imperial College to study a good degree. This is where things started to go wrong. I was affected by a lot of problems at home. Somebody I was very close to passed away and my father was very abusive. On top of that, I had my heart broken for the first time.
My tutor was very unsympathetic about my situation. I got no help with anything. I couldn't even get time off to go to the funeral. By the end of first year, I had failed an exam for the very first time and got 2.2s and 3rds in all other exams.
This is when I realised that I was suffering from depression. Problems at home continued to get worse and my mother fell very ill. At one point we were told she was unlikely to survive. I carried on doing badly at University and again got very bad grades. My mum has fully recovered now, which I am very grateful for.
My third year at University was the worst. My depression was so bad that I stopped eating. I stopped talking to people. I would find it extremely difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings and do simple tasks like make a cup of tea. I would go to the kitchen once a day in the middle of the night to avoid bumping into my flatmates. I was miserable.
I decided to go to the doctors and get help. She advised me to take a year out and go home, but I couldn't do that because that would have only made my condition worse, so I decided to carry on.
It was a huge mistake. Again I got a 2.2. This year is my final year at univeristy and I have failed yet another exam. Even if I get all first in the exams in 2 weeks time (which is highly unlikely) I will not get anything more than a 2.2
I have always wanted to do a PhD. But with my grades I havent been accepted onto anywhere. Even if I do get a place it won't be funded because you need 2.1 to be eligible foe funding.
I can't even get a job. I have pushed all my friends away. I've destroyed my relationship with my family and I have no hope for the career I wanted to pursue.
Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed from here? Any advice on coping with pretty much failing my degree would also be really appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
Depression is incredibly difficult to deal with, I know, because I suffer from it too and have tried to taker my on life before because of it. But it is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. I PROMISE!!!
First of all, I recommend talking to someone other than your tutor, someone you trust - if you have been diagnosed with depression, then getting onto a pHD programme may be easier than you think because of extenuating circumstances. You'd need to write to whoever it is in charge of admissions and tell them everything. Tell them how hard its been, how you felt that you couldn't get help etc... BUT don't let it be too much of a downer. Go to your doctors and get some anti-depressants and counselling. Then include in your letter the fact that you've overcome all the hurdles and are still fighting to get what you want - this shows determination and inner strength. See if maybe you can re-sit any of your previous exams during your first year of your pHD?
I'm afraid when it comes to the academics of it all I'm not an expert - I'm still in college and using the depression and illness trick works when getting into uni, but I don't know how it would work when progressing from uni. That said, your GCSE's and A-Levels speak for themselves. You are obviously a highly competent and aspiring person struggling against an invisible disease and that is like swimming against the tide.
As for your friends, if they were good friends, they wont abandon you. When I was at my worst I pushed everyone away too, but they understood and came back and now I couldn't function without them. They have not abandoned you, even if you feel you've abandoned them.
In terms of your degree? You're only 21. I can completely understand how soul-crushing it must feel to have wasted three years of your life, but what you have to remember is you didn't fail on purpose. It's not because you weren't smart enough, or because you didn't try hard enough. Depression can affect your memory, sleeping patterns, ability to concentrate - and that makes it damn near impossible to study! If you got AAA at A-Level then I have no doubt that had you been firing on all pistons these past years you'd have aced every exam.
What you have to remember is you are only 21. You still have your whole life ahead of you and you can do anything with it. Perhaps try for a post-grad degree in a different field? Or apply post-grad for the degree you've just done in another uni so you can effectively re-do it. You might quake at the thought of finishing uni at 25/26 but its not that uncommon. I wont finish until I'm 26 - and that is only if I stick with a basic degree. If I want a pHD I'd be in uni till I'm 34 potentially! Surely its better to put in another 3 years than spend the next 30 wondering?
I've never met you, but I know your situation, and I know no matter what you decide to do, you will succeed because battling with depression is the hardest thing anyone can do. And if you have survived this long, you are obviously a strong person, and I admire that. Well done for not giving up without a fight - and remember
THE ONLY TRUE FAILURE IS WHEN YOU STOP TRYING.
Good luck x
P.s. - If you ever need to chat with someone. Just anyone - inbox me on here, or find me on Facebook ( I'm the only one of my name ) and I'd be glad to listen. Sometimes talking helps.Last edited by Aiyana_Jenipher; 27-04-2013 at 19:22.
- 27-04-2013 20:18
Sorry OP, realised I've referred to you as a 'he' for some reason when you are probably a 'she'
- 12-05-2013 22:16
Have the ADs made a difference OP?