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Why do I always attract douchebags? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As I said I have no objection to you doing or saying what you think is right or wrong provided you do it in a respectful way. Obviously I can't force you to be polite the same way you can't force me to ask guys out - we all have the freedom of choice to adopt and share our own views - but you'd be wise to learn some manners whilst doing so. Yes, we all have the power to act freely, but expect consequences if you try to force your views on others by putting them down. If you don't want people to call you out on rude behaviour, then don't adopt rude behaviour, because very few people (on the Internet or in real life) are going to take that crap. End of.
    Just to answer the question you originally asked that guy but he failed to respond to, I don't think there is a technique to asking someone out, so far as I know. I'm not sure if there's an expectation of what guys should be doing in a nightclub and what would happen if you break that convention. Maybe you should just try it wherever these guys try asking you out and see what happens.
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    (Original post by Castiel')
    But what you're saying no matter how much you stress to 'play' them back with banter not bitterness will lead to more women thinking they're god's gift to humanity, and will end up bantering with the other sex to such an extent that any guy who approaches them is just sick and disgusted at their contempt and disdain to anyone. Guys aren't toys you know, you don't just 'play 'em right back'. Why not be human and look for other humans who are decent and good people you get along with on a real satisfying level.
    Thanks Yeah, I don't really see the point of playing with the players. I'm not after casual sex, and even if I were I wouldn't want it with someone like that. I'm looking for the decent guys, but I'm not sure if the kind of guys I'm looking for (with a really nice personality) are rare in the kind of social groups and activities I tend to frequent.

    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    Just to answer the question you originally asked that guy but he failed to respond to, I don't think there is a technique to asking someone out, so far as I know. I'm not sure if there's an expectation of what guys should be doing in a nightclub and what would happen if you break that convention. Maybe you should just try it wherever these guys try asking you out and see what happens.
    I might give it a try thanks I meant in day-to-day life, though (where you can really get to know a guy which might give me more confidence with asking him out) - in nightclubs if you're dressed up enough all you have to do is give some guys a look and they're yours for the night lol!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks Yeah, I don't really see the point of playing with the players. I'm not after casual sex, and even if I were I wouldn't want it with someone like that. I'm looking for the decent guys, but I'm not sure if the kind of guys I'm looking for (with a really nice personality) are rare in the kind of social groups and activities I tend to frequent.



    I might give it a try thanks I meant in day-to-day life, though (where you can really get to know a guy which might give me more confidence with asking him out) - in nightclubs if you're dressed up enough all you have to do is give some guys a look and they're yours for the night lol!
    I'd say it depends on the guy. Some are interested in you, some want to tell you about themselves, some want a balance. Getting to know someone is useful. Doing things they like, just suggesting it instead of them having to do it. I suppose it would make the two of you closer. Good luck. :awesome:
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    This thread ... I found the comments against this thread and the OP amusing - because they all make sense.
    You're turning 20 and you still need to wonder why you attract "douchebags" instead of "nice boys", and yet you only tell us about the good side of your personality. Whatever it is, its probably the negative side that attracts them.
    Look, I'm turning 20 too and I found this thread to be extremely naive and demanding for answers when you can really think of an answer yourself.

    Sorry if you'll feel offended, but in my opinion, this thread just wants your preferred answers in a deeper voice, because you've been turning down opinions that basically state your lack of effort in finding a man according to your criterion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've at uni and about to turn 20, and I've been single all my life; I feel like I should get some experience being in a relationship or at least dating, but the type of guys I go for never seem to like girls like me.

    I like to put effort into my appearance and I get my fair share of male attention, and I've had guys whom I find really physically attractive and guys who are very smart ask me out, but I tend to really value someone's personality as much as their looks or intelligence, and I want someone who's very kind and decent, hard-working, and actually looking for a committed relationship. I always end up pulling the "players"/guys who are clearly only after one thing (to the point of admitting it to me).

    A couple of friends have told me that people they know are interested in me - it always ends up being guys who don't really respect me or want to get to know me properly as a person, as I find out when I start talking to them. When I've turned these guys' advances down politely they haven't even wanted to be friends any more and have spread rumours that I'm a *****/stuck-up behind my back.

    I do know a few guys who are really nice people, but they're mostly in relationships, or not really people I know well enough, and they never seem to go for girls like me - none of the ones I know seem to particularly like me. They always seem to date the quiet, shy girls (I was like this before uni and actually had a couple of guys like that fancy me, though I didn't have enough time for a boyfriend at the time), whereas I'm really outgoing, extroverted, a party girl, and ambitious. I'm quite blunt too - if I think something can be done better I will immediately point it out. I either seem to scare the nice guys off or come across as too high-maintenance for them.

    I obviously take my degree seriously as well, but one of my friends once said I was like a "potential trophy girlfriend" as I don't like to come across as too intellectual and am quite girly. I put a lot of effort into my appearance but I'm definitely not the stereotypical vain *****y girl, if anything I'm quite nice. However, this just seems to attract players/the wrong guys even more as they seem to see me as an easy target!

    Advice?
    almost every guy that actually makes a move to you will most likely be a player cause they generally are the most confident and forward with girls the other guys may not make a move because they might not be as confident and find you intimidating so maybe making it obvious you want to talk to them or just say anything and guaranteed you should get some good outcome. on the other hand if you are as nice as you say you are decent looking all the rest of it the only other reason nice guys may not be attracted to you is if you have sex with a lot of other guys or your business gets around a lot this can be taken the wrong way and escalated by people especially if your a popular girl even if youve just had one night stand that you regret and would never do again for example this can be very off putting to nice guys that are looking for a nice girl and wont bother giving you the time of day at the end of the day if you heard a popular loud guy you liked had sex with some random girl other night would you bother trying to make a good relationship out of him ? didnt think so lol
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    The problem isnt so much you attracting the right guy its probably more like your settling for the wrong guy, why not do something which seems unpopular these days and be patient! Or you could just settle for 'douchbags' and stop moaning like a 10 year old girl
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    Because the douchebags want you, duuurh.
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    Lol this is a funny argument. Myself, I be on a gap year which means I start in September and I won't spend my time trying to pulling girls as stupid as it sounds and will probably focus on my degree. I try out new stuff like joining societies and sports club, get a part time job, volunteer work and using the sauna's. I will go out like twice a week or so and few houses parties. I just try chatting and getting into conversations and make friends but that is all for me. Main focus is my studies and everything second.

    I suggest OP to find some clubs/societies to join so you meeting people with similar interest, talk to your coursemates and people in your lectures, join your local gym. Avoid people that just trying to talk to you for sex, its obvious when they are doing and pulling is our first step so do whatever you want.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've at uni and about to turn 20, and I've been single all my life; I feel like I should get some experience being in a relationship or at least dating, but the type of guys I go for never seem to like girls like me.

    I like to put effort into my appearance and I get my fair share of male attention, and I've had guys whom I find really physically attractive and guys who are very smart ask me out, but I tend to really value someone's personality as much as their looks or intelligence, and I want someone who's very kind and decent, hard-working, and actually looking for a committed relationship. I always end up pulling the "players"/guys who are clearly only after one thing (to the point of admitting it to me).

    A couple of friends have told me that people they know are interested in me - it always ends up being guys who don't really respect me or want to get to know me properly as a person, as I find out when I start talking to them. When I've turned these guys' advances down politely they haven't even wanted to be friends any more and have spread rumours that I'm a *****/stuck-up behind my back.

    I do know a few guys who are really nice people, but they're mostly in relationships, or not really people I know well enough, and they never seem to go for girls like me - none of the ones I know seem to particularly like me. They always seem to date the quiet, shy girls (I was like this before uni and actually had a couple of guys like that fancy me, though I didn't have enough time for a boyfriend at the time), whereas I'm really outgoing, extroverted, a party girl, and ambitious. I'm quite blunt too - if I think something can be done better I will immediately point it out. I either seem to scare the nice guys off or come across as too high-maintenance for them.

    I obviously take my degree seriously as well, but one of my friends once said I was like a "potential trophy girlfriend" as I don't like to come across as too intellectual and am quite girly. I put a lot of effort into my appearance but I'm definitely not the stereotypical vain *****y girl, if anything I'm quite nice. However, this just seems to attract players/the wrong guys even more as they seem to see me as an easy target!

    Advice?
    hmmm

    well of course YOU think you're nice. unfortunately it's all about how you come across to other people when it comes to attracting other people... and that seems to be what you want to do, but you'll have to do that with your personality AND overcome your .. mentioned obstacles.

    i don't know what you look like. but i will draw on my own experiences here, i've been told i have a *****/stuck up face and people judge me because of it , think i'm up myself or whatever. i don't know why, i don't like it, but .. life. i put effort into my appearance as well - never leave the house without makeup, but that's more because i was brought up to think i looked ugly without it... hardly going to stop doing it to become more relatable either lol. anyway - i find that, unfortunately, you may have to make more effort to be more approachable by men that aren't cocky and confident and after one thing (because lets face it, they'll approach anyone).

    i can't tell you exactly how to do this because i really haven't mastered it yet, but just pay more attention to your body language and the way you portray yourself maybe.. and just ask yourself whether you are coming across as 'nice' or 'approachable'. once people get to know you, if you are a good match for them it'll be obvious.. but before you do that, how you look and your body language is all they have to go on before they even decide to talk to you.. and gossip that you're a ***** or something is another thing you'll have to contend with unfortunately... but any decent person won't judge you on gossip, so don't worry, it'll help you filter out idiots.

    just my 2 cents, hope it helps.
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    Anymore arguing and I will lock this thread
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    (Original post by Castiel')
    But what you're saying no matter how much you stress to 'play' them back with banter not bitterness will lead to more women thinking they're god's gift to humanity, and will end up bantering with the other sex to such an extent that any guy who approaches them is just sick and disgusted at their contempt and disdain to anyone. Guys aren't toys you know, you don't just 'play 'em right back'. Why not be human and look for other humans who are decent and good people you get along with on a real satisfying level.
    How does having a joke and a laugh in a provocative way lead to women thinking they're God's gift? And how does it lead to overdoing? Does that not depend on the individual/s involved? You can overdo anything. That's not what I'm advocating at all, I'm advocating that OP stops judging and taking guys so seriously on first meeting. No, they're not toys, but most (well-adjusted) men can handle a woman who gives out as good as she gets, and in my experience that's always been a major part in the formation of romantic feelings later (much later) down the line. Men are not so fragile as you suggest, generally speaking. They're not going to fall to pieces over a girl they just met giving a bit of lip back; if anything, I'm advocating the OPPOSITE of a God's gift mentality, by telling her to drop all this BS labelling.
 
 
 
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