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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Ah I knew this would happen. Every time I'm open about my sex life on TSR I get a bunch of people slut shaming.

    This idea that people become less valuable if they've had more sexual partners is very worrying. It implies that someone's worth rests in their genitals and not in their heart or mind; also that everyone has a set amount of sexual partners they're allowed to have, and once they've run out that person should never sleep with anyone else ever.

    In reality, there is no upper (or indeed lower) limit on the number of partners you're allowed to have. How much sex someone has does not determine how intelligent or compassionate or humorous or interesting or honest or generous someone is; why should someone's sexual history influence your judgement of them more than these personality traits? Conversely, how much sex someone has can't tell you how selfish or cruel or stupid they are; if you knew the circumstances of those sexual encounters it might tell you something, but an out of context number...no.

    I have a steady partner who I've been with since I was 15, though we didn't open up our relationship until I was 18. I have a whole bunch of friends who I adore, and some of them (not all, I do have some purely platonic friends) I sometimes sleep with. They are all people who share my view of sex: that it's something fun and social that doesn't imply deep commitment, so none of us get into awkward "ooo I think I'm falling for you" situations. The boyfriend has his own partners, though he tends to not become close friends with them like I do. He and I have put the legwork into working out how to take care of our sexual health; we talk about it openly and get tested every few months. So far the worst thing testing revealed was bacterial vaginosis, which you get from soap: it isn't an STD.

    So that's my life. As far as I'm aware everyone involved in it is pretty happy. I'm not sure why some people feel the need to stomp around passing judgement when it doesn't affect them either way.

    Also, Converse, that's a good point, I hadn't thought of it like that. Probably a better phrase would be enjoying sexual NOVELTY. (More accurately, I enjoy novelty in all parts of my life - I like watching new films, eating new food, going new places, meeting new people, etc. It extends to sex.)

    PS: there are some very intelligent, thoughtful prostitutes and porn stars out there who have my deepest respect. You can't shame me by comparing me to them.
    (Original post by Mockery)
    Because judging people in such a malicious manner as yourself is something that twelve year old girls do to be callous and *****y.

    If you was to judge them in the sense that they had slept with a lot of people therefore the chance of them having an STI could arguably be higher than usual, then due to the risk to yourself it isn't wise to sleep with them, then that is perfectly reasonable.

    You're just a tool.
    +1 to you both. Nice to know there is still some maturity around here.

    I used to think like them when I was 14. I judged people on what I heard, what their number was, not them as a person.

    Then I grew up and realised that I couldn't give a flying fudge what adults do in their sexual life. If they're good people to me, I couldn't give a damn.

    And there's a huge difference between someone who is sexually careless, disloyal and doesn't carry themselves with respect and someone who carries themself with respect, doesn't cheat but happens to enjoy sex, or used to enjoy it with lots of people. I used to know someone of the former character, and I don't fux with her anymore. I have no problems at all with the latter.
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    38 though? Come on. And she's only 20.
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    (Original post by HopefulMidwife)
    +1 to you both. Nice to know there is still some maturity around here.

    I used to think like them when I was 14. I judged people on what I heard, what their number was, not them as a person.

    Then I grew up and realised that I couldn't give a flying fudge what adults do in their sexual life. If they're good people to me, I couldn't give a damn.

    And there's a huge difference between someone who is sexually careless, disloyal and doesn't carry themselves with respect and someone who carries themself with respect, doesn't cheat but happens to enjoy sex, or used to enjoy it with lots of people. I used to know someone of the former character, and I don't fux with her anymore. I have no problems at all with the latter.
    Jimmy Savile was nice to people. And we all know what he was.
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    I think that sex belongs in a relationship, whether this is a romantic relationship or a casual arrangement. Other people have different views, and that's fine.
    If somebody has had several sexual partners within a relationship context (casual/romantic) then I consider that to be different to somebody who has had several partners from ONSs or first-date failures. I also think it's incredibly stupid to have unprotected (condom) sex outside either an ongoing casual or romantic relationship, and to have sex without some form of contraception within such a relationship unless in the positions (financially and emotionally) to support a child.
    It's none of my business what other people do, but I'm entitled to hold an opinion on it.
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    Sloots gonna sloot.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    23 is not that bad.... I'm mid twenties and, honestly, I lost count after about 40/50.

    I'm guessing it's maybe in the 55-60 region. I'm a guy btw.
    You're a guy though. It's different. Guys are supposed to sleep around.
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    I'm 20 and only ever slept with one guy and I'm still with him.
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    (Original post by cartman)
    Jimmy Savile was nice to people. And we all know what he was.
    Being nice to people doesn't make you a good person, so your point is null and void.
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    (Original post by cartman)
    You're a guy though. It's different. Guys are supposed to sleep around.
    But women aren't? Unless you're all gay, something I'm guessing you aren't from your level of tolerance, who exactly are you sleeping with? :eyeball:
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    (Original post by cartman)
    38 though? Come on. And she's only 20.
    What's the maximum number of people a 20 year old should have slept with then?

    As apparently there's an upper limit of sexual partners attached to each age, and exceeding that limit implies negative things about a person.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    x
    Everything you have written is fair enough and true, however I always think people oversimplify this issue by assuming it is about rationality. The fact is that for a lot of guys, the thought of their partner being with a lot of other men is deeply unpleasant, which is something they likely cannot be easily talked out of, no matter if someone convinces them it is irrational.

    You say you cannot really judge someone's heart or mind by how many people they sleep with which is true, but the same applies to things like physical characteristics. If, say, a woman didn't want to be with me as more than a friend because she was put off by something irrational and silly like the fact I have blue eyes (let's say they gross her out or something, or remind her of a really nasty person she knew with blue eyes), the truth is it would likely be futile for me try and talk her out of this reaction regardless of how great my heart and mind are. Similarly if a girl I like tells me she has slept with 30 different men over the past couple of years, that is probably still going to make me feel put off regardless of how irrational I realise it is, or whether I think she's a great human being. It's just one of those things, the thought is unpleasant to me when it comes to choosing a serious partner.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    What's the maximum number of people a 20 year old should have slept with then?

    As apparently there's an upper limit of sexual partners attached to each age, and exceeding that limit implies negative things about a person.
    I wonder if each one above that knocks some value of the person, and each one below it adds? Kind of like the reputation system here! Does it count how many times she had sex with each person? What about how well they knew each other? What about another arbitrary opinion we can stick in here just because we like to be asshats?

    Seriously it's so ****ing stupid
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    (Original post by Redolent)
    Everything you have written is fair enough and true, however I always think people oversimplify this issue by assuming it is about rationality. The fact is that for a lot of guys, the thought of their partner being with a lot of other men is deeply unpleasant, which is something they likely cannot be easily talked out of, no matter if someone convinces them it is irrational.

    You say you cannot really judge someone's heart or mind by how many people they sleep with which is true, but the same applies to things like physical characteristics. If, say, a woman didn't want to be with me as more than a friend because she was put off by something irrational and silly like the fact I have blue eyes (let's say they gross her out or something, or remind her of a really nasty person she knew with blue eyes), the truth is it would likely be futile for me try and talk her out of this reaction regardless of how great my heart and mind are. Similarly if a girl I like tells me she has slept with 30 different men over the past couple of years, that is probably still going to make me feel put off regardless of how irrational I realise it is, or whether I think she's a great human being. It's just one of those things, the thought is unpleasant to me when it comes to choosing a serious partner.
    Thanks for not wording it like a ****, but I still find that incredibly childish. What is it about it that puts you off?
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    I wonder if each one above that knocks some value of the person, and each one below it adds? Kind of like the reputation system here! Does it count how many times she had sex with each person? What about how well they knew each other? What about another arbitrary opinion we can stick in here just because we like to be asshats?

    Seriously it's so ****ing stupid
    No, it's not. Would you want a wife who's sucked multiple dicks to be kissing your children goodnight? Think about it.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    What's the maximum number of people a 20 year old should have slept with then?

    As apparently there's an upper limit of sexual partners attached to each age, and exceeding that limit implies negative things about a person.
    1 or 2.
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    (Original post by cartman)
    No, it's not. Would you want a wife who's sucked multiple dicks to be kissing your children goodnight? Think about it.
    I'm straight, but I honestly wouldn't care. Doesn't matter whether my partner has had sex before me or done anything sexual at all. I don't care about that, that's in the past, it's irrelevant.

    Also, why would it make a difference whether she'd sucked multiple dicks or just yours?
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    I'm straight, but I honestly wouldn't care. Doesn't matter whether my partner has had sex before me or done anything sexual at all. I don't care about that, that's in the past, it's irrelevant.

    Also, why would it make a difference whether she'd sucked multiple dicks or just yours?
    Well, it's not very lady like is it? Most men wouldn't respect a woman who's slept around. That's the way the world works. It just makes you look easy. And cheap.
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    (Original post by Redolent)
    Everything you have written is fair enough and true, however I always think people oversimplify this issue by assuming it is about rationality. The fact is that for a lot of guys, the thought of their partner being with a lot of other men is deeply unpleasant, which is something they likely cannot be easily talked out of, no matter if someone convinces them it is irrational.

    You say you cannot really judge someone's heart or mind by how many people they sleep with which is true, but the same applies to things like physical characteristics. If, say, a woman didn't want to be with me as more than a friend because she was put off by something irrational and silly like the fact I have blue eyes (let's say they gross her out or something, or remind her of a really nasty person she knew with blue eyes), the truth is it would likely be futile for me try and talk her out of this reaction regardless of how great my heart and mind are. Similarly if a girl I like tells me she has slept with 30 different men over the past couple of years, that is probably still going to make me feel put off regardless of how irrational I realise it is, or whether I think she's a great human being. It's just one of those things, the thought is unpleasant to me when it comes to choosing a serious partner.
    I understand that. Sometimes people have irrational reasons for not being attracted to people and that's cool, so long as they recognise it's irrational.

    What's not cool is saying someone is worth less as a person just because they've slept with x amount of people, which is what's going on here. "I'd prefer a less experience partner" and "people who have lots of sexual partners have no self-respect" are worlds away from each other.

    Also, on a roughly related note, WTF are "daddy issues"? People like to throw the term around but I'm not really sure what it's meant to mean. Is it some Freudian, Electra complex thing? Which particular neurosis is "daddy issues" meant to refer to?
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    (Original post by cartman)
    Well, it's not very lady like is it? Most men wouldn't respect a woman who's slept around. That's the way the world works. It just makes you look easy. And cheap.
    I don't care about being 'lady like', because my value as a person doesn't come from my vagina and my gender doesn't dictate who I am.

    Why does a woman sleeping around make her easy and cheap? Why does her having consensual sex when she chooses make her less valuable in your eyes? I think that's possessive and disgusting.
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    (Original post by cartman)
    1 or 2.
    So if you're 20 and since you've been 16 you've had 4 relationships lasting 3 - 9 months each, and you slept with all of the people you were in relationships with, you're a bad person? Seeing as the number of people you'd have slept with is twice the upper limit you state.

    Bizarre reasoning. How old do you have to be before you're allowed to sleep with a third person?
 
 
 
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