I love my girlfriend but don't find her sexually attractive Watch

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Anonymous #4
#41
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(Original post by voodoochild)
You're an absolute saint, world needs more like you bro.
Why the sarcasm? I dumped the her for someone prettier whom I ended up marrying. The right choice it seems.
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voodoochild
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#42
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why the sarcasm? I dumped the her for someone prettier whom I ended up marrying. The right choice it seems.
I wasn't being sarcastic.

I honestly think to date a girl you don't find attractive for even a day makes you a saint. I'm pretty sure no woman would date a guy they didn't find unattractive cause women are more shallow than men these days.
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Anonymous #1
#43
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I actually feel quite frustrated most of the time. I feel like my life mission has always been finding a cute girlfriend and I have failed at it. I feel like I have so much love to give to someone but just cannot fully give it to my girlfriend because I don't find her attractive enough. I really wish I did though, that would make things so easy.

It's very upsetting though, seeing that she really loves me and does so much for me, which makes me feel guilty.
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Viva Emptiness
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#44
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I actually feel quite frustrated most of the time. I feel like my life mission has always been finding a cute girlfriend and I have failed at it. I feel like I have so much love to give to someone but just cannot fully give it to my girlfriend because I don't find her attractive enough. I really wish I did though, that would make things so easy.

It's very upsetting though, seeing that she really loves me and does so much for me, which makes me feel guilty.
Why haven't you done anything about it yet? This thread is at least a week old.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Viva Emptiness)
Why haven't you done anything about it yet? This thread is at least a week old.
Because If I would dump her now I would end up being alone for a long time.

She would be upset and I would be upset, it doesn't seem rational.

I'm in a life situation where I'm not meeting much girls at all. For instance in the past 6 months I haven't met any interesting girls here so I doubt I would find anyone new.

In a year I'm moving back to where I came from and then things will be different, there will be plenty of people to go out with and chances to meet new people.
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Miouhaneun
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#46
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because If I would dump her now I would end up being alone for a long time.

She would be upset and I would be upset, it doesn't seem rational.

I'm in a life situation where I'm not meeting much girls at all. For instance in the past 6 months I haven't met any interesting girls here so I doubt I would find anyone new.

In a year I'm moving back to where I came from and then things will be different, there will be plenty of people to go out with and chances to meet new people.
Look at what you just wrote. Now imagine you had a super hot girlfriend you were crazy about and then found her making a thread about your looks turning her off, and this post was hers about you instead.

You really need to get over yourself, you do not deserve any pity and quite frankly I think you deserve to be lonely because you're selfishly stringing someone along and had somehow convinced yourself you're doing her a "favor". Really ****ty dude, if you really cared for her and like her personality then you should have even an ounce of respect for her and be honest with her. You are treating her like an old toy you're only going to play with until you get a new cooler one. You probably don't get it now, but one day this might be you when one of your prettier girlfriends dump you for a more handsome guy, and then you might understand just how selfish this is of you.
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Anonymous #1
#47
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#47
(Original post by Miouhaneun)
Look at what you just wrote. Now imagine you had a super hot girlfriend you were crazy about and then found her making a thread about your looks turning her off, and this post was hers about you instead.

You really need to get over yourself, you do not deserve any pity and quite frankly I think you deserve to be lonely because you're selfishly stringing someone along and had somehow convinced yourself you're doing her a "favor". Really ****ty dude, if you really cared for her and like her personality then you should have even an ounce of respect for her and be honest with her. You are treating her like an old toy you're only going to play with until you get a new cooler one. You probably don't get it now, but one day this might be you when one of your prettier girlfriends dump you for a more handsome guy, and then you might understand just how selfish this is of you.
Selfish? You should see everything I do to keep her happy even though I'm not that happy myself.

I see where you are coming from though and do understand you, but you are only looking at that from a girls perspective and not my perspective. By being with her I'm stopping her chances of meeting the guy who would love every part of her - that is selfish, I agree.

I treat her very well and I'm always respectful to her. I know posting stuff like this is far from respectful, but that's the whole point of posting behind anonymity to get answers to sensitive issues.

I posted about this because I wanted to see if any other people have been in the same situation and then eventually started finding the person more attractive. It seems that some have and some haven't.

I doubt this relationship will work in the long run but we might just both enjoy what we have till it lasts.
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username1060288
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#48
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because If I would dump her now I would end up being alone for a long time.
You my friend are weak. I hope she figures this out soon and dumps your sorry ass.
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*GoLdSeQuIn*
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#49
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#49
You don't find her attractive but you're not man enough to let her go because you don't want to be alone. So when you do eventually meet other people and no longer alone, only then would you dump her? You're using her and she deserves better. The fact that you don't like how she looks naked is an awful thing to feel and you still have sex with her anyway. Why? Because you don't want to hurt her feelings? If I was her, I'd be more upset that someone is having sex with me because they feel they have to and out of sympathy than just breaking it off with me. From what I can tell, she's already insecure and indirectly you are making her more insecure because I'm sure there's an element of her that can tell you're not that attracted to her. If there is no attraction, then it's a friendship. In alot of cases, people don't initially find their partner attractive but it's personality that makes someone endearing and attractive. This isn't the case for you.

She deserves to be with someone who loves her for who she is, not someone who is using her out of loneliness and is too cowardly to face the truth. I'm sorry if I sound harsh towards you but you started this thread looking for opinions so that's what you got. Sort it out.
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Anonymous #5
#50
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Hmm I think that must be confusing and hard, which could make you want to cheat. I honestly thought someone at uni was nice and caring that I'd want to have as a bf and settle with, he looked ok but I'd want better as thought he's bit puny and not ideal yep am fussy. I didn't find him attractive in the sexual sense as he wasn't that much more built than me
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IndianDancer
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#51
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#51
Honestly at first I felt kinda bad for you (and her ofcourse) when I read your OP but now I'm just thinking you are a complete jerk. Break up with her now and atleast give her the chance to find someone that loves every part of her. No one deserves to be a back up and I would hate it if my boyfriend whom I loved thought this about me. And btw making it anonymous doesn't stop what you are saying from being disrespectful. You are being disrespectful with your thoughts and feelings which ofcourse, to a large extent you can't help so don't think I am blaming you for that. But you need cut it off. I can understand your fear of being lonely as well but now is your time to be a bit selfless and put her right to have someone who loves her completely over your fears. You will find someone. Clearly you know that judging by the post in which you talk about going back home where there will be loads of people you can date. It also sounds like you are just hanging on to her until you go back home and find someone better. What I'm saying is even if you think your treat her well your actions are disrespectful because you are not treating her well because of genuine romantic love. You are deceiving her. How is that treating someone well?
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Miouhaneun
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#52
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Selfish? You should see everything I do to keep her happy even though I'm not that happy myself.

I see where you are coming from though and do understand you, but you are only looking at that from a girls perspective and not my perspective. By being with her I'm stopping her chances of meeting the guy who would love every part of her - that is selfish, I agree.

I treat her very well and I'm always respectful to her. I know posting stuff like this is far from respectful, but that's the whole point of posting behind anonymity to get answers to sensitive issues.

I posted about this because I wanted to see if any other people have been in the same situation and then eventually started finding the person more attractive. It seems that some have and some haven't.

I doubt this relationship will work in the long run but we might just both enjoy what we have till it lasts.
I am not looking at this from a girls perspective, I'm looking at it from MY perspective. If you were a girl doing this to your boyfriend I'd think you were a vicious b*tch. You have convinced yourself that you are treating her well but you are only keeping up appearances, fantasizing about other women and probably killing her self esteem because you don't find her sexually attractive and don't want to be intimate with her. Trust me, she has noticed, people who are insecure to begin with will not only notice when something's off, they will also blow it up in their heads and think it's all their fault.
From my perspective, if I found out someone had done this to me, I would not only be broken down and paranoid, I would be furious and I would loathe that person with a passion. You say breaking up with her now would only hurt her feelings and you'd be lonely. Won't it hurt her feelings more when you dump her for someone prettier, or because you suddenly have the opportunity to meet someone prettier? I'll answer it for you, it will hurt her as much, if not more. So whose feelings are you sparing?
- Yours. And yours only.

Don't get me wrong I'm not insulting you because you like a girl's personality but don't find her sexually appealing. I am insulting you because you are manipulating her in a selfish and cruel manner. You are serving yourself and doing her a disservice because the sooner she's rid of you the sooner SHE can find someone who wants HER, and not be with someone who doesn't want to touch her or see her naked.
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IndianDancer
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#53
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#53
(Original post by Miouhaneun)
I am not looking at this from a girls perspective, I'm looking at it from MY perspective. If you were a girl doing this to your boyfriend I'd think you were a vicious b*tch. You have convinced yourself that you are treating her well but you are only keeping up appearances, fantasizing about other women and probably killing her self esteem because you don't find her sexually attractive and don't want to be intimate with her. Trust me, she has noticed, people who are insecure to begin with will not only notice when something's off, they will also blow it up in their heads and think it's all their fault.
From my perspective, if I found out someone had done this to me, I would not only be broken down and paranoid, I would be furious and I would loathe that person with a passion. You say breaking up with her now would only hurt her feelings and you'd be lonely. Won't it hurt her feelings more when you dump her for someone prettier, or because you suddenly have the opportunity to meet someone prettier? I'll answer it for you, it will hurt her as much, if not more. So whose feelings are you sparing?
- Yours. And yours only.

Don't get me wrong I'm not insulting you because you like a girl's personality but don't find her sexually appealing. I am insulting you because you are manipulating her in a selfish and cruel manner. You are serving yourself and doing her a disservice because the sooner she's rid of you the sooner SHE can find someone who wants HER, and not be with someone who doesn't want to touch her or see her naked.
I've run of reps but +100000 for this one. You are right on the point. You probably think of yourself as saint for being with her despite her looks but trust me you are not. I don't mean to sound harsh because you could very well be a really nice guy but in this case you are being very selfish. So please just break up with her. I'm sure she has noticed that you are not attracted to her and being in this relationship is probably making her even more insecure than she already is which is extremely dangerous. Or if you have been deceiving her very well she will be even more insecure than she used to be when she finds out the truth (which she will btw). Just rip it off like a plaster and get it over with. You'll both be better off. Just put yourself in her shoes dude. Imagine how you would feel.
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Anonymous #1
#54
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#54
I've always been known as a very nice and honest guy but after reading all these I realise I'm actually a horrible person! I've been just convincing myself I'm doing the right thing but subconciously I'm being selfish.

I swear it hasn't always been like this, I genuinely like her personality and always wanted to make things work. I was hoping that eventually I'll start being more sexually attracted to her as I like her as a person. All this time I've been always trying to look at the positive sides of her and keep convicing myself that she is the one for me.

I think I have given the wrong image to many of you about this though. I don't find her looks disgusting or anything, I still have sex with her out of my own initiative too. It can be ok sometimes but just most of the time doesn't feel too good to me or any better than masturbating. I can find many pretty features about her, but she just isn't what turns me on.
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Prettyjm
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#55
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#55
Honestly you don't love her as a partner, you just need her as a companion. As you say your scared to be left alone, your being unfair to her. It's not healthy to continue in a relationship were in your not comfortable and unsure. Looks is not a big issue because if your truly in love with her, intimacy and passion comes out naturally.
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IndianDancer
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#56
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've always been known as a very nice and honest guy but after reading all these I realise I'm actually a horrible person! I've been just convincing myself I'm doing the right thing but subconciously I'm being selfish.

I swear it hasn't always been like this, I genuinely like her personality and always wanted to make things work. I was hoping that eventually I'll start being more sexually attracted to her as I like her as a person. All this time I've been always trying to look at the positive sides of her and keep convicing myself that she is the one for me.

I think I have given the wrong image to many of you about this though. I don't find her looks disgusting or anything, I still have sex with her out of my own initiative too. It can be ok sometimes but just most of the time doesn't feel too good to me or any better than masturbating. I can find many pretty features about her, but she just isn't what turns me on.
Aww OP I didn't mean to make it sound like you are a horrible person. I mentioned this in my post as well and I apologize for calling you a complete jerk. (your posts about going home and finding someone 'better' is what made me feel that way).To be honest while I still think what you are doing with her right now is pretty selfish (just in this case) I wouldn't label you as a whole as a selfish or horrible person at all! You haven't given us any reasons to make us feel that way about you to be honest. How a person acts in one situation doesn't mean people can judge them right? If you kept doing this then yes people will judge.

I think what has happened here is:

1. it is a sensitive topic that is going to come across very negatively no matter how you put it.

2. it is a topic that needs to be conversed face to face as a lot of the emotions can get lost or hugely misrepresented in text which is what I really believe has happened here.

3. I think most people sympathize with you but your post about going back home and finding someone better makes it look like you are just hanging on to her until you find someone better which is not at all the right thing to do.


So yes, while there are things people could justifiably criticize about what you are doing, please don't go around feeling like you are a bad person. I think we just got the wrong impression. But my point still stands. You thought you would end up finding her sexually attractive which is completely fair, but you are not no matter how hard you try. So now is the time to let her go gently before any real damage is done. I'm really sorry for being so judgemental before. I think I was just focusing on some things that you said too much and ignoring the rest. But at the same time, I think for you to continue this relationship just so that you don't feel lonely would be incredibly selfish but you know that already. Message me if you feel the need to
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Solemn Rain
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#57
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#57
So this is what it is like having a relationship:holmes:
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Anonymous #1
#58
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#58
(Original post by IndianDancer)
Aww OP I didn't mean to make it sound like you are a horrible person. I mentioned this in my post as well and I apologize for calling you a complete jerk. (your posts about going home and finding someone 'better' is what made me feel that way).To be honest while I still think what you are doing with her right now is pretty selfish (just in this case) I wouldn't label you as a whole as a selfish or horrible person at all! You haven't given us any reasons to make us feel that way about you to be honest. How a person acts in one situation doesn't mean people can judge them right? If you kept doing this then yes people will judge.

I think what has happened here is:

1. it is a sensitive topic that is going to come across very negatively no matter how you put it.

2. it is a topic that needs to be conversed face to face as a lot of the emotions can get lost or hugely misrepresented in text which is what I really believe has happened here.

3. I think most people sympathize with you but your post about going back home and finding someone better makes it look like you are just hanging on to her until you find someone better which is not at all the right thing to do.


So yes, while there are things people could justifiably criticize about what you are doing, please don't go around feeling like you are a bad person. I think we just got the wrong impression. But my point still stands. You thought you would end up finding her sexually attractive which is completely fair, but you are not no matter how hard you try. So now is the time to let her go gently before any real damage is done. I'm really sorry for being so judgemental before. I think I was just focusing on some things that you said too much and ignoring the rest. But at the same time, I think for you to continue this relationship just so that you don't feel lonely would be incredibly selfish but you know that already. Message me if you feel the need to
You sound like such a nice girl. I realise I probably sounded like quite a jerk there!

I didn't literally mean I would simply dump her for a prettier girl. But I think that because this issue the relationship probably wouldn't last very long in the future.

I think if I would meet a pretty girl I really liked, it would probably make me realise there is no need for both of us to be in a relationship that isn't so great. However, I wouldn't just tell her one day that now it's over I have someone else, as I would never want anyone do that to me.

To be honest I'm not that scared of being lonely, but rather losing her from my life because she is important to me regardless of the issue.

I talked with her face to face and tried explaning how I like her but how certain things don't feel to be working out very well. I would never actually tell her that I don't find her attractive, but I explained that I just sometimes feels that she is more like a friend to me.

It was very upsetting for both of us, but to be fair she had realised some things were wrong. She likes me regardless and wants to continue seeing me, but now she knows that it probably won't last long in the future.

Maybe it isn't quite fair on her anyway, as I know she is more into our relationship than I am, but at least I was being more honest with her and I think that is better.
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IndianDancer
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#59
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You sound like such a nice girl. I realise I probably sounded like quite a jerk there!

I didn't literally mean I would simply dump her for a prettier girl. But I think that because this issue the relationship probably wouldn't last very long in the future.

I think if I would meet a pretty girl I really liked, it would probably make me realise there is no need for both of us to be in a relationship that isn't so great. However, I wouldn't just tell her one day that now it's over I have someone else, as I would never want anyone do that to me.

To be honest I'm not that scared of being lonely, but rather losing her from my life because she is important to me regardless of the issue.

I talked with her face to face and tried explaning how I like her but how certain things don't feel to be working out very well. I would never actually tell her that I don't find her attractive, but I explained that I just sometimes feels that she is more like a friend to me.

It was very upsetting for both of us, but to be fair she had realised some things were wrong. She likes me regardless and wants to continue seeing me, but now she knows that it probably won't last long in the future.

Maybe it isn't quite fair on her anyway, as I know she is more into our relationship than I am, but at least I was being more honest with her and I think that is better.
Yeah I think you definitely did the right thing by talking to her (tactfully as well). To be honest it sounds like you have done your part as you were honest with her and told her how you felt. It sounds like you both are waiting for the relationship to fall apart on its own which I guess is fine as its really up to you. But I hope when (if? ) things do end they end amicably But yeah I think all you need to do right now if make sure you are not giving her false hope. If you know for SURE that this is going to end then why waste time and give her hope right? It would be better to just end it right now.
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deedee123
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#60
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You're not a bad person for not finding her attractive. You can't force yourself to find her attractive.

It's a shame because i feel like you're missing out on a good part of a relationship, you shouldn't just settle for someone that you don't even fancy. You seem like a nice person, you both deserve more.
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