And yet people get all moralistic about guys who have casual sex relationships and don't commit? It's a lot of hypocritical rubbish. I would rather be honest and open about how I conduct my casual relationships than sneak around like a coward in a 'committed' relationship. I personally am a commitment-phobe coward, and it is the best coward to be imo considering how insidious those types of people you just described are.(Original post by MagicNMedicine)
Some people in relationships are super happy together and would never in a million years cheat but I think this is a minority of relationships, especially amongst young people when relationships come and go.
A uncomfortable truth that nobody wants to admit is that often people are as loyal as their options. It's easy to say you've never cheated and never will, if you don't get much attention from the opposite sex, its another thing when there's an opportunity to have some whirlwind excitement with a hot stranger who is definitely interested in you.
And also amongst long term relationships I think some people 'settle' for a partner if they have been with them for a long period of time, they can't imagine being with someone else and starting all over again so they find themselves kind of falling in to marriage or getting a house together etc more out of fear of being alone. And after a while they feel their relationship is stale and they are still prone to the same feelings of fancying other people that you get when you're a teenager.
I am realistic about cheating and don't get too moralistic about it. But I do get irritated when people want to have their cake and eat it on cheating: they get possessive and jealous about who their partner mixes with but they reserve the right to flirt/test the water with others themselves. Or when people cheat and then don't take responsibility: "I never meant for anything to happen, you don't understand, sometimes things just happen."
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Real talk: are most people relationship cheats? watch
- Thread Starter
- 25-01-2014 23:34
- Thread Starter
(Original post by Rakas21)
- 25-01-2014 23:56
Oh yes. You'll also note that the women that are relationship junkies will actually cry and ***** about how much they miss their boyfriend after they've been dumped for ****ing around. In addition you'll hear a majority of time that alcohol was the only reason they did it. When a girl tells me she cheats because of alcohol all that tells me is that's she's incredibly weak minded and probably lying to me.
But, and this is a significant but, the first "invitation to treat" has always been from the women. And I think that is what is missed by most guys who perhaps do not pick up on (or get and/or understand) the signals from women (again, i am reallllyy not trying to 'big myself up', just explaining what i see). By this empirical observation, it is wrong to conclude that men do all the chasing these days. We live in an evermore 'equal' society where women are actively looking for partners albeit in a slightly less overt/brash way than men. They do it with subtlety and a social awareness that is done in a way to avoid being branded by society as 'slut'/'whore'/'tart'. A lot of their maneuvering revolves around avoiding this label, and perhaps the relationships are a way to facilitate this need for intimacy without the label (but a lot of the time it is boring to them after a while). In secrecy? Anything goes. They love secrecy. They want what we want, and more, without the labels.
However, they only 'invite' men higher value (Loaded term, with many different facets. Could be how exciting he is to how much money he has) than they are. I think that women in this country are quite overt enough when you think about it, in a subtle way. The eyes give them away always/ when in a normal conversation you pick up the non verbal cues/ when you catch them glancing at you in a suggestive way in public. The majority of this type of communication from women is non-verbal. For verbal communication of that sort from them (women) is taboo, it is just not done even in a progressively liberal society because of ingrained gender roles.
Great environment if you want a society where you want casual relationships/relationship freedom. Absolute minefield if you want a society which nurtures stable monogamous relationships/families.Last edited by Mr_Vain; 26-01-2014 at 00:04.
(Original post by Mr_Vain)
- 26-01-2014 09:25
And yet people get all moralistic about guys who have casual sex relationships and don't commit? It's a lot of hypocritical rubbish. I would rather be honest and open about how I conduct my casual relationships than sneak around like a coward in a 'committed' relationship. I personally am a commitment-phobe coward, and it is the best coward to be imo considering how insidious those types of people you just described are.
I also think quite a lot of people are selfish and view relationships as what they can get from another person. For them being in a relationship offers a safe fallback position, they always have someone there for them when they want it, but if they are in a situation (especially LDR etc) where their partner isn't able to monitor them easily, they can shop around the market a bit with confidence knowing that if there's nothing there for them, they always have their partner to fall back on.
Long term relationships are difficult when you're young and in social environments where there's a lot of access to the opposite sex because if you are reasonably popular with the opposite sex (ie get attention, have lots of friends of the opposite sex) then you wonder, if I was single, what would it be like?, you can get curious about how it would be to experiment with different people. Sometimes people try and keep their relationship going whilst doing a bit of illicit experimentation but a more common variation of this IMO is where someone triggers a break up so they can play the field, but secretly they hope their ex partner will still be there waiting if they want to get back together: which is why it's good news if the ex partner seems very distraught about it and why sometimes people who initiate a break up, get very unsettled if their ex partner finds someone else quite quickly. In this case I think its men who are more likely to play this game, I've seen it with some of my mates. They dump their girl but then work on 'managing' her, throwing a few bones out like "you know I still love you really", randomly reappearing in her life and being flirty, getting her presents etc to keep the idea in her head that they might get back together. Then either when they've played the field and had their fun, or (more commonly) found that they didn't have as much success with other girls as they hoped, they say they've missed her and want to get back together etc. If she finds someone else in the meantime this can cause outbreaks of rage and accusations that "the relationship obviously didn't mean anything then if you go and find someone else so fast?"